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MistressMelissa -> RE: Acceptance of submission (4/12/2007 3:32:24 AM)
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quote:
ORIGINAL: hawkwolf7
First, I was brought up to be very independent. I know how to cook, clean, do laundry, all of that stuff, and must admit to feeling some level of contempt for those who are able but refuse to learn. I have never needed nor desired having someone take care of me. Yet, it gave this woman great joy to take care of me in these ways. How do I resolve that contradiction?
Second, I've been struggling with my health for a couple of years now. The net effect is that my self-esteem has taken a fair amount of damage. I cannot help but wonder if there is a part of me that questions whether or not I deserve to be served in this way.
Or, maybe, it is some combination of the two?
Greetings,
Let me start with BDSM is what I do, Ds is how I live. Many of us understand the play part or the SM component as you state but few seem to understand the living Ds part. As someone who spent years in the military and again as many years on the road I was a very independent person. I'm a firm believer in "if you want it done right, do it yourself." I was programmed to be self sufficient.
Then Phoenix entered my life. She is extremely service oriented and I found I had to reprogram myself to make room for her. The key that you might be looking for is Phoenix serves me because I allow her too. Phoenix has a need to serve, thus as her owner I must make room in my life to allow her this outlet. I allow her to be of use where others might just use her. That's important. I can punish her by not allowing her to serve me. It take will power at times for me not to get up and do it myself. But I know that she needs to serve me and thus I need to allow her to do it.
Another lesson I had to learn was it does not matter how something is done, as long as it was done correctly in the end. Example: I don't care how she cleans the house, as long as it's clean when she is done. I bought the dishwasher, but I've never put a dish in or out of it. I did my part by making the purchase, she does her part by operating it.
Part of an owners "gift" is that we accept who slaves are, we do this by making room for them to be themselves, by allowing them to serve. I can't enslave anyone. I can create an environment where they can serve and be who they need to be in a safe and caring environment. What I can promise you is that if you don't make room and allow a service slave to serve you, someone else will. "Build it and they will come."
You might find other answers on the pages of Ds Haven.
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