angry dominants

Collarspace Discussion Forums

Home Login Search

angry dominants

View related threads: (in this forum | in all forums)

Logged in as: Guest

All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> Ask a Submissive >> angry dominants

Page: [1] 2 next > >>

Login

Message

<< Older Topic Newer Topic >>

angry dominants - 4/20/2005 4:19:59 PM

newflowers

Posts: 292
Joined: 5/23/2004
Status: offline

In the last couple of days, i received an interesting sets of emails. the male certainly has a beautiful picture with seriously bitable shoulders, but what a temper. i'm not sure if he needs a nap or a time out. anyway- he emails, i respond, he responds, i respond... yada yada yada - this is in one evening leading up to a call me now -which i received late in the evening when i was busy and then by the time all was calm - it was late -

no big deal, right? call the next day, send an email the next day and then call.

so this morning, i turn on my computer and there are a series of im-s do not call; i am not interested any longer; what part of call now do you not understand - HOLY COW! well, being the cranky witch that i can sometimes be, i send back a get over yourself, you're taking yourself too seriously note. And OMG - the vituperative, the anger, the body size insults. Okay - so i hit ignore and life goes on. but this particular experience has made me think.

in last bit of time, i find that most of the introductory emails i have received from doms have been a similar sort. Nothing as overt as the 'on your knees bitch" sort of thing, but the idea i attempt to illustrate above - insistence on and expectation of immediacy. sub you will immdeiately respond. you will immediately do as i say. you will immediately do as i say when i say and if not you are:_____________ - add in nasty, rude, beligerent names in this space.

i tend to think that if initial expectations are not met (though how can you have that many in the first few emails?), it just means that two people are not compatible. easy - no fuss, no muss, move on... perhaps i am a magnet for the angry immediate types, i do not know. maybe the moon is full.

do others experience this sort of thing on a regular basis? every once in awhile would be understandable and maybe even statistically expected, but this is becoming the norm for emails for me lately.

any thoughts on this?

newflowers
p.s. - i put in his name and took it out - no fair picking on those who cannot defend themselves.

p.s. sorry for the non-caps - i am holding my brand new (well, ten days old) perfect grandson while typing. could i put him down for a few moments? absolutely not.

Post #: 1

RE: angry dominants - 4/20/2005 6:10:54 PM

lil1v

Posts: 125
Joined: 4/4/2005
Status: offline

Anger issues.. Yeah.. I get those types of Doms all day long. The ones where you're not sure if they're really Dom or just so pissed off that they Dom so they don't get hurt again. Not to mention those that just hate women.

As far as this instance, did you reply that it was late and you'd call anouther time? If not, he may have been waiting by the phone for hours, thinking that you were going to call. Not that this excuses him but to shed some light.

As for running into Dom/mes that expect me to concede to their demands immediately, they usually are disappointed with me. A Dom/me can only expect obediance from one that is THEIRS.. those that expect it from the get-go can learn to live with being dissappointed in me.

Just keep up the hope.. there are a few good Doms out there.. its just finding the right one for you.

_____________________________

V

(in reply to newflowers)

Post #: 2

RE: angry dominants - 4/20/2005 6:11:01 PM

ManOwner

Posts: 127
Joined: 4/12/2005
From: Sacramento, California
Status: offline

I'm going to confess that when I was new as a Domme I put on a similar act. It's about testing the limits of your power, but it's mostly about not knowing the scene or yourself very well. Even though this guy was a giant bloody asshole, chances are he's not as certifiable as he sounds.

(in reply to newflowers)

Post #: 3

RE: angry dominants - 4/20/2005 6:20:38 PM

BlkTallFullfig

Posts: 5585
Joined: 6/25/2004
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: lil1v
As far as this instance, did you reply that it was late and you'd call anouther time? If not, he may have been waiting by the phone for hours, thinking that you were going to call. Not that this excuses him but to shed some light.

I think this may be the answer to is he angry period or angry at what looked like an online wanker flirting with him than leaving him high and dry waiting by the phone.
I understand that he shouldn't overreact over potentially meeting an online wanker, but if he did expect a call, and got no call or email explaining than I think it showed a lil lack of consideration for something that was flowing well than interrupted without explanation. JMO, M

_____________________________

a.k.a. SexyBossyBBW
""Touching was, and still is, and will always be, the true revolution" Nikki Giovanni

(in reply to lil1v)

Post #: 4

RE: angry dominants - 4/21/2005 1:18:46 PM

resademilo

Posts: 29
Joined: 1/27/2005
Status: offline

I'm not sure i followed this right so if haven't then sorry.

I'm going on this was all in one day the intro emails, the convos led up to him wanting you to call him. If this is the case, I have never been big on calling a person in the same day as talking to them.

I don't care how great the conversation is flowing. I had this nonkink incident once where I was on a telephone dating line. I had a guy who responded and we sent messages back and forth.

So i gave him my number and said i'm on the pc a lot so if you call and i'm on the computer leave a message and i'll call you back when i get it.

This guy doesn't leave a message but apparently kept calling and calling. So i went to bed at guy calls at 3am in the morning.

Wakes up my relatives who have to go to work and he had the nerve to be mad. I was like who the hell calls at 3am regardless of not getting through. And he was like all my friends do.

I've become very skeptical of people rushing to meet in person or rushing to go on the phone. I like time to feel comfortable enough where i can trust i'm not dealing with some pyschopath.

And i've had similar things happen with Doms too. I really believe there's a time for everything. I personally don't care for talking on the phone because most of the Doms (males) who get on the phone with me try to cyber and have nothing significant to say.

In my book i only use phone calls to confirm meeting and even that i hold off for sometime. It's too easy for people to play nice in a short span of time.

_____________________________

"A man whose desire is to be something separate from himself, . . . invariably succeeds in being what he wants to be. That is his punishment. Those who want a mask have to wear it." (Oscar Wilde)

(in reply to newflowers)

Post #: 5

RE: angry dominants - 4/21/2005 2:16:39 PM

harmony3709

Posts: 292
Joined: 11/15/2004
Status: offline

I'm not sure if this will be helpful, but I must admit that when I was new at meeting and dating in BDSM, I ran across scenarios similar to what you experienced. I think that what experiences like what you just went through with this guy (who may be new and think this is what a "real Dom" is supposed to do or just a jerk) will teach you what to look for in conversations and emails and profiles that will give you clues that this is someone you want to give a polite thanks but no thanks to.

When I was new, I took things extremely slow because I just did not have confidence enough in whether I really knew what I wanted in a Dom, what I had to offer as a submissive, or what kind of a relationship I was looking for. Thus anyone who would have said "call me now" on the same day we met would have got an instant no thank you out of pushing me too fast for my own comfort level -- but now that would get anything from a "get real" or "give me a break" to just rolling my eyes and typing "I think I'd rather not."

The frustrating ones like what you experienced still slip by me once in a while, but I must admit that I see a lot more clues either in their profiles, or within the first few emails. You were right to question this kind of behavior also and see it for what it was.

See this as a learning experience and think about anything that might have tipped you off. Just as I used to go painfully slowly in meeting when I was just starting out and had way too many of the situations as you had, now I tend to meet rather quickly and even if we are not a good "fit", the Doms I meet would not have even thought of pulling a rediculous stunt like ordering me around after a couple of emails and chats. I had to find what worked for me. Go at your own pace and chalk each experience like this one up to a lesson learned and that your own common sense is in good working order.

Be well,
harmony

(in reply to newflowers)

Post #: 6

RE: angry dominants - 4/21/2005 3:39:01 PM

subversiveone

Posts: 332
Joined: 4/20/2005
From: Daddy's Lap
Status: offline

what's worse is when they sic their evil minions on you!
i had a guy actually get an unk female to start harrassing me on IM when i refused to send him a pic!! of course they were ignored but i sooo wanted to put his name on a t-shirt marked arseh*le Dom for sale....
lol

(in reply to harmony3709)

Post #: 7

RE: angry dominants - 4/24/2005 11:11:14 AM

CaptivatingRenee

Posts: 5
Joined: 4/16/2005
From: Knoxville, Tennessee/usa
Status: offline

Hello Newflowers,
I am Renee. I found your post so incredible because, every time I recieve e-mails they are similar but, not as harsh any longer. After a few months of using my ignore and block buttons, I finally weeded out the wannabees. There is a suddle drawback too, no more e-mails. Well, that's ok too. These are just faceless people who have no life any way. What do you think?

I maybe wrong but, I feel that these people should come to reality that they cannot control people online like that. The old say, "You can attract a bear with honey". Sorry, my verbatum and memory is shot to h.... but, you know what I mean. Any way, I just wanted to say hello and to let you know that you have a valid point.

Renee

(in reply to newflowers)

Post #: 8

RE: angry dominants - 4/24/2005 12:00:33 PM

Interesdom

Posts: 197
Joined: 5/24/2004
From: England
Status: offline

I came to look at this thread because I still can't get over an incident the other week where a wannabe slave actually managed to make me angry. Fer gossakes, I'm a dominant/master and while we do have emotions one of our prime duties is to master ourselves: I do not expect a sub, slave and especially a wannabe to get me angry!

I DO get angry about things, of course but it certainly shouldn't happen from someone I know hardly at all. If I thought a girl was just wasting my time, I might let her know that but certainly I just move on. Don't let these angry, rude, men upset you too much - just say to yourself "next!" and move on. Let's face it, it's hard enough to make a proper match even when you find someone who is genuine so there's no point wasting time over someone who probably isn't suitable for anyone.

(in reply to newflowers)

Post #: 9

RE: angry dominants - 4/24/2005 12:52:37 PM

Shadoe

Posts: 1
Joined: 4/23/2005
Status: offline

Well this Dom has to get a grip. When you are dealing with people on the internet, they have to realize that someone cannot necessarily be glued to the computer waiting for them to write and they cannot always jump when they say. Most people have a life and their home and children/school/whatever comes first. The scene is second. My old Mistress always told me that her kids and husband came first. And that was fine with me. I love her children and I would never even think of depriving her children of her time and love.

Good luck and remember you have to keep your life first.

Shadoe
Master Bill

(in reply to newflowers)

Post #: 10

RE: angry dominants - 4/26/2005 1:29:07 AM

chainedgirl

Posts: 142
Joined: 2/5/2005
Status: offline

You send a message to someone asking (demanding?) them to call but how do you know when they have received the message? How do you know that some horrible thing has not happened in their life and the last thought on their mind is to call you? Really, any body worth the title Dom or sub should at least wait to see if there is an explanation before getting all huffy.

Interesdom, just out of curiosity, You say You hardly knew this person, so what makes You so sure she was a wanna be? Was she just not what _You_ were looking for?

(in reply to Shadoe)

Post #: 11

RE: angry dominants - 4/26/2005 8:14:12 AM

arwenbabysub

Posts: 39
Joined: 2/18/2005
Status: offline

If he takes a stance like that when you've only correspnded via email, can you imagine what it would be like if you met him in person . ( i would'nt personally), he sounds like a right plonker.

Hope this doesn't mar your search for someone.

regards
arwen xx

(in reply to newflowers)

Post #: 12

RE: angry dominants - 4/27/2005 9:39:11 PM

MsSilvie

Posts: 248
Joined: 2/4/2005
Status: offline

Another vote for "plonker". For goodness sake, being a dominant isn't the same as being an ass. You are not responsible for other people being idiots.

(in reply to newflowers)

Post #: 13

RE: angry dominants - 4/28/2005 5:28:19 AM

EmeraldSlave2

Posts: 3645
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: chainedgirl
Really, any body worth the title Dom or sub should at least wait to see if there is an explanation before getting all huffy.

I'm with you except for this, dom and sub isn't a title and it's nothing we have to be worthy or unworthy of. That's like saying you have to be worthy to be a heterosexual IMO.

There are asshole doms and psycho subs.

(in reply to chainedgirl)

Post #: 14

RE: angry dominants - 4/28/2005 8:19:29 AM

ajewl

Posts: 16
Joined: 4/20/2005
Status: offline

Newflowers,

You seem to have a great grasp of reality, some people will find that to be an issue in itslef. You also have to admit... his bad attitude did you a great favor...he showed his true colors early on and saved you alot of time and energy.... what's not to love about that! Consider the source, count your blessings and weed the garden with wisdom.

*Congrats with the new grandson, I don't put my baby down for anything and he is 3.

Good luck and best wishes in your journey. ajewl

(in reply to EmeraldSlave2)

Post #: 15

RE: angry dominants - 4/28/2005 9:39:54 AM

BeardyMan1970

Posts: 7
Joined: 4/13/2005
Status: offline

Newflowers,

To call or not to call a new prespective dominant is something to be determined by you. If you both were clear about your time constraints then there souldn't have been an issue from the get go. We all have busy lives, even the stay at home mother has limited time...no one has the right to demand anything of another person.

His inappropriate reproach towards you could be an indicator that he was not serious about getting to know more about you to begin with...or that he is incredibly insensitive to the reality of your personal responsibilities. Either way, if you found his/others persona to be unacceptable then ignore them and move happily on with your quest...there are plenty more respectful dominants out there.

Be well ....

PS Dontcha just love those people on their power trips...when i hear from them, i just love to press the block button and move on about the day. I also agree about not 'picking' on the weaker one...his spirit needs somethin more. you just can't please everyone in life...you know whats best for you.

B_Man & delilah

(in reply to ajewl)

Post #: 16

RE: angry dominants - 4/28/2005 10:45:13 AM

ruffnecksbabygir

Posts: 412
Joined: 1/4/2005
Status: offline

to be honest i met more doms like this one we are refering to here than i cared to!
No matter if you called or didn't call he is not your Master yet, you were just getting to know eachother so why should he get so bent out of shape? He's on a power trip, sounds like to me....be glad he showed his true colors before things went any further. A dom/me should be able to control his anger ... not to say he didn't have motive to be upset, but there's a difference between being upset and acting like a jack ass out of pure anger.

_____________________________

~hugs~
Babygirl

:Disclaimer: The above is only this slave's opinion:

"And Those Who Danced Were Thought To Be Quite Insane By Those Who Could Not Hear The Music" -- Angela Monet

(in reply to BeardyMan1970)

Post #: 17

RE: angry dominants - 4/28/2005 11:52:33 AM

slavedesires

Posts: 669
Joined: 3/2/2004
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: EmeraldSlave2
There are asshole doms and psycho subs.

as well as psycho doms (men) and asshole subs (women)

_____________________________

i speak only my personal opinion, sometimes O/ours.

"i am the keeper of fragile things and i have kept what is indisolvable."
....the greatest gift.....vulnerability

(in reply to EmeraldSlave2)

Post #: 18

RE: angry dominants - 4/28/2005 3:40:05 PM

slaveanwyl

Posts: 36
Joined: 4/1/2005
Status: offline

hya

just read this and thought of all those doms i spoke with before Master you start the online bit and the email exchange you move to chat and then calls wow it might be serious , and you say to the dom i am not alone at night i have teenagers i will text to say when to call because i am alone cannot talk to you when children present cannot come online when children present etc etc

and what deos he do ignore you and rings the dam house and son says who is it mum ermmm a friend well you cannot talk now so you say you have people present and now is not good for you well you get the I am the dom you do as i say crap hence ditched dom..

i think there was more than several who threw strops because i would not comply to what ther idea of when and how was

so yes the stroppy to the dam right stupid even the ones who called me at work and would not accept i could not talk

(in reply to newflowers)

Post #: 19

RE: angry dominants - 4/29/2005 8:17:09 AM

subcheryl

Posts: 280
Joined: 11/2/2004
Status: offline

I too had similar things happen when I first came online to collarme. Domms who wanted me to do sexual things by webcam and the such who were not even my Master, so when I would refuse to comply to their demands they would not contact me again. I even had some who would wait for a couple of emails, we would have good chats online, and I would get to thinking hmmm maybe this one, only to have them demand me to again do sexual things by webcam, and I would explain that I did not do things of this nature on a webcam, bye bye they were gone, yes it hurts esp. if you enjoyed conversing and maybe even learning from them, but I soon looked at these as not worth my time, that if they were like this before I met them what would they be like after I met them, and yes even met a couple and soon learned what they were like also, I figure like this I am better than that it is their lose if they don't want to take the time to know me for the person that I am on the inside first then get to know me for what I have to offer, When I met my Master we both had a hard time excepting each other for real, we both kept waiting for the other to change, even when I agreed to move to him, I kept expecting him to back out and he kept on expecting me not to come, even the day I packed up my van and headed out on the road, he did not beleive it, till I was half way to him,(4 states away). And I am very happy with him and He with me, but the pt is when you get burned with the games some want to play you tend to get defensive, and not to excuse his rudeness but perhaps that is why he reacted the way he did to you, he just was led around by other players and took your not calling as a ploy of sorts and instead of giving you a chance to explain he may have cut himself off from a good relationship with you and that is his lose.

(in reply to slaveanwyl)

Post #: 20

Page: [1] 2 next > >>

All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> Ask a Submissive >> angry dominants

Page: [1] 2 next > >>

Jump to:

New Messages	No New Messages
Hot Topic w/ New Messages	Hot Topic w/o New Messages
Locked w/ New Messages	Locked w/o New Messages

Post New Thread

Reply to Message

Post New Poll

Submit Vote

Delete My Own Post

Delete My Own Thread

Rate Posts

Collarchat.com © 2025

Terms of Service

0.109