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RE: Bettering oneself...is there a limit? - 4/9/2007 7:02:46 PM

SirDominic

Posts: 711
Joined: 11/22/2006
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quote:

ORIGINAL: littlesarbonn
When do you stop trying to better yourself? By the same token, when does bettering yourself to make yourself a better person for someone else stop being for that reason and end up being a personal satisfaction goal for oneself? And for those who do set off on a journey to better oneself, what continues to motivate you, and is there really a purpose behind doing it.......

When I was younger, my motivation was to be more accepted. But with age comes, hopefully, some wisdom, and I learned the futility of that attitude.

I don't really see it as bettering myself either, I tend to side with LA on that issue. I do know that I never stop learning, growing, achieving. I do it for myself, my motivation is simple, I enjoy it. Is there a purpose? You mean beyond the pure joy of it? That's all I need. (Don't need no stinkin' purpose).

Namaste, Sir Dominic

_____________________________

You teach best what you have lived.

(in reply to littlesarbonn)

Post #: 21

RE: Bettering oneself...is there a limit? - 4/9/2007 7:05:18 PM

SDFemDom4cuck

Posts: 2809
Joined: 5/23/2005
From: P'burgh PA
Status: offline

quote:

way to ask a question: When do you stop trying to better yourself? By the same token, when does bettering yourself to make yourself a better person for someone else stop being for that reason and end up being a personal satisfaction goal for oneself? And for those who do set off on a journey to better oneself, what continues to motivate you, and is there really a purpose behind doing it, or are we all just Platonic cogs in the wheel pushing forth some self-satisfaction process that really caters only to a continuous process that doesn't get us anywhere but back to the beginning where we ask Socratic questions of ourselves?
I'm curious at any responses. My stuffed animals are really concerned about me. I think they think I'm somewhat nuts

I think when you stop striving to better yourself, when you stop evolving is when you begin to die.

I recently went back to college at 40. I shouldn't actually say I went back since I never went to begin with. When most of my friends were in college I was raising my UM and working my ass off to support the two of us. Sooo I quit my job and enrolled in an accelerated degree program. There are times I wonder what the hell I was thinking. Yet regardless of the stress I'm loving every second of it. Am I easily 20 years older than the other students in my class?? Hell yes. Am I pulling a 4.0 and number 1 in my class? unfuckingbelievably enough I actually am! Am I doing it to better myself? Absolutely!

What prompted the journey? The realization that I wasn't growing any younger. That life was short, far shorter than I had ever realized before. That I was going to turn 41 and 42 and 43 regardless whether I had that degree or not so why not have it.

As far as it being for someone else...it isn't. It's all about me....but then I have this silly little notion that the world revolves around me. AHHH it's good to be the Queen.

_____________________________

Ms Jo

She dealt her pretty words like Blades -
How glittering they shone -
And every One unbared a Nerve
Or wantoned with a Bone -

I want a sensitive man - one who'll cry when I hit him.

(in reply to littlesarbonn)

Post #: 22

RE: Bettering oneself...is there a limit? - 4/9/2007 7:05:53 PM

FukinTroll

Posts: 6277
Joined: 2/6/2007
From: Under a bridge
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quote:

ORIGINAL: KnightofMists

Well... considering you wanted to retro fit hell in pinks and whites with a dash of plaid... who could stay in a place like that?

But... but... it was just the hetero male section.

_____________________________

I'm the guy your girl is thinking about when she is fucking you!

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Greedy Groupie!

The Mods have me on speed Spank!! Gotta luv'em.

(in reply to KnightofMists)

Post #: 23

RE: Bettering oneself...is there a limit? - 4/9/2007 7:12:06 PM

KnightofMists

Posts: 7149
Joined: 7/29/2005
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quote:

ORIGINAL: FukinTroll

But... but... it was just the hetero male section.

Well... if the Bad Boys are not going to be in Hell.... do you think the Naughty Girls are going to be there?

And if no Naughty Girls... what's the point of being there for anyone.

_____________________________

Knight of Mists

An Optimal relationship is achieved when the individuals do what is best for themselves and their relationship.

(in reply to FukinTroll)

Post #: 24

RE: Bettering oneself...is there a limit? - 4/9/2007 7:18:32 PM

AquaticSub

Posts: 14867
Joined: 12/27/2005
Status: offline

Wow. It sounds like you've accomplished a lot.

But here is the question I'd be asking you if I were a potential partner: Were you interested in it, or were you just padding your resume?

_____________________________

Without my dominance you cannot submit. Without your submission I cannot dominate. You are my equal in this, though our roles are different.-Val

It was ok for him to beat me but then he tried to cuddle me! - Me

Member:Clan of the Scarlet O'Hair

(in reply to littlesarbonn)

Post #: 25

RE: Bettering oneself...is there a limit? - 4/9/2007 7:33:37 PM

kiyari

Posts: 631
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: KnightofMists

well of course a Suitable Female wouldn't be threatened by his accomplishments... she wouldn't be suitable if she was now would she?

The problem is.. finding that suitable female.... and the better he is as a person...well the fewer suitable partners for him. Since his increased "Value" requires a person of Suitable "Value".

WRONG-O, LOL... let me broaden my statement to illustrate:

That one who wishes to serve might have many attributes,
would not be seen by we of female persuasion, as an IMPEDIMENT.

Rather, we would see that this is one with great [and demonstrated] POTENTIAL.

Never having Dommed... might be wrong... but this is my innate sense.

Almost read your rebuttal as a slight to Dommes... surely I am mistaken, there

~K

(in reply to KnightofMists)

Post #: 26

RE: Bettering oneself...is there a limit? - 4/9/2007 7:40:14 PM

LuckyAlbatross

Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: AquaticSub
But here is the question I'd be asking you if I were a potential partner: Were you interested in it, or were you just padding your resume?

Exactly. In high school I was Ms. Extra Curricular. I'd say a good third of all of it was to pad my resume, get a scholarship and get into whatever college I wanted to get into.

And it worked very well for me. But the truth is that a chunk of it was just to make it look good. That doesn't mean I just showed up to the meetings and hung around (or flat out lied like I hear some other students did), I did good work and enjoyed it as well. But once I had reached my "reward" I cut back and did just the stuff I really wanted to do and which made me happy.

That, and I'd burned myself out pretty badly by the end of high school and was rebelling and needed a break pretty badly.

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to AquaticSub)

Post #: 27

RE: Bettering oneself...is there a limit? - 4/9/2007 7:45:26 PM

ChainedExistence

Posts: 507
Joined: 2/5/2005
Status: offline

I don't think a Domme is going to be intimidated by your accomplishments. She'll probably find a way to put them to good use! What I do wonder about if you are moving from one thing to another, where is your passion? One thing that I find fascinating in another person is when you can clearly see their passion. Is it cooking, is it fast cars, is it 1960's B- movies? It doesn't so much matter what it is, but when a person is passionate about something, you see their true nature. Are they self-absorbed or do they share in their loves? Do they spend impulsively or with intense deliberation? Are they good natured about people who don't know what they know, or are they annoyed? In any case, it never hurts to learn things, but find those things that make you light up inside and make you stand out from the crowd.

(in reply to KnightofMists)

Post #: 28

RE: Bettering oneself...is there a limit? - 4/9/2007 7:58:57 PM

littlesarbonn

Posts: 1710
Joined: 12/3/2005
From: Stockton, California
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: ChainedExistence

I don't think a Domme is going to be intimidated by your accomplishments. She'll probably find a way to put them to good use! What I do wonder about if you are moving from one thing to another, where is your passion? One thing that I find fascinating in another person is when you can clearly see their passion. Is it cooking, is it fast cars, is it 1960's B- movies? It doesn't so much matter what it is, but when a person is passionate about something, you see their true nature. Are they self-absorbed or do they share in their loves? Do they spend impulsively or with intense deliberation? Are they good natured about people who don't know what they know, or are they annoyed? In any case, it never hurts to learn things, but find those things that make you light up inside and make you stand out from the crowd.

You ask a good question. However, I think I've pretty much figured out my "passion", and that's writing, so everything else that I attempt to accomplish is something that benefits my writing. An example: I'm doing a rhetorical criticism on counter-narratives, involving the August 1991 Soviet Coup. During the last year, I've picked up knowledge on this subject that I never dreamed of before, but in the end, it's already feeding into a novel that I've been trying to rewrite for the last five years, that takes place during this exact same event.

_____________________________

<---- FYI, this picture looks JUST like me

http://www.littlesarbonn.com/Stickman/Stickman.htm
The Adventures of Stickman and the Unemployed Lego Spaceman

(in reply to ChainedExistence)

Post #: 29

RE: Bettering oneself...is there a limit? - 4/9/2007 8:06:31 PM

littlesarbonn

Posts: 1710
Joined: 12/3/2005
From: Stockton, California
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: AquaticSub

Wow. It sounds like you've accomplished a lot.

But here is the question I'd be asking you if I were a potential partner: Were you interested in it, or were you just padding your resume?

Padding the resume seems like a real waste of time and effort to me. Why even do something if the only reason to do it is to claim that you've done it? I love learning new things, but I don't love learning them for the sake of the act of being able to tell people I learned something but because the process of learning that new thing is such a wonderful experience. Languages are an example. I learned Korean years back but not so that I could say, "hey, I speak Korean" but so that when I actually went to Korea, I could walk into a bar and strike up a conversation. Of course, the military kind of forced me to learn it, but that doesn't mean I didn't benefit from it at the same time.

Over the years, I've actually worked pretty hard to avoid padding the ole' resume, mainly because I do learn from my mistakes. Akasha made a really brilliant criticism of me some months back when she mentioned she was tired of hearing about some high point of my past, which when seen from her perspective, could easily be seen as a borish bragging activity. So, realizing she made a brilliant point, I have actually tried to tone down my "accomplishments" when I talk with others because I think it's so much cooler to see such things come up through common conversation rather than to try to show how much one believes he's accomplished because of his past activities. If anything, I sure do try to learn from my mistakes and misconceptions.

_____________________________

<---- FYI, this picture looks JUST like me

http://www.littlesarbonn.com/Stickman/Stickman.htm
The Adventures of Stickman and the Unemployed Lego Spaceman

(in reply to AquaticSub)

Post #: 30

RE: Bettering oneself...is there a limit? - 4/9/2007 8:18:05 PM

AquaticSub

Posts: 14867
Joined: 12/27/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: littlesarbonn

quote:

ORIGINAL: AquaticSub

Wow. It sounds like you've accomplished a lot.

But here is the question I'd be asking you if I were a potential partner: Were you interested in it, or were you just padding your resume?

Padding the resume seems like a real waste of time and effort to me. Why even do something if the only reason to do it is to claim that you've done it? I love learning new things, but I don't love learning them for the sake of the act of being able to tell people I learned something but because the process of learning that new thing is such a wonderful experience. Languages are an example. I learned Korean years back but not so that I could say, "hey, I speak Korean" but so that when I actually went to Korea, I could walk into a bar and strike up a conversation. Of course, the military kind of forced me to learn it, but that doesn't mean I didn't benefit from it at the same time.

Over the years, I've actually worked pretty hard to avoid padding the ole' resume, mainly because I do learn from my mistakes. Akasha made a really brilliant criticism of me some months back when she mentioned she was tired of hearing about some high point of my past, which when seen from her perspective, could easily be seen as a borish bragging activity. So, realizing she made a brilliant point, I have actually tried to tone down my "accomplishments" when I talk with others because I think it's so much cooler to see such things come up through common conversation rather than to try to show how much one believes he's accomplished because of his past activities. If anything, I sure do try to learn from my mistakes and misconceptions.

Well, you said you wanted to make yourself into a better person so that when your future mistress came along you'd have something worth offering. About as far as I'd ever go down that route is learning to cook. If you are going to "better yourself" learn something new because it genuinely makes you happy and don't think about how it would impress or serve a future mistress. For all you know, you'll snag a rough-and-tumble girl who would only be impressed if you could make shelters in the woods and doesn't care about any sort of book learning.

_____________________________

Without my dominance you cannot submit. Without your submission I cannot dominate. You are my equal in this, though our roles are different.-Val

It was ok for him to beat me but then he tried to cuddle me! - Me

Member:Clan of the Scarlet O'Hair

(in reply to littlesarbonn)

Post #: 31

RE: Bettering oneself...is there a limit? - 4/9/2007 8:27:14 PM

littlesarbonn

Posts: 1710
Joined: 12/3/2005
From: Stockton, California
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: AquaticSub

quote:

ORIGINAL: littlesarbonn

quote:

ORIGINAL: AquaticSub

Wow. It sounds like you've accomplished a lot.

But here is the question I'd be asking you if I were a potential partner: Were you interested in it, or were you just padding your resume?

Padding the resume seems like a real waste of time and effort to me. Why even do something if the only reason to do it is to claim that you've done it? I love learning new things, but I don't love learning them for the sake of the act of being able to tell people I learned something but because the process of learning that new thing is such a wonderful experience. Languages are an example. I learned Korean years back but not so that I could say, "hey, I speak Korean" but so that when I actually went to Korea, I could walk into a bar and strike up a conversation. Of course, the military kind of forced me to learn it, but that doesn't mean I didn't benefit from it at the same time.

Over the years, I've actually worked pretty hard to avoid padding the ole' resume, mainly because I do learn from my mistakes. Akasha made a really brilliant criticism of me some months back when she mentioned she was tired of hearing about some high point of my past, which when seen from her perspective, could easily be seen as a borish bragging activity. So, realizing she made a brilliant point, I have actually tried to tone down my "accomplishments" when I talk with others because I think it's so much cooler to see such things come up through common conversation rather than to try to show how much one believes he's accomplished because of his past activities. If anything, I sure do try to learn from my mistakes and misconceptions.

Well, you said you wanted to make yourself into a better person so that when your future mistress came along you'd have something worth offering. About as far as I'd ever go down that route is learning to cook. If you are going to "better yourself" learn something new because it genuinely makes you happy and don't think about how it would impress or serve a future mistress. For all you know, you'll snag a rough-and-tumble girl who would only be impressed if you could make shelters in the woods and doesn't care about any sort of book learning.

Well, I can already do that. Got her number?

_____________________________

<---- FYI, this picture looks JUST like me

http://www.littlesarbonn.com/Stickman/Stickman.htm
The Adventures of Stickman and the Unemployed Lego Spaceman

(in reply to AquaticSub)

Post #: 32

RE: Bettering oneself...is there a limit? - 4/9/2007 8:30:04 PM

AquaticSub

Posts: 14867
Joined: 12/27/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: littlesarbonn

Well, I can already do that. Got her number?

All I'm trying to say is that you may going about this whole "bettering yourself" thing for the wrong reasons. Other then that, you've just got to be patient. I don't think you are "bettering" yourself out of potential partners. But then again, I don't really buy into that whole "bettering yourself" thing. Do something because you love it, not because of how well it might read to some unknown person in the future.

_____________________________

Without my dominance you cannot submit. Without your submission I cannot dominate. You are my equal in this, though our roles are different.-Val

It was ok for him to beat me but then he tried to cuddle me! - Me

Member:Clan of the Scarlet O'Hair

(in reply to littlesarbonn)

Post #: 33

RE: Bettering oneself...is there a limit? - 4/9/2007 11:32:13 PM

SDFemDom4cuck

Posts: 2809
Joined: 5/23/2005
From: P'burgh PA
Status: offline

quote:

just another thought to add.... When do you become so qualified that you become overqualified and don't get the job.

I look at you brief post... and say.. great for you .. thinking that the right woman would think all this of you is rather great.

But then... how many Dominant Females out there are going to um be secure enough with all your um qualifications.

Did you price yourself out of the market just by being a better you?

With all due respect KOM he didn't at all. If anything he raised his value. Any idea how much a good massage can run at a day spa? Some of us value a sub that is intelligent, intent on making himself more useful and a better person. I'm more than secure enough to appreciate someone that takes the time to do the things sarbonne has. Alot of us are.

_____________________________

Ms Jo

She dealt her pretty words like Blades -
How glittering they shone -
And every One unbared a Nerve
Or wantoned with a Bone -

I want a sensitive man - one who'll cry when I hit him.

(in reply to KnightofMists)

Post #: 34

RE: Bettering oneself...is there a limit? - 4/10/2007 5:04:27 AM

KnightofMists

Posts: 7149
Joined: 7/29/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: SDFemDom4cuck

Some of us value a sub that is intelligent, intent on making himself more useful and a better person.

Oh I am sure that there is more than a few individuals that would value what he has... but... I am also sure that the more valuable he is... the higher quality of a Dominant he deserves. That in itself will shrink the market so to speak.

Many value a Cadilac... but few can afford it... most must be content with a chevy.. of course.... some are looking for pickup and don't want a fancy car.

_____________________________

Knight of Mists

An Optimal relationship is achieved when the individuals do what is best for themselves and their relationship.

(in reply to SDFemDom4cuck)

Post #: 35

RE: Bettering oneself...is there a limit? - 4/10/2007 5:13:48 AM

KnightofMists

Posts: 7149
Joined: 7/29/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: kiyari

That one who wishes to serve might have many attributes,
would not be seen by we of female persuasion, as an IMPEDIMENT.

Rather, we would see that this is one with great [and demonstrated] POTENTIAL.

Um Wrong... just because one who serves has many attritubes doesn't make them want to serve any one who wishes to be served.

In fact... one who serves with many attributes will expect to serve one who is worthy of such attributes. Just because many would enjoy to be served by a person of such attributes doesn't mean that these same individuals deserve such service. His Potential would more than likely be matched by a person of equal Potential. A match that is determined by both the Dominant and Submissive.

_____________________________

Knight of Mists

An Optimal relationship is achieved when the individuals do what is best for themselves and their relationship.

(in reply to kiyari)

Post #: 36

RE: Bettering oneself...is there a limit? - 4/10/2007 5:50:29 AM

BossyShoeBitch

Posts: 3931
Joined: 1/13/2007
From: South Florida
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: littlesarbonn

After my one great relationship ended, I sort of drifted for a couple of years trying to figure out what to do next. I ran into a few women with whom I thought I might be able to become a decent enough submissive with, but things just generally didn't work out. So, I decided at one point (about a decade ago), I would devote myself to bettering myself so that when the right person came along, I would have something worthy of her desires and needs when that time came.

I did that too (although not quite to the same degree as you have). I have found that what starts out as trying to better myself because, "now he'll really see how great and wonderful I am" ends up bettering my life in spite of "what's his name again?".
To me, any growth, be it spiritual, intellectual or physical is wonderful. I don't think you have priced yourself out of the market. Quite the contrary.
I have a tendency to speak to people in a condescending manner and generally see most people as clueless (clueless is the nicer way of saying it) until they prove otherwise. When I meet people who I feel are more intellectual than me, I am genuinely impressed. It makes me realize that I do in fact have a LOT more to learn and it humbles me a bit. It also inspires me to go out and learn more.
I met a man (a Dom) a couple of weeks ago who wanted to discuss economic theory and how he wanted to start a group to explore the .... I missed the rest of what he was saying at that point because I was too busy imagining myself on my knees in front of him. And if you read my profile, that's not quite my thing

(Had he been a sub, I would have locked eyes with him, taken off my heels and let my gaze drop to my feet...)
So keep bettering yourself.. Somewhere, there is someone who will appreciate it and when the two of you meet...

< Message edited by BossyShoeBitch -- 4/10/2007 6:28:51 AM >

_____________________________

A clever man can get out of situations a wise man never gets into...
A pessimist sees the difficulty in every opportunity; an optimist sees the opportunity in every difficulty.

(in reply to littlesarbonn)

Post #: 37

RE: Bettering oneself...is there a limit? - 4/10/2007 5:54:49 AM

BossyShoeBitch

Posts: 3931
Joined: 1/13/2007
From: South Florida
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: KnightofMists

quote:

ORIGINAL: SDFemDom4cuck

Some of us value a sub that is intelligent, intent on making himself more useful and a better person.

Oh I am sure that there is more than a few individuals that would value what he has... but... I am also sure that the more valuable he is... the higher quality of a Dominant he deserves. That in itself will shrink the market so to speak.

Many value a Cadilac... but few can afford it... most must be content with a chevy.. of course.... some are looking for pickup and don't want a fancy car.

And here I am. A Mercedes all the way down here by my lonesome in Florida...

_____________________________

A clever man can get out of situations a wise man never gets into...
A pessimist sees the difficulty in every opportunity; an optimist sees the opportunity in every difficulty.

(in reply to KnightofMists)

Post #: 38

RE: Bettering oneself...is there a limit? - 4/10/2007 7:36:23 AM

Mustardseed

Posts: 291
Joined: 5/27/2006
From: Seattle, WA
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: littlesarbonn

When do you stop trying to better yourself? By the same token, when does bettering yourself to make yourself a better person for someone else stop being for that reason and end up being a personal satisfaction goal for oneself? And for those who do set off on a journey to better oneself, what continues to motivate you, and is there really a purpose behind doing it, or are we all just Platonic cogs in the wheel pushing forth some self-satisfaction process that really caters only to a continuous process that doesn't get us anywhere but back to the beginning where we ask Socratic questions of ourselves?

I think that I'd start out with a template based around the sort of person I want to be, who I strive to be, who I hope to see myself as in ... however many years. How do I picture myself? If getting degrees would get me into the sort of job that would help me as a complete person -- including a useful contributor to my idealized D/S household -- then it's off to school for me. If I'd always fancied myself the butler type, then I have a great deal of reading and practicing to do ... possibly with several hospitality classes. Have I pictured myself pleasing a partner with original music, or at least performing already established material? Some other art? Do I see myself as a potential sexual dynamo? Or do I see my future self really getting involved in the local kink, sex positive and/or leather community? Doing what? Would I have to take classes to be of such use?

Basically, I'd be looking at my goals for the me I've been fantasizing about being, and working towards becoming that woman. I have noticed that working towards being the sort of person I want to be makes me about 10 times more attractive that I am when I'm not working on myself. There's something about that focus, that genuine drive, that gets one noticed.

Then a relationship starts and I end up putting off the stuff I was doing to make time for said relationship. Poor me.

Later, when things cool down a little or when / if the relationship ends, I take stock again. Has my image of my future self changed at all? If so, how? Okay, where did I leave off, and is it worth my while to pick up from there? Whatever the answer, I start my learning again -- what I'm passionate about, what I can really get into.

If twue wuv doesn't find me, that's okay -- I'll likely be too busy to notice anyway unless it clubs me upside the head.

quote:

I'm curious at any responses. My stuffed animals are really concerned about me. I think they think I'm somewhat nuts.

You scared Mr. Fou-Fou?

(in reply to littlesarbonn)

Post #: 39

RE: Bettering oneself...is there a limit? - 4/10/2007 7:52:07 AM

CreativeDominant

Posts: 11032
Joined: 3/11/2006
Status: offline

You can only make yourself a better person for you. Recognize that you will narrow the field in doing so because the number of femdominants that you will find that will suit the new, improved, longer-lasting you has decreased. As you become more within yourself, you will want more from the one outside yourself.

Also...understand that in many's eyes, the improvement makes little difference if there is something in your past that is a hot button for them. You may have had an aberrational episode 10 years ago and no matter what you have done to move away from it, they will see that and that only. All you can do in that case is be you. You know the improvements you have made. You know the work you have done. You know where you stand and you know what you present now...not then...but now.
And even more important...what you will become in the future.

(in reply to Mustardseed)

Post #: 40

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