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Serving Dom/mes with Significant Others - 4/10/2007 4:48:26 AM

womanworshipper

Posts: 71
Joined: 3/27/2005
Status: offline

Any other subs who serve a non-ProDom/me who is in a long-term vanilla relationship with a third person? What are the practicalties of your relationship? Do you live with them both? What relationship do you have to the partner and (if appropriate) any adult children?

Post #: 1

RE: Serving Dom/mes with Significant Others - 4/10/2007 7:51:25 AM

MasterFireMaam

Posts: 5587
Joined: 3/1/2006
From: Charleston, WV
Status: offline

I've been on the Dominant side of this equation. For my submissive and I, it meant:
BDSM events were private, get away time for us.
he wasn't expected to serve my husband.
he could come and visit as I saw fit...but I usually chose times when my husband would be home.
My husband knew EVERYTHING...they even met and were civil.
There was no sex penis/vagina sex...in fact, this turned into a no sex situation for me.
Time with family took priority.
My friends and family no in the lifestyle knew him as a close friend.

Master Fire

_____________________________

The power of who we are can be intoxicating. The power of who we could be is humbling.
-----
Ms Relationship Books
-----
BDSM How-To Books

(in reply to womanworshipper)

Post #: 2

RE: Serving Dom/mes with Significant Others - 4/10/2007 9:15:09 AM

womanworshipper

Posts: 71
Joined: 3/27/2005
Status: offline

Master Fire,

Thank You for Your reply. What You describe is very similar to the framework of the relationship i am currently in except that neither Madam nor myself attend bdsm events (She has only recently "discovered" bdsm through me). At present any bdsm activity between Us/us happens in her home when Her husband is not at home (though with his knowledge and consent). There is no genital sex.

For a number of reasons, We/we are not completely happy with this situation. Perhaps getting involved in the bdsm social scene might help Us/us to find different venues and opportunities.

(in reply to MasterFireMaam)

Post #: 3

RE: Serving Dom/mes with Significant Others - 4/10/2007 4:42:07 PM

OedipusRexIt

Posts: 634
Joined: 11/15/2005
Status: offline

Some people play with fire and never get burned. Others, fingerless, keep trying to light matches...

There are obvious inherent pitfalls in such an arrangement, but anyone intent on pursuing it is unlikely to be dissuaded by logic.

_____________________________

"My name is Inigo Montoya, you killed my father, prepare to die..."

(in reply to womanworshipper)

Post #: 4

RE: Serving Dom/mes with Significant Others - 4/10/2007 7:36:26 PM

MasterFireMaam

Posts: 5587
Joined: 3/1/2006
From: Charleston, WV
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: OedipusRexIt

Some people play with fire and never get burned. Others, fingerless, keep trying to light matches...

There are obvious inherent pitfalls in such an arrangement, but anyone intent on pursuing it is unlikely to be dissuaded by logic.

It depends on what is being sought after. The things you want in your relationship might not be of importance here. I had service, mild SM, great bondage opportunity, control all wound up in a wonderful friend and companion who I could relate to in many intellectual areas. We are still friends today and each of us knows that if we call the other and said, "I need help," the other would come. I've done this. he came. That means the world to me and I am blessed to have had him as my submissive.

Master Fire

_____________________________

The power of who we are can be intoxicating. The power of who we could be is humbling.
-----
Ms Relationship Books
-----
BDSM How-To Books

(in reply to OedipusRexIt)

Post #: 5

RE: Serving Dom/mes with Significant Others - 4/10/2007 8:10:11 PM

FelinePersuasion

Posts: 4792
Joined: 11/20/2004
Status: offline

And why are people doing bdsm with a spouces blessing "playing with fire" persay?

_____________________________

Most of the time if it looks like BS, smells like BS, you probably should not t taste it to see if, in fact, it is BS.

(in reply to OedipusRexIt)

Post #: 6

RE: Serving Dom/mes with Significant Others - 4/10/2007 10:01:40 PM

littlesarbonn

Posts: 1710
Joined: 12/3/2005
From: Stockton, California
Status: offline

I seem to get into these kinds of relationships a lot. They never really work out for me, but usually leave me feeling like a third wheel. For the future, I'm going to avoid such possible relationships.

_____________________________

<---- FYI, this picture looks JUST like me

http://www.littlesarbonn.com/Stickman/Stickman.htm
The Adventures of Stickman and the Unemployed Lego Spaceman

(in reply to womanworshipper)

Post #: 7

RE: Serving Dom/mes with Significant Others - 4/11/2007 6:06:23 AM

womanworshipper

Posts: 71
Joined: 3/27/2005
Status: offline

Thanks A/all.

i am aware that there are practical difficulties with this type of relationship which W/we are striving to overcome but i do not see how anyone could know it can't work as a matter of logic. If W/we find the obstacles insurmountable then W/we may well have to end it but it has too much value for U/us not to try.

Without O/our relationship, my Domme will have an important aspect of Her personality unfulfilled which may place an equal strain on Her marriage; Her husband risks losing Her and i will lose the most meaningful D/s relationship i have ever had. i would hope that W/we would remain close but even that might not be possible. Much preferable to persevere in working through the practicalities if W/we can.

(in reply to littlesarbonn)

Post #: 8

RE: Serving Dom/mes with Significant Others - 4/12/2007 12:11:53 AM

angielouwhos

Posts: 87
Joined: 7/9/2006
Status: offline

My husband and I have served Dominant males and couples together, in one case for several years. Its all doable and wonderful like any other poly relationship.

(in reply to womanworshipper)

Post #: 9

RE: Serving Dom/mes with Significant Others - 4/12/2007 6:16:04 AM

sweetstorm

Posts: 227
Joined: 5/3/2004
Status: offline

My Dom has a vanilla SO and lives with her. I don't live with them. Our arrangement fits me just fine. We get together when our schedules both permit without compromising our individual family time. We are strictly Ds and in the bedroom. We live out our fantasies and explore our deviant sides. I don't need romance right now. It would be a real pain in the ass to me. He gets His needs filled and so do I.

His vanilla relationship isn't strained for His sexual needs and as a bonus, I don't have to even think about having to sleep with guys that snore just for a little nookie.

_____________________________

You don't need a parachute to skydive.

You need a parachute to skydive twice.

(in reply to angielouwhos)

Post #: 10

RE: Serving Dom/mes with Significant Others - 4/12/2007 9:10:56 AM

Rose4Mistress

Posts: 162
Joined: 3/12/2007
Status: offline

I think that as long as the relationship is consentual all around, there is no reason why it can't work out. A sub would just have to realize that their Dom/me would be out with family on holidays, and that family would come first. Were the two committed to that relationship, there would still be plenty of time for play and spending time together.

(in reply to sweetstorm)

Post #: 11

RE: Serving Dom/mes with Significant Others - 4/12/2007 1:26:39 PM

ayasha

Posts: 149
Joined: 12/10/2005
Status: offline

one has had opportunities to serve Dominants with vanilla wives. one has always turned these invitations down. one does not wish to spend holidays alone, birthdays alone, be unable to have His support if needed because He is busy with His vanilla wife/family.

To this one, it was just asking to be hurt, a no-win situation.

(in reply to MasterFireMaam)

Post #: 12

RE: Serving Dom/mes with Significant Others - 4/12/2007 1:53:09 PM

MasterFireMaam

Posts: 5587
Joined: 3/1/2006
From: Charleston, WV
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: ayasha

one has had opportunities to serve Dominants with vanilla wives. one has always turned these invitations down. one does not wish to spend holidays alone, birthdays alone, be unable to have His support if needed because He is busy with His vanilla wife/family.

To this one, it was just asking to be hurt, a no-win situation.

Again, it depends on what you are looking for. If someone also have obligations on these events, it could work for them. This arrangement wouldn't work for you, so it's good that you know that and don't get involved.

Master Fire

_____________________________

The power of who we are can be intoxicating. The power of who we could be is humbling.
-----
Ms Relationship Books
-----
BDSM How-To Books

(in reply to ayasha)

Post #: 13

RE: Serving Dom/mes with Significant Others - 4/12/2007 2:20:04 PM

KuffedKitten

Posts: 36
Joined: 3/27/2007
Status: offline

Currently I am not looking for something that is 24/7 nor do I require someone to be there as I need..though I do anticipate in time I would enjoy the latter only if the right One were to come along. The way I see it is that everyone wants and needs soemthing different and as long as honesty is equal across the board about family , SO , and what each side needs..as long as there is mutual agreement I do not see the harm. But this is just a humble opinon.

--kuffed

(in reply to MasterFireMaam)

Post #: 14

RE: Serving Dom/mes with Significant Others - 4/12/2007 6:17:01 PM

aidan

Posts: 904
Joined: 5/28/2005
Status: offline

I've subbed to two people who were married, though it was in a friendly, playful sense. I couldn't take a collar from somebody married or sub to them in a more permanent sense.

The fact of the matter is, I'm greedy. I'm greedy and jealous and I want to be the primary. I couldn't wear the collar of somebody who was married or had another main sub because I know eventually I'd grow resentful. I wouldn't be able to give of myself as much and have to keep a certain distance.

_____________________________

Do what now?

"I aim to misbehave."
-Mal Reynolds

(in reply to KuffedKitten)

Post #: 15

RE: Serving Dom/mes with Significant Others - 4/12/2007 6:24:38 PM

CandleInTheWind

Posts: 347
Joined: 10/20/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: womanworshipper
Any other subs who serve a non-ProDom/me who is in a long-term vanilla relationship with a third person? What are the practicalties of your relationship? Do you live with them both? What relationship do you have to the partner and (if appropriate) any adult children?

The one time i got myself invovled in this type of relationship I got nowhere other than continuously tormented I suppose it is like being a swinger in some respects if the primary relationship (in that case the vanilla relationship) isnt strong enough, then the extra one ( in this case the D/s relationship) cause friction int he primary relationship......There were no problems in the D/s relationship, but the friction in the vanilla one was brought into our relationship and I eventually had to be the grown up and respectfully ask that we end things becasue of my wish for his happiness.....he couldnt possibly be happy if what was supposed t be his primaary relationship was beig stressed....

It turned out later that the vanilla relationship ended very soon thereafter and although he once again came sniffing about...I was unable to put myself into the relationship becasue oI had lost respect for him having permitted me to be disrespected and abused by his vanilla partner.

red

_____________________________

It is better to be hated for something that you are
than it is to be loved for something you are not

(in reply to womanworshipper)

Post #: 16

RE: Serving Dom/mes with Significant Others - 4/12/2007 8:04:08 PM

MasterFireMaam

Posts: 5587
Joined: 3/1/2006
From: Charleston, WV
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: CandleInTheWind

quote:

ORIGINAL: womanworshipper
Any other subs who serve a non-ProDom/me who is in a long-term vanilla relationship with a third person? What are the practicalties of your relationship? Do you live with them both? What relationship do you have to the partner and (if appropriate) any adult children?

The one time i got myself invovled in this type of relationship I got nowhere other than continuously tormented I suppose it is like being a swinger in some respects if the primary relationship (in that case the vanilla relationship) isnt strong enough, then the extra one ( in this case the D/s relationship) cause friction int he primary relationship......There were no problems in the D/s relationship, but the friction in the vanilla one was brought into our relationship and I eventually had to be the grown up and respectfully ask that we end things becasue of my wish for his happiness.....he couldnt possibly be happy if what was supposed t be his primaary relationship was beig stressed....

It turned out later that the vanilla relationship ended very soon thereafter and although he once again came sniffing about...I was unable to put myself into the relationship becasue oI had lost respect for him having permitted me to be disrespected and abused by his vanilla partner.

red

I can understand this. Poly relationships done poorly in the hopes that they will improve the primary relationship are doomed from the start. It's just like when two people decide to have a baby in order to fix a marraige. It simply doesn't work.

Master Fire

_____________________________

The power of who we are can be intoxicating. The power of who we could be is humbling.
-----
Ms Relationship Books
-----
BDSM How-To Books

(in reply to CandleInTheWind)

Post #: 17

RE: Serving Dom/mes with Significant Others - 4/12/2007 10:43:24 PM

arayofsunshine55

Posts: 545
Joined: 8/1/2004
From: San Francisco, CA
Status: offline

Daddy is married. And has another woman who surrenders to him. My relationship is with him, not eitehr of the other women. I don't live with him. His son is not an adult and I have no idea what we might do when he becomes one. It's worked fine/well for us for 2 years.

_____________________________

Sunshine

Is it not most transformative, most earthshaking, to pierce the veils of self-deception and illusion, and crack the eggshell of ignorance, to most intimately encounter oneself? Lama Surya Das

(in reply to womanworshipper)

Post #: 18

RE: Serving Dom/mes with Significant Others - 4/13/2007 2:13:52 AM

womanworshipper

Posts: 71
Joined: 3/27/2005
Status: offline

Thanks A/all.

Personally, i had a relationship with a married Lady where i was one of a stable of four and i did not find it very fulfilling because i had so little of Her time. i am currently in a D/s relationship that developed out of a close friendship with another married Lady, which is very fulfilling. i became a friend of Her family generally as O/our relationship grew. Their marriage is quite strong but he cannot/will not satisfy Her need for a submissive partner. That is where i come in.

if it was just a question of occasional bdsm sessions, then W/we would probably not have a problem, but She wants something deeper and more permanent and so do i. Her husband is ok with Her having me as Her sub/servant but we can only relate as equals and he finds that difficult when W/we are all together and i am clearly very submissive to his wife. He then acts as if i serve them both, which neither Madam nor myself are comfortable with.

At present, therefore, things are relatively conventional when W/we are all together and O/our D/s relationship is only fully explicit (for want of a better phrase) when Madam and me are alone. Getting time alone can be difficult too as he is retired and spends most of his time there and there is a considerable distance between O/our homes. Madam would like U/us all to form one (matriarchal) household, but at present this does not seem practicable.

Incidentally, Her adult daughter is fully aware of the nature of O/our relationship and is quite supportive. She lives in Her own home with Her own family.

(in reply to arayofsunshine55)

Post #: 19

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