proper way to approach a sub

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princeoffire -> proper way to approach a sub (4/7/2007 10:31:48 PM)
I am newto all of this and have been reading to try to learn the ettiquette here. I would like to knowwhat is the best and most proper way to approach a sub. I have seen ere that many do ot like a harsh approach andthat it is generaly not an accepted practice to demand things on a first meeting. I have sent messages toa few and have nly had one response and then that stopped. I updated my profile since after I read it I thought it may be a bit of a turn off. I would also like to know if there is a good way to approach the subject of marriage. I am married but my wife is very vanilla and quite honestly seems to have lost interest in regular sex let alone anything with a bit of kink to it.She also would not approve and would probably hit the roof if she knew I was here.I don't want to misrepresent myself either as I am not looking to end my marriage. I just want to be able to explore this with out being thought of as just another guy wanting to cheat on his wife.I love her but life seems to always get in the way of us getting together let alone trying to get time to bring something new into the mix.

unavailable -> RE: proper way to approach a sub (4/7/2007 10:37:29 PM)
I would suggest complete honesty. with both ur wife and any potential slave u approach

TheHeretic -> RE: proper way to approach a sub (4/7/2007 10:38:08 PM)
Well, I suspect you'll be getting plenty of conversation from subs now... <runs to make popcorn>

LuckyAlbatross -> RE: proper way to approach a sub (4/7/2007 10:42:42 PM)
You approach them as you would any adult as a courteous person. If you aren't a courteous person, pretend to be one. The fact is- you are just another guy trying to cheat on his wife. You need to accept and embrace that part of you in your search.

crouchingtigress -> RE: proper way to approach a sub (4/7/2007 11:21:58 PM)
quote: I just want to be able to explore this with out being thought of as just another guy wanting to cheat on his wife. too late.

FukinTroll -> RE: proper way to approach a sub (4/8/2007 1:48:01 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: princeoffire I am newto all of this and have been reading to try to learn the ettiquette here. I would like to knowwhat is the best and most proper way to approach a sub. I have seen ere that many do ot like a harsh approach andthat it is generaly not an accepted practice to demand things on a first meeting. I have sent messages toa few and have nly had one response and then that stopped. I updated my profile since after I read it I thought it may be a bit of a turn off. I would also like to know if there is a good way to approach the subject of marriage. I am married but my wife is very vanilla and quite honestly seems to have lost interest in regular sex let alone anything with a bit of kink to it.She also would not approve and would probably hit the roof if she knew I was here.I don't want to misrepresent myself either as I am not looking to end my marriage. I just want to be able to explore this with out being thought of as just another guy wanting to cheat on his wife.I love her but life seems to always get in the way of us getting together let alone trying to get time to bring something new into the mix. Chloroform works well for me. When I can sneak up on them. Here subby subby….

susie -> RE: proper way to approach a sub (4/8/2007 1:52:24 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: FukinTroll Chloroform works well for me. When I can sneak up on them. Here subby subby…. Dang and I thought you were just being polite when you offered me that tissue. No wonder it smelt odd!

FukinTroll -> RE: proper way to approach a sub (4/8/2007 1:59:53 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: susie quote: ORIGINAL: FukinTroll Chloroform works well for me. When I can sneak up on them. Here subby subby…. Dang and I thought you were just being polite when you offered me that tissue. No wonder it smelt odd! Hey! I was a gentleman. I left you an ice pack and some motron. Slurp!

subnstudent -> RE: proper way to approach a sub (4/8/2007 2:44:54 AM)
Ya, the way your profile is stated it seems to me that you're doing this behind your wife's back. I don't know if this is the case or not, but you might want to reword your profile. Now, if it actually is the case, I'd definitely reccomend couples counciling as you seem to be afraid of your wife's reaction to your newfound sense of adventure. Seems like you guys have some underlying problems in your relationship, I wish you the best of luck in sorting them out.

NakedGirlScout -> RE: proper way to approach a sub (4/8/2007 2:55:04 AM)
Have you ever asked yourself---- WHY would a submissive woman be interested in me? What is it about me and the fact that any potential relationship would have to be completely secret and we could never meet and it would probably end in a huge emotional mess, that merits a woman's love and service to myself? HOW do I demonstrate that I, as a self-described dominant, am in control of my life and do not lie, cheat, or live by someone else's rules? WHAT do submissive women need from dominant men that I can provide better than the other men who are looking for a partner? All salesmanship begins with knowing your "customers" and their needs. Getting people interested in you requires a form of honest salesmanship.

arayofsunshine55 -> RE: proper way to approach a sub (4/8/2007 3:01:58 AM)
I'm with her. It is the proper way IMO to approach a human being. Be interesting. Be honest. And understand that most aren't interested in a married man. Get comfortable with that reality. Now I have a married man and one is good enough for me. But some have major issues with it and that is their right.

MariaB -> RE: proper way to approach a sub (4/8/2007 3:25:54 AM)
Wow, maybe I'm going to get shouted down in flames here but I'm a little shocked at the intolerant responses! Lets face the fact that a large percentage of people on here will be married and some of those will be dishonest with their partner. So what does one do if one has been married happily for umpteen years, has a family and adores his/her partner but has this awful stirring towards BDSM that they know would very probably break up their relationship? Do they risk all and tell ? do they lead a double lifestyle with all concerned? do they try to put all thoughts towards BDSM on the back burner and just ignore the urge? I speak as a dominant within a relationship and if I take on a male sub then I prefer that he is married and happily so. The reason for this is, I do not want him in any way to encroach onto my relationship. I don't want him to get false hopes that anything other than a play sub will ever come of this and I want to know that when he goes home at the end of a session, he does so happily knowing he has a partner he can be with that he cares about. Ok so I don't do sex with male subs but it could still be looked at as dishonest. The man states clearly that he is not looking for a relationship. I'm sure theres a sub on here that feels the same way.

domiguy -> RE: proper way to approach a sub (4/8/2007 3:50:40 AM)
Don't listen to these silly women as most of them are subs and the ones who lists themselves as Dommes, switches or lesbians are really just subs that simply haven't met the right guy yet. O.K. Here we go...As one of the leading consultants in the area of P&D "proifile development" here at Domiguy Industries...I can tell you that by listening to subs explain to you what your approach should be is paramout to listening to a wildebeast explain to a lion how it prefers to be devoured. Look every woman loves a good sob story!!! Chick flicks don't make millions of dollars because they are happy, fluffy, feel good, sports related and honest movies!!!! No Fucking way!!!....the are sad stories... Tales that are filled with death and despair and in the end hope and love....This is your new profile!!! So take this in consideration when developing the "wonderful fictitious world" that is your profile....Your wife isn't vanilla!!!....She's dead!!!...Or better yet in a coma, or was on safari and was gored by a rhino. She lingered for three long years after her injury and countless surgeries...And who was there by her side every step of the way??? You Were!!!...Who forfeited their career?... You did!!! Who sacrificed everything to care for their dying precious wife???....You Did!!! Who was there holding her hand and "closed her eyes" when she passed away????? You Were That Guy!!!... Now you will never be viewed as some callous cheater but have immediately elevated your status up to damn near Godesque proportions....You will be wearing out floggers as well as your spunk supply in nothing flat.....No need to thank me...Just one of the many random acts of kindness that I am known for....Pass it on brothah....Pass it on!!!

ShiftedJewel -> RE: proper way to approach a sub (4/8/2007 4:31:53 AM)
quote: Wow, maybe I'm going to get shouted down in flames here but I'm a little shocked at the intolerant responses! Lets face the fact that a large percentage of people on here will be married and some of those will be dishonest with their partner. What's so shocking about it? The fact that the ole' stereotype about lifestylers being more tolerant then the nilla world is bullshit? When I picked up my first flogger I didn't suddenly have some revelation that caused me to no longer be judgemental, or more tolerant then a saint? Married and cheating is married and cheating... period. Adding kink doesn't make it less so. Why am I intolerant of it? Cuz I've been on the other side... I've been the wife that found out that screwing someone else was more important then being with me and our new born male his first night on this earth. Among countless other nights. *He needs to do what's right, be honest with everyone involved, that means his wife.* *Jewel*

Celeste43 -> RE: proper way to approach a sub (4/8/2007 4:35:46 AM)
Target married women in the same boat. You can't be a primary partner to a single woman, you're with your family on holidays, not available to be with her. But an unhappily married woman will have the same constraints as you. She won't want to destroy her family yet she still wants a little happiness for herself.

domiguy -> RE: proper way to approach a sub (4/8/2007 4:53:31 AM)
However, if you say you wife is dead you can target anyone without remorse.

subnstudent -> RE: proper way to approach a sub (4/8/2007 5:22:43 AM)
Um, yes, but what happens when said sub or playmate, etc etc finds out about wife? If you lie to your subs, and they discover it, isn't the trust that (at least I think) is essential in a bdsm relationship (even if not primary partner, etc) going to be broken? And if your wife finds out that you have been cheating (without her consent/knowledge)... well it'll be an understatement to say she'll be pissed off. Hell, she might even be afraid of you for your kink; considering the common vanilla conception of most bdsm activities. I agree with some of the posts above, though; and stick by my earlier post: get marriage counciling, reconcile your differences with your wife, and as others have said, find married women subs in the same boat. Your wife doesn't have to be involved or may even not want to know about it; but it's important that she does so there's no major freakout if she finds out about it. I dunno if Domiguy's bein sarcastic, but that's precisely how you don't want to go about doing things.

domiguy -> RE: proper way to approach a sub (4/8/2007 5:41:44 AM)
Nonsense....You wife is dead of some hoorible illness or a goring....You portray yourself as being missunderstood and as hard but yet somewhat sensitive....You my friend are a bad boy!!!....Women love a reclamation project....You explain that to your prey (whomever the sub of the minute is) "How if you could just find love just one last time that everything would fall into place"...And of course you go on to say that, "she is a woman like no other." It's sooo fucking beautiful man!!! [image]http://www.abcteach.com/babysit/holidays/valentine/valent2.gif[/image]

SweetAndInnocent -> RE: proper way to approach a sub (4/8/2007 7:18:59 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: princeoffire I am newto all of this and have been reading to try to learn the ettiquette here. I would like to knowwhat is the best and most proper way to approach a sub. I have seen ere that many do ot like a harsh approach andthat it is generaly not an accepted practice to demand things on a first meeting. I have sent messages toa few and have nly had one response and then that stopped. I updated my profile since after I read it I thought it may be a bit of a turn off. I would also like to know if there is a good way to approach the subject of marriage. I am married but my wife is very vanilla and quite honestly seems to have lost interest in regular sex let alone anything with a bit of kink to it.She also would not approve and would probably hit the roof if she knew I was here.I don't want to misrepresent myself either as I am not looking to end my marriage. I just want to be able to explore this with out being thought of as just another guy wanting to cheat on his wife.I love her but life seems to always get in the way of us getting together let alone trying to get time to bring something new into the mix. That is exactly what you are, therefore, that is exactly what you will be thought of. As a submissive, I wouldn't waste two seconds on you. In a lifestyle based on trust, you are violated that trust with your WIFE, why would I even begin to think you wouldn't violate it with me???

domiguy -> RE: proper way to approach a sub (4/8/2007 7:42:22 AM)
The above post shows why we must conduct this as a "covert" mission.....You will be so "deep" that at times you will actually believe that your wife is dead....that way none of these tricky and unscrupulous subs will be able to spot your deceit, until we have taken from them all that they have to offer. Yes it is fine to tell them the truth only after they have nothing else to give or to be taken.....This is the way.

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