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Are you goal oriented in your approach to relationships? - 4/11/2007 3:12:14 PM   
Vendaval


Posts: 10297
Joined: 1/15/2005
Status: offline 		Greetings A/all,
 
Are you goal orientated in your approach to relationships?
Do you actively seek to collar someone or be collared to
someone? 
Or are you using more of the mind that what you want
will happen if it is meant to be?
 
If you are already in a relationship(s), what approach
did you use? 
Was your partner(s) approach the same or different?
 
Thank you for your answers,
 
Vendaval

_____________________________

"Beware, the woods at night, beware the lunar light.
So in this gray haze we'll be meating again, and on that
great day, I will tease you all the same."
"WOLF MOON", OCTOBER RUST, TYPE O NEGATIVE


http://KinkMeet.co.uk
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RE: Are you goal oriented in your approach to relations... - 4/11/2007 3:13:38 PM   
LuckyAlbatross


Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline 		We go with the flow when it comes to forming and maintaining relationships.

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Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

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RE: Are you goal oriented in your approach to relations... - 4/11/2007 3:14:42 PM   
NakedGirlScout


Posts: 370
Joined: 1/10/2006
From: Toronto
Status: offline 		I don't think you could find someone much more goal-oriented than I was when I was searching. I had put my ad up in over 100 online BDSM forums, and so many people had read them that they began to accuse me of being a spam-bot rather than a real person.

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RE: Are you goal oriented in your approach to relations... - 4/11/2007 3:14:44 PM   
crouchingtigress


Posts: 4387
Joined: 3/19/2006
From: Maui
Status: offline 		i have goals, they are personal goal for my life....but i dont want to have goals for him...because i prefer the see how things go approach. ill know fairly soon if our life goals are compatable, but i dont want to make goals for him or for us...

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Service slut, durable plaything, and ponypenquincatdogpig, to Lee Harrington

This is him

"Its none of my buisness what other people think of me."




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RE: Are you goal oriented in your approach to relations... - 4/11/2007 3:17:15 PM   
MstrssPassion


Posts: 2444
Joined: 1/1/2004
From: West Palm Beach, FL
Status: offline 		absolutely!

I had come to a point in life where I was never going to settle ever again. I knew my goals were a bit high but I knew by setting them where I did I would not find myself in a struggling relationship where I or all of us involved were completely miserable.

I determined most of the dynamics I currently have in place prior to meeting my current partner. I explained this to her & she consented to this when she consented to me. We have continued to build upon the blueprint I designed prior to meeting & it has all gone simply fabulous.

I tell people to never settle & never deviate from their ultimate goal & most of all... never give up.

to give up is to ensure failure

< Message edited by MstrssPassion -- 4/11/2007 3:21:19 PM >

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MstrssPassion


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RE: Are you goal oriented in your approach to relations... - 4/11/2007 3:21:16 PM   
crouchingtigress


Posts: 4387
Joined: 3/19/2006
From: Maui
Status: offline 		wow cool i love happily ever after stories ...glad you found what you sought....and here on CM too!

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Service slut, durable plaything, and ponypenquincatdogpig, to Lee Harrington

This is him

"Its none of my buisness what other people think of me."




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RE: Are you goal oriented in your approach to relations... - 4/11/2007 3:23:06 PM   
LuckyAlbatross


Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline 		Interesting Passion.

I've made it well known that I won't settle and have learned that I deserve to have everything I want in a relationship, and can acheive it.

For me this makes it a fairly simple and easygoing process- not something to need goals for at all.  I open myself to getting to know people.  If they fit, I become closer to them.  If they do not fit, we do not become closer. 

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

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RE: Are you goal oriented in your approach to relations... - 4/11/2007 3:25:55 PM   
BrutalDemon


Posts: 85
Joined: 7/10/2006
Status: offline 		If I thought for a second I was that kind of person, I'd kill myself

To me, the idea that every submissive is a mountain to be conquered... that there could or should be a NEED to 'plant my flag' on someone... just makes me cringe.

Like any honest male, I confess I have a primal urge to fuck as much pussy as I can get my dick into... but I hope I've evolved enough to be able to overcome that kind of impulsivness

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Old enough to know better... but still young enough to not care

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RE: Are you goal oriented in your approach to relations... - 4/11/2007 3:28:14 PM   
PONYSEEKER


Posts: 364
Joined: 9/11/2006
Status: offline 		Yes I do have goals for the relationship.  Some of them I talk to my sub about and others I do not.
I feel that in order to get a relationship where it needs to be you have to work at it and that means
having goals that will improve the overall relationship. Relationships should allways be growing and
changing sometimes for the good and other times for the bad.  One of the most important issues for
me when forming a new relationship is that the woman and myself have matched goals as to what
kind of relationship we want and work to wards acomplishing it. The most common things that
need work in a relationship is the womans self image and self esteem issues.  No mater what a woman
looks like these seem to be really big issues that effect the relationship in terms of comfort around and
with one another. Another really common problem is not to judge what the other person says about
the past. In order to have open communication between the two of us then that means not arguing about
what can not be changed or improved apon and that means limiting personal judgements.

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RE: Are you goal oriented in your approach to relations... - 4/11/2007 3:36:49 PM   
BrutalDemon


Posts: 85
Joined: 7/10/2006
Status: offline 		What's wrong with just letting a relationship grow where it wants to? Why set goals?

It's not topiary... it's not bonzai... you don't have to keep pruning here, lopping there, in an attempt to force something to be the shape YOU want it to be. To stretch the horticultural metaphor further than is strictly necessary... you can help it to grow, keep it watered, feed it, nurture it by making sure you don't take it for granted or ignore it... I'm reaching here, you can tell, can't you?



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Old enough to know better... but still young enough to not care

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RE: Are you goal oriented in your approach to relations... - 4/11/2007 3:40:39 PM   
DiurnalVampire


Posts: 8125
Joined: 1/19/2006
From: Nashville, TN
Status: offline 		I actively sought to find someone I would enjoy enough to collar.  It isnt particularly goal driven, it smore an idea of what I am expecting. I would not be looking for someone vanilla if I was worried about collaring them rather than maybe marrying them. In most relationships, I just let whatever happens happen.  Even with Angel, I didnt meet him with the intention of collaring HIM, but he and i clicked in a big way.

DV

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I will be your Dominate if you will be my submit - Fox

Snarko Ergo Sum
If you cannot change your mind, how are you so sure you still have one? -proverb

*Owner of Fox - collared 10/13/07*
VampiresLair

(in reply to BrutalDemon)
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RE: Are you goal oriented in your approach to relations... - 4/11/2007 3:46:32 PM   
gypsygrl


Posts: 1471
Joined: 10/8/2005
From: new york state
Status: offline 		No, I don't have relationship goals.  The very idea is kind of odd to me.  I'm one of those, "if its meant to be, its meant to be" kind of people.




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“To be happy is to be able to become aware of oneself without fright.” ~Walter Benjamin


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RE: Are you goal oriented in your approach to relations... - 4/11/2007 4:05:36 PM   
Padriag


Posts: 2633
Joined: 3/30/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Vendaval

Greetings A/all,
 
Are you goal orientated in your approach to relationships?
Do you actively seek to collar someone or be collared to
someone? 
Or are you using more of the mind that what you want
will happen if it is meant to be?

Definitely goal oriented, which is true of me in regards to pretty much everything.  By golly, I don't even go to the bathroom without a plan!

Seriously, I absolutely have goals in regards to relationships.  I want to live happily ever after (goal), I want them to be happy (goal), I want everyone to be safe and healthy (goals), I want to have kids (about a half dozen goals ), I want to share our lives together (goal), experience life together (goal), and finally grow old together (goal).  I have lots of goals.  Frankly, I think most people have at least some goals regarding a relationship.  I don't buy into the whole "meant to be" thing, I don't believe anything was or wasn't meant to be... that would presume some cosmic plan of which we are merely puppets playing parts... no thanks.  Instead, I believe we each make our choices, and whether things work out or not is a product of the choices we make.

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Padriag

A stern discipline pervades all nature, which is a little cruel so that it may be very kind - Edmund Spencer

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RE: Are you goal oriented in your approach to relations... - 4/11/2007 4:55:43 PM   
myobedience


Posts: 472
Joined: 1/28/2007
Status: offline 		I am with Padraig on this.
"Goal" for me means, looking toward a destination.
Making plans for an anticipated destination.
Expectations change and wander and are fulfilled, are not fulfilled ~~ they can be part of goals.
I expect everything Padriag talks about because I have set goals.
There are "major" goals and "minor" goals  ~~~
Major:
1) I wish not to be destroyed or sacrificed in the pursuit of the gratification of Your passion and lust.
2) I seek a friend, lover, a relationship. . .
A Dominant who wants me for me in a serious long term relationship.
3) I want to finish life strongly and fully with a Dominant, but I will not sacrifice my soul and will finish with strength alone if necessary.
Minor:
Would follow the monthly and weekly agenda of both I and He.
I do want to meet his expectations and surpace them !!  Doesnt any good woman?
 
3 years ago at this time, I thought our goals were the same, we had talked about them and set up expectations for our goals to be meet....  but then something happened which was not communicated to me.
Six months later our goals AGAIN took a serious detour and I was left either jumping on board or abandoning ship.  I jumped on board, but never was the relationship the same.  Communcation lacked big time.
I realized at that time I must set personal goals and he must set them and if we are a good match, we must be unified....  we were off base and it took me a long time to really realize it.
 
I am better for it and have learned ALOT about setting goals and looking at expectations, small day to day ones, weekly ones, monthly goals and yes those long term goals I already mentioned.
 
Wandering aimlessly, it seems, was the conclusion of miscommunicated goals and lack of personal goals. 
 
(my thoughts)




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With grace and gratitude, I am owned.
A Man who always seeks to be the best He can be for you is the only Man truly worthy of being called Master.

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RE: Are you goal oriented in your approach to relations... - 4/11/2007 5:15:44 PM   
LaMistressa


Posts: 460
Joined: 12/4/2006
Status: offline 		Yes, if you consider being happy to be a goal. 

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RE: Are you goal oriented in your approach to relations... - 4/11/2007 5:16:59 PM   
mp072004


Posts: 381
Joined: 12/22/2005
Status: offline 		Yes and no.

I'm goal oriented, in that I've defined the different kinds of relationships I want and I don't generally entertain offers for other options. But those relationships don't always have the goal of collaring, or permanency, or love, or "serious relationship"-ness.

Monica

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RE: Are you goal oriented in your approach to relations... - 4/11/2007 5:20:07 PM   
spanklette


Posts: 882
Joined: 2/22/2005
Status: offline 		This has actually been something that I've had to work to overcome. I'm goal oriented about everything and my profession just drives this home. As an example, I am 26 and most of my work peers are in their late 30's and early forties. I made a plan and stuck with it and I haven't reached my goal quite yet. But, it's the approach breaking the big goal into small and do-able steps.

The whole point of that was that I struggle not to do that within personal relationships of any kind. It's not that I don't find goals necessary, it's the business-like way that I approach them. It starts to leech the fun and the passion out of it eventually. Besides, it's not really my place to set goals in our dynamic.

So, the answer is yes and no. By nature I am goal oriented about everything, but by my own design I try and keep that out of my personal relationships...that means friendships, as well.

I think it's healthy to have a little bit of both and Daddy has made goals for us...both personal and lifestyle. I am doing my best to help us attain these goals with passion rather than an "action plan". 

_____________________________

~spanklette~

"The important thing is this: to be able at any moment to sacrifice what we are for what we could become. " Charles du Bois

"Please don't shout, can't you see I'm not listening." Billie Myers

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RE: Are you goal oriented in your approach to relations... - 4/11/2007 5:20:50 PM   
SusanofO


Posts: 5672
Joined: 12/19/2005
Status: offline 		Oh God, who knows really, what ultimately "works"? Although it is a very good question, IMO. I am not actively "seeking" right this minute, although when I have been, I've veered between the serious, focussed approach, and the much more relaxed, less pressure-filled, "go with the flow" approach.

It honestly (in my case) seemed to make no difference which approach I used.

I do think it pays to know what one is seeking, and what you value in a partner, however, and to be able to spot it (or at least the potential for that) when you see it (I've made a mistake or two here, but also been lucky as well). 

I lately have been thinking the "friends with benefits" idea is not an altogether bad one, as I can see these relationships potentially "blossoming" into possibly a whole lot more (but it all depends on the pother person as well, and I am big on not "freaking" someone out and pressuring them), although it is usually pretty clear, IMO, if I am smitten with someone else. I am not sure what I am going to do about this idea, though. 


Also, I think it pays to not to be so completely closed-minded and perfectionistic, that one cuts off potentially suitable partners, due to being overly "picky" (although admittedly, everyone has "criteria" for a partner, I am guessing).

Just my two cents.

- Susan

< Message edited by SusanofO -- 4/11/2007 5:32:47 PM >

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"Hope is the thing with feathers,
That perches in the soul,
And sings the tune without the words,
And never stops at all". - Emily Dickinson

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RE: Are you goal oriented in your approach to relations... - 4/11/2007 5:24:17 PM   
curiouslyseeking


Posts: 924
Joined: 1/11/2007
Status: offline 		Great response Padriag..
 
I am a goal-digger...
 
I seek goals in everything I do..set them high and reach for them.
 
going for the goal,
~curious~
 

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"The ultimate freedom is the freedom to choose to have no choice"


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RE: Are you goal oriented in your approach to relations... - 4/11/2007 5:31:55 PM   
WiseCracknSadist


Posts: 163
Joined: 10/27/2006
Status: offline 		I think everyone has goals. They may not write them down and make a bunch of plans around them, but the plans are there. We all plan to be happy. All plan to love and be loved. It just so happens that in this lifestyle there are different way to say and show that love.


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