RE: proper way to approach a sub

RE: proper way to approach a sub (Full Version)

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GeekyGirl -> RE: proper way to approach a sub (4/8/2007 7:47:52 AM)
I'm going to second the majority. This lifestyle is based on trust and you are obviously not a trustworthy person. Do the decent thing and be honest with your wife. Really, the first step in being a dominant is having a backbone.

MariaB -> RE: proper way to approach a sub (4/8/2007 7:50:53 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: ShiftedJewel quote: Wow, maybe I'm going to get shouted down in flames here but I'm a little shocked at the intolerant responses! Lets face the fact that a large percentage of people on here will be married and some of those will be dishonest with their partner. What's so shocking about it? The fact that the ole' stereotype about lifestylers being more tolerant then the nilla world is bullshit? When I picked up my first flogger I didn't suddenly have some revelation that caused me to no longer be judgemental, or more tolerant then a saint? Married and cheating is married and cheating... period. Adding kink doesn't make it less so. Why am I intolerant of it? Cuz I've been on the other side... I've been the wife that found out that screwing someone else was more important then being with me and our new born male his first night on this earth. Among countless other nights. *He needs to do what's right, be honest with everyone involved, that means his wife.* *Jewel* Yes I have been on the other side of it too but I was on the other side of a love affair and not my husband getting the odd spanking from a happily married woman. So what about all the guys that go to pro Mistresses. Should they tell their wifes too?

MariaB -> RE: proper way to approach a sub (4/8/2007 7:53:00 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: GeekyGirl I'm going to second the majority. This lifestyle is based on trust and you are obviously not a trustworthy person. Do the decent thing and be honest with your wife. Really, the first step in being a dominant is having a backbone. and if its not sexual?

domiguy -> RE: proper way to approach a sub (4/8/2007 7:54:43 AM)
The lifestyle is not based on trust it is based on the need for a power exchange and a good sound fucking and sucking....If you don't know that you are being deceived than you are not......In fact I'm in the process of changing my "primary" profile to state that I have recently lost my wife to "the consumption" and I am in dire need of a woman's touch as well as her cunt.

bandit25 -> RE: proper way to approach a sub (4/8/2007 7:55:32 AM)
Sure, why not? I'm not being naive. Why wouldn't you tell your partner, the one who supposedly loves you no matter what, that you are going to a pro?

CdnExplorer -> RE: proper way to approach a sub (4/8/2007 8:00:23 AM)
Now to be fair I haven't read the profile yet, but I think people need to realize that when some people start to explore this stuff they aren't committed yet to a kinky lifestyle. Try turning it around and looking at it from another angle. A guy is married, things aren't going well lately but they've been together a long time. Their financial lives are completely entwined and there are kids involved who he loves very much. He starts to think about things that could destroy a career, not to mention end a marriage if his wife isn't open minded. For some people the kink isn't worth ending a marriage, but how can you find out if you're willing to go that far until you understand what it is you feel and how much you need it? It sounds to me like the guy is being open about being married. Despite what some of you might think it may really not be about the sex so much as trying to explore / understand his forbidden desires. It's pretty far from ideal to hide this from his wife...he'll feel pretty guilty about doing it, and he probably already feels guilty about wanting to do these things to anyone in the first place. If he was hiding that he was married I'd say he was being a piece of scum too, but maybe he'll be able to find someone who is open to some non-committed bdsm play. Hopefully not even involving actual sex which could add more guilt into the confused mess surrounding his desires.

domiguy -> RE: proper way to approach a sub (4/8/2007 8:01:01 AM)
quote: bandit25 Sure, why not? I'm not being naive. Why wouldn't you tell your partner, the one who supposedly loves you no matter what, that you are going to a pro? You are so naive....I don't want to spend easter alone...My wife passed away on Easter morning three years ago...All I need is just someone to hold to help me get through this saddest of days..It would also be a nice touch if you could find it in your heart to blow me, let me nail you in the can, apply handcuffs and nipple clamps, flog and whip you and then maybe it would be nice for you to leave.

bandit25 -> RE: proper way to approach a sub (4/8/2007 8:04:47 AM)
edited

SimplyMichael -> RE: proper way to approach a sub (4/8/2007 8:06:44 AM)
Lets review the facts Something about you has made your wife decide no sex is better than bad sex You can't inspire her to change You can't force her to change You put up with it You don't have the balls to speak to her directly about this You don't have the strength to leave if she won't change Most women don't need an inanimate source of semen, despite certain women's seemingly insatiable desire for cum. If they wanted passivity, they could get that out of a male submissive. So, what exactly do you think you have to offer in the way Dominance?

Trampler -> RE: proper way to approach a sub (4/8/2007 8:07:04 AM)
That is a very good point, CdnExplorer. However I do want to point out, that his wife might still concider it cheating because he is investing his emotional energy into what he has with a sub. Alot of women consider it cheating if a guy is cybering with someone else online, without any possibility of meeting! Domiguy despite myself your posts make laugh. you too Troll.

CdnExplorer -> RE: proper way to approach a sub (4/8/2007 8:16:21 AM)
True, which is why I said it's hardly an ideal situation. Assuming that his wife isn't open minded, a pretty safe bet, no matter what he does people will get hurt.

MistressSassy66 -> RE: proper way to approach a sub (4/8/2007 8:17:07 AM)
My thoughts are be honest.With yourself,your wife and any submissives you may contact. I encourage all submissives that session here to be honest. I do however realize and know they dont always do that. A note about being attached: I dont see getting whipped by someone as cheating,to Me its not that big a deal if they are married or dating etc. If they are wanting to be a slave then they cant be involved with someone else. If I find out they are I will not session/scene again with them. Its ironic to see this thread and some of the replys,just yesterday I told a submissive I wont session with as he belongs to another if She says to Me its okay then I'll session with him.

dawntreader -> RE: proper way to approach a sub (4/8/2007 8:35:55 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: SimplyMichael So, what exactly do you think you have to offer in the way Dominance? i think this is a very good point you have made Michael. When i look for a Dominant, i like to see they are the masters of their own lives before i think of giving them control of mine... However, it appears the OP is just looking for play time in which case, he just needs a co-conspirator. i have been approached myself by married men and the story is always the same as the OP's. i am ashamed of my own involvement with married men in my recent past but it did help me see things from both sides of the fence as i was cheated on by my husband. It is always a no-win situation...no matter how you justify it in your own mind~ as a side note: yes, he is supposedly being honest and upfront here and in his search, but someone IS being lied to... j

crouchingtigress -> RE: proper way to approach a sub (4/8/2007 8:37:01 AM)
quote: I am married but my wife is very vanilla and quite honestly seems to have lost interest in regular sex let alone anything with a bit of kink to it. man up. yes it might take some thereapy to move though years of both people hurting eachother, and trying new things...but thereapy is very effective, and at least after a month or so youll know whether you should stay or go.

GeekyGirl -> RE: proper way to approach a sub (4/8/2007 8:46:11 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: MariaB quote: ORIGINAL: GeekyGirl I'm going to second the majority. This lifestyle is based on trust and you are obviously not a trustworthy person. Do the decent thing and be honest with your wife. Really, the first step in being a dominant is having a backbone. and if its not sexual? Doesn't matter. If I found out my dominant was flogging, spanking, doing ANYTHING BDSM related with another, I'd consider it cheating. I also consider cyber sex, phone sex, or kissing to be cheating too. INTIMATE activity is cheating to me. I don't care if she touches his dick or not...I bet his dick gets hard, making it sexual in his mind regardless of whether he gets any sexual attention or not. He said he had to hide it from his wife..if you HAVE to hide something that's a sure clue that what you're doing is WRONG. Regardless of whether it's sexual or not, it is DISHONESTY and would hurt the wife.

BossyShoeBitch -> RE: proper way to approach a sub (4/8/2007 8:47:39 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: FukinTroll quote: ORIGINAL: susie quote: ORIGINAL: FukinTroll Chloroform works well for me. When I can sneak up on them. Here subby subby…. Dang and I thought you were just being polite when you offered me that tissue. No wonder it smelt odd! Hey! I was a gentleman. I left you an ice pack and some motron. Slurp! What the heck is Motron?

GeekyGirl -> RE: proper way to approach a sub (4/8/2007 8:53:09 AM)
quote: What the heck is Motron? Isn't he one of those Transformers guys?

BOUNTYHUNTER -> RE: proper way to approach a sub (4/8/2007 8:57:41 AM)
Cheating, what is this,GOD put us males here to spread our seed and multiply smiles..HE didn't put you woman here as a sperm receptacle for every swing dick,A man must know that the seed planted is his...I am a very lucky man if I see a sweet dish and we click then she comes home to play with us both..THose in this lifestyle should realize the man will find a way to explore his sexual desires especially if his partner isn't giving him what he needs.IN our case she is an extrema sadist and I am a sex manic so the best of two worlds awaits the lucky girl here..bounty

FukinTroll -> RE: proper way to approach a sub (4/8/2007 8:59:11 AM)
Motron is the Okiology term used for the pain releiver Motrin. It is sometimes found in the company of words such as "gooder" "Mucho gooder" and "Funner'n."

TexasMaam -> RE: proper way to approach a sub (4/8/2007 9:03:21 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: domiguy Don't listen to these silly women as most of them are subs and the ones who lists themselves as Dommes, switches or lesbians are really just subs that simply haven't met the right guy yet. This quote belongs on the 'what irritates you the MOST about the online BDSM community' thread... TM

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