quote:

I've only addressed this point thirty times.  Do you have a brain injury?  I have never advocated revenge.    I have explicitly stated this countless times.  Half the people here can't read a word of English, or deliberately don't want to understand what others write, because they are on their high horse charging full speed ahead trying to draw blood.  

quote:

I know some females in the scene were badly mistreated
by some male at some point in their life.   I don't get
why they seem to have little interest in acting out some
kind of role playing revenge fantasy.   Some say they
are afraid of losing control and going too far, but there
could always be a third party present to prevent that
from happening.  I would think that would be theraputic.
Yet, survivors shy away from such a role reversal
dramatization.  I know if I was a female and a victim
of abuse, I know I would to channel my anger onto some
male.

quote:

I don't believe in revenge for moral reasons, but I think
for a lot of people revenge does bring satisfaction and some healing. 

quote:

By venting, channeling and directing your anger at certain masochists you kill two birds with one stone.   This is exactly what I can't understand.  You have one person who has anger to release and another that has a craving to feel that anger.  What harm is actually being done?  It is just a matter of using your imagination to channel emotions.

quote:

There is a difference between real revenge and acting out revenge on someone who craves it.   Even though I keep repeating this, others write as if I am actually advocating actual revenge.

quote:

Survivors always want to know, "Why?"  They need to be assured it was not their fault, that nothing they did would have mattered.  Many get what they always wanted but never got: an apology by their perp and ultimately his understanding of the pain he put them through.  They want him to feel their pain.  These sessessions are often very emotional and cathartic, and sometimes end with both of us crying but also feeling better.

quote:

 
So you have no education in pscyhology, psychiatry,
no liscense or credentials?

quote:

Are you a survivor?

If so, are you trained in helping others recover based on extensive experience in recovery programs?

Extensive personal education in the field?

Are you published in a peer reviewed journal?

quote:

I do not present myself as a lay practioner. Boy, do those here like
to jump to all kinds of conclusions.

quote:

ORIGINAL: WhipTheHip

> The dungeon is not the place for therapy.

Who says?  The dungeon is an excellent place for
therapy.  It has been used successfully as a place
for therapy by many survivors.  Who are you to
tell them they are wrong?   If it works for them,
who are you to tell them otherwise?  Especially
since you have never even tried it?  How the
hell would you know?

I worked for many years in the mental health/social services
field for several different agencies.  I have worked with
literally hundreds of victims and survivors of mental,
emotional, physical, sexual abuse, incest, rape and
addiction in the initial stages and referred them to competent professionals and support groups.
 
I have also seen the results of untrained and uneducated
people mis-using therapeutic practices and the disasterous
results.


> These women are very right about the
> situation going too far and loosing control. 
 
None has gone too far.  I encourage them 
to let all their emotions out.  I have two
"safeties" in the room that prevent
things from going too far.  Many "survivors"
do go wild lashing the masochist, flailing
away with all their might.  The whip used 
is carefully chosen for this very activity.
 
I am also very careful to screen who I
allow to do this, and who I don't.  I've
become very adept at picking the right
individuals.  We spend many hours talking
before a session.   
 
Why should anyone trust your judgment?
What is your training?
What education do you have?
Who are your mentors and peers?
Do you carry liability insurance?
What is your back-up plan if the
survivor has a complete mental and
emotional breakdown?
 

> If they are functional in their present daily
> lives why would they want to go back into
> that level of torment? 
 
1. Desensitization
2. To turn the tables, and get a better outcome which happens to be a common use of psychodrama.
3. To channel repressed anger that has been eating away at them and hurting their relationships.
4. To get the revenge fantasy they always dreamed of having, that obsessively replays in their mind over and over again.
5. To hear their perp beg for mercy, and ask their forgiveness.
6. To get the answer to the question that has always been burning in their mind: "Why?"
7. To build self-esteem, strengthen their ego, to feel empowered.
8. To release the anger they have always directed at themselves.
9. To release some of the anger they feel towards all men.
10.  To achieve catharsis.
11.  To get over their anger.
 
I could go on, but see no point because when people's minds
are closed and made-up, when people are emotionally upset
they can't think straight.
 
> What would be gained? 
 
The eleven points above just for starters.
 

Back up your claims with research and statistics
from scientific studies and journals.
 
 
> They may well have a complete mental and
> emotional breakdown.

You forgot to mention, they also could be struck
by lightning.
 
Again, review the statistical data before you post.
 
 
> Victims of physical and sexual abuse and rape 
> are best dealt with by professional psychologists
> and psychiatrists.

That is your opinion.  I help "survivors" (not victims),
who have spent half their lives unsuccessfully trying to
get help from psychologists and psychiatrists.  They
tell me again and again, that I've helped them more in a
few hours of talking with them, than all the hours they
have spent talking to countless psychologists, psychiatrists
and therapists.  I am very good at what I do. 

Provide the evidence and the testimonials to support your claim.


But I can't help anyone who does not want to be helped or those who
start with the belief that only licensed professionals can
help them.   You can't dissaude most people from any
strongly held conviction, no matter how good you are. 

You are missing the irony in what you say here.

/quote]

quote:

ORIGINAL: MsKatHouston

quote:

I know some females in the scene were badly mistreated by some male at some point in their life.

Some men were mistreated by women as well.  Revenge and acting out because of that is usually not a healthy way to get over whatever trauma may have occurred.  It probably does happen to some degree from all sides.  But I doubt most are coming to it from a place of health and well being in order to heal.

quote:

ORIGINAL: SDFemDom4cuck

Sinergy...he's answered some of these questions. Most notably in the form of not being a survivor, however he seems to think that having dealt with "several dozen" survivors he knows what they are thinking and feeling. he doesn't...proof in point any number of the survivors (myself included) that have stated as much throughout the thread.  He has yet to link, publish or provide any type of literature to answer the remainder of your questions. I would not suggest holding your breath until he does.

quote:

ORIGINAL: StellaByStarlite
Jeezus H Christ On a Motherfuckin' crutch...
Listen, if your theory is just so great, why not just write a book about it? Get it published, go on Oprah, receive accolades from all the Who's Who in the fabulous world of BDSM. Be a celebrity! I mean, you're obviously convinced o0f the effectiveness of.. whatever it is. Go out, get your hands dirty.
Postin' long-ass gushy diatribes ain't nothin', sheeeit

quote:

ORIGINAL: addicted2it

quote:

ORIGINAL: MsKatHouston

quote:

I know some females in the scene were badly mistreated by some male at some point in their life.

Some men were mistreated by women as well. Revenge and acting out because of that is usually not a healthy way to get over whatever trauma may have occurred. It probably does happen to some degree from all sides. But I doubt most are coming to it from a place of health and well being in order to heal.

Ms. Kat,

I am glad that you said that [it] is "usually not healthy" as a way of getting over a traumatic experience, such as abuse, but is it better to withhold feelings rather than to act them out as a non-violent scenario? Many people tend to hold their feelings back or push them down, which is not a healthy way to deal with the trauma of abuse either (tends to make those abused into passive-agressive personalities).

Each of us goes about healing in different ways, and it is wonderful to believe that most of our behaviors are coming from a healthy place. But it would seem that, at least from my experience, this is the exception to the rule rather than the rule itself.

-phil

quote:

ORIGINAL: WhipTheHip

.  I stopped posting here long ago because of the judgmentalness, the narrow-mindedness, the self-righteous, the hypocriscy, the nastiness, the melodrama, the inability to read English, the desire to attribute to others things they never said, the unwillingness and lack of interest in trying to understand others, the penchent for hitting below the belt, all the personal attacks and blood-letting, the idea that people who post here owe you something, the idea that you are the arbiter of what is sane and what is not, your mean-spiritedness, and the belief that the sun won't rise tomorrow if twenty people from collarme.com say it won't.

quote:

ORIGINAL: WhipTheHip

quote:

ORIGINAL: StellaByStarlite
Jeezus H Christ On a Motherfuckin' crutch...
Listen, if your theory is just so great, why not just write a book about it? Get it published, go on Oprah, receive accolades from all the Who's Who in the fabulous world of BDSM. Be a celebrity! I mean, you're obviously convinced o0f the effectiveness of.. whatever it is. Go out, get your hands dirty.
Postin' long-ass gushy diatribes ain't nothin', sheeeit

5. I have better much things to do with my time like helping the poor, the homeless, the needy, the mentally disabled and rescuing animals.

4.  If you have no credentials, you are SOL.  This is true in any field.  We live in a society that worships credentials.  Not a single licensed A/C business in S. Florida brazes refrigerant lines with N flowing through them as manufacturers rightly insist.  None have a micron gauge.  None evacuate systems to the proper vaccum before charging.  None charge using superheat and subcooling.   Most of their work is done without a permit and would never qualify for a permit due to short-cuts taken.  In short licensed A/C companies don't follow any of the rules they are supposed to follow, but they all have licenses and insurance.  Customers trust them to do the job right.  When I used to make repairs I always followed manufacturers requirements and recommendations.  I never had  license.  I never had insurance.  You think you are protected because a company has insurance?  Good luck making a claim.   Even if you win you are not entitled to attorney fees. Who is  going to spend a million dollars to get an insurance company to fork over $500.  And if your claim is over $10,000 you are also out of luck because that is all the insurance companies have to carry.  All the company has to do is go bankrupt.  But if I screwed up I could be sued for everything I own.  Still people worship credentials and insurance.   When I managed hotels on Miami Beach I never cared whether the companies I hired had a license or insurance.   I made sure the companies knew what they were doing.

3. It costs millions of dollars to prove a theory is right.  There is no profit in a theory like mine.  Why
  would I spend a million dollars when there is no profit to be had.  Where were you when God
gave out brains?

2.  Few theories in psychology have any scientific basis or support, this includes the DSM-IV-TR, which is the bible of both psychiatry and psychology. 

1.  bdsm is still considered a paraphilia.  People who practice bdsm can lose their jobs, and lose their children.  There is still a great deal of stigma and social opprobium attached to S&M.  I don't know how many drugs you did in your youth, but they seem to have scrambled your brain.

quote:


Ms. Kat,

I am glad that you said that [it] is "usually not healthy" as a way of getting over a traumatic experience, such as abuse, but is it better to withhold feelings rather than to act them out as a non-violent scenario?  Many people tend to hold their feelings back or push them down, which is not a healthy way to deal with the trauma of abuse either (tends to make those abused into passive-agressive personalities).

Each of us goes about healing in different ways, and it is wonderful to believe that most of our behaviors are coming from a healthy place. But it would seem that, at least from my experience, this is the exception to the rule rather than the rule itself.

-phil

quote:

ORIGINAL: ModeratorEleven

Ok, that's enough. 

XI

quote:

I am not really holding my breath, SDFemDom4cuck. 

I mostly find it amusing that somebody could post authoritatively a bunch of placebo "cures" to help somebody recover from something as traumatic and life altering as surviving abuse.

Sinergy

quote:

ORIGINAL: WhipTheHip

quote:

ORIGINAL: ModeratorEleven

Ok, that's enough. 

XI

I was being sarcastic.  I actually thought everything Phil wrote was correct.