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etiquette when replying to collarme subs/slave personals - 3/31/2007 5:16:53 PM

ifneedsbe

Posts: 1
Joined: 3/29/2007
Status: offline

I'm new to the life, or rather, I'm amping up my commitment and education
and would prefer a relationship of some sort with someone in the life. Ive responded to a
few personals with no luck. Any advice on approaching a sub? And, as a sub/slave, what
are your expectations (how do you test the waters) with a potential new dom/master?

Post #: 1

RE: etiquette when replying to collarme subs/slave pers... - 3/31/2007 5:24:08 PM

sillygirl09

Posts: 446
Joined: 1/31/2007
From: New Jersey
Status: offline

How are you replying to them? I got an email that only said "Please talk to me" - that sounded pretty pathetic to me and turned me off immediately. I also get emails from complete strangers instructing me to send them my picture right away or telling me to call them "Sir" or "Master" that's a bit too pushy even for a Dom.
Those I actually reply to land somewhere in between. It also helps if I can tell they've actually read my profile and found it of interest.

(in reply to ifneedsbe)

Post #: 2

RE: etiquette when replying to collarme subs/slave pers... - 3/31/2007 6:38:16 PM

juliaoceania

Posts: 21383
Joined: 4/19/2006
From: Somewhere Over the Rainbow
Status: offline

Be sincere
Write each inquiry tailored to the submissive you contact
Do not make it overly long, but make it longer than two lines.
Do not expect the submissive to be submissive to you.
Try to find something that you share in common outside of BDSM
In fact resist commenting about sex the first couple of emails.
Mention something that appealed to you in the profile.

DO NOT wite a form letter to a bunch of submissives.
DO NOT write a one liner
DO NOT ask sexual questions

_____________________________

Once you label me, you negate me ~ Soren Kierkegaard

Reality has a well known Liberal Bias ~ Stephen Colbert

Great minds discuss ideas; Average minds discuss events; Small minds discuss people. Eleanor Roosevelt

(in reply to ifneedsbe)

Post #: 3

RE: etiquette when replying to collarme subs/slave pers... - 3/31/2007 7:22:04 PM

alphasubstituent

Posts: 21
Joined: 3/7/2007
Status: offline

The email that a dominant should write to a submissive should equal the quality that a dominant would expect from a submissive. I have received many one liner emails from dominants that expect detailed email from submissives to even consider them. If you create an honest email that is sufficient in length, you will most likely receive a response, even if it’s not the response you’re looking for. Best of luck in your search.

(in reply to ifneedsbe)

Post #: 4

RE: etiquette when replying to collarme subs/slave pers... - 3/31/2007 7:27:27 PM

Aneirin

Posts: 6121
Joined: 3/18/2006
From: Tamaris
Status: offline

I have twenty or so friends who identify as submissive on this site,friends with whom I chat fairly regularly.I treat them as anyone I would meet in the street,that is as another person due every respect.I treet with as much respect as they would me.Here,online,meeting people,perhaps treat it as the street,be yourself,not what you would like to be,get to know people as people,other things come later.

(in reply to juliaoceania)

Post #: 5

RE: etiquette when replying to collarme subs/slave pers... - 3/31/2007 7:29:10 PM

hisannabelle

Posts: 1992
Joined: 12/3/2006
From: Tallahassee, FL, USA
Status: offline

greetings ifneedsbe,

i am not seeking a master, only friends and possible play partners, but any email that is a form letter (i've gotten a couple of form letters multiple times), only one line, without any personal information in the email or in the profile, etc. probably won't get an answer. i find that communication and interest seems to fizzle out with people who don't send well thought-out emails...generally they want me to steer the conversation, or they're only interested in sex. i like things that surprise me, that reference things i've said in my profile, anything to let me know you're actually interested in me as a person.

respectfully, and hoping this helps you,
annabelle.

_____________________________

a'ishah (the artist formerly known as annabelle)
i have the kind of beauty that moves...

(in reply to ifneedsbe)

Post #: 6

RE: etiquette when replying to collarme subs/slave pers... - 3/31/2007 9:16:04 PM

MasterFireMaam

Posts: 5587
Joined: 3/1/2006
From: Charleston, WV
Status: offline

Revamp your profile to tell something about you, the person...and then your personaly relationship philosophy. That might help.

Master Fire

_____________________________

The power of who we are can be intoxicating. The power of who we could be is humbling.
-----
Ms Relationship Books
-----
BDSM How-To Books

(in reply to ifneedsbe)

Post #: 7

RE: etiquette when replying to collarme subs/slave pers... - 3/31/2007 9:30:34 PM

Valyraen

Posts: 746
Joined: 2/14/2007
Status: offline

Ifneedsbe,

I've always found that simply being respectful and polite tends to engender a better response in other people. Then again, I've worked sales registers and telemarketing in the past, so respectfulness and politeness have sort of been hammered into me. Regardless... in dealing with another human being, be they dominant, submissive, switch, vanilla, or Neopolitan, I function by the old adage, "Do unto others as you would have them do unto you." It's worked pretty well so far.

Valyraen

_____________________________

CM's Resident Fuzzy Kitteh

There is no creature more loving than a hungry cat.

Valyraen in ValyraenandAqua

(in reply to ifneedsbe)

Post #: 8

RE: etiquette when replying to collarme subs/slave pers... - 4/1/2007 10:59:27 AM

OsideGirl

Posts: 14441
Joined: 7/1/2005
From: United States
Status: offline

Read their profile.....and respect what it says. If says "No men over 30" respect that. If it says, "Just here for the forums", respect that. You are not the exception.

No means no. It does not mean send 30 whining emails asking why.

Be patient. Men far outnumber women in the community.

_____________________________

Give a girl the right shoes and she will conquer the world. ~ Marilyn Monroe

The Accelerated Velocity of Terminological Inexactitude

(in reply to Valyraen)

Post #: 9

RE: etiquette when replying to collarme subs/slave pers... - 4/1/2007 12:59:37 PM

myobedience

Posts: 472
Joined: 1/28/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: ifneedsbe

I'm new to the life, or rather, I'm amping up my commitment and education
and would prefer a relationship of some sort with someone in the life. Ive responded to a
few personals with no luck. Any advice on approaching a sub? And, as a sub/slave, what
are your expectations (how do you test the waters) with a potential new dom/master?

According to MANY who donate to these forums, there is no etiquette needed..... its not neded to reply if you dont want to.

Contrary to this opinion, I believe that if a person took time to write, it is only a thoughtful thing to even make a brief reply.

_____________________________

With grace and gratitude, I am owned.
A Man who always seeks to be the best He can be for you is the only Man truly worthy of being called Master.

(in reply to ifneedsbe)

Post #: 10

RE: etiquette when replying to collarme subs/slave pers... - 4/1/2007 1:26:00 PM

Bluetemptation

Posts: 16
Joined: 8/28/2005
From: Germany
Status: offline

read the profile, each message showing that the writer never ever read the profile through will be ignored
same with copy and paste messages that are sent to a dozen or more others
Same with stupid, suck my dick or one word messages ...
Attitude without intelligence will get you smacked down really fast, no matter what .. no giving me stupid orders and calling me not so nice names in a first message will not make you look like a good guy, just like a moron or HNG

Apart from that be yourself and be as honest and natural as possible, - the real messages of someone who read the profile and doesn't try to write a novel are the most appreciated messages

< Message edited by Bluetemptation -- 4/1/2007 1:27:13 PM >

(in reply to myobedience)

Post #: 11

RE: etiquette when replying to collarme subs/slave pers... - 4/1/2007 11:58:02 PM

stella40

Posts: 417
Joined: 1/11/2006
From: London, UK
Status: offline

I think the only etiquette is to be yourself.

For me, a straightforward, simple introduction of a few sentences from a Dom or Domme, without demanding any submission, usually makes a very good impression on a submissive or slave.

My own principle is to get to know the person, and the role itself will come later. It's all very well being Master X or Goddess Y, but most submissives would be very keen to find out who Master X and Goddess Y really are as people. Without this knowledge not many submissives can actually offer their submission.

I think it's also important not to make too many assumptions.

_____________________________

I try to take one day at a time, but several days come and attack me at once. (Jennifer Unlimited)

If you can't be a good example then you'll just have to be a horrible warning.

(in reply to ifneedsbe)

Post #: 12

RE: etiquette when replying to collarme subs/slave pers... - 4/2/2007 6:58:38 AM

littleone35

Posts: 2828
Joined: 2/17/2005
Status: offline

The advice i can give you is be polite, polite e mail always had gotton a response from me( then i met my Master). Write something in the letter thst shows you read her profile. Other then those pointers most of all just be yourself.

Matt's littleone

(in reply to stella40)

Post #: 13

RE: etiquette when replying to collarme subs/slave pers... - 4/2/2007 8:33:32 AM

HalloweenWhite

Posts: 1028
Joined: 6/20/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: myobedience

quote:

ORIGINAL: ifneedsbe

I'm new to the life, or rather, I'm amping up my commitment and education
and would prefer a relationship of some sort with someone in the life. Ive responded to a
few personals with no luck. Any advice on approaching a sub? And, as a sub/slave, what
are your expectations (how do you test the waters) with a potential new dom/master?

According to MANY who donate to these forums, there is no etiquette needed..... its not neded to reply if you dont want to.

Contrary to this opinion, I believe that if a person took time to write, it is only a thoughtful thing to even make a brief reply.

Well here on planet earth, you're either lucky or very good looking if you got a reply.

(in reply to myobedience)

Post #: 14

RE: etiquette when replying to collarme subs/slave pers... - 4/2/2007 8:48:15 AM

toservez

Posts: 1733
Joined: 9/7/2006
From: All over now in Minnesota
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: juliaoceania

Be sincere
Write each inquiry tailored to the submissive you contact
Do not make it overly long, but make it longer than two lines.
Do not expect the submissive to be submissive to you.
Try to find something that you share in common outside of BDSM
In fact resist commenting about sex the first couple of emails.
Mention something that appealed to you in the profile.

DO NOT wite a form letter to a bunch of submissives.
DO NOT write a one liner
DO NOT ask sexual questions

That is all great advice. Also try as much as possible to write your message conveying that you actually read their profile and thought about the compatibility between each other.

Do not go line by line in her profile agreeing or commenting on it.
Do not use generic generalizations like “I see our interests match up perfectly”.
Be honest at all times and never cater to the profile you are reading. We want leaders not followers willing to write anything.
Fill out your profile completely with real information about you normally, your way in this life and what you are drawn to. Read your own profile as you were the person clicking on it, does it feel like it is you or just some standard fill in the standard cliché lines that will get lost in all the other hundreds of profiles she will read.

Last, and especially true when already exchanging messages, do not leave it close ended. Always give her a reason to write you back. Ask questions that relate to her profile and not something like “What do you do for fun?” but something like “I noticed control was a big theme of your profile. Why is this important to you?” type of question.

_____________________________

I am sorry I do not fit Webster's defintion of a slave but thankfully my Master is not Webster.

"Anything that contradicts experience and logic should be abandoned." - H.H. The 14th Dalai Lama

(in reply to juliaoceania)

Post #: 15

RE: etiquette when replying to collarme subs/slave pers... - 4/2/2007 9:16:39 AM

SilverShadows

Posts: 558
Joined: 2/15/2007
Status: offline

Glancing through the replies to your post I see most of the advice I would give:

Write something thoughtful that shows you have read their profile. Be polite, tell them why they should be interested in you, i.e. commonality. Personally I give people the opportunity to not reply. It is surprising how many responses I get because I thank them and give them permission to not respond. And has also been said, your profile could use work. I got no feeling of the person behind the ad. What sort of person are you and what are you looking for.

So what gets me to respond? Politeness and respect will cause me to respond even if it to say no thank-you. A note that provides things I can respond too. Evidence that the person has read my profile and is responding to it not just to my picture.

What gets others to respond to me? The same things I mention above and as mentioned giving them permission to ignore my message if they are not interested. Respecting that they are still free agents. Being open about what I see as potential problems. For example I make it clear I am poly if I think that might be an issue. Being clear about what I want. Unlike some of the other people’s advice if all I wanted was kinky sex I would say so. That is not what I am looking for so instead I make clear I am looking for a 24/7 intelligent service oriented female submissive. I did I say I make sure to include information from their profile so they know I read it.

Good luck in your search

_____________________________

The Countess

Το αίμα είναι η ζωή
Cruor est Vita
Sînge is art.hot. Viaţă
Vér van a Élet

Come Kiss the Guillotine
Come Taste the Gasoline

(in reply to ifneedsbe)

Post #: 16

RE: etiquette when replying to collarme subs/slave pers... - 4/2/2007 12:39:35 PM

MSUgirl

Posts: 16
Joined: 3/4/2007
Status: offline

i tend to respond when the message isnt something thats not me, i normally try to say that they arent for me etc, but some just keep trying, and i feel disrespectful when i stop communicaiting, but still, it gets to be horrible at some points

(in reply to SilverShadows)

Post #: 17

RE: etiquette when replying to collarme subs/slave pers... - 4/2/2007 12:55:46 PM

GeekyGirl

Posts: 905
Joined: 8/21/2006
Status: offline

If you want responses, here's what catches my attention:

Politeness. Approach her as you would any stranger. "Hello, My name is ____. I found your profile very interesting and would enjoy speaking with you" is much better than "Hey slut, nice tits." Also, never give any kind of order such as "you will write me back" or "write back immediately including _____ and _____."

Send me a message of some length. It doesn't have to be 2 pages, but more than 2 lines is good. A nice solid paragraph is a good intro.

DON'T send a form letter. For gods' sakes right something personal! "I liked your profile because ________" or "I noticed we have _________ in common."

Don't talk about sex or anything sexually related. Just act like you're trying to make a nice platonic friend, since that is where things have to start anyway. Once I've decided you're somebody I'd be friends with, then I can give you consideration for something more. Messages that talk about sex get sent right to my trash can!

Make sure you have read EVERY WORD of her profile. Even if it's long. I have a very long profile with several disclaimers at the end and it seems guys don't read that far before contacting me, at which point I find they don't meet my criteria.

If you do read the whole thing and there are criteria which you do NOT meet. don't message her. Her criteria are there for a reason. Local means just that...LOCAL aka reasonable driving distance. If she says she is only interested in a certain age range or persons of a certain physical type or people of a certain religion or a certain UM status, etc, she means it. Don't waste her time.

For ME, if a guy follows those simple rules, he will get a polite response from me even if I am not interested.

As for expectations, I expect politeness and intelligence in our correspondance.

If he meets my basic criteria, I'll start speaking with him online for a couple of weeks. If all goes well, we'll speak on the phone and arrange for a platonic date. After a few platonic/friend dates, we'll determine if their is some romantic and or d/s chemistry. From that point, we tread slowly into the area of romance and I surrender my power a little bit at a time. Once I've been romantically involved for a couple of months, I'll start turning over more power and considering him a potential dominant. It just goes in baby steps from there.

< Message edited by GeekyGirl -- 4/2/2007 1:00:39 PM >

_____________________________

"It's nothing that I understand, but when in your arms you have complete power over me. So be gentle if you please, 'cause your hands are in my hair, but my heart is in your teeth and it makes me want to make you near me always."

(in reply to MSUgirl)

Post #: 18

RE: etiquette when replying to collarme subs/slave pers... - 4/2/2007 1:07:30 PM

GeekyGirl

Posts: 905
Joined: 8/21/2006
Status: offline

Oh yeah, and as the others said, your profile needs work. It's very plain.

The majority of it is describing what you look like, which makes you sound like you're a person focused on appearances. I always avoid profiles where the person talks about their looks alot because it shows me where their priorities in their own life lay (ie do they devote more time to the intellectual or to the physical?.) Besides, your height and weight are listed on your profile to the left hand side, so saying it again in your body of the profile is repetitive.

You don't give an impression of depth, experience, etc in your profile. It's polite and all, but it's shallow and simple. It doesn't tell me a thing about WHO you are.

Read mine and contrast it to yours..mine is probably on the other extreme (too long and too indepth) but then that is ok because I am trying to attract a certain kind of person and I feel my profile weeds out people I wouldn't be interested in.

Also try to get a pic up...most of us want to know you look at least human. Even if it's taken from a distance or something..some kind of pic will get attention (yes, I know I don't have a pic on my own right now...I'm waiting for a new one to be approved...)

When describing yourself, try to be specific. "I like to travel" is a bit boring. "I have been to France, Germany, and Ireland in search of haunted castles, big foot, and the loch ness monster" is much more original!

I like experiencing life? Who doesn't? Try, "I enjoy riding bicycles down country roads with my friends early in the morning" or "I like spending my nights dancing and carrying on at all the local rock clubs". Something specific.

< Message edited by GeekyGirl -- 4/2/2007 1:12:10 PM >

_____________________________

"It's nothing that I understand, but when in your arms you have complete power over me. So be gentle if you please, 'cause your hands are in my hair, but my heart is in your teeth and it makes me want to make you near me always."

(in reply to GeekyGirl)

Post #: 19

RE: etiquette when replying to collarme subs/slave pers... - 4/3/2007 9:23:27 AM

childofpain

Posts: 44
Joined: 1/16/2007
Status: offline

pretty much agrees with all who have posted so far...respect goes both ways and manners mean a lot.

(in reply to GeekyGirl)

Post #: 20

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