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RE: Subs/slaves with attitude - 4/5/2007 6:50:48 AM   
MasterFireMaam


Posts: 5587
Joined: 3/1/2006
From: Charleston, WV
Status: offline 		There are those of us who feel that we are two adults of equal importance who are coming into a relationship based on structure with a transfer of authority inside that structure. We don't feel that the slave is inferior or worthless, isn't allowed emotional boundaries, or isn't treated as a "real" person, unless these things have been agreed upon in the structure. So, be patient. There are those out there who will appreciate your ability to defend yourself. For some of us, that's you keeping yourself fit for service.

Master Fire


_____________________________

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(in reply to whataboutboo)
Profile   Post #: 21
RE: Subs/slaves with attitude - 4/5/2007 7:04:35 AM   
amuzingtoyou


Posts: 144
Joined: 6/27/2006
Status: offline 		Master Fire, I couldn't agree with you more. I am an adult. I have a brain. I voice my opinions whether people want to hear them or not. It took me quite some time to find the right Dominant who appreciated this about me. He told me from day one that he loved my fiestiness and would never want me to change. I have learned over the last few months to temper my anger, so outburts are rare. His allowing me to be who i am has allowed me to grow in my submission, in ways i never realized. So to the OP be patient, just because you are not the submissive for some or most, doesn't mean you wouldn't be the right submissive for the right one.

(in reply to MasterFireMaam)
Profile   Post #: 22
RE: Subs/slaves with attitude - 4/5/2007 7:23:56 AM   
LuckyAlbatross


Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline 		Well there is the reality that, despite what a lot of doms SAY to sound cool- they really don't want someone very smart or introspective, they just want sheeplike obedience and ignorance. 

HOWEVER- that doesn't mean you don't have an attitude problem.  Plenty of subs go too far the other way and act bitchy and negative and spoiled, and say that anyone who says anything about it is just trying to keep them down.  

So your issue here is to introspect to see whether those guys are actually onto something and perhaps there are some attitude adjustments YOU think you should make- or whether it's all just crap.

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to amuzingtoyou)
Profile   Post #: 23
RE: Subs/slaves with attitude - 4/5/2007 7:39:54 AM   
drawntothedark


Posts: 572
Joined: 10/19/2006
From: Arkansas
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: hisannabelle

quote:

ORIGINAL: pixiedustboo
Humans are humans, submissive, slave...or not.  Outbursts are bound to happen because we are human.  And also, sometimes "attitude" is a way of protecting oneself.


yes, but outbursts shouldn't be the norm, and if our relationship were such that i had frequent outbursts and did nothing to change my behavior and what caused the outburst, nor give Him the proper information about what i need from Him to change the behavior, He would most likely release me. as property, it's not my job to protect myself from Him. if i need protecting from Him, then His collar doesn't need to be on me in the first place. it's my job to stand up to other people when it's necessary, but not in a way that reflects badly on Him or is socially unacceptable.



I really liked this, and I feel the same way. While I want to have a voice and have it heard, it is not necassary for me to make a spectacle of myself.

I was in a grocery store the other day. There was this girl who was telling the clerk this huge story about getting into with a bank teller. She was loud, annoying, and quite frankly acting very childish. As the clerk nodded on the girl says "You know me I just always speak my mind". I got to thinking how silly she sounded. If she had a point to the story it was lost on her loud and aggressive behavor, and she only made herself look bad. I was told as a child that God gave us two ears but only one mouth for a reason.

I'm not saying that you should not take up for your selves. I take up for myself and have even been prone to state a conviction in loud aggressive manners. My point is that for me, I feel it's the "tone"   used to get your point across, that could reflect poorly back on you not the actual words you are saying.

(in reply to hisannabelle)
Profile   Post #: 24
RE: Subs/slaves with attitude - 4/5/2007 7:42:53 AM   
toservez


Posts: 1733
Joined: 9/7/2006
From: All over now in Minnesota
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: whataboutboo

My main problem in Finding a Dom/Master is the fact that i have attitude if I'm being wronged or my friends are or even if the clerk at macy's has given me shitty customer service i will voice my opinion Ive been told by a few Masters that my attitude problem is a defense mechanism and i agree with them to a point       what are your thoughts on slaves with attitude


Sticking up for your self is a great trait to have that defies gender or roles and any dominant judging a submissive in that way is just in fantasy land in wanting the stereotype that submissive means weak, dumb and compliant to everyone.

Attitude has nothing to do with sticking up for your self. Attitude can be a turn on or turn off to all genders and has nothing to do about this life at all except for the fact many dominants it might be a big quality for their submissive to have, but this is a compatibility issue and not a right or wrong issue.

I remember a thread on here a while back where a woman was having problems with her Dom and called it an attitude problem. She basically describe the she judged everything in her life as right or wrong and if deemed wrong she thought that rendered it meaningless including orders. Of course she also came out and wrote she thought she was rarely if ever wrong. I mention this because this was not really about attitude but a value system gone amok.

So sticking up for oneself is great, but what is sticking up for your self? Do you give attitude whenever someone disagrees with you or says something to you that you do not like? Do you get defensive when anything does not happen the way you want it to? What is your attitude when this happens? Is it loud, mean spirited, negative, attacking and other non mature type behavior, because that stuff is not required to stick up for your self.

I am not accusing you of anything and it could be a bunch of losers telling you about your attitude lost in a fantasy, but attitude of another person carries weight and is a compatibility issue. It is not about what a person does to another and some problem solving esteem building stick up for your self quality.


_____________________________

I am sorry I do not fit Webster's defintion of a slave but thankfully my Master is not Webster.

"Anything that contradicts experience and logic should be abandoned." - H.H. The 14th Dalai Lama

(in reply to whataboutboo)
Profile   Post #: 25
RE: Subs/slaves with attitude - 4/5/2007 7:43:48 AM   
sambamanslilgirl


Posts: 10926
Joined: 2/5/2007
From: Chicago, IL
Status: offline 		i'm a very opinionated submissive with an attitude who doesn't think like the "standard norm" of any crowd. Daddy enjoys this special part of me because He knows that i will express my opinions and tell you like it is without  fear of being flamed.  yes, i can brutally honest at times however that's how i was raised - i hate it when people don't get straight to the point because of the games they like to play.  Plus He knows if any man (nilla or D/s) disrespects His daughter i will cut him down to size in seconds. respect is a two-way street, gentleman - respect me as woman first, then as a submissive and you shall in return receive mine.

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(in reply to whataboutboo)
Profile   Post #: 26
RE: Subs/slaves with attitude - 4/5/2007 8:10:15 AM   
SilkLaceNPearls


Posts: 30
Joined: 4/3/2006
Status: offline 		I am Cajun. I come with plenty of attitude. I am sassy, fiery and very emotional. It is who I am.  I don't need a Master to change who I am but rather take me as I am, with my good and bad qualities, and help me grow into the submissive I am meant to be. I will say this. As the years go by I have learned to control my temper. Temper fits really don't get you anywhere even if they can be great outlets for emotional energy.

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(in reply to whataboutboo)
Profile   Post #: 27
RE: Subs/slaves with attitude - 4/5/2007 8:12:13 AM   
vield


Posts: 354
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline 		Yes I agree it is the person's own issue to decide whether attitude, defensiveness, passive-aggressive behavior, lack of attention or respect and so on are present and are problems.

I must say that the first and most important thing I need to have in a partner dom or sub is intelligence. No amount of hot poses or cheescake views will keep me interested very long if the person is not bright.

Intelligence of course has very little to do with educational levels. It also has little to do with memorized trivia. It has very little to do with scene experience.

Honesty, a giving nature, and interesting conversation are very important to me. Mutual respect and trust are minimum requirements.


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As always, your mileage may vary!

vield

(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)
Profile   Post #: 28
RE: Subs/slaves with attitude - 4/5/2007 10:29:46 AM   
bliss1


Posts: 497
Joined: 3/14/2007
Status: offline 		For me attitude is when someone has a tantrum because they do not get what they want.  (Like my grandson pouting and hiding behind the couch when he is told no).

Voicing an opinion is not attitude (unless there is a man who wish's to break your spirit).  Of course time and place is a factor - as a sub, to loudly voice an opinion in public when told not now, no, we will talk later - that is just another form of a tantrum and disrespectable.

The Dom the I pick will value my opinion or he is not the right one for me.

bliss


_____________________________

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(in reply to vield)
Profile   Post #: 29
RE: Subs/slaves with attitude - 4/5/2007 11:28:13 AM   
MistressSassy66


Posts: 1675
Joined: 11/5/2004
Status: offline 		My thoughts on this attitude thing.

From personal experiences some do it to act out.
In most cases this(acting out) means they just want attention...whether good or bad.Its a way to try to get want they want...which is attention.
So by reacting to bad behavior it ends up encourageing it.

There are others that seem to Me,to just have an attitude because they are not happy with Life.
Still others feel like like they have to be in charge or feel the need to challange others to perhaps feel important.For some reason they think attitude is the way to get what they want.
Its the "Squeaky wheel gets the grease" thing,I have to add that sometimes the squeaky wheel gets replaced,those with attitude suffer the same fate.

_____________________________

Mistress Sassy

http://www.mistresssassy.com

In the Immortal Words of Bob....Fuck the dumb shit.

"I love you not only for what you are,But for what I am when I'm with you."- Opening line from a poem by Roy Croft

(in reply to whataboutboo)
Profile   Post #: 30
RE: Subs/slaves with attitude - 4/5/2007 12:57:38 PM   
Celeste43


Posts: 3066
Joined: 2/4/2006
From: NYS
Status: offline 		You need to gain some self control. If someone cuts you off in traffic and you then come home and start cursing at a family member, friend or lover you are being abusive.

Owning your emotions is appropriate. Coming home and saying that you are in a bad mood because you had to run off the road to avoid being hit is appropriate, taking it out on an innocent party is not.

Identify your emotions using the words; angry, frustrated, exasperated, sad, unhappy etc. Then ask for something that helps you relax. That could be a hug, half an hour alone in the tub, even someone going out for a run with you.

But you need to learn how to control your emotions instead of controlling everyone around you with them.

(in reply to OsideGirl)
Profile   Post #: 31
RE: Subs/slaves with attitude - 4/5/2007 12:59:18 PM   
yugla


Posts: 67
Joined: 1/14/2005
Status: offline 		Whatabout ALWAYS challenge authority until know you can respect it. You remind me of a sub friend of mine. This supposed master told her he needs to train her pussy. She asked to do what? Bark? At which he became the stuttering hemming and hawing little wuss he really was and not this supposed revered master.

(in reply to whataboutboo)
Profile   Post #: 32
RE: Subs/slaves with attitude - 4/5/2007 1:29:22 PM   
agirl


Posts: 4530
Joined: 6/14/2004
Status: offline 		Just sounds like you're assertive when need be.....If you're over the top and aggressive with it, then maybe that's not so good.

agirl

(in reply to whataboutboo)
Profile   Post #: 33
My little girl has a sharp tongue... - 4/5/2007 3:10:52 PM   
MasterCid


Posts: 1
Joined: 11/30/2005
Status: offline 		...and can be a brat at times.  I accept that in her, it is part of who she is.  I always know where she stands, and I like that.  It is easier to deal with a girl who always lets you know what is on her mind, than one who hides it through slitted eyes and sharpens her claws.  I prefer a girl who is bright, intelligent and has her "synaptic wheels turning," than a girl who won't speak her mind.  It is far more challenging to keep a girl with a brain under control, than one with more bran than brain up there.  

(in reply to whataboutboo)
Profile   Post #: 34
RE: Subs/slaves with attitude - 4/5/2007 3:21:42 PM   
spanklette


Posts: 882
Joined: 2/22/2005
Status: offline 		Most of the time, I find it is less about what I say than how I say it. Be direct and be honest, but don't lose control. This advice is easier given than taken, though. I have a horrible temper which I am aware of and do my best to keep in check.
 
If you feel you have a problem then take ownership of it and deal with it. If you feel like this is an integral part of you that is not going to change then find the one who will accept and enjoy that side of you.

_____________________________

~spanklette~

"The important thing is this: to be able at any moment to sacrifice what we are for what we could become. " Charles du Bois

"Please don't shout, can't you see I'm not listening." Billie Myers

(in reply to whataboutboo)
Profile   Post #: 35
RE: Subs/slaves with attitude - 4/5/2007 6:52:44 PM   
LuckyAlbatross


Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline 		Why do people think you're either a sassy brat or you're a brainless dishrag?

What about the cute, cuddly, witty, funny, smart, yet charming, quiet, demure person?  Give us some cred!

< Message edited by LuckyAlbatross -- 4/5/2007 6:53:25 PM >

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to spanklette)
Profile   Post #: 36
RE: Subs/slaves with attitude - 4/5/2007 7:18:06 PM   
BRNaughtyAngel


Posts: 1821
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: LuckyAlbatross

Why do people think you're either a sassy brat or you're a brainless dishrag?

What about the cute, cuddly, witty, funny, smart, yet charming, quiet, demure person?  Give us some cred!


Yea!  What she said!

(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)
Profile   Post #: 37
RE: Subs/slaves with attitude - 4/5/2007 8:31:01 PM   
TemptingNviceSub


Posts: 3054
Joined: 10/1/2005
Status: offline 		Attitude is all well and good ..however, personally I am always choosey as to what battles need to be fought and which ones are not worth the effort...after this decision has been made...I then reflect on the best and most effective approach..so essentially I think before I speak...sometimes attitude is what is needed, sometimes calm, cold distance is called for, it will always depend on the situation and your Dominants preference overall.....Tempting

(in reply to BRNaughtyAngel)
Profile   Post #: 38
RE: Subs/slaves with attitude - 4/5/2007 8:34:10 PM   
Slavetrainer2007


Posts: 231
Joined: 12/2/2006
Status: offline 		I find most subs have an attitude for 1 of two reasons:
1) as a defense mechanism. Typically, having an attitude keeps people from getting to close and  thus not close enough to hurt them, as they have been before or in rare cases as they are afraid of( Normally,  its due to a bad experience and not  the fear of a bad experience alone.)
2) because they seek attention. Some subs are bratty, get an attitude, and cause mischief for the sake of  getting attention. But its the wrong kind of attention in my eyes.


I usually dont consider slaves with attitudes, I dont want the headache( had enough of that in a previous experience) so i just end overlooking them.

_____________________________

Life is given, Everything else is earned.

(in reply to OsideGirl)
Profile   Post #: 39
RE: Subs/slaves with attitude - 4/5/2007 8:42:23 PM   
spanklette


Posts: 882
Joined: 2/22/2005
Status: offline 		For the same reasons that there are hundreds of posts on labels. People wanna check off a box. Female? Check. Submissive? Check. Attitude?
 
I like the "cute, cuddly, witty, funny, smart, yet charming, quiet, demure person"? Check. Maybe that'll make it into one of the description boxes one day.

_____________________________

~spanklette~

"The important thing is this: to be able at any moment to sacrifice what we are for what we could become. " Charles du Bois

"Please don't shout, can't you see I'm not listening." Billie Myers

(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)
Profile   Post #: 40
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