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ORIGINAL: WhiplashSmile

There are probally countless posts about submission and how this is a gift to a Dom/me.  Today I found myself in thought as a Master/Dom what is the gift I can give to any sub/slave.  Then it hit me Acceptance of the submissive.

I'm looking for feedback from Dom/mes who have perhaps blindly pushed their submissive away at times.  Where they were not totally accepting of anothers submission.

I know one thing I have had an personal issue in the past was being able to take compliments, at times to the point of asserting contridictions to the compliment.   I never had a problem with this playing inside the Box, only outside the box.  Inside the Box I would often command, direct, or order for compliments and praise.  Not a problem, however the sub/slave was doing as I commanded.   However, outside the box when I heard honest compliments comming from Free Will I was not so Accepting.  I can now look back and clearly see my Error.   That I was not being accepting but rather rejecting in my own small stupid way. I actually just realized this today, when exploring the word "Acceptance" and how it applies.

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I'm looking for feedback from Dom/mes who have perhaps blindly pushed their submissive away at times. Where they were not totally accepting of anothers submission.

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ORIGINAL: TigressFL

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I'm looking for feedback from Dom/mes who have perhaps blindly pushed their submissive away at times. Where they were not totally accepting of anothers submission.

I cannot give you an example of not accepting submission unless I did not want to be with them but I do not think that is what you are referring to. I can say that do not subscribe to the "gift concept" in fact in makes me rather nauseated. I think it goes hand in hand with the over-romantized, off in laaa laa land (insert unrealistic) that the Internet has created. To me a dominant and submissive relationship is centered on "acceptance" of each other. Entering into these types of relationships is a conscious decision that we make mostly due to the desire to have a relationship with someone that will accept us for who we are. No one but a submissive could fully accept the reality that I am an in charge personality and I expect things to be done my way without issue. No one but a dominant could fully appreciate a personality that has no desire to be in charge of the relationship and make all the decisions, etc. It is a symbiotic relationship. Besides, I prefer whips, paddles, etc. as a gift because there is no way in hell you can take it back! One can always decide to not longer submit, does that make them an “Indian-gifter?” lolol

Tigress~FL

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I had a tough time accepting compliments also and reacted much in the same way that you did/do.  Another bad habit of mine was verbalizing that I am not impressed by things that I can do. 

I am starting to understand, without being egotistical, that I am a pretty wonderful and amazing person to some people, including myself.

I think that in finally acknowledging the best parts of me, it is easier to accept someone's submission to me. 

Psy

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ORIGINAL: Devilslilsister

i agree with Owned....... i think the biggest thing Master ever did for me was accept me.  He accepts my submission and he even accepts when i am unable to give it.  (due to certian mental road blocks)  He accepts the way i process things, the way i deal with things, he even accepts a level of love ... i've always been too afraid to give to anyone else.

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i dont think its just acceptance of submission... and while that is really nice...... but acceptance of self.  Acceptance of everything... but then that really is a two way street, dont ya think?

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ORIGINAL: TemptingNviceSub

To receive a gift of acceptance from a Dominant would be a wonderful thing..Acceptance of my strengths and weaknesses ..Acceptance of the person I am and will become..Acceptance of my attempts at perfection and me falling on my face time and again.But to me acceptance runs on both sides of the slash..Tempting

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ORIGINAL: WhiplashSmile

I'm wanting to peel back the layers to this Onion a little more here...

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ORIGINAL: hawkwolf7

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ORIGINAL: WhiplashSmile

I'm wanting to peel back the layers to this Onion a little more here...

I don't know if this is a deeper level in the onion or not, but I do have a story to share...

I recently got involved with a submissive woman, and I was surprised to discover that I felt uncomfortable about some of her submissive behavior. Upon reflection, I realized that I didn't have any problems in our S&M relationship. But there were elements of the D/s relationship that were giving me twinges of discomfort. Digging deeper, I realized that it wasn't the submission, but the "service" expression of her submission: doing my laundry, cleaning my house, stuff like that, that were causing me problems.

After looking a little deeper, I see two possible sources for the problem... both inside me.

First, I was brought up to be very independent. I know how to cook, clean, do laundry, all of that stuff, and must admit to feeling some level of contempt for those who are able but refuse to learn. I have never needed nor desired having someone take care of me. Yet, it gave this woman great joy to take care of me in these ways. How do I resolve that contradiction?

Second, I've been struggling with my health for a couple of years now. The net effect is that my self-esteem has taken a fair amount of damage. I cannot help but wonder if there is a part of me that questions whether or not I deserve to be served in this way.

Or, maybe, it is some combination of the two?

It seems clear to me that being able to accept someones submission, and their expression of their submission requires fairly strong self-esteem. Similar to the truism that says "You must love yourself before you can truly love someone else." You have to know in your heart that you deserve their acts of submission.

It also seems clear to me that in order to accept her service, I will need to overcome my social conditioning that says it isn't okay for anyone to take care of me.

I find it ironic that I have been able to overcome my conditioning that says "Don't hit girls", but I haven't been able to overcome the conditioning that says "Don't let girls take care of you".

Ultimately, what I have learned about acceptance of submission is that the barriers some of us throw up are no more and no less than our personal issues raising their ugly heads again... just in a different context.

I hope this helped some.
HawkWolf

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ORIGINAL: newsub27

Hawk, that was a very interesting and indepth piece of yourself that you just shared. I am impressed! Your ability to over come the "Dont hit girls" conditioning may have to do with the sexual side of it. It is a sexual release as well as being a more of an Alpha male thing to do. I dont believe you go around hitting women just for the heck of it, nor ones that are not into this lifestyle, but you allow yourself that sexual release. Now the housework part if it you may see as slap to your ability to take care of yourself. You are a very independant male who does not need someone to take care of himself! That is a great quality, but dont allow those feelings to keep you from allowing your sub to please you if it is something she truely wants to do. I am not a service type sub at all, but from time to time I like to do something like that for my Master, to let him know that I appriciate him. Now if he asked for this or even demanded this (yes I know it is not a very subly.....is this a word....way to be) but I think I would be less likely to do it as that is not how our relationship is set up. But if your sub is willing to do these things for you out of respect and you refuse to accept it then you are hindering her in her desire to submit to you. Allow this gift in which she is giving to you......if you are the type of Dom that can elicite this type of response from your sub then you deserve what she is giving you....

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ORIGINAL: newsub27

Hawk, that was a very interesting and indepth piece of yourself that you just shared.  I am impressed!  Your ability to over come the "Dont hit girls" conditioning may have to do with the sexual side of it.  It is a sexual release as well as being a more of an Alpha male thing to do.  I dont believe you go around hitting women just for the heck of it, nor ones that are not into this lifestyle, but you allow yourself that sexual release.  Now the housework part if it you may see as slap to your ability to take care of yourself.   You are a very independant male who does not need someone to take care of himself!  That is a great quality, but dont allow those feelings to keep you from allowing your sub to please you if it is something she truely wants to do.  I am not a service type sub at all, but from time to time I like to do something like that for my Master, to let him know that I appriciate him.  Now if he asked for this or even demanded this (yes I know it is not a very subly.....is this a word....way to be) but I think I would be less likely to do it as that is not how our relationship is set up.  But if your sub is willing to do these things for you out of respect and you refuse to accept it then you are hindering her in her desire to submit to you.  Allow this gift in which she is giving to you......if you are the type of Dom that can elicite this type of response from your sub then you deserve what she is giving you....

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Thank you! And while I sincerely appreciate your comments and insights, this is WhipLashSmile's topic and I don't want to hijack it.
HW