When is the Start of the BDSM lifestyle? (Full Version)

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MastaMale -> When is the Start of the BDSM lifestyle? (4/1/2007 3:58:06 AM)

I posted this on another site and wanted to hear opinions here.

I was think about where exactly the start of the BDSM lifestyle?

Is it when they get aroused by acts related to BDSM?

Is when the person does their first scene? But then they had to know before during the scene they wanted more. Unless they were introduced to it by chance then this might be the start. But then what would have made then to actually part take in a scene.

Or is it when they do non-vanilla acts during sex? But then handcuffing the partner in the bedroom is a common vanilla practice. But then vanilla couples also use some BDSM elements in regular sex.

Is it when the person gets aroused by BDSM acts? If so then I could track my BDSM experience back to intermidate school where I got aroused when I handcuffed the goth girl to the fence. Or when I grabbed a piece of rope and lead her around by her collar. (you get the idea). These were non-sexual acts and well playing around and I realized I was getting aroused (thank goodness for baggy clothing)

Is it when the realization when you know you want more? Therefore vanilla is no longer enough but yet they have not had BDSM scene yet.

Well it appears that BDSM lifestyle starts differently for each of us. It is the combination of the realization that vanilla is not enough and actually experiencing BDSM. But there are many of us that proclaim to be into BDSM lifestyle with out these two experiences.

So then it the start of BDSM is dependent on the person.

So what do u think is the start of the BDSM lifestyle.



onestandingstill -> RE: When is the Start of the BDSM lifestyle? (4/1/2007 4:38:38 AM)

I also did minor BDSM related things in my sex life till  was 40 but was unaware it was related.
I met a man who convinced me to give over my control to him for an evening.
As he was a very hot vanilla lover I rolled my eyes and after a few reluctant conversations we went for it.
Once I'd tasted submission in it's own right I was hooked, drawn in, and caught fully in this lifestyle that's so much a part of my life now I don't understand how I could have not found it earlier.
I think some aspire to participate and think of this life since they were young and it blindsides some of us and just clicks home with our first experiences.
We all may not get there the same way, but it's interesting to see where we all got on the bus.
suzanne



PonyGroom -> RE: When is the Start of the BDSM lifestyle? (4/1/2007 4:56:09 AM)

I don't think there is a bdsm lifestyle.  I think the definition of the term is so squishy soft and arguably sweet that no one should swallow it. It's just that unpalatable.

During this next ten to twenty years, you will see mainstream sexuality swallow up a lot of what some today consider "bdsm". If you look back along the time line to The Joy of Sex, and then to Screw the Roses Send Me the Thorns, you can see this trend.

At one time, if you said "I am in the lifestyle", that meant you were a swinger. Then it came to mean alternatively that you participated in group activities doing some sort of alternative sexual practice without also engaging in intercourse. Now it seems "I have been in the lifestyle ten years" can mean all sorts of things: 1) I only count the years since I became 18,  2) I count from the time I first tied myself up in my own bedroom 3) I count the time since I went to my first munch or attended my first party  4) I count the time since I first broached the subject in a conversation with the woman who was at the time my new girlfriend -- and a few other measures.

Just what I see from my perch,

Tim



SimplyMichael -> RE: When is the Start of the BDSM lifestyle? (4/1/2007 8:25:59 AM)

For most on the internet it started about 20 years ago because it seems that is how much experience most people list even if they are 18.



MasterFireMaam -> RE: When is the Start of the BDSM lifestyle? (4/1/2007 9:03:10 AM)

For me, I think is has to do with conscious intent. Yes, I was always bossy as a child, but that doesn't mean I was lifestyle at the age of 4. It wasn't until I was about 27 or 28 that I discovered that there was this whole subculture and started to explore.

Master Fire



LuckyAlbatross -> RE: When is the Start of the BDSM lifestyle? (4/1/2007 11:14:56 AM)

MasterFireMaam said my answer better than I could have :)



GeekyGirl -> RE: When is the Start of the BDSM lifestyle? (4/1/2007 2:27:47 PM)

I would date my "years in the lifestyle" back to the point where I was aware of what I was doing and that it was called BDSM.

I have been having BDSM thoughts/fantasy scenarios ever since my age was a single digit. My actual active participation started at age 18 though.



Mustardseed -> RE: When is the Start of the BDSM lifestyle? (4/1/2007 5:24:50 PM)

I agree PonyGroom: it happened in stages for me.
  • when I was a kid, I thoroughly enjoyed tickle and butt-slapping games with my girlfriends
  • in junior high, I grinned like a maniac when the tall kid in gym class started sparring me with me on the fly
  • I enjoyed wrestling with my (now ex) husband
  • the time I realized that I could have managed the platelet related, accidental shot of saline straight into my arm (instead of into my vein) had I been braced properly for it.
  • as I was facing divorce, I got taken to Beyond the Edge Cafe a few times. I finally saw an amazing scene there that made me realize that BDSM didn't have to be all strutting menace and showing off
  • my first flogging happened shortly after my divorce was final, with a lover who was visiting for the weekend. It felt like a good back treatment, and sexual contact was mixed into it
  • the first time I ever consensually hurt someone else
  • the first time that I ever consensually hurt someone else and enjoyed it
  • the one time I reached orgasm during a beating
  • Years later, while waiting for the bus to work the day after a serious working over, I looked around the neighborhood I was waiting in and thought, "I lived through that."
  • the time I scared a -- comparitively -- veteran kinkster by trying out a toy at their master's table with permission. They hadn't been prepared for me to hit myself with it very hard, and jumped. "Why did you do that?!?" "I wanted to see how bad it'd be."
  • the first time I voluntarily hurt myself during sex with my Daddy, soley for his pleasure
  • the first time I managed to continue giggling through someone hurting me as punishment for the giggles
  • the first time I ever thought, "I could do that, but Daddy doesn't want me to" without any pause or silliness.
I could name a bunch of other milestones: piss drinking, wearing my Daddy's Girl t-shirt in public, the first time someone referred to me as Daddy's "ol' lady" or to Daddy as my "other half." I don't see any of them as the official start so much as confirmations in their own right.

"Yep, I'm a kinky lil' bitch."



MastaMale -> RE: When is the Start of the BDSM lifestyle? (4/1/2007 10:54:10 PM)

ok from what I have read the start of the bdsm lifestyle is about...

conscious intent

or

there isnt really isnt a bdsm lifestyle.

ok I can understand the conscious intent but there isnt a bdsm lifestyle kind of throws me off. Then if this isnt a lifestyle what is it?



SweetDommes -> RE: When is the Start of the BDSM lifestyle? (4/1/2007 11:11:29 PM)

I have heard the arguments about "it's not a lifestyle" before, but my answer to that is that it is MY lifestyle, because it is how I have chosen to live my life, day in and day out, hopefully for the rest of my life.  Other people have made the same decision - so, to some extent or another, it must be a lifestyle.

As for when it starts - Holly and I started switching long before we knew what switching was, or anything else about BDSM or D/s ... I'd say that our lifestyle began back when we started switching.



MaamJay -> RE: When is the Start of the BDSM lifestyle? (4/1/2007 11:28:42 PM)

For Me, it began the first time someone (albeit online at that stage) asked Me to control them and I did. Not wanting to make any disastrous mistakes, and being a scientist, I immediately did research into this and discovered BDSM. The dawning realisation that this is who I was, who I had been and who I wanted to be followed. But it was cemented when the same person decided to play up one night and dared Me to phone them (from Aust to USA!) and put them in their place. I called their bluff and phoned, summoning up My very best teacher voice to reprimand their bad behaviour. Their immediate response ... followed by the whispered awestruck statement: "You can control me from halfway around the world!" showed Me that indeed, yes, I could. Maam Jay was born! Soon after I realised I also had a side that was yearning to submit, to give up control. And while at first I thought I would have to be content with interacting this way on occasion, I then discovered that real people live this "lifestyle" 24/7 and thought "Why not Me?" And that's how I became a lifestyler! After a few disasters as a sub, i have lived with Master 24/7 for over 3 years and a new potential slave for Maam arrives in town tomorrow! Life is good.

Maam Jay aka violet[A]



ElectraGlide -> RE: When is the Start of the BDSM lifestyle? (4/1/2007 11:39:46 PM)

For me it happened 20 years ago when I was dating a woman I loved and a few months into it she started talking about, how she liked to be tied up and spanked. She talked about it alot, and I finally said well lets get it started and we did. It did take me into unknown territory and it was exciting. I have never considered myself a traditional dom, just a dominant top in S and M play. I will let a sub top from the bottom, because it gets to the point and she gets what she desires without no guessing games.



hawkwolf7 -> RE: When is the Start of the BDSM lifestyle? (4/2/2007 12:34:38 AM)

For me, most of what you described was the recognition that I was kinky.

The beginning of the BDSM lifestyle occurred when I went to my first play party (mainly to watch and learn) and discovered that even though there were things that made me uncomfortable, there were also things that I really liked... including the people. And I basically made the choice right then to alter my life to support BDSM groups, clubs, and activities (thereby the lifestyle).



darkinshadows -> RE: When is the Start of the BDSM lifestyle? (4/2/2007 3:07:49 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: MastaMale

ok from what I have read the start of the bdsm lifestyle is about...

conscious intent

or

there isnt really isnt a bdsm lifestyle.

ok I can understand the conscious intent but there isnt a bdsm lifestyle kind of throws me off. Then if this isnt a lifestyle what is it?

Some people it's a lifestyle.  Like being christian or being gay.  And that is fine for those people.
But for others. myself included, I do not see it as a lifestyle, simply because the term BDSM is so broad, its just too complex to narrow down to be a specific 'way'.  I didn't just wake up one day and go - "and today, I am mostly going to be a BDSMer" (that's for the  Fast Show fans out there[;)])
I am what I am (damn quote) and nothing changes that, I do not have a need to be part of a group consciousness to be 'me'.  BDSM is something I do, and being his is what I am.  Not the other way around.  Therefore the Start of the BDSM Lifestyle doesn't always fit, simply because I have always been the same person - you just arrive at the realisations at different points in life.  Now alter the question to 'When did you become BDSM aware/When did your BDSM awareness Start' - then you begin to include all people involved with wiitwd, not just a Lifestyle section.
 
Peace and Rapture



ElectraGlide -> RE: When is the Start of the BDSM lifestyle? (4/2/2007 9:23:55 AM)

Another thing I want to add, is a hundred things went through my mind at the start. I did not know anything or anybody involved and I confused it with abuse. The few comedy movies with BDSM type people in them always made them look wacky and silly lol. I went by feel because I did not want to hurt in S and M play.



MsKatHouston -> RE: When is the Start of the BDSM lifestyle? (4/2/2007 9:35:09 AM)

When people ask me this, I usually explain the whole spectrum from when I was interested in it, when I started practicing, when I started actively learning about WIITWD and my first play party.  It's been long enough now that when I want to be vague I just say I've been doing this over x years.



LotusSong -> RE: When is the Start of the BDSM lifestyle? (4/2/2007 9:41:24 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: PonyGroom

I don't think there is a bdsm lifestyle.  I think the definition of the term is so squishy soft and arguably sweet that no one should swallow it. It's just that unpalatable.

During this next ten to twenty years, you will see mainstream sexuality swallow up a lot of what some today consider "bdsm". If you look back along the time line to The Joy of Sex, and then to Screw the Roses Send Me the Thorns, you can see this trend.

At one time, if you said "I am in the lifestyle", that meant you were a swinger. Then it came to mean alternatively that you participated in group activities doing some sort of alternative sexual practice without also engaging in intercourse. Now it seems "I have been in the lifestyle ten years" can mean all sorts of things: 1) I only count the years since I became 18,  2) I count from the time I first tied myself up in my own bedroom 3) I count the time since I went to my first munch or attended my first party  4) I count the time since I first broached the subject in a conversation with the woman who was at the time my new girlfriend -- and a few other measures.

Just what I see from my perch,

Tim

Mind if I share your perch?  I agree.



childofpain -> RE: When is the Start of the BDSM lifestyle? (4/2/2007 10:56:10 AM)


i think i am a lucky girl, i received my first Master when i was 16. He saw it in me, sat me down and explained it to me...i agreed that that was the person i am. i have lived in heaven ever since. i know most will not agree with me, but as long as i am happy what others think will not bother me.



juliaoceania -> RE: When is the Start of the BDSM lifestyle? (4/2/2007 11:12:30 AM)

I was first called "submissive" when I was 24, and he did not explain a lifestyle surrounding that adjective at the time, although he explained somewhat why he thought I was. He was from Southern Cali, and in the television industry... a lot less naive than I was...lol

I have always had submissive type fantasies.

I have always attempted to take the submissive role in every relationship.

I was always attracted to online information about submissive sexuality since I got my computer, but still I did not understand that it was a "lifestyle", I just thought it was kink.

Having said the above, I would only say I have been into this beyond kink for approximately 4 years. That was when I became more fully aware that submissiveness was not just a sex kink, but much more.



PonyGroom -> RE: When is the Start of the BDSM lifestyle? (4/2/2007 1:58:51 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: childofpain


i think i am a lucky girl, i received my first Master when i was 16. He saw it in me, sat me down and explained it to me...i agreed that that was the person i am. i have lived in heaven ever since. i know most will not agree with me, but as long as i am happy what others think will not bother me.


I read you profile after reading what you wrote here.  I think you have in mind Master/slave relationships... as far as I know, this is only a small part of what some people talk about as "the bdsm lifestyle".

Within the Master/slave subset, we have some people who feel they were born slaves, and some who feel they came to it via a developmental path.

Tim



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