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male subs wanting female subs to top them. - 4/18/2005 5:19:46 AM

nella

Posts: 1243
Joined: 12/30/2004
From: Norway
Status: offline

Why do male submissives pester female submissives asking them to be a Dominant for them? What is realy the point in that, now if you look at my post on this board i have the often quite unpolular wiew that a submissive need not be a domestic servant and only think aboute his or her Dominant to be a sub, but even i think this is strange, this must be the one most blatant example of not caring aboute submitting just kinky sex i know of. What would a submissive woman get out of being a Dominant.

Yet theese men do not seam to care, they continue to pester female submissives, i have only been asked this once, probably becouse i am not pretty, but i know of others that get tons of requests like this every day.

Personaly i think it is rude. To ask a submissive woman if she would Top you is like asking a person to change their sexual orientation. It is uncosiderate.

Oh well, just me coming whit an rant here. i am sorry for taking up forum space and your time.

Post #: 1

RE: male subs wanting female subs to top them. - 4/18/2005 5:58:54 AM

ProtagonistLily

Posts: 1222
Joined: 12/27/2004
Status: offline

Yes, this clearly is just a rant.

_____________________________

"Be who you are and say what you feel because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind"
~Dr. Seuss~

(in reply to nella)

Post #: 2

RE: male subs wanting female subs to top them. - 4/18/2005 6:40:20 AM

MstrssPassion

Posts: 2444
Joined: 1/1/2004
From: West Palm Beach, FL
Status: offline

Though a rant, it is clearly a fact that this happens.

I have had many female submissives tell me about males contacting them to top them. It makes no sense why they would chose to contact a submissive for this, but neither do so many of these males in their fevered attempts to get personally gratification in the form of physically interaction (play).

It is not uncommon for a submissive to top nor is it uncommon for a dominant to bottom... I hear a few faint gasps here... lol

Topping & bottoming are just the positions one would engage in during interaction & do not necessarily negate whether they are Dominant or submissive. There are still several modalities that practice the right of succession. This simply stated is starting at the bottom & working your way up.

I have known many very well established couples (1 Dom -1 sub) within the Leather Lifestyle that will as a couple top another sub/bottom.

As always, it is an individual decision as to how you wish to pursue forms of interaction. There are just as many identifying subs out there that would not entertain the idea of topping as there are subs looking forward to the opportunity to do just that.

My advice to anyone being approached by someone requesting to be topped... go with it if you have an interest to do so... granted that you know what the heck you are doing. If there is no interest, be blunt in response to the request & send them on their way.

Come on ladies... you should all know by now, guys are going to keep tossing the bait out there until they get a bite. <wink>

MstrssPassion

(in reply to ProtagonistLily)

Post #: 3

RE: male subs wanting female subs to top them. - 4/18/2005 9:20:31 AM

perverseangelic

Posts: 2625
Joined: 2/2/2004
From: Davis, Ca
Status: offline

An interesting thing.

When I cut my hair (from shoulder length to a buzz of about 1/2 an inch) suddenly I was -flooded- win an influx of malesubs asking me to top them. My profile hadn't changed. Just my main photo.

It was funny. Perceptions based on hair lenghth amuse me.

_____________________________

~in the begining it is always dark~

(in reply to MstrssPassion)

Post #: 4

RE: male subs wanting female subs to top them. - 4/18/2005 10:05:18 AM

nella

Posts: 1243
Joined: 12/30/2004
From: Norway
Status: offline

well it is a symbol, long hair is more to some femenine and delicate while short hair more signify a tomgirl. Many may wiew it like this, just like when in that horror movie we just know the man in dark robes is the bad guy.

(in reply to perverseangelic)

Post #: 5

RE: male subs wanting female subs to top them. - 4/18/2005 10:07:01 AM

ProtagonistLily

Posts: 1222
Joined: 12/27/2004
Status: offline

quote:

well it is a symbol, long hair is more to some femenine and delicate while short hair more signify a tomgirl. Many may wiew it like this, just like when in that horror movie we just know the man in dark robes is the bad guy.

Really? Do you have any data to prove this? This is the most stereotypical thing I've heard here in a long time.

Where do you get this stuff?

L

_____________________________

"Be who you are and say what you feel because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind"
~Dr. Seuss~

(in reply to nella)

Post #: 6

RE: male subs wanting female subs to top them. - 4/18/2005 10:12:54 AM

nella

Posts: 1243
Joined: 12/30/2004
From: Norway
Status: offline

i am not a sientist, and i said mayby this is the case, i have watched a TV show on discover chanel.

(in reply to ProtagonistLily)

Post #: 7

RE: male subs wanting female subs to top them. - 4/18/2005 11:45:50 AM

MadameDahlia

Posts: 2021
Joined: 8/11/2004
From: SoCal aka Hell
Status: offline

Why do male submissives ask female submissives to top them?

Hmm... probably the same reason male Doms ask Female Dominas to bottom for them.

Either of the two groups are having a hard time finding a suitable partner. Then again... some of them could just be assholes.

And before anyone gets their panties in a bunch females are guilty of this as well at times. However I would not ask someone to bottom for me if I knew he was a Dom because I know how rude I would consider it if he asked it of me. That's like telling a lesbian she needs dick. Give me a bloody break...

I think it boils down to being needy... or perhaps being a fool. They lack respect. They lack proper manners. They probably lack other qualities that would make them a decent human being as well. But that could just be me being nasty and ill tempered.

_____________________________

Insanity -- a perfectly rational adjustment to an insane world.
--R. D. Laing

"Oh, but if I went 'round sayin' I was Emperor, just because some moistened bint lobbed a scimitar at me, they'd put me away."

(in reply to nella)

Post #: 8

RE: male subs wanting female subs to top them. - 4/18/2005 2:24:43 PM

AAkasha

Posts: 4429
Joined: 11/27/2004
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: nella

well it is a symbol, long hair is more to some femenine and delicate while short hair more signify a tomgirl. Many may wiew it like this, just like when in that horror movie we just know the man in dark robes is the bad guy.

If you browse the profiles of the most prominent professional femdoms in the world, I don't think you will see butch, tomboy types outnumbering feminine, long haired beauty queens by a longshot. I think that's more reliable data, because it's supply and demand.

Akasha

_____________________________

Akasha's Web - All original Femdom content since 1995
Don't email me here, email me at [email protected]

(in reply to nella)

Post #: 9

RE: male subs wanting female subs to top them. - 4/18/2005 2:36:31 PM

Tempestspet

Posts: 360
Joined: 1/13/2005
Status: offline

Perhaps they are not collared or attached to anyone, and they are just either horney... or just want to play.

Maybe they know you are submissive too, and can simply top them, without fear of wishing to own them... it's just play with no strings. Kinda like a one night stand.

Tempest's pet

Or maybe... they are just trolls... and wannabes.. who are horny

(in reply to AAkasha)

Post #: 10

RE: male subs wanting female subs to top them. - 4/18/2005 2:44:04 PM

BeachMystress

Posts: 2156
Joined: 4/3/2004
From: Naples Island- Long Beach CA - Southern California
Status: offline

I feel they do it because their own need to perform submission is stronger than their need to respect the woman. What the woman wants doesn't really matter to a lot of these "subs." They just want to be gratified. So what if she is submissive? She has the right sex organs and they can get off to her.. So let's pester her. *sigh*

_____________________________

Beach Mystress
*Do not threaten the weak. Intimidate the strong. ~ Stevenson*
http://beachmystress.jigsy.com
http://www.flickr.com/photos/beachmystress/

(in reply to nella)

Post #: 11

RE: male subs wanting female subs to top them. - 4/18/2005 3:04:16 PM

Spike1777

Posts: 85
Joined: 3/19/2005
From: Hollywod, Ca
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: nella

Why do male submissives pester female submissives asking them to be a Dominant for them?

Maybe they ( the male submissives ) have ran out of Dommes to pester, so they switch to pestering fellow subbies.

Personally I like the company of a fellow submissive. But i do not think that i have ever talked to a submissive female. I did email one submissive female though, because i liked her profile and she lived close by in Hollywood. But she did not respond so that was the end of that....

spike

_____________________________

You talk of duties where there should be only a question of pleasure....Venus in Furs, by L. Masoch.......
A Slave, someone who lives in voluntary servitude consents once and then is bound to obey.

(in reply to nella)

Post #: 12

RE: male subs wanting female subs to top them. - 4/19/2005 2:15:02 PM

BobcatsLilMinx

Posts: 201
Joined: 4/8/2005
From: UK
Status: offline

I was contacted on yahoo a couple of weeks ago by a boy who wanted me to be his Domme. His opinion was that it would be all the more humiliating and pathetic to be dominated by a "weakling" than by an "all powerful Goddess".

I don't like being called a weakling. But I can understand a little how it might be viewed as the ultimate humiliation.

Minx

(in reply to nella)

Post #: 13

RE: male subs wanting female subs to top them. - 4/19/2005 4:11:50 PM

Spike1777

Posts: 85
Joined: 3/19/2005
From: Hollywod, Ca
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: BobcatsLilMinx

I was contacted on yahoo a couple of weeks ago by a boy who wanted me to be his Domme. His opinion was that it would be all the more humiliating and pathetic to be dominated by a "weakling" than by an "all powerful Goddess".

I don't like being called a weakling. But I can understand a little how it might be viewed as the ultimate humiliation.

Minx

I do not understand. I thought that female domination was simply another type of loving relationship. Only where the female is the superior and the male is the inferior. I did not view this type of relationship as humiliation.

I have a question: From a female subs point of view. How would it be possible for a submissive female to dominate a submissive male? I am new to this, but would not a submissive female and a submissive male make a submissive couple i.e. two bottoms and not a top and a bottom....

spike

_____________________________

You talk of duties where there should be only a question of pleasure....Venus in Furs, by L. Masoch.......
A Slave, someone who lives in voluntary servitude consents once and then is bound to obey.

(in reply to BobcatsLilMinx)

Post #: 14

RE: male subs wanting female subs to top them. - 4/19/2005 4:12:50 PM

BeachMystress

Posts: 2156
Joined: 4/3/2004
From: Naples Island- Long Beach CA - Southern California
Status: offline

Anyone who thinks femsubs as a group are weaklings is an utter fool. They can be the scariest force on the face of the earth.. LMAO. Just because someone chooses to give submission, it doesn't make them weak. I've seen femsubs cut hell out of a wanna be dom with the edge of their tongue and leaving the guy mewling in their wake. *grins* .. yeah.. weak.. ROFLMAO.. the guy who wrote to you gets putz of the year award.

_____________________________

Beach Mystress
*Do not threaten the weak. Intimidate the strong. ~ Stevenson*
http://beachmystress.jigsy.com
http://www.flickr.com/photos/beachmystress/

(in reply to BobcatsLilMinx)

Post #: 15

RE: male subs wanting female subs to top them. - 4/19/2005 4:20:07 PM

ManOwner

Posts: 127
Joined: 4/12/2005
From: Sacramento, California
Status: offline

My guess is that this is double humiliation/degradation for the male - double the fun. He's topped by a person that herself is topped by another. I don't think the sex of the tops matters, except for the fact that it's the bottom's sexual preference.

(in reply to BeachMystress)

Post #: 16

RE: male subs wanting female subs to top them. - 4/19/2005 4:38:27 PM

BobcatsLilMinx

Posts: 201
Joined: 4/8/2005
From: UK
Status: offline

quote:

I thought that female domination was simply another type of loving relationship. Only where the female is the superior and the male is the inferior. I did not view this type of relationship as humiliation.

A lot of subs like being humiliated... I think he was just looking for that kick. I never heard from him again.

Some subs are able to be dominant over someone else. I can be, for very short periods of time. But I don't really enjoy it, at the end of the day I like being kept in my place, at Master's feet. But I guess some are able to live in both worlds, submissive to one and dominant to another.

And yeah... *grins* We ARE scary. I kicked that guys ass for calling me a "weakling".

Minx

(in reply to ManOwner)

Post #: 17

RE: male subs wanting female subs to top them. - 4/19/2005 4:50:51 PM

Spike1777

Posts: 85
Joined: 3/19/2005
From: Hollywod, Ca
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: BobcatsLilMinx

quote:

I thought that female domination was simply another type of loving relationship. Only where the female is the superior and the male is the inferior. I did not view this type of relationship as humiliation.

A lot of subs like being humiliated... I think he was just looking for that kick. I never heard from him again.

Some subs are able to be dominant over someone else. I can be, for very short periods of time. But I don't really enjoy it, at the end of the day I like being kept in my place, at Master's feet. But I guess some are able to live in both worlds, submissive to one and dominant to another.

And yeah... *grins* We ARE scary. I kicked that guys ass for calling me a "weakling".

Minx

Cool, thanks... you explaination makes a lot more sense. and good for you in kicking that guy's butttt.......

Being kept in ones place is certainly cool.....................

_____________________________

You talk of duties where there should be only a question of pleasure....Venus in Furs, by L. Masoch.......
A Slave, someone who lives in voluntary servitude consents once and then is bound to obey.

(in reply to BobcatsLilMinx)

Post #: 18

RE: male subs wanting female subs to top them. - 4/19/2005 4:52:16 PM

BeachMystress

Posts: 2156
Joined: 4/3/2004
From: Naples Island- Long Beach CA - Southern California
Status: offline

I can't help you with the question directed to femsubs, but I can speak to your other one.

Domination comes in all flavors. In our circle, you've seen only the loving relationships because that is what we have in our chapter of Club FEm. Not all are that way. Some can appear very destructive to the outsider, with the Domme apparently (and maybe in reality) disrespecting the sub and using him without regard to his needs or feelings. While that seems alien to us, it can be something someone else needs or craves. One of the things we get to do in BDSM is accept other's way of doing things. Someone who feels the need to be locked in the closet and ignored for a period of time may feel very loved by that activity, while it might leave you shaking your head, asking what is wrong with that person. In return, that person might wonder why you DON'T enjoy the closet, but instead prefer to render personal service. We don't have to understand the motivations. As long as people remain in the bounds of Safe, Sane and Consensual, their kink is ok.

Did you enjoy meeting Lady Ahyla the other day? Awesome woman isn't she! Did you realize one of her main fetishes is scat? I may say eww to that fetish, but I highly respect and admire Lady Ahyla. I accept her fetish, even though I'd never be involved in. Just because it isn't my thing, or is something I consider dirty, doesn't make it wrong. Because we're all a little warped in the mind of the vanilla people of the world, we tolerate each others kinks and ways of doing things. This includes things that seem cruel or mean. We are not able to judge the relationship from the outside.

Some Dominants want to be serviced, including sexual fulfillment; some get their pleasure from reducing a submissive to a quivering ball of pain. Some want to control every aspect of the sub's life and yet others want the sub to totally take care of them and see to the Dominant's every need. There are Dominants who get their charge from humiliating men, hurting them and degrading them. Others like the tease, deny and orgasm control route. None of those are going to be a loving relationship unless both parties wish it. You can have a D/s relationship with just friendship or adoration from his side as the foundation. While those would never satisfy me (or you I think) they work wonderfully for some people.

Over the next few days spike, I'd like you to read The Difference between BDSM and Abuse and Stages in the Development of Erotic Power Exchange. Also, scan the Celebrate Male Submission FAQ and see what it has to offer. I think those might help you settle some questions in your mind and bring new ones to the forefront.

_____________________________

Beach Mystress
*Do not threaten the weak. Intimidate the strong. ~ Stevenson*
http://beachmystress.jigsy.com
http://www.flickr.com/photos/beachmystress/

(in reply to Spike1777)

Post #: 19

RE: male subs wanting female subs to top them. - 4/19/2005 5:08:29 PM

BeachMystress

Posts: 2156
Joined: 4/3/2004
From: Naples Island- Long Beach CA - Southern California
Status: offline

Oh, btw spike, did you read Greg's blog about Friday night? I know you got to see how scary it looked and sounded from the sidelines.. and btw, you're free to ask either of us questions about it. Greg might be a better one to ask since he shares your side of the coin, but I'm always here to give my views also.

Greg's blog If you have a MySpace account also, you can subscribe to his blog here

Greg's Myspace Profile

My MySpace profile If you want to subscribe to my blog go here.

Ms. Norma Jean's MySpace profile You'll have to speak with her about subscribing to her blog. I'm not sure if she has hers restricted or not.

_____________________________

Beach Mystress
*Do not threaten the weak. Intimidate the strong. ~ Stevenson*
http://beachmystress.jigsy.com
http://www.flickr.com/photos/beachmystress/

(in reply to BeachMystress)

Post #: 20

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