RE: Why do we care what others think?

Collarspace Discussion Forums

Home Login Search

RE: Why do we care what others think?

View related threads: (in this forum | in all forums)

Logged in as: Guest

All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> General BDSM Discussion >> RE: Why do we care what others think?

Page: << < prev 1 2 [3]

Message

<< Older Topic Newer Topic >>

RE: Why do we care what others think? - 4/6/2007 5:48:41 PM

kiyari

Posts: 631
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: FukinTroll

I think that if anyone is seeking a sense of community they would have to be mindful of what others think.

..there is also some element of self-defense or survival implicit... at some gut level
[and in this 'day and age' of "Homeland Security" *gags*... only prudent, sad to say]

(in reply to FukinTroll)

Profile

Post #: 41

RE: Why do we care what others think? - 4/6/2007 6:06:55 PM

IrishMist

Posts: 7480
Joined: 11/17/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ight now all I am going to ask the ones that say they are not concerned with what others think. I ask you this, do you look in the mirror each day before you leave the house and if you do, why do you do that,

Yes, I look in the mirror sometimes before I leave the house. I do it to satisfy myself with how I look, not to primp myself for others.

quote:

do you dress up to go to functions of the lifestyle, or do you go in your grubs?

I do not attend functions anymore, so it does not apply to me. When I did, I wore whatever he told me to where. Sometimes he had me dress very formally; other times it was jeans and a tshirt.

I will not argue that I USED to seek approval to the point of ignoring myself in that regard. I do not anymore. The only one that needs to approve of me, is ME. All else is just noise.

_____________________________

If I said something to offend you, please tell me what it was so that I can say it again later.

(in reply to unsung)

Profile

Post #: 42

RE: Why do we care what others think? - 4/6/2007 6:23:24 PM

myobedience

Posts: 472
Joined: 1/28/2007
Status: offline

I come to the boards to be embraced by those who understand, so it would seem to me that I seek approval on some level.

This made me think...
I go to the forums on different sites for different reasons. Each site has its own personality, dominating contributors, its share of sarcasm or judging, its own share of know it all's. One~up~man's~ ship is on all of them.
Do I seek approval? I dont think my motive is attention or approval, so I think I will evaluate it more.
Surely I have my share of blocked folk cause of the way they respond to me and my share of those whose posts I really do learn from and need that bit of idea and those who I enjoy reading.

If we do care about what others think of us, in some way we are giving control to them.

_____________________________

With grace and gratitude, I am owned.
A Man who always seeks to be the best He can be for you is the only Man truly worthy of being called Master.

(in reply to spanklette)

Profile

Post #: 43

RE: Why do we care what others think? - 4/6/2007 7:03:52 PM

spanklette

Posts: 882
Joined: 2/22/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: myobedience

<snip>
If we do care about what others think of us, in some way we are giving control to them.

I don't know that my desire to be accepted or understood really gives them any form of control over me. Maybe at work, it might control my behavior...but that's, kind of, a separate issue.

If I take it in, but don't allow it to change who I am? Does that afford them some control? Maybe if I allowed them to affect my emotional state, which in general, they do not. There are very few people who are allowed in my personal emotional space, and they are the ones that can affect it.

The only control that they have is what I allow them to have...which is really none.

< Message edited by spanklette -- 4/6/2007 7:04:18 PM >

_____________________________

~spanklette~

"The important thing is this: to be able at any moment to sacrifice what we are for what we could become. " Charles du Bois

"Please don't shout, can't you see I'm not listening." Billie Myers

(in reply to myobedience)

Profile

Post #: 44

RE: Why do we care what others think? - 4/6/2007 7:32:57 PM

hisannabelle

Posts: 1992
Joined: 12/3/2006
From: Tallahassee, FL, USA
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: unsung

In response to the OP and principally this thread. You ask a good question with the potential of deep reflection if one chooses to look at it as a whole. Right now all I am going to ask the ones that say they are not concerned with what others think. I ask you this, do you look in the mirror each day before you leave the house and if you do, why do you do that, do you dress up to go to functions of the lifestyle, or do you go in your grubs? If you do why do you do that? Do you put makeup and the list goes on. really every one seeks some sort of approvals, most people have been raised in such manner, to appease to our parents, teachers etc. I don't think anyone can dismiss the fact, but perhaps it just is not at the outermost level of ones consciousness as it may be for others.

greetings unsung,

i put time into my appearance for my dominant, when i'm with him, because his approval does matter to me - it's my job to be pleasing to him and to gain his approval, and for me, when it's just me. i make sure i wear my uniform properly to work because i like my job and i don't want to lose it. i do work for school because i love school; i live for school, it's what fulfills me. i like approval from my professors, and that makes me happy, but it's not the reason i do the schoolwork...i do it because i wouldn't want to do anything else BUT go to school. the things i do to fit within the confines of society, i do because i get some sort of inner reward or satisfaction, not necessarily to gain approval from someone else. i LIKE approval, i invite approval, i like knowing that what i do is valued and appreciated, but i don't do it for the approval.

annabelle.

p.s. i don't wear makeup.

< Message edited by hisannabelle -- 4/6/2007 7:33:25 PM >

_____________________________

a'ishah (the artist formerly known as annabelle)
i have the kind of beauty that moves...

(in reply to unsung)

Profile

Post #: 45

RE: Why do we care what others think? - 4/6/2007 7:39:42 PM

WiseCracknSadist

Posts: 163
Joined: 10/27/2006
Status: offline

We care because we don't want to be alone. We may say we don't care about what "they" think as long as "they" is not part of your inner circle of friends and family. If one of those people disagrees with you it can harm you emotionally.

As far as those in different circles you may travel in or want to travel in we care because they are a part of something we aspire to be. So in order to do that we have to make contact and gain experience, acceptance, and knowledge. Disappointing one those people may harm our ego or our chances of reaching our goal.

Everyone is selfish. Because everyone makes decisions that they think will bring them happiness or peace. Now whether or not they take responsibility for those actions is another rant enirely.

If you care about what others think it's because you still nurse guilt for what you are doing. If you believed in yourself and your actions whole heartedly what others thought would not matter because you would know you were in the right.

(in reply to juliaoceania)

Profile

Post #: 46

RE: Why do we care what others think? - 4/6/2007 10:39:33 PM

hisannabelle

Posts: 1992
Joined: 12/3/2006
From: Tallahassee, FL, USA
Status: offline

greetings,

i think wisecracknsadist's post is pretty, well, wise.

for me, i know a lot of my ability to be very independent and not need others' approval has to do with the fact that the two people whose approval i really care about besides my dominant's, my mom and dad, are not here. if they were still alive, i am sure i would probably be a really different person right now, and i'm sure i would be a lot more concerned with other people's approval...mainly because i would not have been forced into being independent to the point that my own approval being my only motivation (well, and His) became something of a survival mechanism for me. in some ways, this is good, in others, not so good. my sister, my aunts, etc...i care about how they feel, but at the same time, the person i am today wouldn't allow their disapproval to change what i do. i wouldn't be that person if my mom and dad were still here, because i'd still be very dependent on them, and beyond that, i sought their approval, or at least my mom's, more than anyone else.

just one observation on my own experience with this.

annabelle.

_____________________________

a'ishah (the artist formerly known as annabelle)
i have the kind of beauty that moves...

(in reply to WiseCracknSadist)

Profile

Post #: 47