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RE: Does anyone else here seek a male wife? - 8/30/2007 3:36:20 PM   
petdave


Posts: 2479
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quote:

ORIGINAL: YesMistressIrish

That was a great article! Thanks so much for the link. I changed it around, removing things related to children, as mine are grown up and gone. I also removed the birth control line, as I am free from that concern.
 


That's good... if you also remove all the references to the "husband's" educational pursuits, it won't sound nearly as bitter and resentful towards someone you're supposed to *want* to take care of

quote:

If, by chance, I find another person more suitable as a wife than the wife I already have, I want the liberty to replace my present wife with another one. .


Ouch

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RE: Does anyone else here seek a male wife? - 8/30/2007 9:27:53 PM   
SnugasaBug


Posts: 49
Joined: 6/11/2007
Status: offline 		My goodness this thing has grown a life of it's own! But I would still like to throw in there...without marriage and without employment, the sub gets no medical coverage.  The people involved would have to be aware of your states co-habitation laws and insurability. Not all states have them. 
(just my 1 cent worth)
Snug

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RE: Does anyone else here seek a male wife? - 8/31/2007 9:10:01 AM   
SweetDommes


Posts: 3313
Joined: 10/5/2004
Status: offline 		We have discovered that Lowe's has a very good co-habitation arrangement.  Holly and rob aren't married, but he can still cover her on his insurance - he could cover just about anyone as long as they were living together and had been for x number of months - can't remember how many, but it's less than a year.

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RE: Does anyone else here seek a male wife? - 8/31/2007 9:29:00 AM   
SDFemDom4cuck


Posts: 2809
Joined: 5/23/2005
From: P'burgh PA
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: SnugasaBug

My goodness this thing has grown a life of it's own! But I would still like to throw in there...without marriage and without employment, the sub gets no medical coverage.  The people involved would have to be aware of your states co-habitation laws and insurability. Not all states have them. 
(just my 1 cent worth)
Snug


Great point snug.

Many states have what used to be referred to as common law marriages,  although some states have prohibited them. After a specific time period of living together (or the birth of a child) a couple can be considered "married" legally. It's the basis of Domestic Partnership here in Cali. Although DP is more of a same sex situation. There are a handful of states (6 or 7?) in which it is actually still illegal for an unmarried couple to cohabitate. I believe NC is in the process of debate over their anti co hab law at the moment.

< Message edited by SDFemDom4cuck -- 8/31/2007 9:45:21 AM >

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RE: Does anyone else here seek a male wife? - 8/31/2007 10:03:02 AM   
YesMistressIrish


Posts: 1135
Joined: 5/1/2007
From: Calif
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quote:

ORIGINAL: petdave

quote:

ORIGINAL: YesMistressIrish

That was a great article! Thanks so much for the link. I changed it around, removing things related to children, as mine are grown up and gone. I also removed the birth control line, as I am free from that concern.
 


That's good... if you also remove all the references to the "husband's" educational pursuits, it won't sound nearly as bitter and resentful towards someone you're supposed to *want* to take care of

quote:

If, by chance, I find another person more suitable as a wife than the wife I already have, I want the liberty to replace my present wife with another one. .


Ouch


Petdave,
Exactly! I did not like that line either. I plan to be in love with my number one, and would not be so detached. It would certainly create a constant fear and lack of trust, yes?
It is the height of cruelty in my eyes to 'trade up' and dump a wonderful person. That would be a 'user' and not a loving domme.
 
I like to be cruel in different ways.
 
My opinion....
 
Irish

< Message edited by YesMistressIrish -- 8/31/2007 10:04:25 AM >

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RE: Does anyone else here seek a male wife? - 8/31/2007 1:09:47 PM   
MistressShuggie


Posts: 24
Joined: 5/4/2007
Status: offline 		I do not want a wife, I'd never be able to tolerate the nagging. ;P




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RE: Does anyone else here seek a male wife? - 9/1/2007 10:35:53 AM   
ObedientYYC


Posts: 80
Joined: 8/25/2006
Status: offline 		Just saw the Dr. Phil show that featured two couples with "male wives".   These guys just came across as very feminine... basically, ahem, flaming gays in hetero relationships.   Not exactly very appealing (to me).

Its made me wonder if these sort of role reversals can be done without reversing the masculine/feminine dynamic.   Has anyone done this?   To me I think there is a spark in the contrast of being a masculine man in a traditionally feminine relationship role... but I have no wish to be a feminine man.    Ok now I'm really confused!

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RE: Does anyone else here seek a male wife? - 9/1/2007 10:45:22 AM   
DiannaVesta


Posts: 1087
Joined: 2/6/2006
From: Mid-Atlantic area
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: ObedientYYC

Just saw the Dr. Phil show that featured two couples with "male wives".   These guys just came across as very feminine... basically, ahem, flaming gays in hetero relationships.   Not exactly very appealing (to me).

Its made me wonder if these sort of role reversals can be done without reversing the masculine/feminine dynamic.   Has anyone done this?   To me I think there is a spark in the contrast of being a masculine man in a traditionally feminine relationship role... but I have no wish to be a feminine man.    Ok now I'm really confused!



Yes, for sure. As a matter fact I will be doing an interview within a week or two (these are recorded audio interviews) with a man that has been a house husband for years to a strong professional woman. He is not feminine but submissive. If you're on my mailing list at my web site you'll get updates on interviews.

I don't want a husband or wife. I want a slave first and then a servant. In fact I'd like two.


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RE: Does anyone else here seek a male wife? - 9/1/2007 11:42:21 AM   
petdave


Posts: 2479
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: YesMistressIrish

quote:

ORIGINAL: petdave
If, by chance, I find another person more suitable as a wife than the wife I already have, I want the liberty to replace my present wife with another one. .

Ouch


Petdave,
Exactly! I did not like that line either. I plan to be in love with my number one, and would not be so detached. It would certainly create a constant fear and lack of trust, yes?
It is the height of cruelty in my eyes to 'trade up' and dump a wonderful person. That would be a 'user' and not a loving domme.



That was my reaction as well... If you want a slave to cuckold, or a servant with no emotional attachment, all those relationships have their place in BDSM... but i don't consider that the same as having a male wife. A lot of what was written in the article struck me as being the sort of screed that ended up making people equate "feminist" with "man-hater"... Rolling up a lot of bitterness over her own bad relationship and life decisions (give the damn kids up for adoption already, geez) and throwing it back at men and traditional gender roles rather than taking personal responsibility. i think that a "wife" is a partner, friend, and lover. A "wife" wants to do whatever is necessary to help his or her partner relax and be happy, but doesn't take full responsibility for everything on Earth because that's just not realistic... a wife isn't someone you just take for granted, ignore, or discard.

But, just IMO, natch.

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RE: Does anyone else here seek a male wife? - 9/1/2007 2:11:26 PM   
SweetDommes


Posts: 3313
Joined: 10/5/2004
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quote:

ORIGINAL: petdave

i think that a "wife" is a partner, friend, and lover. A "wife" wants to do whatever is necessary to help his or her partner relax and be happy, but doesn't take full responsibility for everything on Earth because that's just not realistic... a wife isn't someone you just take for granted, ignore, or discard.


yup, that's pretty much it.  This is what we are looking for, and will hopefully find soon.

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RE: Does anyone else here seek a male wife? - 9/1/2007 4:27:03 PM   
paulfromnyc


Posts: 3
Joined: 9/1/2007
Status: offline 		Mz Mia,

What you seek sounds great! As one that is very much interested in the total power exchange and role reversal of the lifestyle, you can imagine how appealing it is to me, as well. Good luck in your search.

Paul

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RE: Does anyone else here seek a male wife? - 9/1/2007 7:04:59 PM   
BeachMystress


Posts: 2156
Joined: 4/3/2004
From: Naples Island- Long Beach CA - Southern California
Status: offline 		Wow, this thread HAS taken on a life of its own. If we're not careful, it is going to achieve sentience, like that stuff in the back of a college kid's fridge!

I've recently started a yahoo group http://groups.yahoo.com/group/Mys_Beach/ to talk about issues revolving around long term BDSM relationships and marriages where the wife/girlfriend is the head of the household. My husband is my "wife" and his role .. and mine.. will be part of the stuff I post/discuss over time. Feel free to have a look if this interests you.

quote:

ORIGINAL: ObedientYYC
Its made me wonder if these sort of role reversals can be done without reversing the masculine/feminine dynamic.   Has anyone done this?   To me I think there is a spark in the contrast of being a masculine man in a traditionally feminine relationship role... but I have no wish to be a feminine man.    Ok now I'm really confused!


How can you have any type of role reversal without altering the male/female dynamic? Any relationship where you're male and submissive reverses societies expectations of your role. Does being submissive in and of itself make you feminine? No. Nor does being a male wife. It just so happens that the couples they found had that as part of their fetish. My husband is my wife and I am the Head of the Household. Our relationship strongly resembles a traditional 1950's marriage other than the fact that my "wife" works and I stay home. Oh yes, it also differs in the fact that my "wife" doesn't wear dresses, enjoys fantasy football, farts proudly and is highly competitive with other men. There is nothing feminine about my "wife", unless you consider being a pleaser and a nurturing person feminine. I personally do not.

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RE: Does anyone else here seek a male wife? - 9/2/2007 7:21:21 AM   
LilyRedd


Posts: 20
Joined: 3/18/2007
Status: offline 		I looked it up previously and in my state it was roughly $300 and do-it-yourself paperwork from the courthouse to change your name legally.

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RE: Does anyone else here seek a male wife? - 9/10/2007 2:32:38 AM   
rukna


Posts: 204
Joined: 12/13/2006
From: Bangalore
Status: offline 		there r lots of people from bangalore... (including me)
try searching them on collarme.

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RE: Does anyone else here seek a male wife? - 9/11/2007 6:48:03 AM   
balletsissypa


Posts: 44
Joined: 12/11/2004
Status: offline 		Hi all,  (curtsey)
Its equally hard finding a Female Husband. i have wanted to be a wife for many years. It would be completely fufling for me as i am very service oriented and love spending quality time pampering females. i sell real estate so i have a very felxible schedule to accomodate my wiely duties. i think my biggest problem is that i want the feminization (discreetly of course) and that i think is why i have found it so hard to find a female husband. If She decided we should have kids i unfortunately could not bear them for Her but i would be willing to try and lactate so i could breast feed them for Her.
lauren
xoxoxo
curtsey

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RE: Does anyone else here seek a male wife? - 9/11/2007 12:15:14 PM   
ObedientYYC


Posts: 80
Joined: 8/25/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: BeachMystress

Wow, this thread HAS taken on a life of its own. If we're not careful, it is going to achieve sentience, like that stuff in the back of a college kid's fridge!

I've recently started a yahoo group http://groups.yahoo.com/group/Mys_Beach/ to talk about issues revolving around long term BDSM relationships and marriages where the wife/girlfriend is the head of the household. My husband is my "wife" and his role .. and mine.. will be part of the stuff I post/discuss over time. Feel free to have a look if this interests you.

quote:

ORIGINAL: ObedientYYC
Its made me wonder if these sort of role reversals can be done without reversing the masculine/feminine dynamic.   Has anyone done this?   To me I think there is a spark in the contrast of being a masculine man in a traditionally feminine relationship role... but I have no wish to be a feminine man.    Ok now I'm really confused!


How can you have any type of role reversal without altering the male/female dynamic? Any relationship where you're male and submissive reverses societies expectations of your role. Does being submissive in and of itself make you feminine? No. Nor does being a male wife. It just so happens that the couples they found had that as part of their fetish. My husband is my wife and I am the Head of the Household. Our relationship strongly resembles a traditional 1950's marriage other than the fact that my "wife" works and I stay home. Oh yes, it also differs in the fact that my "wife" doesn't wear dresses, enjoys fantasy football, farts proudly and is highly competitive with other men. There is nothing feminine about my "wife", unless you consider being a pleaser and a nurturing person feminine. I personally do not.


So, does your husband enjoy cooking?  Does he enjoy keeping the house spotless?  Does he like decorating and making the house nice?  Does he pick out just the right bathroom towels for your guest bathroom?  Does he make sure he always looks well groomed and put-together for you?  Does he like planning parties and creating decorations?  Does he take great pride in cultivating beautiful houseplants?

I guess what I am struggling with is that so many traditional "wife" activities really seem to require a feminine temperment.   I'm just not sure where the lines are drawn is all.   I'd be interested in how day to day life looks for those who have successfully done this.  No doubt I'm probably looking at this the wrong way...

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RE: Does anyone else here seek a male wife? - 9/11/2007 12:55:00 PM   
FullfigRIMaam


Posts: 718
Joined: 6/21/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: ObedientYYC
Its made me wonder if these sort of role reversals can be done without reversing the masculine/feminine dynamic.   Has anyone done this?   To me I think there is a spark in the contrast of being a masculine man in a traditionally feminine relationship role... but I have no wish to be a feminine man.
I absolutely believe these role reversals can be done without being feminized.   You will find a great many of us fem dominants want a wife, without the feminization....  If we could wrap our minds around feminization enough to be attracted to/turned on by it, we'd luck out a lot quicker, because to the extent that I've read sissy profiles/chat with them, they seem to know how to take care of of a dominant woman and the home.  

As to these things, you may very well be wrong in your thinking...
quote:

does your husband enjoy cooking?  Does he enjoy keeping the house spotless?  Does he like decorating and making the house nice?  Does he pick out just the right bathroom towels for your guest bathroom?  Does he make sure he always looks well groomed and put-together for you?  Does he like planning parties and creating decorations?  Does he take great pride in cultivating beautiful houseplants?
I guess what I am struggling with is that so many traditional "wife" activities really seem to require a feminine temperment.
 My feminine temperement doesn't enjoy those things either but someone has to do them, and that is the role I would assign to my male wife.   M

< Message edited by FullfigRIMaam -- 9/11/2007 1:05:38 PM >

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RE: Does anyone else here seek a male wife? - 9/11/2007 1:12:19 PM   
SweetDommes


Posts: 3313
Joined: 10/5/2004
Status: offline 		I just exchanged numbers with a guy from the Chicago area (since the one from NJ apparently decided to go with another Domme without telling us ... it's on his profile).  The only thing we'll have to negotiate, if things get that far, is if he works full time or part time.  He likes the idea of being a male wife, but doesn't want to waste his degree (which I understand) - I would still rather only have him working part time, but that may not be an option.

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Friends are God's apology for relatives

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RE: Does anyone else here seek a male wife? - 9/11/2007 1:22:02 PM   
FullfigRIMaam


Posts: 718
Joined: 6/21/2007
Status: offline 		I hope the Chicago person turns out to be a better man/potential as a wife than the flake from NJ.   I generally would prefer that my male wife work part time, but if he had to work full time, he'd simply need to be hard working, and I would of course need to be more relaxed about how much he can accomplish at home some days.   M

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RE: Does anyone else here seek a male wife? - 9/11/2007 1:30:52 PM   
AAkasha


Posts: 4429
Joined: 11/27/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: ObedientYYC



So, does your husband enjoy cooking?  Does he enjoy keeping the house spotless?  Does he like decorating and making the house nice?  Does he pick out just the right bathroom towels for your guest bathroom?  Does he make sure he always looks well groomed and put-together for you?  Does he like planning parties and creating decorations?  Does he take great pride in cultivating beautiful houseplants?

I guess what I am struggling with is that so many traditional "wife" activities really seem to require a feminine temperment.   I'm just not sure where the lines are drawn is all.   I'd be interested in how day to day life looks for those who have successfully done this.  No doubt I'm probably looking at this the wrong way...



You asked this of BeachMystress, but I will answer because I think it gets to the heart of your question.  My husband does not have a feminine "temperment."  Zero. Nor is he feminized (we do some pretty nasty stuff with panties, but that's my own kink, and it's on my whim). He's athletic, he plays ice hockey (and is a gritty, feisty player), mountain bikes, and looks masculine. 

He does all the cooking (I have never cooked a meal in 6 years), cleaning, vacuuming, ironing, dishes. He wears an apron when he cooks, but only for functionality, not humiliation (he's serious when he is in the kitchen) he manages the garden, grows his own herbs for cooking; he has learned, over the years, to take on additional tasks for me - he can pick out clothes for me, shoes at my limited direction, clean my make up brushes, buy makeup. I have never shopped for groceries.  There's nothing inherently feminine about any of these things.  Decorating?  It's not really relevant; he picks out the kitchenware since he is the one to use it, and things like curtains or wallpaper we make a general agreement on together (since we both live here) and he handles it. 

I don't consider party "planning" or creating decorations to be a wifely duty per se.  I think I see what you are getting at.  Things like -- *pretty gift wrapping* -- no, I don't do that, and no, he doesn't have the skillset, so I have our gifts wrapped at stores so they don't look crappy.  If I had a big party to plan and needed it decorated to the nines, I would hire a party planner, because I don't enjoy decorations and he -- while he is able to adapt pretty much any skill set if he does research - isn't a natural.

Is there any other traditionally "feminine" household task that comes to mind?  All I know is this -- I work, and that's all I do.  He does everything else, from running errands to keeping our social calendar to all the domestic tasks down to bathroom floors and washing windows.

"Feminine" is not a word anyone would use to describe him.  From the outside looking in, people don't see a weird couple; they see a woman who is self employed and very busy and a man who manages the household and acts as executive assistant.  The fact that we don't have kids and I don't leave to go to an *office* outside of the home (ie corporate job) probably makes it a much less "glaring" departure from the norm; I don't think many people sit and ponder the fact that he's vacuuming while I'm on conference calls or working with clients.

Akasha


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