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Have you achieved your goals and fulfilled your dreams? - 4/2/2007 7:38:06 AM   
addicted2it


Posts: 322
Joined: 5/31/2004
From: California
Status: offline 		All of us have fantasies,  hopes and dreams -- many of which are completely out of reach and defy reality.  I have often wondered how many of us have achieved what we set out to accomplish in this lifestyle.  Has it been as rewarding as you imagined, or has it been a disappointment?  

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"What I lack in wisdom and intelligence, I more than make up or with age."
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RE: Have you achieved your goals and fulfilled your dre... - 4/2/2007 7:42:08 AM   
Mercnbeth


Posts: 11766
Status: offline
quote:

I have often wondered how many of us have achieved what we set out to accomplish in this lifestyle.
Yes 
quote:

Has it been as rewarding as you imagined
More,
quote:

or has it been a disappointment? 
Not for a second.  

(in reply to addicted2it)
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RE: Have you achieved your goals and fulfilled your dre... - 4/2/2007 7:51:48 AM   
onestandingstill


Posts: 1335
Joined: 8/3/2006
Status: offline 		So far it's more like my dreams are more complex and the ability to obtain them diminishes in my mind a little more every day.
I truthfully as of late think BDSM has caused me way more pain and grief than I bargained for in my spirit, and at the same time it increased my self awareness and shwoed me my faults more clearly.
Now not only do I know what I want, but I'm also better at understanding what's wrong with me and why I don't have the ability to have what I dream yet.
I've only been open to my BDSM life two years so hopefully the stuff I'm dealing with is growing pains that will lead me to be bigger than my life would have let me be otherwise one day.
I truly hope it's not all just in vain, but I can't guarantee that at this time.
suzanne

< Message edited by onestandingstill -- 4/2/2007 7:52:41 AM >

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RE: Have you achieved your goals and fulfilled your dre... - 4/2/2007 7:52:56 AM   
thetammyjo


Posts: 6322
Joined: 9/8/2005
Status: offline 		Can we really answer this question until we reach the end of our life?

Until then, you can always still be working toward your goals.

_____________________________

Love, Peace, Hugs, Kisses, Whips & Chains,

TammyJo

Check out my website at http://www.thetammyjo.com Or www.tammyjoeckhart.com

And my LJ where I post fiction in progress if you "friend" me at http://thetammyjo.livejournal.com/

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RE: Have you achieved your goals and fulfilled your dre... - 4/2/2007 7:56:48 AM   
ownedgirlie


Posts: 9184
Joined: 2/5/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: thetammyjo

Can we really answer this question until we reach the end of our life?

Until then, you can always still be working toward your goals.


I was thinking this as well.  Also, I don't have "lifestyle goals" I have life goals.  In my life, many of the dreams I used to have were left broken and unfulfilled.  So I have created new dreams and goals and with the guidance of my Master, and I work to achieve them.  As for a former goal of serving a good Master, it is better than I imagined.

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RE: Have you achieved your goals and fulfilled your dre... - 4/2/2007 8:00:43 AM   
toservez


Posts: 1733
Joined: 9/7/2006
From: All over now in Minnesota
Status: offline 		Came into the life not knowing much so my fantasies were easily eclipsed, after a while in the life had the fantasy/expectation thing where they often did not meet and learned to deal with it.

Now my fantasies are just that fantasies that are just for my head and never to be expected or even want them to happen. I have learned that the reality of the life when I am owned is plenty fulfilling in itself and living life is not about chasing highs. I have had ups and downs just like most people but overall I am very happy how my life, and this way of life has gone for me.



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I am sorry I do not fit Webster's defintion of a slave but thankfully my Master is not Webster.

"Anything that contradicts experience and logic should be abandoned." - H.H. The 14th Dalai Lama

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RE: Have you achieved your goals and fulfilled your dre... - 4/2/2007 8:01:06 AM   
LaTigresse


Posts: 26123
Joined: 1/15/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: addicted2it

All of us have fantasies,  hopes and dreams -- many of which are completely out of reach and defy reality.  I have often wondered how many of us have achieved what we set out to accomplish in this lifestyle.  Has it been as rewarding as you imagined, or has it been a disappointment?  


I haven't accomplished what I set out to yet, but that's a good thing, I am only 45. What would I do with the other 60 odd years left?

So far life has been more rewarding, frustrating, wonderful.......etc etc etc, than I ever imagined it and I am sure it will only continue for the next 60 odd years.

_____________________________

My twisted, self deprecating, sense of humour, finds alot to laugh about, in your lack of one!

Just because you are well educated, articulate, and can use big, fancy words, properly........does not mean you are right!

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RE: Have you achieved your goals and fulfilled your dre... - 4/2/2007 8:10:47 AM   
HalloweenWhite


Posts: 1028
Joined: 6/20/2005
Status: offline 		No, not yet but I'm working on it. I know what they are in detail, I even know how to get their but it'll take time.

(in reply to addicted2it)
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RE: Have you achieved your goals and fulfilled your dre... - 4/2/2007 10:07:10 AM   
MsKatHouston


Posts: 1909
Joined: 6/7/2006
From: Houston, TX
Status: offline 		It has been incredibly rewarding for me.  As far as achieving my goals, I do so all the time.  But once I do I set more.  I think it is an ongoing process.  My main goal was to find someone who will help me grow and explore.  I have done that.  So now, we just set little goals and go about accomplishing those one at a time.

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-Kat

~If you can't be a good example, you'll just have to serve as a horrible warning~

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RE: Have you achieved your goals and fulfilled your dre... - 4/2/2007 10:18:31 AM   
Mercnbeth


Posts: 11766
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: thetammyjo
Can we really answer this question until we reach the end of our life?
Of course you can, and you should. Sorry Tammy, waiting until 40-something was way too long. "Giving up" was a easier goal to shoot for than "keep trying". I doubt I'd ever have "given up"; I enjoyed the trying too much. But even in achieving there has been regret in imagining how good it would have been to accomplish what I have earlier in life.

Set clear enough goals and you know it when you "get there". Anything else that occurs is embellishment. "Life goals", representing comfort and/or style of life, are relatively easier to obtain. Money, possessions, working at a tolerable job to support yourself; take effort, but its personal effort. What you achieve in life is earned, unless you are fortunate enough to inherit monetary "success".

Relationships - BDSM, or vanilla and everything in between - however you define them and your personal relationship goal, requires something that takes "success" out of your control. It takes a compatible person. Relying on someone else routinely results in failure because most people don't represent themselves honestly. I'm not saying that most are liars, but I have the opinion that most don't know themselves enough to represent themselves honestly. They lie, most commonly lying to themselves in order to personally gain.

"I'll be happy if I only lived there!" "I'll be happy if I only drove that car!" "I'm sure I could be happy making him/her happy if he/she were giving that to ME! Sure he (eats/drinks/drugs/cheats/lies/beats-me) {pick one or a few} but once we're together I'll change him/her" That last two are the ones that causes the most pain down the road. Ultimately nobody "changes" they may redirect, but changing a person's nature should not be requirement of a successful relationship. 

Your idea of a relationship goal, may be accepted by another who is using it for obtaining their own personal goal. Seeking and thinking you have someone you can trust and want to spend the rest of you life with, and committing to someone with that intent only to have them seeing you as a means to their ends, is common. Obtaining personal comfort, wealth, or any other physical goal, through acting as a potential partner prefers, ultimately results in failure. The ruse of living in a role you only were acting to portray can not be maintained over time.

Finding someone who shares your goals, shares your dreams, with each of you fulling and fitting in together to the point that together you are seamless is something so overwhelming that there is no doubt its occurred. 

quote:

Until then, you can always still be working toward your goals.
"Until then" indicates you have a belief in a goal to be obtained. I'm sure you hope you don't obtain it on your death bed. When it does occur, it may or may not be how you define your life, but I'm sure it will be an important embellishment. Once you have it the fun is spending the remaining balance of your life embellishing the embellishment.

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RE: Have you achieved your goals and fulfilled your dre... - 4/2/2007 10:45:05 AM   
thetammyjo


Posts: 6322
Joined: 9/8/2005
Status: offline 		I have step goals -- I reach them, I re-evaluate, I move onto the next step. I will always have goals and I will always have dreams; when I don't, then that will indeed either be the day I have died or the day that I am ready to die.

I wanted to go to college -- done.

I wanted to go to grad school -- still there.

I wanted to teach at the college level -- am doing it.

I wanted a kinky poly family -- have it.

I wanted to be published -- done several times over.

I wanted to be to the point where my past doesn't control me -- done but doesn't mean I'm perfect.

I wanted to have a beautiful flower garden and a house -- done.

None of these are ends in and of themselves.  They are just ways to live a happier and more curious life.

So I stand by what I said.  When I die, ask me that question and then I can give you an answer for my entire life.

_____________________________

Love, Peace, Hugs, Kisses, Whips & Chains,

TammyJo

Check out my website at http://www.thetammyjo.com Or www.tammyjoeckhart.com

And my LJ where I post fiction in progress if you "friend" me at http://thetammyjo.livejournal.com/

(in reply to Mercnbeth)
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RE: Have you achieved your goals and fulfilled your dre... - 4/2/2007 11:19:14 AM   
stockingluvr54


Posts: 673
Joined: 6/22/2006
Status: offline 		Accomplished all of my material goals (except the helicopter) which is something I have control over. I want for nothing except the big prize...a partner (have no control over that...lol).......

(in reply to addicted2it)
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RE: Have you achieved your goals and fulfilled your dre... - 4/2/2007 11:20:11 AM   
Mercnbeth


Posts: 11766
Status: offline
quote:

I will always have goals and I will always have dreams; when I don't, then that will indeed either be the day I have died or the day that I am ready to die.


Your goal is to die once you have obtained your goal, or when all your goals and dreams are met? Did you mean it that way?

I find comfort that dieing today I wouldn't have to go through that evaluation. I never would have been able to say it before, but being as the question now, I have no doubt that the question as the OP asked; "how many of us have achieved what we set out to accomplish in this lifestyle",would be answered with a resounding YES!

Having obtained in a relationship my goal, there is much less desire to die than ever before in my life. Once obtaining a goal you should enjoy it. Those reaching the summit on Everest always stop to check out the view and take a picture at least before descending. Climbing down, like death, is inevitable. Enjoying the time you have at the peak is precious.

I'm enjoying now - my time at the peak. I'm not envious of other peaks or even the challenge of using other methods to reach the same result. I don't devalue the goal having obtained it, I look back on the effort with relief. I no longer have to doubt the goal was obtainable.   

The other things, schooling, house, job, the rest; all nice and interesting, but having not obtained them before death would not have been tragic. Not being in a relationship such as I now have with beth - now THAT would have been a tragedy.

Maybe its a difference in perspective. Your answers focused on the "I" wanted and achieved "x". Summarizing my goal as simply as possible would have been best described as; "I" wanted to be part of a co-mingled and seamless "we". Once that happened all the "I"s took on much less significance. I bet there would be pages of "I wanted..." My goals now don't start with "I".

< Message edited by Mercnbeth -- 4/2/2007 11:26:39 AM >

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RE: Have you achieved your goals and fulfilled your dre... - 4/2/2007 11:23:37 AM   
denika


Posts: 619
Joined: 8/30/2005
Status: offline 		 Hmm good question, I'm not one for setting down a list or a set of expectations but when I decided that it was time to see if what was in my imagination was  possible I took the leap off the cliff with both feet and eyes open,

My goals are fairly open ended, There is alot I have  managed to accomplish and experience but much more I would like to delve into

Disapointed?    No, definatly not. It has been an adventure, at times an emotional roller coaster but  that descibes life in general.   For Rob and I it has given us a chance to explore parts of our relationship we never really looked at before and has introduced us to some intresting people.


some goals I have reached:
Not specificly lifestyle but they are goals I am proud of attaining:

Completed the Emergency Medical Technician program through S.A.I.T-graduating at the top of my class

Publishing several short stories and now in the process of working with an agent and editor to get my first fiction novel out.

Hell, just finishing writing the damn book was a huge goal in itself!!!!

An ongoing goal  is to learn to accept me for me.

lol and Rob wanted me to add his goal is to be Master of the Universe *w*


denika


< Message edited by denika -- 4/2/2007 11:25:43 AM >

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RE: Have you achieved your goals and fulfilled your dre... - 4/2/2007 11:34:53 AM   
MysticFireTopaz


Posts: 50939
Joined: 4/23/2005
From: Dallas/Ft. Worth, TX
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: addicted2it
Has it been as rewarding as you imagined, or has it been a disappointment?  


This may seem contradictory, but my answers are yes and yes.
 
I have experienced highs the likes of which I could not even imagine before entering the lifestyle.  With the right connection, play can be a spiritual experience for me.  I have also enjoyed some wonderful long-term relationships and made many friends.
 
On the downside, I have also experienced heartache, deception, disappointment, and pain (emotional--not physical).  In all fairness, I have come across the same in the vanilla world, but it seems to hurt more when a Mistress/slave bond ends versus when a vanilla relationship ends.
 
Overall, the good outweights the bad, because I'm still around after 14 years.
 
Lady Topaz

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RE: Have you achieved your goals and fulfilled your dre... - 4/2/2007 11:39:19 AM   
JerseyKrissi72


Posts: 10238
Joined: 8/21/2006
From: Reed City, Michigan
Status: offline 		          I have achieved some goals in my life but I have alot of life left to live and alot more that I want to achieve. I have found true love once and I hope to find it again.

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Our greatest glory is not in never falling-but in rising every time we fall ( Confucius )

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RE: Have you achieved your goals and fulfilled your dre... - 4/2/2007 11:47:39 AM   
juliaoceania


Posts: 21383
Joined: 4/19/2006
From: Somewhere Over the Rainbow
Status: offline 		Both Daddy and I are process oriented people, especially about our relationship. I do not know if he has some ultimate BDSM goal. I have never asked him such a question, maybe I should...lol.

I love the way things unfold with us that I never even conceived of...

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Once you label me, you negate me ~ Soren Kierkegaard

Reality has a well known Liberal Bias ~ Stephen Colbert

Great minds discuss ideas; Average minds discuss events; Small minds discuss people. Eleanor Roosevelt

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RE: Have you achieved your goals and fulfilled your dre... - 4/2/2007 11:54:07 AM   
IrishMist


Posts: 7480
Joined: 11/17/2005
Status: offline 		I have fulfilled my dreams

but I have not come close to achiving all my goals



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RE: Have you achieved your goals and fulfilled your dre... - 4/2/2007 12:31:59 PM   
Kris2012


Posts: 6
Joined: 3/22/2007
Status: offline 		This is kind of difficult for me to answer. Most of my hopes and dreams have revolved around things that can't really be measure by material sign posts. Ex: I hope to be more introspective and to understand myself better. Why I do some things, what makes me happy, ect.

I feel I've gotten a good grasp on quite a few of my Dreams and hopes. I wanted to be more introspective and I am, but it's a constant aspiration because I'm always changing and there's always something about myself that I didn't know. I wanted to have a better realtionship with my mother and understand her POV better. I do, and I'm still learning more.

The material goals in my life (Go back to college, buy a new car, get a more up-scale job, ect.) are more like guidelines for me, that can be altered to accomidate my hopes and dreams. They don't qualify (for me) as actual hopes and dreams, and if they take longer to achieve, or if they need to be discarded entirely in place of a goal that works for one of my Hopes and Dreams I don't really get disappointed or upset. I may be annoyed but I won't really be upset.

And every experience in my eyes is rewarding. Even if the experience itself sucks.



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RE: Have you achieved your goals and fulfilled your dre... - 4/2/2007 12:32:06 PM   
completenz


Posts: 315
Joined: 1/10/2007
Status: offline 		We both feel we have achieved our personal goals. We have found true love with each other and fulfil each others needs perfectly.
There are other goals we are yet to achieve to be able to completely live our dream. These are mostly tied up with 'money' but we are working on it lol
C & c

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