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It tried to kill me - honest!! - 3/28/2007 1:10:41 PM

missturbation

Posts: 8290
Joined: 2/12/2006
From: another planet
Status: offline

Picture this, i'm watching tv, browsing cm, chewing my fingers, smoking and drinking my coffee when out of the corner of my eye i see the biggest, scariest spider i have ever seen and it's heading in my direction. I am so not kidding this thing is as big as a tarantula and i can hear it saying 'yummy, misst for tea'!!
I've nothing to hand to squish it with so i leap off the other side of the sofa and run for my trainer. Back i lean off the sofa, careful balancing act i can tell ya or i'm going to drop into the jaws of this arachnid from hell. I squish it and yes its dead - yipee!!
Now i have the problem thats its curled up by the fire, dead of course well it hasn't moved so i'm hoping. Oh god what if its still alive and just trying to fool me? Anyway my whinge here is that there is no man here to move its ugly little corpse from my carpet and no way am i moving it.
Please please please someone come remove this ugly eight legged fiend from my floor

_____________________________

What you don't witness with your eyes, don't witness with your mouth. Proverb.

If it fit's in a toaster, i can cook it.

Buying 10 item's or less is not shopping !!

Post #: 1

RE: It tried to kill me - honest!! - 3/28/2007 1:15:00 PM

Passion357

Posts: 481
Joined: 8/7/2005
Status: offline

quote:

Back i lean off the sofa, careful balancing act i can tell ya or i'm going to drop into the jaws of this arachnid from hell.

OMG why am I laughing I am SO afraid of spiders!!!
Arachnid from hell!!!! lololololololol
Oh I am so sorry, misst , If I could get there I'd pick it up for you...

(in reply to missturbation)

Post #: 2

RE: It tried to kill me - honest!! - 3/28/2007 1:19:27 PM

missturbation

Posts: 8290
Joined: 2/12/2006
From: another planet
Status: offline

I'm still not convinced it's dead. I think it may be waiting for me to go nearer with whatever to pick it up and it will jump up shout 'fooled ya' and proceed to swallow me whole.
Do you think hamsters eat spiders? I could put my hammy frankie on the floor see if she munches on it. But oh what if it is alive and attacks my baby frankie?

_____________________________

What you don't witness with your eyes, don't witness with your mouth. Proverb.

If it fit's in a toaster, i can cook it.

Buying 10 item's or less is not shopping !!

(in reply to Passion357)

Post #: 3

RE: It tried to kill me - honest!! - 3/28/2007 1:20:32 PM

completenz

Posts: 315
Joined: 1/10/2007
Status: offline

yuck,yuck,yuck. i hate spiders!!! especially big, scary, hungry ones. Too big to vacuum up???
be strong hon
big hugs
chrissie

(in reply to Passion357)

Post #: 4

RE: It tried to kill me - honest!! - 3/28/2007 1:23:41 PM

missturbation

Posts: 8290
Joined: 2/12/2006
From: another planet
Status: offline

Oooooooooo the vac - good plan. Except that would mean i have to move off the sofa and if it is alive it may run after me, climb up my pant legs and bite my bits
I need to pee too - God why when i need a man is there never one around?

_____________________________

What you don't witness with your eyes, don't witness with your mouth. Proverb.

If it fit's in a toaster, i can cook it.

Buying 10 item's or less is not shopping !!

(in reply to completenz)

Post #: 5

RE: It tried to kill me - honest!! - 3/28/2007 1:29:51 PM

completenz

Posts: 315
Joined: 1/10/2007
Status: offline

Stand on the couch, throw something at it. If it dont move, you move,quickly. C, in His great wisdom, says 'longlegged sub run faster than stunned spider'
big hugs
chrissie

(in reply to missturbation)

Post #: 6

RE: It tried to kill me - honest!! - 3/28/2007 1:33:35 PM

missturbation

Posts: 8290
Joined: 2/12/2006
From: another planet
Status: offline

Good idea - if i'm not back in ten minutes will ya call the arachnid from hell police ?

_____________________________

What you don't witness with your eyes, don't witness with your mouth. Proverb.

If it fit's in a toaster, i can cook it.

Buying 10 item's or less is not shopping !!

(in reply to completenz)

Post #: 7

RE: It tried to kill me - honest!! - 3/28/2007 1:34:11 PM

Passion357

Posts: 481
Joined: 8/7/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: completenz

Stand on the couch, throw something at it. If it dont move, you move,quickly. C, in His great wisdom, says 'longlegged sub run faster than stunned spider'
big hugs
chrissie

EXCELLENT idea!

(in reply to completenz)

Post #: 8

RE: It tried to kill me - honest!! - 3/28/2007 1:36:28 PM

marieToo

Posts: 3595
Joined: 5/21/2006
From: Jersey
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: missturbation

Picture this, i'm watching tv, browsing cm, chewing my fingers, smoking and drinking my coffee when out of the corner of my eye i see the biggest, scariest spider i have ever seen and it's heading in my direction. I am so not kidding this thing is as big as a tarantula and i can hear it saying 'yummy, misst for tea'!!
I've nothing to hand to squish it with so i leap off the other side of the sofa and run for my trainer. Back i lean off the sofa, careful balancing act i can tell ya or i'm going to drop into the jaws of this arachnid from hell. I squish it and yes its dead - yipee!!
Now i have the problem thats its curled up by the fire, dead of course well it hasn't moved so i'm hoping. Oh god what if its still alive and just trying to fool me? Anyway my whinge here is that there is no man here to move its ugly little corpse from my carpet and no way am i moving it.
Please please please someone come remove this ugly eight legged fiend from my floor

Ok here's what you do. You fold up a couple of paper towels then place them in a plastic bag, then insert your hand into the bag over the folded towels, then you reach down and pick the carcass up and turn the bag inside out over your hand. Viola! The remains are in the bag and you didn't have to feel it.   If you want a less hands-on method, you will have to use the vaccuum, but frankly I don't like to keep their spirits in the househould.   Get him in the garbage and get it taken out to the dump as soon as possible.

Just be happy you found it and were able to kill it. As a spider killer myself, I lost one the other night (which is rare)...I had thick towels in hand...got up on the chair and reached for him above the door frame, but I didn't smoosh him enough and he got away. It makes sleeping kind of creepy.

Oh...And don't forget-- when you find one, you will usually find a couple more within the next day or so that hatched at the same time. There's never only one.  You need to check all the walls and corners of all rooms before bedtime. Keep a can of aerosol hair spray close by. As soon as you see the siblings, just aim and spray. It really disables them quite nicely and makes the actually killing less risky.

_____________________________

marie.

I give good agita.

(in reply to missturbation)

Post #: 9

RE: It tried to kill me - honest!! - 3/28/2007 1:36:54 PM

Darias

Posts: 1757
Joined: 1/17/2006
From: midlands ireland
Status: offline

ok heres the plan

step one stunn the spider using coffee mug and pillows
step two . run like hell to the bathroom closing sitting room door behind you
step three pee then come back with hammy the hamster vacum cleaner tennis rackets and for god sake girl layers and layers of bits protecting clothing
step 4 send in hammy to distract him . dont worry hammy spends all day runnin on a wheel aint no big ole spider gonna catch him . then if the spider chases hammy you get it with the vacum * the sight of your dear furball in jeopardy will invoke the granny lifting a bus response giving you superwoman strength and abnormal heroic reslolve
step 5 once the spider is captured bring it and the vaccum outside point the hose in the air and switch that sucker to BLOW ... and watch your fears fly away as american engineering sends that creepy crawly house invader into orbit
step 6 remove extra layers rehouse hammy store spider trapping vaccum retrieve pillows and refill mug

any questions . trust Me this plan is fool proof

_____________________________

**Perving or perusing... it gets me the same place.**

**May Gods come between you and harm in all the empty places you must walk**

** may you live in interesting times**

(in reply to missturbation)

Post #: 10

RE: It tried to kill me - honest!! - 3/28/2007 1:38:57 PM

marieToo

Posts: 3595
Joined: 5/21/2006
From: Jersey
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: missturbation

I'm still not convinced it's dead. I think it may be waiting for me to go nearer with whatever to pick it up and it will jump up shout 'fooled ya' and proceed to swallow me whole.
Do you think hamsters eat spiders? I could put my hammy frankie on the floor see if she munches on it. But oh what if it is alive and attacks my baby frankie?

Oh you mean its still alive???

Just get the hair spray!! And for god's sake, you HAVE to go look!

Leave the hamster out of it and just go get it over with.

_____________________________

marie.

I give good agita.

(in reply to missturbation)

Post #: 11

RE: It tried to kill me - honest!! - 3/28/2007 1:41:23 PM

missturbation

Posts: 8290
Joined: 2/12/2006
From: another planet
Status: offline

Oh...And don't forget-- when you find one, you will usually find a couple more within the next day or so that hatched at the same time. There's never only one. You need to check all the walls and corners of all rooms before bedtime. Keep a can of aerosol hair spray close by. As soon as you see the siblings, just aim and spray. It really disables them quite nicely and makes the actually killing less risky.

Holy crap the arachnid family are going to be out for revenge. Im telling ya i hope that mr im pretending to be dead wasnt the runt because if he was then fuck me sideways im in big trouble !!

_____________________________

What you don't witness with your eyes, don't witness with your mouth. Proverb.

If it fit's in a toaster, i can cook it.

Buying 10 item's or less is not shopping !!

(in reply to marieToo)

Post #: 12

RE: It tried to kill me - honest!! - 3/28/2007 1:42:17 PM

WilliamWizer

Posts: 223
Joined: 3/19/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: missturbation

Oooooooooo the vac - good plan. Except that would mean i have to move off the sofa and if it is alive it may run after me, climb up my pant legs and bite my bits
I need to pee too - God why when i need a man is there never one around?

Let me be a little cruel and alow me to remember you that the spider can clim up the sofa where you are.

_____________________________

There's only two rules for a sub:
- she can do anything her Master didn't forbid her.
- she only needs to do what her Master told her to do.

(in reply to missturbation)

Post #: 13

RE: It tried to kill me - honest!! - 3/28/2007 1:44:18 PM

LotusSong

Posts: 6334
Joined: 7/2/2006
From: Domme Emeritus
Status: offline

Vacuum sweeeper.. use the hose extentions and stretch waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay far away ands suck it into the vacuum.

_____________________________

Life Lesson #1

I'm not your type.
I'm not inflatable.

(in reply to missturbation)

Post #: 14

RE: It tried to kill me - honest!! - 3/28/2007 1:47:05 PM

Darias

Posts: 1757
Joined: 1/17/2006
From: midlands ireland
Status: offline

misst if he aint moved by midnight go to bed ... if he moves get back on the couch ill swim over in the morning and save you
well maybe midday

hows late afternoonish work for you ?

_____________________________

**Perving or perusing... it gets me the same place.**

**May Gods come between you and harm in all the empty places you must walk**

** may you live in interesting times**

(in reply to missturbation)

Post #: 15

RE: It tried to kill me - honest!! - 3/28/2007 1:48:08 PM

missturbation

Posts: 8290
Joined: 2/12/2006
From: another planet
Status: offline

Ya know thinking on it this is not my only close shave with nature in the past few weeks.
I took a shower with an angry escaped hamster about a week ago.
Something is not right, a band of animal assassins have been sent to get me.

_____________________________

What you don't witness with your eyes, don't witness with your mouth. Proverb.

If it fit's in a toaster, i can cook it.

Buying 10 item's or less is not shopping !!

(in reply to LotusSong)

Post #: 16

RE: It tried to kill me - honest!! - 3/28/2007 1:49:52 PM

missturbation

Posts: 8290
Joined: 2/12/2006
From: another planet
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Darias

misst if he aint moved by midnight go to bed ... if he moves get back on the couch ill swim over in the morning and save you
well maybe midday

hows late afternoonish work for you ?

Jeeze ill have peed my pants 20 times over and probably chewed my own arm off with hunger by then *tuts*

_____________________________

What you don't witness with your eyes, don't witness with your mouth. Proverb.

If it fit's in a toaster, i can cook it.

Buying 10 item's or less is not shopping !!

(in reply to Darias)

Post #: 17

RE: It tried to kill me - honest!! - 3/28/2007 1:56:05 PM

Darias

Posts: 1757
Joined: 1/17/2006
From: midlands ireland
Status: offline

its a long swim i need to build up my energy ... hey atleast im willing to swim ... i checked first flight availble to your part of the country is in april :P

_____________________________

**Perving or perusing... it gets me the same place.**

**May Gods come between you and harm in all the empty places you must walk**

** may you live in interesting times**

(in reply to missturbation)

Post #: 18

RE: It tried to kill me - honest!! - 3/28/2007 1:57:39 PM

JerseyKrissi72

Posts: 10238
Joined: 8/21/2006
From: Reed City, Michigan
Status: offline

i was never afraid of spiders but once, while out in California, had a spider bite my ankle and it got so swollen i couldn't put a shoe on, had a fever over 100 and went to the docs, put me on some meds and I got better but never forgot that experience...be careful, some of those spiders do have a nasty bite....

_____________________________

Our greatest glory is not in never falling-but in rising every time we fall ( Confucius )

(in reply to Darias)

Post #: 19

RE: It tried to kill me - honest!! - 3/28/2007 1:58:30 PM

missturbation

Posts: 8290
Joined: 2/12/2006
From: another planet
Status: offline

Lol

edited to add ive now run out of cigs, my supply is in the kitchen.
Woman on the edge alert !!!!!!!!!!!!!

< Message edited by missturbation -- 3/28/2007 1:59:40 PM >

_____________________________

What you don't witness with your eyes, don't witness with your mouth. Proverb.

If it fit's in a toaster, i can cook it.

Buying 10 item's or less is not shopping !!

(in reply to Darias)

Post #: 20

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