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RE: Considering Divorce? - 4/14/2005 8:26:03 PM

proudsub

Posts: 6142
Joined: 1/31/2004
From: Washington
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quote:

If you are both still in love with each other (that's the main thing), she will have an interest in making you happy; that's what people who are in love do.

Well said Akasha. Making me happy is why Hubby was willing to try some things and we worked out some good compromises and we are continuing to explore and try new things.

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RE: Considering Divorce? - 4/14/2005 8:36:07 PM

perverseangelic

Posts: 2625
Joined: 2/2/2004
From: Davis, Ca
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quote:

ORIGINAL: lovingmaster45

Make the best of it; then leave as soon as the youngest hits 18. Less emotional damage and you will take a less financial hit when you finally do what is right for YOU.

I am not advocating anything at all. I have no solutions. I do have some insight from a different point of view.

This is going to -hurt- the children. My mother did this. She stayed with my father "for my sister and I." While she never told us this, children are -perceptive- and the fact that she moved out as soon as my sister went to college...well...

It made my sister and I feel abysmal. Like -we- were the reason my mother had been unhappy.

From a child's point of view, I would -much- rather my parents had an amicable divorce when they realized they were miserable than stayed together when they were unhappy. It would have sucked to have divored parents. It sucked even more to have my mom leave "as soon as the youngest turned 18."

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RE: Considering Divorce? - 4/14/2005 8:48:14 PM

sunmoon888

Posts: 11
Joined: 4/10/2005
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I appreciate the difficulty of your situation. It's very frustrating. The right thing to do is not obvious at all. I suggest you try to stay flexible and hopeful in your approach to dealing with your wife. It seems to me that relationships don't really crater until one or both people become truly cynical about the future of the relationship. Remember the maxims about negotiating and dispute resolution: enlarge the problem until a solution comes into view, be creative in discovering solutions that may have been overlooked. It sounds obvious and simplistic but adopting this approach in an emotional situation can be helpful.

Best of luck to you.

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Post #: 23

RE: Considering Divorce? - 4/15/2005 2:19:00 AM

ElektraUkM

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Joined: 2/19/2005
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quote:

ORIGINAL: Samp444

We have a so-so relationship due to other emotional issues.

Hello there :) Is it possible to get these issues sorted out first, and then see how it goes..? It could be that the BDSM is something you're thinking of because you're generally dissatisfied with the relationship in itself? It could be that, all other things being fixed, the BDSM becomes less important to you? Perhaps worth thinking about.

In response to the idea of staying with your wife simply for the children... even staying till they are 18 and then leaving, which someone suggested: I think it has to be considered ~ how would your wife feel, several years down the line, to hear you were only with her because of the children? She's several years older, and has lost some opportunities for making a second marriage for herself. Just a thought.

The best of luck in finding a solution.

~ Elektra

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Post #: 24

RE: Considering Divorce? - 4/16/2005 11:50:42 AM

Kinkypupper

Posts: 713
Joined: 9/26/2004
From: Portland oregon
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Seek out a "kink" friendly marrage counselor in your area..
Anything that one has 20 years involved in is worth trying to save..But only of BOTH partners wish it to be.

Consider talking to her be very open about it and consider going to a few "Munches" and let her know that we are ALL regualar people.

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Post #: 25

RE: Considering Divorce? - 4/16/2005 12:41:46 PM

SherriA

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Joined: 1/1/2004
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quote:

ORIGINAL: lovingmaster45

Do the right thing by the family you have created and stay in the marriage. Make the best of it; then leave as soon as the youngest hits 18. Less emotional damage and you will take a less financial hit when you finally do what is right for YOU.

Having been the child of parents who believed this, let me state that IMX, it's utter bullshit. Did they really believe that my siblings and I were blind and stupid? Of course we knew they were miserable and wanted nothing more than to be apart. And guess what? We would have been MUCH better off having two happy, fulfilled parents living apart than suffering with two parents who didn't want to be there but stayed together "for us". Yeah, ok, like we needed that kind of pressure and guilt? My mom and dad would be happy, except for me. That's a great thing to burden a kid with.

Feh.

Do NOT make your children responsible for YOUR inability to do what's right for everyone.

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Post #: 26

RE: Considering Divorce? - 4/16/2005 9:48:42 PM

perverseangelic

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From: Davis, Ca
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What Sherri said. Exactly what Sherri said. We know. We can tell. And we care.

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Post #: 27

RE: Considering Divorce? - 4/17/2005 2:15:09 PM

Samp444