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Yeah right - 3/29/2007 8:01:54 AM   
Squeakers


Posts: 489
Joined: 10/3/2006
Status: offline 		   I come here mainly to read posts and I love peeking at profiles.   I guess I like to people watch. 
  I remember once long ago, I used to read threads in a group on MSN.   The owner of that group posted often.   She described all sorts of scenes with her Dom and although she never said they were real time, her posts lead one to believe they were.    One day it came out that they were not real time, they had never met real time and chances were they never would.   One lived in the USA and the other was in another country.   
     Okay I don't have a problem with that, what I had a problem with was saying things like, 'my butt is bruised from a punishment Master gave me."    In reality she kinda wasn't lying per say as her Master told her to spank herself and that spanking caused marks.   But it's still a little misleading.   
    Personally, it's not a big deal.   But since I have an interest in the working minds of people in general, I wonder why this happens.   Is it unintentional?   Meaning, these two people had such a close bond that it really didn't matter that she spanked  herself and in effect caused her own bruising.   Or was it an act of fitting in?    I wonder how many negative reactions she would have gotten if she said, "I have bruises from a punishment Master ordered.   He is 7000  miles away so I had to spank myself while he watched on web cam or listened on the phone."   It's sort of hard to tell because once it came out that they were not actually real time 24/7, she got lots of negative reactions from the community, she was tripping all over herself trying to explain herself and I know she lost respect of many.    I mean here was a person who posted many times a day giving advice, explaining how things worked in her life, gave detailed descriptions about her lifestyle and insisted that she was a 24/7 slave to her Dom and then its discovered she was not real time and never had been.  
       Sometimes, I will read a post or peek at a profile and think sarcastically, "Yep I really believe that one."   Like the person that has a profile picture and they list a height and weight that is proportioned and the picture in no way reflects that.    Sure it could be that person lost weight but damn, if one has accomplished the difficult task of loosing weight, I wonder why they wouldn't want to show that off.  
      I remember once there was a post in another group that said what is your favorite toy in your toy box.   This group had a chat room and right before that thread was started, the hot topic in chat was knife play.    The toy of choice of course was 'my knife'.    90% of the post came from online submissive, most of whom freely admitted that they were either newbies and or had no experience.   So unless they were into self cutting, it seems sort of unrealistic that their favorite toy would be 'my knife'.
      So here is the question---I am sure everyone has read something and went "Yeah right."   For the sake of argument lets say that what is read is really a "Yeah right."     Are those 'yeah rights', lies, an act of 'fitting in' or just unintentional?    Thoughts?
Profile   Post #: 1
RE: Yeah right - 3/29/2007 8:15:26 AM   
Donnalee


Posts: 339
Joined: 7/15/2006
Status: offline 		I think that many people have very active imaginations in general, and express that in their lives in all kinds of ways.  So when you examine a realm of communication, I don't think that you'd find any less imagination online.  Sure some lie, some are wishful, some are dreamers, some want to be a part of a bigger whole.  But many people can gain huge amounts of entertainment and emotional connection without the sense of touch being present.  Perhaps the difference now is that through forums on the internet we can choose to be exposed to more expressions of people connecting.

Don't get me wrong:  I don't like to be lied to or deceived.  It sounds like the lady you mention was playing to her audience.  But then I think of silk flowers...people use them in their homes all the time, and they want them to look as realistic as possible...does that make them deceivers?  Eh.

_____________________________

Just through all of your ups and downs ... know that I love you dearly.

(in reply to Squeakers)
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RE: Yeah right - 3/29/2007 8:20:35 AM   
toservez


Posts: 1733
Joined: 9/7/2006
From: All over now in Minnesota
Status: offline 		The answer is both. Some consciously lie about their situation for different reasons. To try to fit in better, to get attention, to be more attractive to another and probably many others that escapes my mind when deciding to lie.

I also believe there is a lot of subconscious lying in cyber world. Certainly there is a level of self idealization that goes on from little distortions to complete fiction. I also truly believe people can go to great depths of denial and disillusion to truly believe what they say and do are truthful. The example you mention to me would be a case of this in my opinion. A person who probably wanted her relationship to be as real as possible and to mention it was never live interaction to others would puncture the world she created for herself.

I do not shake an obnoxious judgmental finger on people who get caught up in these types of deceptions but it is part of life. There are lies to deceive another person to do something you want and deceptions inflicted on yourself to get you to the place you want to be. Both are unhealthy but I try to separate the two when dealing with people.



_____________________________

I am sorry I do not fit Webster's defintion of a slave but thankfully my Master is not Webster.

"Anything that contradicts experience and logic should be abandoned." - H.H. The 14th Dalai Lama

(in reply to Squeakers)
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RE: Yeah right - 3/29/2007 8:54:28 AM   
LuckyAlbatross


Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline 		It's a "real fantasy" for them.  Although I agree it is misleading and definitely not cool to say things that will purposefully lead people to believe a falsehood about yourself.

The funny thing is when you tell someone you've done something and they don't believe you, when it totally is something you've done!  It's just too "extreme" for them and so they say you're just trying to get attention and shock value and anyone who does that is sick and bad.

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to toservez)
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RE: Yeah right - 3/29/2007 9:08:50 AM   
swtnsparkling


Posts: 1738
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline 		I cant say if she purposely lied or not. there is a remarkable difference between being together for real and doing things to yourself when told to. I mean even if she spanked herself- it is Not anything like that if he was swinging the paddle. So giving advice about matters that she really never experienced with him but rather did to herself  while letting others believe differently I think was a bit dishonest.

I don't think the others are wrong in how they feel about her now. I can say for myself had she
quote:

I have bruises from a punishment Master ordered.   He is 7000  miles away so I had to spank myself while he watched on web cam or listened on the phone." 
from the very very begining I'd have more respect for her  

_____________________________

Never make anyone a priority who treats you as an option 2003

Walk in Peace
A "No" uttered from deepest conviction is better than a "Yes" uttered merely to please



(in reply to Squeakers)
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RE: Yeah right - 3/29/2007 9:17:40 AM   
Mercnbeth


Posts: 11766
Status: offline 		Integrity and trust are assets that can be build and grow, but once lost they can never be re-built.

It takes a conscience effort to continue living a lie. Sometimes you do it for your own rationalization and it is relatively harmless to anyone else. When other people are involved it stinks.

I'm finished debating whether 'on-line' relationships or activity is "real" or "true". I'm resigned that its a matter of taste. Similar to sex, some people actually prefer masturbation over sharing the act with another person. It sure is safer, and although emotions do come into play, ending an 'on-line' relationship is just a matter of logging off and creating a new persona and profile. With an active imagination you can have multiple personalities, and multiple relationships, going at the same time switching from male to female, dom to sub, depending on the mood.

The problem arises, as you point out, when the "expert" or the "sage" or the person that anyone looks up is exposed. Once everyone finds out that all the represented experiences and "experience" is summarized by writing skills and self inflicted sensations everything is discounted. Being morally bankrupt is harder to recover from than financial bankruptcy. At minimum its a cheat. In the worst case, "followers" become disenchanted and never attempt to go out in the world and attempt to live out their desires.

I don't ever say "yeah right!" to anyone's profile, because I never say "right!" Skepticism runs rampant in my veins. I'm still wondering what's wrong with beth, because I find her to be "too" perfect for me. At best it's neutral until, or if, we meet. Posts, are easier to measure. Reaction to them is more "so what?" than "yeah right!". Debating the merits of the label slave/sub, third person speak, or if its possible to "really" and "truly" live as M/s 24/7; will spur opinion and perspective and generate a lively exchange, but ultimately after this many years, I end up more confident in my position. Stipulating that it isn't the "definitive" lifestyle "dogma". It's ours. We do not require anyone else to accept it, or even understand it.

Bringing us full circle to on-line "experience" representation. Don't understand it, but accept it. The caveat being honest disclosure to anyone else your on-line fantasy touches. The mental and emotional aspects of relationships amount to a large percentage of my attraction to this lifestyle. I've been moved to the point that I can see that on-line includes those two critical elements. However, even if the mental and emotional compatibility and dynamic had an importance level determined to be 99% of the process, I'd still hold out and require that addition 1% up close and personal contact.

Being confronted with a "yeah right!" is easy. It's responded to with an invitation to meet me/us.  

(in reply to toservez)
Profile   Post #: 6
RE: Yeah right - 3/29/2007 9:38:32 AM   
LaTigresse


Posts: 26123
Joined: 1/15/2006
Status: offline 		I have mentioned that I live in a grand mansion on a huge rural estate, am fabulously wealthy and just work for fun. I am 5'8" and weigh 125#...was a model once yanno. Oh and have 3 resident slaves all at my beck and call. I have 30 years in the "lifestyle" and was trained by a real true master that lived in a castle on a mountaintop in Romania............right???

I just wanna be totally honest on the off chance anyone from here actually wants to meet.......I don't want it to be a shock or anything.

Oh and I have a toybox that would make KoM's look like a pre-school has been.....

(Is my nose poking thru your computer screen yet?)

Aside from all of that.........I think LA, Merc and toservez already covered anything intelligent I was going to say...only they said it better.............

_____________________________

My twisted, self deprecating, sense of humour, finds alot to laugh about, in your lack of one!

Just because you are well educated, articulate, and can use big, fancy words, properly........does not mean you are right!

(in reply to Squeakers)
Profile   Post #: 7
RE: Yeah right - 3/29/2007 9:39:39 AM   
crouchingtigress


Posts: 4387
Joined: 3/19/2006
From: Maui
Status: offline 		in my opinion she did not lie.....a person can receive orders from far away just as they can in close proximity. what is important here is her and his level of commitment. If she has taken an oath to obey, and he tells her to bruise herself, and she does, he has done the bruising, she would not have bruised herself with out his instrumentation.

i am no computer genius, i call tech support when my computer goes down, sure they lead me through pushing the buttons but they, and not i, are responsible for fixing the computer.

can she cheat and use make up to make bruises and show him pics ...sure she can....just like in a real scene one can easily fool the dom into creating a much less painful session by exaggerating moans and tears....

but with honesty, transparency and commitment at the heart of the dynamic, then both people have a desire to invest as fully as they can, and in the case of LDR where all you have are those precious moments on the phone or cam...you are inspired to beat and to bruise as hard as you can to please the person asking you to do so....because the idea is to FEEL the other person not to skirt a deeper level of connection.

squeakers, IMP your judgment around other peoples dynamics is not serving you....in fact all it does is gives you more reasons to be wary of deeper connections with all people, but it does not change how any two people love each other at all....so you could look at that and wonder why you seek reasons to discredit love, when it looks different then how you think it should look?..... and then see if maybe your distrust of love is impacting your life in any way.

_____________________________


Service slut, durable plaything, and ponypenquincatdogpig, to Lee Harrington

This is him

"Its none of my buisness what other people think of me."




(in reply to swtnsparkling)
Profile   Post #: 8
RE: Yeah right - 3/29/2007 9:40:22 AM   
LaTigresse


Posts: 26123
Joined: 1/15/2006
Status: offline 		Crap! I forgot.........I am really 5'10"........silly me

_____________________________

My twisted, self deprecating, sense of humour, finds alot to laugh about, in your lack of one!

Just because you are well educated, articulate, and can use big, fancy words, properly........does not mean you are right!

(in reply to LaTigresse)
Profile   Post #: 9
RE: Yeah right - 3/29/2007 9:55:20 AM   
Missokyst


Posts: 6041
Joined: 9/9/2006
Status: offline 		I see a lot of lies online and in regular life.  People proclaiming they are something they are not, to have that opportunity to find some connection.  For my own part, I too lie.  There are some things that are just too embarrassing to admit too.  It took me a long time to let out that I am a cutter.  I kept my mouth shut about that for years.  And there are things in my past which, if exposed, would paint me into a corner so twisted it would be impossible for anyone to find me.  And so I lie.  I am a perfectly normal woman who just happens to be a bit twisted.  Yeah right.  I think people lie as much to present a front for others as they do for themselves.
I tend not to look at the list of things "they have done", and instead listen to what they say apart from bdsm.  My knife is for cutting.  And it is not my favorite toy.
Kyst

_____________________________

pain is the breaking of the shell that encloses your understanding ~Gibran, Kahlil

“The truth is, everyone is going to hurt you. You just got to find the ones worth suffering for.”
― Bob Marley


(in reply to Squeakers)
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RE: Yeah right - 3/29/2007 10:02:20 AM   
Squeakers


Posts: 489
Joined: 10/3/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: crouchingtigress

squeakers, IMP your judgment around other peoples dynamics is not serving you....in fact all it does is gives you more reasons to be wary of deeper connections with all people, but it does not change how any two people love each other at all....so you could look at that and wonder why you seek reasons to discredit love, when it looks different then how you think it should look?..... and then see if maybe your distrust of love is impacting your life in any way.
   LOL thanks for the advice.    Was there a charge for that or was it a freebie?      

(in reply to crouchingtigress)
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RE: Yeah right - 3/29/2007 10:19:11 AM   
crouchingtigress


Posts: 4387
Joined: 3/19/2006
From: Maui
Status: offline 		free of course...

listen, i know i go against the grain when i say this stuff, i know most of us human beings (myself included) would rather be happily jaded and make our snippy comments as we sit in judgment of everyone else, as opposed to looking at ourselves and behavior that creates the negativity circle....being a gloomy Gus, is safer, more socially acceptable, more familiar, and a hell of a lot easier....and if it got great results i would be all for it...but it doesn't.

your thoughts become words. 
your words  become actions. 
your actions become habits.
your habits become character. 
your character becomes your destiny. - Frank Outlaw

sorry if you felt i was insulting you, i wasn't, i was just voicing an opinion that i thought of in that moment.


_____________________________


Service slut, durable plaything, and ponypenquincatdogpig, to Lee Harrington

This is him

"Its none of my buisness what other people think of me."




(in reply to Squeakers)
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RE: Yeah right - 3/29/2007 10:44:13 AM   
Squeakers


Posts: 489
Joined: 10/3/2006
Status: offline 		    Tigress, I wasn't at all insult.  Honestly I did laugh when I read what you wrote. 
  

(in reply to crouchingtigress)
Profile   Post #: 13
RE: Yeah right - 3/29/2007 10:46:52 AM   
crouchingtigress


Posts: 4387
Joined: 3/19/2006
From: Maui
Status: offline 		cool...i  had hoped so....ill shut up now....

_____________________________


Service slut, durable plaything, and ponypenquincatdogpig, to Lee Harrington

This is him

"Its none of my buisness what other people think of me."




(in reply to Squeakers)
Profile   Post #: 14
RE: Yeah right - 3/29/2007 10:51:13 AM   
Wildfleurs


Posts: 1650
Joined: 9/24/2004
From: Connecticut
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Squeakers
   So here is the question---I am sure everyone has read something and went "Yeah right."   For the sake of argument lets say that what is read is really a "Yeah right."     Are those 'yeah rights', lies, an act of 'fitting in' or just unintentional?    Thoughts?


It depends.  In the example you gave she is either delusional or just outright lied so she wouldn't have to deal with questions or a loss in status (although needing to have a high status on a MSN group? thats sad).  But in other cases it smells like a stretching of the truth, the glossing over of the dirty details, or the glamour of the first couple of years of a relationship where the person is still dick-metized (to steal a comedians phrase).

Similar to Merc I tend to say yeah right to almost everything I read because I'm a fairly skeptical person and I've seen a lot of strange things on and offline.

C~

< Message edited by Wildfleurs -- 3/29/2007 10:52:45 AM >

_____________________________

"Just because you've always done it that way doesn't mean it's not incredibly stupid." -despair.com

~~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
The heart of it all - http://www.wildfleurs.com
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(in reply to Squeakers)
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RE: Yeah right - 3/29/2007 12:01:00 PM   
MasterFireMaam


Posts: 5587
Joined: 3/1/2006
From: Charleston, WV
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Squeakers
So here is the question---I am sure everyone has read something and went "Yeah right."   For the sake of argument lets say that what is read is really a "Yeah right."     Are those 'yeah rights', lies, an act of 'fitting in' or just unintentional?    Thoughts?


A "yeah, right" for me is usually in reference to a delusion I see on someone's part. For these people, there really may be no difference in their head between their Master doing it to them and them doing it to them because the Master said to. I see that as a delusion...slightly different than a lie.

Master Fire


_____________________________

The power of who we are can be intoxicating. The power of who we could be is humbling.
-----
Ms Relationship Books
-----
BDSM How-To Books

(in reply to Squeakers)
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RE: Yeah right - 3/29/2007 12:09:38 PM   
SimplyMichael


Posts: 7229
Joined: 1/7/2007
Status: offline 		Who would prefer a pilot with thousands of hours of "sim" time over someone who had only soloed once?

(in reply to MasterFireMaam)
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RE: Yeah right - 3/29/2007 2:16:09 PM   
Devilslilsister


Posts: 1262
Joined: 8/3/2006
Status: offline 		Eh, i never say "yeah right" simply because (i'm learning) that i'm just too naive at times to spot it.  Seems like alot of people of late are pointing out how naive i can be at times.  How is that possible? i dunno.  BUT - ya know the saying "if you can think it, people are doing it?"

Well i subscribe to it.......    And....... who cares if they're "real" or living in a fantasy world or not?  Doesnt affect me


_____________________________

My ability to cope with BS is at an all time low - me

i may look like i'm doing nothing, but i'm very busy at a cellular level

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RE: Yeah right - 3/29/2007 2:40:34 PM   
spanklette


Posts: 882
Joined: 2/22/2005
Status: offline 		First of all, I would like to say this...I am an avid fan of chat rooms. They provide me hours of entertainment as I watch the chat lines go by. One of the things that you can't help but notice in chat rooms is that they are clique-ish. Sometimes this is the only place that they can be part of a clique rather than be excluded from one. I wouldn't take that away from them...ever. That is what they choose to do, and sometimes online personas are part of the package. Maybe it was a lie of omission, but I wouldn't blame her. But, that's just me. It's part of the chat world.
 
I consider myself blessed that I have found a real time relationship that fulfills me and I wish everyone the best in what they seek. Sometimes all they seek is acceptance, even just virtual.

_____________________________

~spanklette~

"The important thing is this: to be able at any moment to sacrifice what we are for what we could become. " Charles du Bois

"Please don't shout, can't you see I'm not listening." Billie Myers

(in reply to Squeakers)
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RE: Yeah right - 3/29/2007 2:52:03 PM   
apettiger


Posts: 131
Joined: 1/15/2007
Status: offline 		most people do not believe it when i tell them of my past and some of the things i have seen and done.
some refuse to believe that i have willingly, been in this lifestyle for over 30 years.
does that make my experiences disappear?
not even.
the lessons i have learned and the wisdom i have found are mine forever along with all the memories, good and bad.
i do not need others to believe that i even exisit, it would not make me invisible, i would still be here.
do Y/you understand?
on the other hand, those who purposely decieve or mislead, due to whatever reasons, other than pure ignorance of the situation, i dont think i could ever trust again.

_____________________________

378-828-272

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