Collarspace Discussion Forums


Home  Login  Search 

How to show a Mistress I am sincere


View related threads: (in this forum | in all forums)

Logged in as: Guest
 
All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> Ask a Mistress >> How to show a Mistress I am sincere Page: [1]
Login
Message << Older Topic   Newer Topic >>
How to show a Mistress I am sincere - 4/3/2007 7:19:56 AM   
alex22wv


Posts: 9
Joined: 9/9/2005
Status: offline 		Greetings all,

A few years back I had a few sessions with a Mistress in my area. We seemed to hit it off well but then things in my life became hectic.  This was my first ever submission expeirence.  Now after three years in the lifestyle we have started talking again.  I bring much more experience to the relationship at this point.  She is much older then me 20+ years older.  We speak regularly but it seems that no matter what happens doubts will always be their for her about my sincerity.. Any ideas how this may be overcome????

Respectfully Alex
Profile   Post #: 1
RE: How to show a Mistress I am sincere - 4/3/2007 7:38:43 AM   
MsSonnetMarwood


Posts: 1898
Joined: 2/10/2005
From: Eastern Shore, Maryland
Status: offline 		What are the specific doubts she has about your sincerity?

When it comes to proving one's sincerity, there is one golden rule, in my opinion:  Actions speak louder than words.

_____________________________

~Ms. Sonnet Marwood~

Deja Moo: The feeling you've heard this bull somewhere before.

(in reply to alex22wv)
Profile   Post #: 2
RE: How to show a Mistress I am sincere - 4/3/2007 7:40:39 AM   
thetammyjo


Posts: 6322
Joined: 9/8/2005
Status: offline 		Time and consistancy.

I'm not talking a few sessions, it might take months or years depending on her own history.



_____________________________

Love, Peace, Hugs, Kisses, Whips & Chains,

TammyJo

Check out my website at http://www.thetammyjo.com Or www.tammyjoeckhart.com

And my LJ where I post fiction in progress if you "friend" me at http://thetammyjo.livejournal.com/

(in reply to alex22wv)
Profile   Post #: 3
RE: How to show a Mistress I am sincere - 4/3/2007 7:45:32 AM   
alex22wv


Posts: 9
Joined: 9/9/2005
Status: offline 		Her concerns revolve around the inexperience I had before.  I believe she has doubts about my consistency and experience.

Alex

(in reply to thetammyjo)
Profile   Post #: 4
RE: How to show a Mistress I am sincere - 4/3/2007 7:57:04 AM   
Domin8tingUrDrmz


Posts: 1269
Joined: 4/8/2006
From: Portland Metro, Oregon
Status: offline 		From what I've read of your post it sounds to me that you blew her off the first time due to your hectic life.  It doesn't seem as though you had discussed this with her - if I'm mistaken, by all means let me know.  Whenever someone just stops coming around without offering up a reason as to why it leaves a sour taste in the other person's mouth.  It makes them wonder if that person will continue in this manner.  The only way to actually resolve this is to communicate with her that you are sincerely sorry for your past mistake, inform her that you will do your very best to prevent this from occuring again, and then show you mean it by actually acting upon the words you speak, finally wait for sufficient time in her mind to accept that you are indeed sincere.  In time, she may begin to trust you again.  But, it takes time to overcome a broken trust, it is dependant upon her how easily she overcomes this, and on you by proving your intentions through your actions.

Put yourself in her shoes.  How would you react to a person who suddenly stopped coming by, then suddenly reappeared?  Wouldn't you have doubts to their sincerity? 

(in reply to alex22wv)
Profile   Post #: 5
RE: How to show a Mistress I am sincere - 4/4/2007 4:45:31 AM   
MsCfromMelbourne


Posts: 777
Joined: 2/15/2007
Status: offline 		Say sorry.  See what she says.  Maybe you burnt your bridges; maybe you didn't

_____________________________

<----- Corset, mask and collar designed and manufactured by metalsmith Karl H, chromed and lined in black suede. Masks and collars available from http://www.lucreziadesade.com.au/default.html. Corsets custom made only

(in reply to alex22wv)
Profile   Post #: 6
RE: How to show a Mistress I am sincere - 4/4/2007 6:18:27 AM   
Mustardseed


Posts: 291
Joined: 5/27/2006
From: Seattle, WA
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: alex22wv

Her concerns revolve around the inexperience I had before.  I believe she has doubts about my consistency and experience.


Well, the quick answer is to prove it. Do you get permission from the other tops and dominants you've played with, or do you have any proof of attendance (or at least payment) from any workshops you've attended? If she can speak to people you've bottomed or submitted to, or look at a steady progression of class notes and third-person instructor comments, maybe she'd feel more comfortable with your claims.

If you can't prove what you say and you've flaked on her in the past then, yeah, I can see where your sincerity could be called into question.

(in reply to alex22wv)
Profile   Post #: 7
RE: How to show a Mistress I am sincere - 4/4/2007 6:41:22 AM   
vield


Posts: 354
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline 		First, do you yourself know that you are sincere?
Do you know that you are compatible with what she seeks?
Do you know that she is compatible with what you seek?
Are you honest with yourself about the difference between your needs and wants?
Are you honest with her about your needs and wants?
Does she have ANY interest in you beyond talking on line?
Have you explained in detail what happened when you left before and sincerely apologized? Have you told her facts about how you have changed?
Many submissive men and women who are not in a long term fulfilling reltionship crave to find such a relationship. However they often project their own need upon a dominant who has little or no interest in them, and convince themselves that their own hot need must mean something to the dominant. It may NOT.
Is the dominant a pro and if so are you willing and able to meet the person's fees?
Does the dominant have long term partners already?
Is the dominant burned out on trying to teach newbies?
Just a few thoughts one ought to think about given this situation.

_____________________________

As always, your mileage may vary!

vield

(in reply to Mustardseed)
Profile   Post #: 8
RE: How to show a Mistress I am sincere - 4/5/2007 1:33:23 PM   
daejannaO


Posts: 137
Joined: 1/29/2007
Status: offline 		my answer is to continuously communicate to her.
i feel that Mistresses seek consistency.  if You have the time now,
it is the time to worship her and see to her needs.

(in reply to vield)
Profile   Post #: 9
RE: How to show a Mistress I am sincere - 4/5/2007 7:36:53 PM   
LadyPact


Posts: 32566
Status: offline 		I agree with this.  You say you are talking on a consistant basis.  Exactly what are you talking about?  I'm not saying bombard Her with your r/t experiences.  Mentioning them once in a while wouldn't kill you.  Keep the discussion casual until She directs you to take it further.

(in reply to daejannaO)
Profile   Post #: 10
RE: How to show a Mistress I am sincere - 4/5/2007 7:44:11 PM   
SlaveBlutarsky


Posts: 491
Joined: 10/10/2005
From: Upstate, NY
Status: offline 		I would say the best way to show a Domme you are sincere is to actually be sincere. If you follow through with your words, and you let your words and actions belie your sincerity, eventually she will trust you and see that you have grown. There is no magic bullet.

_____________________________

Strong for all, weak for one

(in reply to LadyPact)
Profile   Post #: 11
RE: How to show a Mistress I am sincere - 4/5/2007 8:21:39 PM   
alex22wv


Posts: 9
Joined: 9/9/2005
Status: offline 		Thanks for the feedback.  I believe through my consistency and our conversations she is gaining confidence in me.

(in reply to SlaveBlutarsky)
Profile   Post #: 12
RE: How to show a Mistress I am sincere - 4/5/2007 8:31:43 PM   
lonlyrossInNeed


Posts: 3144
Joined: 10/8/2005
Status: offline 		I agree with this

ross.g

quote:

ORIGINAL: MsCfromMelbourne

Say sorry.  See what she says.  Maybe you burnt your bridges; maybe you didn't


_____________________________

To know what pain is hurts the most
pain is not just a wound in your flesh
pain is a dagger in your heart

(in reply to MsCfromMelbourne)
Profile   Post #: 13
RE: How to show a Mistress I am sincere - 4/6/2007 5:17:11 AM   
ShiftedJewel


Posts: 2492
Joined: 12/2/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: SlaveBlutarsky

I would say the best way to show a Domme you are sincere is to actually be sincere. If you follow through with your words, and you let your words and actions belie your sincerity, eventually she will trust you and see that you have grown. There is no magic bullet.


Wow, did you nail that!!! I like that that... there is no magic bullet... very well said.
 
Jewel

_____________________________

Don't ask, trust me, you won't like the answer... no one ever does.

(in reply to SlaveBlutarsky)
Profile   Post #: 14
RE: How to show a Mistress I am sincere - 4/6/2007 8:55:27 AM   
TexasMaam


Posts: 1467
Joined: 6/22/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: vield

First, do you yourself know that you are sincere?
Do you know that you are compatible with what she seeks?
Do you know that she is compatible with what you seek?
Are you honest with yourself about the difference between your needs and wants?
Are you honest with her about your needs and wants?
Does she have ANY interest in you beyond talking on line?
Have you explained in detail what happened when you left before and sincerely apologized? Have you told her facts about how you have changed?
Many submissive men and women who are not in a long term fulfilling reltionship crave to find such a relationship. However they often project their own need upon a dominant who has little or no interest in them, and convince themselves that their own hot need must mean something to the dominant. It may NOT.
Is the dominant a pro and if so are you willing and able to meet the person's fees?
Does the dominant have long term partners already?
Is the dominant burned out on trying to teach newbies?
Just a few thoughts one ought to think about given this situation.


Great post, vield.

alex22wv:  It would be very difficult for just about ANY r/t Domme to not question a young male sub of your age and somewhat limited experience, in the first place. (no disrespect intended.) 

Add to that a previous negative experience and yes, you are going to have to run faster than a speeding bullet, leap tall buildings at a single bound, to keep the Domme's attention, much less convince Her that you are sincere.

My honest suggestion would be to keep putting yourself 'out there' for her; be there when she calls, focus your attention on her needs and wishes, follow every direction or instruction without a moment's hesitation.

As was stated in a previous post:  consistency!  Consistency is key.

It's going to take a lot of time.  When her doubts surface again, and they will, answer them truthfully and patiently and don't start griping about the baggage that you yourself created.

In time she WILL move past it, but it won't happen easily and it won't happen overnight.

Good luck to you,

TexasMaam





_____________________________

~ My opinions are not necessarily those of the management... ~

(in reply to vield)
Profile   Post #: 15
Page:   [1]
All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> Ask a Mistress >> How to show a Mistress I am sincere Page: [1]
Jump to:





New Messages No New Messages
Hot Topic w/ New Messages Hot Topic w/o New Messages
Locked w/ New Messages Locked w/o New Messages
 Post New Thread
 Reply to Message
 Post New Poll
 Submit Vote
 Delete My Own Post
 Delete My Own Thread
 Rate Posts




Collarchat.com © 2025
Terms of Service Privacy Policy Spam Policy

0.078