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RE: Subs/slaves with attitude - 4/5/2007 9:00:03 PM   
LuckyAlbatross


Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: spanklette
I like the "cute, cuddly, witty, funny, smart, yet charming, quiet, demure person"? Check. Maybe that'll make it into one of the description boxes one day.

Just as long as its got my face next to it ;)

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to spanklette)
Profile   Post #: 41
RE: Subs/slaves with attitude - 4/5/2007 11:12:18 PM   
juliaoceania


Posts: 21383
Joined: 4/19/2006
From: Somewhere Over the Rainbow
Status: offline 		I am fairly outspoken, but when we are out together I find it rather submissive feeling to allow him to deal with all service persons... If there is a problem there is a look we give each other and then he immediately speaks up... nonverbal communication is one of the things I love out how we interact together, especially in a room full of people. I do not need to have an attitude when he is there.

He has also taught me more about standing up for myself when he is not around. Setting boundaries for myself. Being honest and forthright is expected of me, and some would see this as having an attitude, I do not. I am a very patient and kind person with strangers I do not know, I realize that people have jobs to do, and usually when I acknowledge this, I get my way more than if I popped off at others.

I usually reserve my uber snottiness for arrogant dickheads. I so rarely encounter someone like that it does not seem like it would be worth mentioning

_____________________________

Once you label me, you negate me ~ Soren Kierkegaard

Reality has a well known Liberal Bias ~ Stephen Colbert

Great minds discuss ideas; Average minds discuss events; Small minds discuss people. Eleanor Roosevelt

(in reply to whataboutboo)
Profile   Post #: 42
RE: Subs/slaves with attitude - 4/6/2007 6:32:09 AM   
Slavetrainer2007


Posts: 231
Joined: 12/2/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: spanklette

For the same reasons that there are hundreds of posts on labels. People wanna check off a box. Female? Check. Submissive? Check. Attitude?
 
I like the "cute, cuddly, witty, funny, smart, yet charming, quiet, demure person"? Check. Maybe that'll make it into one of the description boxes one day.


unfortunately this is usually shortened to smartass annoying brat.  Sub that have an attitude problem should remember, your suppose to make my life more enjoyable( and vice versa) not more miserable. i think of this as dealing with a misbehaving child, thats not mine. I see alot of subs online that act "bratty" and while they do it for entertainment really. It leaves a bad impression about them, to any doms who may come their way.

I dont want to deal with attitude problems online little lone  in  RT.  If you cant control your attitude  and talk in a decent and civilized way, what makes you think a dom can trust you  to deal with submission ? I also found such subs often  try to play headgames,  and are indecisive. To be honest, now i think of it, i think  some of  see it as a game, online and RT.

I had a sub RT for 2 years that not only had a bad attitude but a bad temper and was spiteful. I tried to work with it but in the end, i decided to give up on her. She stated that i wasnt strong enough to handle her. I  replyed with "im not dumb enough to put up with you if your not going to change." Simply, she dragged me down and i ended up more miserable  than happy.  So i released her and was happier being a dom with no sub than a dom with sub with an attitude. I would say this  experience made me biased against  subs with attitudes, but it is a mistake i wont make again.

Subs have to remember, and i think they sometimes forget, this works both ways. While you may be searching for a dom that is suited to you,  that same dom is looking for a sub that is suited for him.  Your attitude, could  be that one factor that causes  that dom to pass you up. So when searching, its important  to consider how a dom looks at you and not just how you see him. You want him to be interested, not thinking" heres a headache waiting to happen".

Those that have doms and have attitude or are bratty and are safe from having to search for a dom. Remember you may not always have your current dom and may have to search one day for another. If you leave a bad impression now, it will be remembered when/if you search for a dom.

Its also just plain bad manners, in my opinion.

_____________________________

Life is given, Everything else is earned.

(in reply to spanklette)
Profile   Post #: 43
RE: Subs/slaves with attitude - 4/6/2007 8:48:54 AM   
ownedgirlie


Posts: 9184
Joined: 2/5/2006
Status: offline 		Hmm, well everyone seems to be talking about attitude as though it's a good thing. When I hear about someone "with an attitude" I think "attitude problem."  You know, hands on hips, huffing and puffing and dramatically sighing while whining loudly about whatever seems to be the problem.  This is much different than simply standing up for or defending oneself. 

I have no patience for attitude problems.  My Master doesn't, either, as I had a bit of one when he met me and that was zapped out of me pretty painfully, lol.  There is always a way of expressing myself which still contains my personality and passion, without including an attitude problem.  And I seem to be heard and understood a lot better, too.

(in reply to whataboutboo)
Profile   Post #: 44
RE: Subs/slaves with attitude - 4/6/2007 10:07:52 AM   
MistressRouge


Posts: 876
Joined: 3/18/2005
From: Birmingham West Midlands UK
Status: offline 		Attitude is a positive aswell, to have your own mind and ideals, your persona and to project your personality traits.

I would rather a feisty sub, a challenge, then a brain-dead imbecile anyday lol

http://mistressrouge.webeden.co.uk/

(in reply to ownedgirlie)
Profile   Post #: 45
RE: Subs/slaves with attitude - 4/6/2007 10:11:07 AM   
FukinTroll


Posts: 6277
Joined: 2/6/2007
From: Under a bridge
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: MistressRouge

Attitude is a positive aswell, to have your own mind and ideals, your persona and to project your personality traits.

I would rather a feisty sub, a challenge, then a brain-dead imbecile anyday lol

http://mistressrouge.webeden.co.uk/


I will stamp that with the Troll Slurp of approval.

_____________________________

I'm the guy your girl is thinking about when she is fucking you!

TrollTopia
Greedy Groupie!

The Mods have me on speed Spank!! Gotta luv'em.

(in reply to MistressRouge)
Profile   Post #: 46
RE: Subs/slaves with attitude - 4/6/2007 12:18:43 PM   
MistressRouge


Posts: 876
Joined: 3/18/2005
From: Birmingham West Midlands UK
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: FukinTroll

quote:

ORIGINAL: MistressRouge

Attitude is a positive aswell, to have your own mind and ideals, your persona and to project your personality traits.

I would rather a feisty sub, a challenge, then a brain-dead imbecile anyday lol

http://mistressrouge.webeden.co.uk/


I will stamp that with the Troll Slurp of approval.



Are you following Me Troll
Lol

(in reply to FukinTroll)
Profile   Post #: 47
RE: Subs/slaves with attitude - 4/6/2007 4:20:10 PM   
ownedgirlie


Posts: 9184
Joined: 2/5/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: MistressRouge

Attitude is a positive aswell, to have your own mind and ideals, your persona and to project your personality traits.

I would rather a feisty sub, a challenge, then a brain-dead imbecile anyday lol

http://mistressrouge.webeden.co.uk/


There really is somewhere in the middle.  Feisty and full of life is one thing.  Attitude and pain in the ass is another.  In my situation, my Master prefers passionate obedience rather than a "challenge."  But as always, it's all about individual preferences. 

(in reply to MistressRouge)
Profile   Post #: 48
RE: Subs/slaves with attitude - 4/6/2007 4:58:41 PM   
splinterofhope


Posts: 1
Joined: 10/29/2004
Status: offline 		In my humble opinion, everyone's opinion on a slave having attitude is different, just like everyone has a different opinion on what attitude is. Personally, i believe that attitude is when one expresses anger and/or frustration, they will not listen to reason and are expressing that anger by shutting everyone else out and not controlling their tongue or body expressions. i do believe that slaves are only human and we do make mistakes but i also believe that there are ways of letting someone know that you are angry or frustrated without copping attitude. Personally, i believe that attitude should be left to teenagers and that slaves should find a different way of expressing their anger and frustration respectfully, whether it is to their Master or a total stranger. Besides, one should understand that slaves (these days) decide who to turn their control over to, but they must also understand that even though we have turned our control over, we must still control ourselves. No one can control a slave that does not have a certain amount of control over themselves.

Respectively submitted,
topaz (GM)

(in reply to OsideGirl)
Profile   Post #: 49
RE: Subs/slaves with attitude - 4/6/2007 5:53:54 PM   
FukinTroll


Posts: 6277
Joined: 2/6/2007
From: Under a bridge
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: MistressRouge

Are you following Me Troll
Lol


If the Slurp fits... ride the hell out of it!

_____________________________

I'm the guy your girl is thinking about when she is fucking you!

TrollTopia
Greedy Groupie!

The Mods have me on speed Spank!! Gotta luv'em.

(in reply to MistressRouge)
Profile   Post #: 50
RE: Subs/slaves with attitude - 4/6/2007 6:36:20 PM   
myobedience


Posts: 472
Joined: 1/28/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: whataboutboo

My main problem in Finding a Dom/Master is the fact that i have attitude if I'm being wronged or my friends are or even if the clerk at macy's has given me shitty customer service i will voice my opinion Ive been told by a few Masters that my attitude problem is a defense mechanism and i agree with them to a point       what are your thoughts on slaves with attitude


This issue came before about 4 years ago for me.  I had to work through it and really understand/comprehend what my motive was for the defensiveness I showed and DIDNOT like in myself.

I emailed with several people on line who had written general articles on the topic and read some self help books and did some research on line.
 
What I determined, is that in being a submissive personality and wanting to please everyone from very young, I became a doormat of sorts and without realizing it, my responses were reactive passive agreession in the form of defensive remarks, when I felt I was being made to be a doormat, not by what people said, but by how they said it.
 
I have now learned within the last several months, I might have a submissive personality, but I am submissive to only one and I must use my best bahaviour with others, which means no RPA behaviour or remarks.
I fail, but there is no failure except in no longer trying.

_____________________________

With grace and gratitude, I am owned.
A Man who always seeks to be the best He can be for you is the only Man truly worthy of being called Master.

(in reply to whataboutboo)
Profile   Post #: 51
RE: Subs/slaves with attitude - 4/6/2007 7:16:44 PM   
Celeste43


Posts: 3066
Joined: 2/4/2006
From: NYS
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: MistressRouge

Attitude is a positive aswell, to have your own mind and ideals, your persona and to project your personality traits.

I would rather a feisty sub, a challenge, then a brain-dead imbecile anyday lol

http://mistressrouge.webeden.co.uk/


God knows this is correct but it isn't the impression that the op gave me. I got the feeling that if she had trouble returning a sweater to the store and was in a bad mood, that she would take that mood out on her partner. And that's just wrong.

(in reply to MistressRouge)
Profile   Post #: 52
RE: Subs/slaves with attitude - 4/6/2007 8:29:29 PM   
Laura


Posts: 573
Joined: 6/22/2004
From: Ontario, Canada
Status: offline 		Playful attitude is one thing. That can be fun. What you describe doesn't sound fun at all. Doms are human too. 

_____________________________

Bait & Switch - Adult column

(in reply to OsideGirl)
Profile   Post #: 53
RE: Subs/slaves with attitude - 4/7/2007 5:10:13 AM   
AquaticSub


Posts: 14867
Joined: 12/27/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Slavetrainer2007

unfortunately this is usually shortened to smartass annoying brat.  Sub that have an attitude problem should remember, your suppose to make my life more enjoyable( and vice versa) not more miserable. i think of this as dealing with a misbehaving child, thats not mine. I see alot of subs online that act "bratty" and while they do it for entertainment really. It leaves a bad impression about them, to any doms who may come their way.

I dont want to deal with attitude problems online little lone  in  RT.  If you cant control your attitude  and talk in a decent and civilized way, what makes you think a dom can trust you  to deal with submission ? I also found such subs often  try to play headgames,  and are indecisive. To be honest, now i think of it, i think  some of  see it as a game, online and RT.

I had a sub RT for 2 years that not only had a bad attitude but a bad temper and was spiteful. I tried to work with it but in the end, i decided to give up on her. She stated that i wasnt strong enough to handle her. I  replyed with "im not dumb enough to put up with you if your not going to change." Simply, she dragged me down and i ended up more miserable  than happy.  So i released her and was happier being a dom with no sub than a dom with sub with an attitude. I would say this  experience made me biased against  subs with attitudes, but it is a mistake i wont make again.

Subs have to remember, and i think they sometimes forget, this works both ways. While you may be searching for a dom that is suited to you,  that same dom is looking for a sub that is suited for him.  Your attitude, could  be that one factor that causes  that dom to pass you up. So when searching, its important  to consider how a dom looks at you and not just how you see him. You want him to be interested, not thinking" heres a headache waiting to happen".

Those that have doms and have attitude or are bratty and are safe from having to search for a dom. Remember you may not always have your current dom and may have to search one day for another. If you leave a bad impression now, it will be remembered when/if you search for a dom.

Its also just plain bad manners, in my opinion.


If "cute, cuddly, witty, funny, smart, yet charming, quiet, demure person" means attitude problem... well then I've got one the size of Jupiter at least. And damn, doesn't Valyraen love it!

_____________________________

Without my dominance you cannot submit. Without your submission I cannot dominate. You are my equal in this, though our roles are different.-Val

It was ok for him to beat me but then he tried to cuddle me! - Me

Member:Clan of the Scarlet O'Hair

(in reply to Slavetrainer2007)
Profile   Post #: 54
RE: Subs/slaves with attitude - 4/7/2007 6:04:00 AM   
Padriag


Posts: 2633
Joined: 3/30/2005
Status: offline 		Depends on precisely what you mean by "attitude".

If you mean walking around like you have a chip on your shoulder, ready to "get in someone's face" over any perceived slight, and a general tendancy to be rude and belligerant... then yes, its a problem.

There's nothing wrong with standing up for yourself, or with insisting on being treated fairly.  However, that doesn't require being rude, it doesn't require having an "attitude".  Many times, such belligerance just creates more problems as both sides tend to dig in their heels and move further away from a solution rather than towards it.

That your "attitude" has been described as a defense mechanism sounds like you have a problem and are probably over reacting to situations.

_____________________________

Padriag

A stern discipline pervades all nature, which is a little cruel so that it may be very kind - Edmund Spencer

(in reply to whataboutboo)
Profile   Post #: 55
RE: Subs/slaves with attitude - 5/7/2007 6:33:35 AM   
BBBTBW


Posts: 836
Joined: 5/21/2004
Status: offline 		Attitude that exudes strength is wonderful.  Attitude that just exudes attitude is a turn off and something most of us don't want to be bothered with.

Case in point:  This is only one of many.
  • There is a profile for a couple on here that also has a few journal entries.  The profile is fine as it is but when you get to the journal there are all these HIGH attitude hints about how to reply to them.  The things they say are right on target, it is how it is stated that is the problem.  When writing them to express interest, I did make mention that the tone of their journal is serving to alienate those they say they desire to serve.  The return mail indicated that my note to them had been either misread or misunderstood and again that alienating attitude was exhibited.  They blocked me thus making it impossible to clairfy the situation. 

I suppose I am writing this to express to everyone that the attitudes we use may seem to alienate the very people we seek to be with.  If someone goes out of their way to express concern for something you may have stated, don't get attitude.  Take it for what it is worth (good or bad) and move forward in either direction.  Not everyone is out to get you.


_____________________________

"You keep using that word, I do not think it means what you think it means" -- Inigo Montoya, The Princess Bride

(in reply to Padriag)
Profile   Post #: 56
RE: Subs/slaves with attitude - 5/7/2007 7:07:08 AM   
Lashra


Posts: 4900
Joined: 2/9/2006
Status: offline 		My sub is like you and I think its great. I want him to stand up for himself and what he believes in . If I wanted a doormat I'd go to the store and buy one.

~Lashra


_____________________________

“We can never judge the lives of others, because each person knows only their own pain and renunciation. It's one thing to feel that you are on the right path, but it's another to think that yours is the only path.”






(in reply to whataboutboo)
Profile   Post #: 57
RE: Subs/slaves with attitude - 5/7/2007 7:41:12 AM   
MissOchistic


Posts: 315
Joined: 4/30/2007
Status: offline 		Hmm, i guess i'm just lucky...no Dom of mine has ever given a rats ass how i acted towards people other than them.

which is good, because i treat other people how i feel they deserve to be treated, with no regards to social acceptance or submission.


_____________________________



"The amount i care for Thee
is more than two, but less than three."

"Submission is a potlatch."

(in reply to OsideGirl)
Profile   Post #: 58
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