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What am I doing wrong? - 3/29/2007 10:08:45 PM

nocum4nick

Posts: 6
Joined: 1/21/2007
Status: offline

I have been on collarme for a while and have writen several Dommes. When I write I am very respectful and include a picture of myself. I always read the Domme's profile and write an individual message with proper spelling and grammer. I admit I am not the most experienced but I am willing to learn. I just don't know whats wrong. Is it my approach, my profile? I dont understand. If anyone has suggestions please let me know. I'm just trying to become a better sub for a future Mistress.

Post #: 1

RE: What am I doing wrong? - 3/29/2007 10:32:30 PM

Najakcharmer

Posts: 2121
Joined: 5/3/2004
Status: offline

Your profile says nothing about you as a person, strictly your erotic interests. I can't speak for every domme on the planet, but I find profiles like that to be an utter turn-off, even if I happen to be into the kinks in question. I have NO interest in doing intimate kinky things with some random stranger with whom I have absolutely nothing in common other than we both like to do the same kinky things.

I think you're going about it from the wrong end. You are ultimately looking for a woman who shares your fetish interests, but it's going to look like that's ALL you're interested in and you don't care who she is as a person and she shouldn't care who you are as a person. That is not an approach that works well with a lot of ladies.

Try introducing yourself like a real human being, just like you would to a friend or a neighbor or a potential vanilla date, and also mention that you happen to have these fetish interests. That may have better results and make you more appealing to get to know. Right now you're just another faceless fetishist who wants stuff done to him, and that is not one bit interesting or appealing to a dominant woman who has already run across hundreds of faceless fetishists who don't seem to care about anything except satifying their fetish.

(in reply to nocum4nick)

Post #: 2

RE: What am I doing wrong? - 3/29/2007 10:33:54 PM

WilliamWizer

Posts: 223
Joined: 3/19/2007
Status: offline

Your profile is pending aproval and you have only four posts. I would recomend you to give it time and post regularly so people get to know you.

(in reply to nocum4nick)

Post #: 3

RE: What am I doing wrong? - 3/29/2007 10:42:06 PM

nocum4nick

Posts: 6
Joined: 1/21/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Najakcharmer

Your profile says nothing about you as a person, strictly your erotic interests. I can't speak for every domme on the planet, but I find profiles like that to be an utter turn-off, even if I happen to be into the kinks in question. I have NO interest in doing intimate kinky things with some random stranger with whom I have absolutely nothing in common other than we both like to do the same kinky things.

I think you're going about it from the wrong end. You are ultimately looking for a woman who shares your fetish interests, but it's going to look like that's ALL you're interested in and you don't care who she is as a person and she shouldn't care who you are as a person. That is not an approach that works well with a lot of ladies.

Try introducing yourself like a real human being, just like you would to a friend or a neighbor or a potential vanilla date, and also mention that you happen to have these fetish interests. That may have better results and make you more appealing to get to know. Right now you're just another faceless fetishist who wants stuff done to him, and that is not one bit interesting or appealing to a dominant woman who has already run across hundreds of faceless fetishists who don't seem to care about anything except satifying their fetish.

Thank you for your suggestion. I just added a paragraph introducing myself. I don't feel comfortable putting lots of details about myself so I tried to keep it fairly general. Thanks again, I really do appreciate it.

(in reply to Najakcharmer)

Post #: 4

RE: What am I doing wrong? - 3/29/2007 10:42:09 PM

SweetDommes

Posts: 3313
Joined: 10/5/2004
Status: offline

My first reaction is that it might have something to do with your screen name ... but maybe that's just me. I prefer a nickname that doesn't proclaim a fetish ...

_____________________________

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Earth is the insane asylum for the universe.

Friends are God's apology for relatives

(in reply to WilliamWizer)

Post #: 5

RE: What am I doing wrong? - 3/29/2007 10:44:41 PM

FukinTroll

Posts: 6277
Joined: 2/6/2007
From: Under a bridge
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: nocum4nick

I have been on collarme for a while

How long are you considering a long time to be?

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(in reply to nocum4nick)

Post #: 6

RE: What am I doing wrong? - 3/29/2007 10:49:38 PM

nocum4nick

Posts: 6
Joined: 1/21/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: FukinTroll

quote:

ORIGINAL: nocum4nick

I have been on collarme for a while

How long are you considering a long time to be?

I've been under this account since January, but I had a different account last year I had for several months.

(in reply to FukinTroll)

Post #: 7

RE: What am I doing wrong? - 3/29/2007 10:50:16 PM

MsCfromMelbourne

Posts: 777
Joined: 2/15/2007
Status: offline

Maybe pick a new name that doesn't have the word "cum" in it?

Also I saw an ad once that was cruel but true. The lady said "Look hard at my photo. Look at my profile. Do not write to me unless you think I would date someone like you"

Pick someone like that (ie likely to be in your league) and convince her to get to know you. Focus on all the great things about you she would find appealing, not the kind of kink you want

Good luck

_____________________________

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(in reply to WilliamWizer)

Post #: 8

RE: What am I doing wrong? - 3/29/2007 10:59:11 PM

nickymaz

Posts: 47
Joined: 3/29/2007
Status: offline

Ok, I got the picture the username had to go so I just made a new profile.

(in reply to MsCfromMelbourne)

Post #: 9

RE: What am I doing wrong? - 3/29/2007 11:02:03 PM

SweetDommes

Posts: 3313
Joined: 10/5/2004
Status: offline

a much better name, IMO. I don't know that it will help your chances, but it definitely won't hurt them (and probably will help).

_____________________________

Miss Karen and Miss Holly

Earth is the insane asylum for the universe.

Friends are God's apology for relatives

(in reply to nickymaz)

Post #: 10

RE: What am I doing wrong? - 3/29/2007 11:04:16 PM

nickymaz

Posts: 47
Joined: 3/29/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: SweetDommes

a much better name, IMO. I don't know that it will help your chances, but it definitely won't hurt them (and probably will help).

Thank you, see you all are helping me so much!

(in reply to SweetDommes)

Post #: 11

RE: What am I doing wrong? - 3/30/2007 11:12:45 AM

MistressMoirae

Posts: 40
Joined: 2/14/2007
Status: offline

If you look at most men's profiles they are short like yours. I would put some more information about yourself. You do not have to inform them you are in a uniformed job, just state you are a college graduate and employed in secure field. I would also state what you can offer a potential interest both vanilla and in the BDSM sense. Tell them who you are not looking for. Check out my profile, it is very detailed, but yet still does not give too much personal info. If you need anymore help, feel free to reply here or message me.

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(in reply to nickymaz)

Post #: 12

RE: What am I doing wrong? - 3/30/2007 2:43:03 PM

ObedientYYC

Posts: 80
Joined: 8/25/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: MsCfromMelbourne
Also I saw an ad once that was cruel but true. The lady said "Look hard at my photo. Look at my profile. Do not write to me unless you think I would date someone like you"

Pick someone like that (ie likely to be in your league) and convince her to get to know you. Focus on all the great things about you she would find appealing, not the kind of kink you want

Good luck

Here is more cruel but true advice: What is in your league in the BDSM world is probably far lower than the type of woman you would typically date in the vanilla world. Think about it - a Domme has about 8 times more partners here to choose from than you do. If you had those kind of odds, what would it do to your selection process? To your ego?

(in reply to MsCfromMelbourne)

Post #: 13

RE: What am I doing wrong? - 3/30/2007 2:51:06 PM

Misstoyou

Posts: 1149
Joined: 9/4/2004
Status: offline

That you take criticism well and actually implement suggestions are both generally out of the norm for here, lol. Very impressive.

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a.k.a. "mean Lady"

(in reply to nickymaz)

Post #: 14

RE: What am I doing wrong? - 3/30/2007 3:59:40 PM

hereyesruponyou

Posts: 770
Joined: 1/22/2007
Status: offline

Uniform.....they wear those at McDonald's right??? a little too vague IMO. Hang in there though, someone will come around eventually. Politeness always gets a reply from me, a polite one at that :)

(in reply to Misstoyou)

Post #: 15

RE: What am I doing wrong? - 3/30/2007 6:38:57 PM

cloudboy

Posts: 7306
Joined: 12/14/2005
Status: offline

Sometimes if you play really, really loud music --- it transmutes failure, frustration, and self annihilation into the pure verve of putting yourself out there --- somewhat like the intrepid eskimo hiking on a deserted glacier yelling into the wind without a soul around for miles and miles.

Also, if you read the right poem in a crowded coffee shop of attractive and intimidating strangers, you sense an utter advantage over everyone else --- especially those poor louts reading newspapers.

< Message edited by cloudboy -- 3/30/2007 6:55:42 PM >

(in reply to nocum4nick)

Post #: 16

RE: What am I doing wrong? - 3/30/2007 9:42:09 PM

SLAVEBOY32

Posts: 122
Joined: 2/26/2007
Status: offline

Some great advice to him, but don't knock him down. Noone knows who is in who's league. I am just an average looking guy, and that's if i am lucky. I have gotten amazing women. Women you would NEVER suspect were with me if you only looked at each of us based on looks. Any woman who put something in her profile that said look hard at my pic/profile do not write me unless you think I would date someone like you, has some serious issues, and is very shallow and superficial. Talk about judging on looks. To hell with don't go after who is in your league etc., etc. Don't sell yourself short or set the bar low, go after any woman you want. If you think any woman is in a better leagure then you, and because of it you do not go after her, in my opinion that is settling, and if you settle it only offers temporary contentment. You hear again and again how women are more concerned with what is on the inside of a guy, and guys are more concerned with the visual. I am living proof of that. Granted it is not 100 percent true, people are all different, i am talking about the majority here. Every woman i have ever dated, be it a knock out or just an ok looking woman, Domme or vanilla, has told me they are dating me for what i have to offer inside, my personality etc. I was kind of hurt by this when i was like 18, then i decided who cares what the reasons are, long as they are with me for SOME part of me. My advice, send out ALOT of messages. Do not send out a few and wait for a response, chances are they are not coming. Tailor each message to make sure you address anything the Domme wanted to know about, make them laugh if at all possible. Do not go overboard but a lil subtle humor can go a long way. Do not write a novel in your first response, but do not be too brief. Tell them what you liked about their profile, don't talk about BDSM or sex or anything like that when sending an intro letter. I can not stress this enough, send out ALOT of messages, and do not wait for a response. Just move on and when you DO get a response, OK now you can get excited and take it from there.

(in reply to cloudboy)

Post #: 17

RE: What am I doing wrong? - 3/31/2007 1:46:11 AM

SweetDommes

Posts: 3313
Joined: 10/5/2004
Status: offline

I don't think it's about judging on looks - I would never tell someone to look at our pics to judge if we are in the same league or not, but to have someone look at the profile ... to me, that's perfectly acceptable.

Our profile is clear about the basics of what we are looking for and the kind of qualities that we are looking for (i.e. animal lover, ok with living in the middle of nowhere, no latex fetish, close in age to us, US citizen, etc.). It lays out the basics of the relationship that we are looking for (that we are intending it to be permanent and hopefully lead towards marriage). If someone message us looking for a scene while they are travelling through the area, then that person has just messaged a profile that is out of their league.
I have also put a lot of time into making sure that there are few to no typos, that my grammar is at least decent, and that it just overall makes sense. Someone who messages with a lot of mis-spelled words, bad grammar, or worse, netspeak ... we are out of their league as well. I have mild dyslexia and have worked hard to compensate for it so that other people can understand what I am typing and when I get an e-mail I'd rather not have to translate from gibberish to english to be able to respond.

To the OP - I'm with the others that you could lose the bit about wearing a uniform ... I wear a uniform to my work, but that's not important about it - the fact that I have one and I'm in demand is far more important (then again, I have no problems stating that I'm a nurse working at a correctional facility LOL). Other than that, put in more details about what you are looking for. You have in there that you are looking for your first real time experience - but you don't say if you are looking for short term relationships, training, or for someone to grow old with. That aside, if you were a year or two older and willing to relocate - I'd probably message you back with some interest now that you've changed your screen name.

_____________________________

Miss Karen and Miss Holly

Earth is the insane asylum for the universe.

Friends are God's apology for relatives

(in reply to SLAVEBOY32)

Post #: 18

RE: What am I doing wrong? - 3/31/2007 3:14:11 AM

cloudboy

Posts: 7306
Joined: 12/14/2005
Status: offline

I was actually just joking around. Your post is a good one. My post was dovetail between my own frustration in losing a trial yesterday the OP's frustration here.

Sometimes when you're in the shitter (disappointed), it just helps to be carried away by the magic influence of other things (music or poetry.)

Here's an interesting persistence graph.

It ties into the OP's question rather well.

< Message edited by cloudboy -- 3/31/2007 3:23:58 AM >

(in reply to SLAVEBOY32)

Post #: 19

RE: What am I doing wrong? - 3/31/2007 4:30:13 PM

SweetDommes

Posts: 3313
Joined: 10/5/2004
Status: offline

Much better profile nick

_____________________________

Miss Karen and Miss Holly

Earth is the insane asylum for the universe.

Friends are God's apology for relatives

(in reply to cloudboy)

Post #: 20

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