NCMaster53
Posts: 12
Joined: 6/6/2004
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Prologue: I have written this from the standpoint of a Male Dominant and female submissive; however, I believe that many of the principles apply to other situations. I do not proclaim to be "All Knowing", but do want to express My thoughts on the responsibilities of a Dominant.
Much is made of the “gift of submission”, even the “gift of Domination”; submission is such an ambiguous thing when one tries to carefully define it in regards to the D/s lifestyle. One hears the debate of submissive verses slave, high protocol, low protocol, and the proverbial “right way and wrong way” to do each of these things. If you spend any time at all in D/s related chat rooms on the internet, you will no doubt, find someone in there that has a screen name that reflects their desire to be considered Dominant filling the room with oration describing in His/Her own interpretation of just how a submissive/slave/bottom/sub/pet/etc. should serve.
If you stay a little longer in the chat room, you will in all likelihood, also find a submissive/slave/bottom/pet/etc. that will add to the oration with their particular version of what is the right way to submit/serve/please/be used/etc. Oh… and let us not forget those that have an interest in Gor. I am sure we have all watched in a chat room as some slave has crawled so perfectly to the serving tray and reached into the cupboard finding just the right cup and testing the rim with her lips so the Master wont have a sliver spoil His drink by cutting Him, then returning to the bar and oh so correctly pouring the drink and delivering it with just the right protocol, kneeling with head bowed, knees open and apart, palms open and resting face up on the thighs.
As one reads this oration or scene in a chat room, it fills the mind of a waif little submissive being oh so perfect for her Master and the fantasy is complete. Unfortunately, it also leaves many Dominants and submissives alike with an impression that if the serving is not done just so… it couldn’t possibly be right. All of this brought me to ponder… just what is serving?
Certainly the act of serving, like so much else in this lifestyle can take many forms and I think it important for us to consider for a moment of thought, how the question could be answered when asked… “How may i serve you Sir? Stereotypically we tend to think of being served or serving in a domestic way. Taking care of the chores like cooking, laundry, dish-washing… or even more personal service like bathing the Dominant, getting them a drink, being a “step-n-fetch-it slave” carefully observing high protocol as she kneels in proper form delivering the requested item to her Master.
However, what if the submissive is not a waif little thing and physical/medical reasons cause her/him to not be able to properly kneel? What if the submissive is a really bad cook and burns everything attempted? What if the submissive has to work a 40-hour week just as the Dominant does? What if the submissive has kids to look after as well as her Master? What if the submissive is a highly skilled professional? What if the submissive has great skills as a craftsman? What if the submissive has a job/career that pays a lot more than the Dominant makes?
Do any of these circumstances make the submissive less submissive? Does the fact that the submissive has a skilled talent other than cooking make him/her inferior in serving? I have heard submissives criticized by others saying something like, “she is such a bad submissive, she let her Master fix His own dinner”. Many tend to evaluate “the submission” by ones ability to do these stereotypical things. It is as if we want “cookie cutter” slaves. We hold up the stencil and measure the submissive by this precut definition and if she/he doesn’t fit the stencil, then he/she can’t possibly be a good slave.
The gift of submission can and should be offered in many forms. If the submissive has a talent of working with computers, couldn’t her/his gift be in maintaining the Masters computer system? If the submissive has a career or job that requires odd hours/over time/conflicting schedules, couldn’t the gift be something of her time when available? The Dominant, like a manager of personnel in a business, should identify those things His/Her submissive has talents to offer and utilize those talents.
That is not to say that the submissive can’t learn to do other things for her/his Master… that the submissive can’t do some of the stereotypical serving. But, learning what is best suited would make everyone happier and better adjusted. A Thoroughbred that wins at steeplechase is not a horse that would probably win the Kentucky Derby. Each in its own way is a beautiful thing to watch… to own… to enjoy, but try to make each succeed, as the other would fail.
When the D/s lifestyle is taken off-line and made “real-time” things have to adjust to being real. Fantasy is one thing and very nice to have. However, in life, relationships are a give and take circumstance. Not all Masters are body builders with chiseled jaw, not all submissives are waifs with long blonde hair. We each have to use what we have. We each have to be who we are. We have to cultivate and maintain the relationship. We define it between our partner and ourselves. How may i serve you Sir? Fix My brakes.
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