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when vanilla world interfers with your Mistress life - 4/6/2007 3:57:51 PM   
openmindedslave


Posts: 470
Joined: 2/27/2005
Status: offline 		I have noticed that on profiles here, some people share their vanilla lives.Whether discussing their family, or money problems or even  your personal troubles.My question is  have you found that  those  subs or slaves that you were involved with understand and to help. Or do most just expect that your so strong , you don't feel pain, and they simply get angry when you take their time away  to deal with your problems.  Recently one Mistress friend had a death in their family , and the guy who said he carred so much disappeared instead of understanding and helping her with her suffering.
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RE: when vanilla world interfers with your Mistress life - 4/6/2007 3:59:23 PM   
SusanofO


Posts: 5672
Joined: 12/19/2005
Status: offline 		I think the way her submissive acted toward her in  that instance really sucks, but that's just my personal opinion.

- Susan

< Message edited by SusanofO -- 4/6/2007 4:00:51 PM >

_____________________________

"Hope is the thing with feathers,
That perches in the soul,
And sings the tune without the words,
And never stops at all". - Emily Dickinson

(in reply to openmindedslave)
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RE: when vanilla world interfers with your Mistress life - 4/6/2007 4:01:15 PM   
SusanofO


Posts: 5672
Joined: 12/19/2005
Status: offline 		I think there is some confusion, sometimes, between what people see as someone's "role" and seeing them as just a person, like anyone else. To me, the person almost always comes first, if there is a question about how someone "should" act in  an extenuating circumstance, such as the one you described. Would it have killed this guy to simply act as her friend, if nothing else?

- Susan

< Message edited by SusanofO -- 4/6/2007 4:04:21 PM >

_____________________________

"Hope is the thing with feathers,
That perches in the soul,
And sings the tune without the words,
And never stops at all". - Emily Dickinson

(in reply to SusanofO)
Profile   Post #: 3
RE: when vanilla world interfers with your Mistress life - 4/6/2007 4:59:48 PM   
SLAVEBOY32


Posts: 122
Joined: 2/26/2007
Status: offline 		I totally agree SusanofO. The person must always come first.

(in reply to SusanofO)
Profile   Post #: 4
RE: when vanilla world interfers with your Mistress life - 4/6/2007 5:04:12 PM   
arayofsunshine55


Posts: 545
Joined: 8/1/2004
From: San Francisco, CA
Status: offline 		Bottom line I am looking for a relationship.   Anyone who seems to be looking for a role is not for me.  And I aggressively weed them out.

_____________________________

Sunshine

Is it not most transformative, most earthshaking, to pierce the veils of self-deception and illusion, and crack the eggshell of ignorance, to most intimately encounter oneself? Lama Surya Das

(in reply to openmindedslave)
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RE: when vanilla world interfers with your Mistress life - 4/6/2007 5:29:35 PM   
openmindedslave


Posts: 470
Joined: 2/27/2005
Status: offline 		Sad truth is arayofsunshine, she thought this guy was someone she could  be ltr with. In some curel way, she found out earlier than most this guy was not going to be there for her when she needed a friend. I felt so bad for her in losing her Mother and then realizing  the one guy she felt there was a future with couldn't be there for her.

Now in little defense to him, she was not herself  for a few weeks. But for a couple of weeks...please. Are you really suppose to be yourself after you lost your mother..

I received a personal email out of this that another Mistress lost her home to a slave when she was going through  a tough time in her life.He was  going to ALSO be there for her and take care of her.Later she found out , he was only interested in her place and bought it for less than market price so he could do the repairs and have a future together.Instead, he just announce that he is raising her rent and might even be kicking her out if the rent goes up to much. All because she allowed someone into her life so they could take advantage of her at her lowest moment.And yes, she too was looking for ltr.

(in reply to arayofsunshine55)
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RE: when vanilla world interfers with your Mistress life - 4/6/2007 5:43:52 PM   
SusanofO


Posts: 5672
Joined: 12/19/2005
Status: offline 		That just stinks. Really. Some people have no conscience, apparently.

- Susan

_____________________________

"Hope is the thing with feathers,
That perches in the soul,
And sings the tune without the words,
And never stops at all". - Emily Dickinson

(in reply to openmindedslave)
Profile   Post #: 7
RE: when vanilla world interfers with your Mistress life - 4/6/2007 6:42:15 PM   
LadyPact


Posts: 32566
Status: offline 		I'll reiterate what I said on the thread Susan was so good to start with Us on crying.  At the end of the day, I'm a person with a real life.  Part of that is being a Domme, but not all of it.  I'm human first, and anybody I allow into My life has to accept that.

(in reply to SusanofO)
Profile   Post #: 8
RE: when vanilla world interfers with your Mistress life - 4/6/2007 7:13:43 PM   
Lashra


Posts: 4900
Joined: 2/9/2006
Status: offline 		My sub is my friend, my lover, my sub and my companion he is there for me whenever I should need him and vice versa. If I thought for an instant that he wasn't, he wouldn't be involved in my life at all. I do not like shallow people.

~Lashra


_____________________________

“We can never judge the lives of others, because each person knows only their own pain and renunciation. It's one thing to feel that you are on the right path, but it's another to think that yours is the only path.”






(in reply to openmindedslave)
Profile   Post #: 9
RE: when vanilla world interfers with your Mistress life - 4/6/2007 7:26:36 PM   
Celeste43


Posts: 3066
Joined: 2/4/2006
From: NYS
Status: offline 		No difference between here and vanilla relationships where stress can end the relationship. Unfortunately people under major stress have been known not to handle it wisely, drinking excessively, becoming abusive etc. When you say the domme wasn't herself, that opens the door to questions about how she was acting.

(in reply to Lashra)
Profile   Post #: 10
RE: when vanilla world interfers with your Mistress life - 4/6/2007 7:45:58 PM   
MistressDolly


Posts: 917
Joined: 8/24/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: openmindedslave

I have noticed that on profiles here, some people share their vanilla lives.Whether discussing their family, or money problems or even  your personal troubles.My question is  have you found that  those  subs or slaves that you were involved with understand and to help. Or do most just expect that your so strong , you don't feel pain, and they simply get angry when you take their time away  to deal with your problems.  Recently one Mistress friend had a death in their family , and the guy who said he carred so much disappeared instead of understanding and helping her with her suffering.


He did?  Wow, what an awakening smack in the face.

That sucks.  Sorry..:(

(in reply to openmindedslave)
Profile   Post #: 11
RE: when vanilla world interfers with your Mistress life - 4/7/2007 6:40:26 AM   
MistressN3082


Posts: 2
Joined: 2/6/2007
From: http://stores.ebay.com.au/den-of-erotic-sensations
Status: offline 		My sub lives with myself and my husband. Sometimes 24/7 is extremely difficult when "real life" gets in the way of my fun ....but hey that is life .... I have 2 grown up kids and they all know and understand the situation .... my hubby is my best friend always but subbie is also there for me through all the good times and the bad times....... wouldnt have it any other way

(in reply to MistressDolly)
Profile   Post #: 12
RE: when vanilla world interfers with your Mistress life - 4/7/2007 7:00:19 AM   
Elorin


Posts: 970
Joined: 8/22/2004
From: San Antonio, TX
Status: offline 		Almost all of the subs I have taken have been very understanding when life was rough for me. They felt that it was part of service and submission to be there for me, support me, and help me out when things got rough, whether they received D/s styled attention or erotic assignments/playtime or not. The few that haven't were not "officially" my subs yet, they were those I had started to consider as potential submissives...when time away from them meant they lost interest and went looking elsewhere, they simply showed me that they were saving me time and effort in attempting to have a relationship with them.

~E

(in reply to MistressN3082)
Profile   Post #: 13
RE: when vanilla world interfers with your Mistress life - 4/7/2007 7:02:13 AM   
thetammyjo


Posts: 6322
Joined: 9/8/2005
Status: offline 		Since I'm not looking to add in slaves who aren't also part of my family, they will be a part of the mundane matters of life. I won't choose someone who is unable to see beyond the fantasy into the realities of how 24/7 works.

_____________________________

Love, Peace, Hugs, Kisses, Whips & Chains,

TammyJo

Check out my website at http://www.thetammyjo.com Or www.tammyjoeckhart.com

And my LJ where I post fiction in progress if you "friend" me at http://thetammyjo.livejournal.com/

(in reply to openmindedslave)
Profile   Post #: 14
RE: when vanilla world interfers with your Mistress life - 4/7/2007 9:02:54 AM   
MstrssPassion


Posts: 2444
Joined: 1/1/2004
From: West Palm Beach, FL
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: SLAVEBOY32

I totally agree SusanofO. The person must always come first.


Does anyone believe that the person & the role is actually one & the same?

I don't live a double life... I am a dominant woman who lives in & interacts with other people here on planet Earth. I don't have a switch that flips on & off nor do I have some fantasy world that I step into when I want to be a dominant.

I am a dominant when I am standing in line at the grocery store or pumping my gas. This role doesn't grant me special rights through out my full existence & it doesn't absolve me from experiencing the tragedies that life can toss at us. I'm a person who puts on her pants one leg at a time & that means I have the same issues anyone else in the world has... good times & bad.

If an individual is looking for me to be some fantasy image that exudes supreme power, dominance, elegance & poise that mirrors the image of the Lady he would most see himself at the feet of... well watch your noodle buddy while I step right on past you (or on you). I am a real person thus meaning I live in the real world.



_____________________________

MstrssPassion


(in reply to SLAVEBOY32)
Profile   Post #: 15
RE: when vanilla world interfers with your Mistress life - 4/7/2007 11:55:55 AM   
GoddessDustyGold


Posts: 2822
Joined: 4/11/2004
From: Arizona
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: SLAVEBOY32

I totally agree SusanofO. The person must always come first.


Does anyone believe that the person & the role is actually one & the same?

I don't live a double life... I am a dominant woman who lives in & interacts with other people here on planet Earth. I don't have a switch that flips on & off nor do I have some fantasy world that I step into when I want to be a dominant.

 
Very nicely said, LadyPassion.  I was thinking the same thing Myself when I read this thread.
Life does not interfere with Life.  It cannot.  It is life. 
For some reason, in many intances, FemDoms are automatically credited with a certain demeanor or lack of feeling.  Just because I have changes happening in  My life, does not make Me less Dominant.  There may not be time for certain things, such as play, but I am not a leather wardrobe, 6 inch stilettos and perfect make-up just because I am a FemDom.  This extends to day to day.  24/7 does not mean, for Me, that I am constantly in some fantasy FemDom mode.  I have seen this brought up before, by submissives who claim that there is no way D/s or M/s can be maintained 24/7.  And I believe that is because D/s or M/s, to them, means playtime and constant active service.  A slave is being of just as much service by being quiet and allowing time, as he is by taking orders to give Me a foot massage or bend over.    Iti s a relationship...not a role.  I am still Dominant, and he should still be submissive.  Regardless of life's circumstances. 

_____________________________

Dusty
They that give up essential liberty to obtain a little temporary safety deserve neither liberty nor safety
B Franklin
Don't blame Me ~ I didn't vote for either of them
The Hidden Kingdom


(in reply to MstrssPassion)
Profile   Post #: 16
RE: when vanilla world interfers with your Mistress life - 4/7/2007 2:33:48 PM   
openmindedslave


Posts: 470
Joined: 2/27/2005
Status: offline 		I do see the points made in that  who you are is a constant in a realtionship with a sub/slave. Whether in heels and leather or in levis and keds, a certain protocol is expected. The idea of a person in that postion crying , or having moments of  depression  or hurting , should not be preceived as a break in titles.

The situations discussed earlier hurt the people more because they thought  they had someone that understood them and only wanted to be in their lives as fair weather subs/slaves. I guess we all know those people.

(in reply to GoddessDustyGold)
Profile   Post #: 17
RE: when vanilla world interfers with your Mistress life - 4/7/2007 5:11:10 PM   
Willworship


Posts: 20
Status: offline 		I would think no less of my domme if she cried, after all we all have emotions and should express them even dominant's. I would consider it my job to console her in any way possible, without question or hesitation.

(in reply to openmindedslave)
Profile   Post #: 18
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