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Doms vs. subs: Ratios - 4/4/2007 4:05:41 PM

CuriousLord

Posts: 3911
Joined: 4/3/2007
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I'm curious about just how many Doms and subs are out there, relative to one another. Being a straight male Dom, I do not mean to discriminate, but my knowledge, and the better part of my interest, revolves around male Dom/female sub ratio as it affects me most directly. I am still interested in other ratios though.

It's very easy, on this site, to find a Dom complaining for lack of subs. I can see why, too- it appears there are more looking Doms than subs.

However, in my everyday life, I've been far more open about my stance than I've been before. As soon as I "came out", I wond up with six slaves, and a dozen or so more asking that week alone. A lot of subs claimed that they've been unable to find a "Master" and that the guys they've tried being with have called them freaks.. most were pretty desperate to have that sort of relationship.

I do not believe estimating the ratio as "more male Doms than female subs because there are more male Doms looking on CollarMe.com" to be even a shadow of a valid argument anymore. Not that I know the conclusion to be wrong, only the reasoning.

I'm looking for more input, even if it's just suggesting a factor.

Also, for you Masters out there, how many slaves do you own? Slaves, how many other slaves does your Master own?
Personally, I'm at one now- doesn't take failing more than a week's worth of exams to realize that the whole slave-herd idea was a mistake. Good experience, bad living arrangement. For me, at least.

This post is an open-ended question. I'm looking for all sorts of input before even trying to narrow down a specific (set of) question(s). Things such as success in real life vs. CollarMe, openness in the public eye, and the ratios in your relationship(s).

Also, I was basically kicked out of an appartment when my roommates disapproved of the whole-owning-slaves thing. Anyone else (probably in the younger/lower-income population) have that problem before?

Post #: 1

RE: Doms vs. subs: Ratios - 4/4/2007 4:29:21 PM

Missokyst

Posts: 6041
Joined: 9/9/2006
Status: offline

In my observation there are far more submissives than dominants. And male submissives more common than female subs. Female dominants are starting to become a larger part of the bdsm community. Male dominants are harder to find in areas like my own (CA), where things are PC from early age.
Tops are plentiful as are bottoms. And very few of the toppy sort I have met can be flipped over to the bottom side without too much convincing.
If you are a male dominant, the odds are with you.
Kyst

_____________________________

pain is the breaking of the shell that encloses your understanding ~Gibran, Kahlil

“The truth is, everyone is going to hurt you. You just got to find the ones worth suffering for.”
― Bob Marley

(in reply to CuriousLord)

Post #: 2

RE: Doms vs. subs: Ratios - 4/4/2007 4:31:49 PM

crouchingtigress

Posts: 4387
Joined: 3/19/2006
From: Maui
Status: offline

ditto what she said

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This is him

"Its none of my buisness what other people think of me."

(in reply to Missokyst)

Post #: 3

RE: Doms vs. subs: Ratios - 4/4/2007 4:33:05 PM

mp072004

Posts: 381
Joined: 12/22/2005
Status: offline

It's axiomatic that there are fewer dominants and tops than there are submissives and bottoms, and that there are fewer women than men who self-identify as kinky.

This may be true--I haven't done or seen any demographic research. It seems that a lot of people I know identify as switches, which would indicate that either my circles are anomalous or we need to find a place for switch-identified people in the above axiom. What is certainly true, I think, is that everyone wants there to be more people with whom he or she enjoys mutual attraction than there are. Not necessarily because everyone wants multiple playmates or partners, of course.

Speaking as a dominant, top, bisexual woman, a member of a group that is widely regarded as the smallest in pansexual circles, demographics aren't really a good predictor of availability of people with whom a particular person can play or have relationships. I meet a lot of submissive men, and a lot of submissive women, both of whom are good candidates for me--at least, categorically, superficially. But some of them aren't attracted to my basic categorical attributes (female, dominant, top). They, and I, sometimes differ on our preferred play or relational styles--I'm not really available for romantic relationships, for example, and it's rare for me to do overtly sexual play with men. These and other selection processes, which rarely have anything to do with demography and frequently have a great deal to do with preference and taste, remove a number of metaphorical fish from the metaphorical sea, so that demography is far less relevant in determining one's chances for good play and good service than it might appear. Particularly when you consider the large number of kinky people who are also non-monogamous--so, in practical terms for you, just because a given submissive woman has a relationship with a given dominant man doesn't necessarily take her out of the running for you.

(in reply to CuriousLord)

Post #: 4

RE: Doms vs. subs: Ratios - 4/4/2007 4:39:12 PM

CuriousLord

Posts: 3911
Joined: 4/3/2007
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Thanks for all the input so far. It surprises me, honestly. All the males in my family are dominant- not BDSM Doms (though I must admit they may just not be open about it), but still dominant men. It's what I'm used to seeing, and I'm continually baffled by female subs claiming us to be an uncommon breed.

(in reply to mp072004)

Post #: 5

RE: Doms vs. subs: Ratios - 4/4/2007 5:03:25 PM

EvilKitty

Posts: 148
Joined: 7/13/2006
From: Tampa Florida
Status: offline

Perhaps it's that some male Doms have little or no experience before seeking a Dom/sub relationship. I'm admittedly biased by having begun training as a sub/bottom before declaring Myself to be a Domme. Because the first Leather people I knew were gay males into BDSM, it came naturally to start at the bottom. Old Guard Leather's rationale is, how can you hit someone if you don't know the psychological & physical effect by having experienced it yourself? How can you bind, gag & blindfold a person & sit them in a corner if you don't KNOW what that feels like? How do you take someone into subspace if you have never felt subspace?
I'm not sure why the majority of the heterosexual Doms I've met never bottomed, but it's what I have found. Do I believe that the ONLY way to become a good Dom or Domme is by starting at the bottom? No. It was a good way for Me. It would undoubtedly be a good way for some people. Am I the one to make that call? Nope.

(in reply to CuriousLord)

Post #: 6

RE: Doms vs. subs: Ratios - 4/4/2007 5:07:00 PM

PlayfulOne

Posts: 1047
Status: offline

By the time you weed out all of the players, wannabe's, and just plain old people looking for kinky sex it all about evens out.

K

(in reply to EvilKitty)

Post #: 7

RE: Doms vs. subs: Ratios - 4/4/2007 5:08:53 PM

spanklette

Posts: 882
Joined: 2/22/2005
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We definitely need a pie chart.

_____________________________

~spanklette~

"The important thing is this: to be able at any moment to sacrifice what we are for what we could become. " Charles du Bois

"Please don't shout, can't you see I'm not listening." Billie Myers

(in reply to CuriousLord)

Post #: 8

RE: Doms vs. subs: Ratios - 4/4/2007 5:16:22 PM

CuriousLord

Posts: 3911
Joined: 4/3/2007
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EvilKitty: "I'm not sure why the majority of the heterosexual Doms I've met never bottomed"

I know, for me, I've never bottomed since it's not in my nature. I've never been vanilla. Born top, and this is just who I am. To me, being a bottom would not only be uncomfortable, it would be absurd.

Not that your way is, by any means, disagreeable. The research you've put into being an effective Domme is admirable.

spanklette: "We definitely need a pie chart. "

Yes! This is exactly what we need. :D

(in reply to EvilKitty)

Post #: 9

RE: Doms vs. subs: Ratios - 4/4/2007 5:26:06 PM

Slavetrainer2007

Posts: 231
Joined: 12/2/2006
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From what i can tell, their are more subs than doms. I typically dont find it to hard to find female subs if i am actively looking for one. And i may go through 50 plus subs before i find one interesting enough to me to persue. I think it depends on where you look both online and offline. In some "communities" their are less subs than doms and their are some that are flooded with with subs almost to the point of being annoying.

_____________________________

Life is given, Everything else is earned.

(in reply to CuriousLord)

Post #: 10

RE: Doms vs. subs: Ratios - 4/4/2007 6:23:23 PM

Griswold

Posts: 2739
Joined: 2/12/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: CuriousLord

I'm curious about just how many Doms and subs are out there, relative to one another.

Actually, I've done some nominal research on this subject and my conclusions are as follows:

There are exactly;

3,477,841 sub males to every Domme.

As to Doms and sub females....the only thing I can assure you is...

I ain't getting laid....so, you Doms seem to have the edge.

(in reply to CuriousLord)

Post #: 11

RE: Doms vs. subs: Ratios - 4/4/2007 6:31:40 PM

spanklette

Posts: 882
Joined: 2/22/2005
Status: offline

Can you transfer that to a pie chart format? I think that will solve the quandry.

_____________________________

~spanklette~

"The important thing is this: to be able at any moment to sacrifice what we are for what we could become. " Charles du Bois

"Please don't shout, can't you see I'm not listening." Billie Myers

(in reply to Griswold)

Post #: 12

RE: Doms vs. subs: Ratios - 4/4/2007 6:34:52 PM

juliaoceania

Posts: 21383
Joined: 4/19/2006
From: Somewhere Over the Rainbow
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: spanklette

We definitely need a pie chart.

A Venn diagram would be more useful, Daddy and I love Venn diagrams

_____________________________

Once you label me, you negate me ~ Soren Kierkegaard

Reality has a well known Liberal Bias ~ Stephen Colbert

Great minds discuss ideas; Average minds discuss events; Small minds discuss people. Eleanor Roosevelt

(in reply to spanklette)

Post #: 13

RE: Doms vs. subs: Ratios - 4/4/2007 6:37:25 PM

SlaveBlutarsky

Posts: 491
Joined: 10/10/2005
From: Upstate, NY
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: PlayfulOne

By the time you weed out all of the players, wannabe's, and just plain old people looking for kinky sex it all about evens out.

K

I wrote this exact sentiment recently in another thread.

When I had gotten out of a long (6 1/2 years) relationship, I was terrified of this 'ratio' of Femdoms to malesubs, but as i got out and talked to people and spent time on sites like this and b.com, I realized that the ratio isn't as bad as I feared.

There are a lot of people in this lifestyle who don't know whether to shit or go blind, and moreso on the male side.

I also tend to think (stereotype) that there are a lot more people with less than stellar communication and social skills in the lifestyle, which means the pursued, while a small ratio, only hear from a small, competant subsection of the pursuers.

In talking to Domme friends, it's amazing how many male subs out there can't put together a simple note of introduction without coming off as sleazy, scary, socially inept, or just retarded.

It definately helps guys who are pursing Dommes or subs to be able interact on a normal conversational level (read: not about sex or BDSM) and who have good hygeine. Shocking, I know, but true none the less.

I think when it boils down to it, if you let ratios dictate who you go after and how, you're going to wind up miserable. Live like there were no ratios and see what happens.

_____________________________

Strong for all, weak for one

(in reply to PlayfulOne)

Post #: 14

RE: Doms vs. subs: Ratios - 4/4/2007 6:37:54 PM

spanklette

Posts: 882
Joined: 2/22/2005
Status: offline

Hey, I can compromise...as long as we can roll it out whenever a thread like this comes along.

_____________________________

~spanklette~

"The important thing is this: to be able at any moment to sacrifice what we are for what we could become. " Charles du Bois

"Please don't shout, can't you see I'm not listening." Billie Myers

(in reply to juliaoceania)

Post #: 15

RE: Doms vs. subs: Ratios - 4/4/2007 6:38:10 PM

juliaoceania

Posts: 21383
Joined: 4/19/2006
From: Somewhere Over the Rainbow
Status: offline

I just wanted to add to the above....

I think that quality people of any sort orientation are hard to find... even vanilla people that are quality people are hard to find.

_____________________________

Once you label me, you negate me ~ Soren Kierkegaard

Reality has a well known Liberal Bias ~ Stephen Colbert

Great minds discuss ideas; Average minds discuss events; Small minds discuss people. Eleanor Roosevelt

(in reply to juliaoceania)

Post #: 16

RE: Doms vs. subs: Ratios - 4/4/2007 6:39:42 PM

angelic

Posts: 1807
Joined: 1/24/2005
Status: offline

i think there are more male doms than submissives. In my somewhat cynical opinion:

Scenario:
Two or three guys with their dicks out standing in a row pissing... one says to the other "Dude this broad I been dating... man oh man... she wants me to spank her and... Dude, she loves rough sex. She says there is this whole plethera of women who really want this... oh and and Dude, she says some even want us to have more than one broad! Where do I sign up?"

and poof~~

< Message edited by angelic -- 4/4/2007 6:41:05 PM >

_____________________________

~....and once you have tasted flight, you will walk the earth with your eyes turned skyward, for there you have been and there you long to return.~ -- Leonardo de Vinci

(in reply to CuriousLord)

Post #: 17

RE: Doms vs. subs: Ratios - 4/4/2007 6:49:17 PM

Griswold

Posts: 2739
Joined: 2/12/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: spanklette

Can you transfer that to a pie chart format? I think that will solve the quandry.

Hey...if getting laid is part of the equation...I got pie charts coming out of my ears!

(in reply to spanklette)

Post #: 18

RE: Doms vs. subs: Ratios - 4/4/2007 6:56:54 PM

spanklette

Posts: 882
Joined: 2/22/2005
Status: offline

I think that might be a whole other pie chart...maybe even a graph.

_____________________________

~spanklette~

"The important thing is this: to be able at any moment to sacrifice what we are for what we could become. " Charles du Bois

"Please don't shout, can't you see I'm not listening." Billie Myers

(in reply to Griswold)

Post #: 19

RE: Doms vs. subs: Ratios - 4/4/2007 7:08:17 PM

stella40

Posts: 417
Joined: 1/11/2006
From: London, UK
Status: offline

Okay, so what are the criteria here?

Does this include switches?

So what about the women who are submissive to their Doms but Dommes with other subs?

What about the people who are dominant or submissive but don't realise it?

What about the people who claim to be dominant but aren't?

The submissives who claim to be submissive but aren't?

The men who pretend to be submissive just to get laid?

Is this really important? Why?

Because in most cases it is ONE Dominant and ONE submissive together in a relationship (unless you have a stable, you're professional, you're poly, etc).

_____________________________

I try to take one day at a time, but several days come and attack me at once. (Jennifer Unlimited)

If you can't be a good example then you'll just have to be a horrible warning.

(in reply to spanklette)

Post #: 20

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