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Hrafnkel -> RE: safe words when does stop mean more? (4/12/2007 10:12:28 PM)
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Well, some people will set up mutliple safe words, some meaning 'ease up', or some meaning 'slow down' or what have you. I personally never liked these in practice, as it tends to either lead to some manipualtion on the submissives part, even unconciously, if she doesn't 'like' what is happening, or it often results in unconcious manipualtion on the doms part to coax a sub past where she really ought to have given the safe word. But I think that what we're referring to, the 'killword' as my girl calls it, and as I use it, ends all BDSM play, anything non vanilla. I personally also like to append that there will be no play until at least the following day, once the word is given, as a safety valve in case nobody feels pressured to push into questionable territory.
But, by how I was taught, the safe word, while inviolable, and always being unquestioned when it's given, should seldom come up. Because the first safety valve is the dominants intuition and insight. If you don't KNOW it's safe to go on, you don't go on, period. Maybe this is different for people who persue it as a means of fetish or pure kink, but I was taught that all of the ordeal is designed to promote trust and intimacy between a dominant and a sub. How can you do that if the submissive doesn't feel safe? That doesn't mean not pushed or challenged, but basically knowing for certain her wellbeing is held fast in the grip of the dominant? It's a gradual slow process but achieving that is the point in my mind.
Hrafnkel
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