Relocators

Collarspace Discussion Forums

Home Login Search

Relocators

View related threads: (in this forum | in all forums)

Logged in as: Guest

All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> General BDSM Discussion >> Relocators

Page: [1] 2 3 next > >>

Login

Message

<< Older Topic Newer Topic >>

Relocators - 4/21/2005 5:05:23 PM

LadyShoshin

Posts: 492
Joined: 7/19/2004
From: Burlington, Ontario
Status: offline

I am a Domme, I live in Burlington, Ontario.
My rant is about the submissives, in my case, male, who are in a different country, not just a different province and in the first and occasionally second email I get from them say they want to relocate to be near me.

One or even five of these, ok, but I am fed up to the teeth with the number of "I will relocate to serve you" emails I get. How can someone decide, based on an online profile that they are willing to pick up and move to a totally different country to live with a woman they have never met?

From my standpoint, do they honestly think that I am going to be allowed to sponsor them, or that I am going to be willing to support someone who I have never met before and who lands on my doorstep until they wade through the government red tape to get a work visa?

They have no idea if I am a safe player, they have no idea if we are compatible, yet they are willing to take the chance, seperated from their family, friends and everything familiar.

AAARRRRRrrrrrrrrggggghhhhhhhh!

< Message edited by LadyShoshin -- 4/21/2005 5:06:25 PM >

_____________________________

PHLOX: “It’s unethical for a doctor to cause harm...I can inflict as much pain as I like.”

Post #: 1

RE: Relocators - 4/21/2005 7:38:39 PM

onceburned

Posts: 2117
Joined: 1/4/2005
From: Iowa
Status: offline

A person who wants to relocate is unhappy with their life. A person who wants to move to be with someone based upon one email and a online profile is desperate.

I can't imagine why they would think that any dominant (or sub) would be interested in such a person. Perhaps they are not thinking, but are simply reacting.

Many years ago I considered moving across country to be with someone. I figured that I would first ask permission to do this. I would then locate an apartment (easy nowadays online), transfer jobs, get settled in.... and then begin the courtship dance.

And if things didn't work out between us.... well, at least I was safe and self-supporting.

This still seems to me to be a sensible way of doing things. If you can't support yourself after a move, you have no business moving.

< Message edited by onceburned -- 4/21/2005 7:43:29 PM >

(in reply to LadyShoshin)

Post #: 2

RE: Relocators - 4/21/2005 7:48:23 PM

LadyShoshin

Posts: 492
Joined: 7/19/2004
From: Burlington, Ontario
Status: offline

You get a gold star for being sensible and rational. My usual reply to urgent relocators is that, once they get settled and working, they are welcome to contact me again. In 6 years in the lifestyle, no takers. This is me not being surprised.

You sound like you have a good head on your shoulders, I wish you a swift and happy conclusion to your search.

_____________________________

PHLOX: “It’s unethical for a doctor to cause harm...I can inflict as much pain as I like.”

(in reply to onceburned)

Post #: 3

RE: Relocators - 4/21/2005 11:17:42 PM

sterlingsweet

Posts: 180
Joined: 8/10/2004
Status: offline

I think there are Many, Many people who would be desparate to move to this Country, to get out of the Hell Hole they live in.

I would eventually like to relocate and live the second half of my life somewhere else. Maybe even at some distant point Travel a lot. So I think it wise to inform any perspective Domina that this is how I visualize my dreams and my future.
I am Not desparate to want to quick end up on someones door-step, mine would be a S-l-o-w process, but i think important to acknowledge.

But, Yes there are many I'm sure who would just love to come quickly to you and have you fix their problems and change their lives....Must be frustrating....Some of the idiots that write me for different reason's are just as frustrating but "The Block Button" works Great...I use it a lot!

~Sterling

< Message edited by sterlingsweet -- 4/21/2005 11:19:07 PM >

_____________________________

Who Let the Dommes Out?? (I'd like to Thank them).
~Wink

Peace Out...Sterlingsweet

I finally got my cuffs,
I hope to use them soon ~wink

(in reply to LadyShoshin)

Post #: 4

RE: Relocators - 4/22/2005 2:01:52 AM

BeachMystress

Posts: 2156
Joined: 4/3/2004
From: Naples Island- Long Beach CA - Southern California
Status: offline

I can not tell you how many times I've been asked to marry/sponsor someone coming into the country so they are able to remain. These requests have come from every angle, from very close friends to total strangers. It boils down to a few facts. First and foremost, I'm not helping someone I don't trust implicitly to come into this country. It's sad that we have to consider things such as this, but it is there. Before I met my current sub my position was.. you manage to get to this country on your own, you get established, then you contact me again.

I get an average of three of these letters a week. My profile clearly states that I am "off the market." They are just doing wholesale spamming of Domme, hoping to find someone silly enough to strike up a conversation with them and hopefully sponsor them. They don't care if the person is compatible. They just want into the country and will ape being in love and being the perfect mate for the poor unfortunate who is too naive to know any better.

I truly hope that people out there have better heads on their shoulders, but.. unfortunately, in my own life I know of at least two people who would be susceptible to a clever charming person of the opposite sex who showed them attention. There is a current thread going that has a response from a guy who relocated only to end up in dire straits. We have so many lonely people in this country who due to the way our society is now set up do not have the social support structure to keep them from doing silly impulsive things for companionship.

I feel the way onceburned mentioned is the only way to do a relocation. Prior to my being "off the market" I told several subs that they were welcome to relocate out here and then contact me. Since I wouldn't guarantee a relationship, they lost interest.

_____________________________

Beach Mystress
*Do not threaten the weak. Intimidate the strong. ~ Stevenson*
http://beachmystress.jigsy.com
http://www.flickr.com/photos/beachmystress/

(in reply to LadyShoshin)

Post #: 5

RE: Relocators - 4/22/2005 9:37:12 AM

onceburned

Posts: 2117
Joined: 1/4/2005
From: Iowa
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: BeachMystress

Since I wouldn't guarantee a relationship, they lost interest.

There are no guarantees in life.

Part of being an adult is to accept risk, prepare for risk and respond to risk in a sensible manner. Being a sub does not excuse a person from being responsible for their own life and the decisions they make.

(in reply to BeachMystress)

Post #: 6

RE: Relocators - 4/22/2005 3:56:55 PM

LadyAngelika

Posts: 8070
Joined: 7/4/2004
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyShoshin
My rant is about the submissives, in my case, male, who are in a different country, not just a different province and in the first and occasionally second email I get from them say they want to relocate to be near me.

I used to get such messages. Now I don't. What has changed was that I put the following line in the first paragraph of my profile: Note that I will not entertain an online or long distance affair. I will also not accept that someone relocates for me.

- LA

_____________________________

Une main de fer dans un gant de velours ~ An iron hand in a velvet glove

(in reply to LadyShoshin)

Post #: 7

RE: Relocators - 4/23/2005 7:40:59 AM

goodhouseboy

Posts: 23
Joined: 4/19/2005
Status: offline

quote:

I used to get such messages. Now I don't. What has changed was that I put the following line in the first paragraph of my profile: Note that I will not entertain an online or long distance affair. I will also not accept that someone relocates for me.

- LA

----------------------
i feel there is something here not being said. i am unsure about canada, but i myself have traveled many a mile, to go be with a Ms, since i know They aren't going to come to me.
i find this topic a bit too over reactive.
i do not feel i am desperate, but i darn sure am flexible. i am retired/disabled, and have my own income, and have no ties to anyone anywhere on this rock we call earth.
so why is it so absurd that i am personally able to go anywhere anytime as i see fit?
and as to not being interested in someone that IS able to come to You?....my gawd ....why?

especially if you aren't finding what you need local?....i find that a cold hearted outlook.
i may not be ready yet to go to canada...until i figure out the politics..but i am ready to go to any Ms that is as serious as i am. desperate?...no, i don't believe so. willing? ya betcha!
i can do anything i please anytime i please....and at 51 it is a good feeling not being tied down.
but i guess..if that IS Your feelings...You are entitled. i will not dispute that fact.
i just feel it is too cold for me personally.
thanks for my 3 cents here.

houseboy

(in reply to LadyAngelika)

Post #: 8

RE: Relocators - 4/23/2005 10:40:05 AM

AAkasha

Posts: 4429
Joined: 11/27/2004
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: goodhouseboy

quote:

I used to get such messages. Now I don't. What has changed was that I put the following line in the first paragraph of my profile: Note that I will not entertain an online or long distance affair. I will also not accept that someone relocates for me.

- LA

----------------------
i feel there is something here not being said. i am unsure about canada, but i myself have traveled many a mile, to go be with a Ms, since i know They aren't going to come to me.
i find this topic a bit too over reactive.
i do not feel i am desperate, but i darn sure am flexible. i am retired/disabled, and have my own income, and have no ties to anyone anywhere on this rock we call earth.
so why is it so absurd that i am personally able to go anywhere anytime as i see fit?
and as to not being interested in someone that IS able to come to You?....my gawd ....why?

especially if you aren't finding what you need local?....i find that a cold hearted outlook.
i may not be ready yet to go to canada...until i figure out the politics..but i am ready to go to any Ms that is as serious as i am. desperate?...no, i don't believe so. willing? ya betcha!
i can do anything i please anytime i please....and at 51 it is a good feeling not being tied down.
but i guess..if that IS Your feelings...You are entitled. i will not dispute that fact.
i just feel it is too cold for me personally.
thanks for my 3 cents here.

houseboy

There is no overreacting going on here. The reality is that immigrating to another country is not something you can just get up and do. Countries have laws and guidelines that must be followed.

For someone from another country to come to the US to serve a femdom for an ongoing or long term relationship, they'd have to immigrate through marriage or a work visa. You can't just decide to move here.

If you come to the US from another country on a tourist visa you can stay up to 6 months, but you can't legally earn income. Is the femdom supposed to support the submissive that she has never even met in real life?

Other countries have different regulations, but permanent relocation or longterm relocation -- especially without marriage or a job prospect -- is not something you can just pick up and do one day because you met someone on the Internet you think you might like.

You state in your message here that you are retired/disabled. Have you confirmed that your disability benefits (if you have them) will continue, even if you move to another country?

Akasha

< Message edited by AAkasha -- 4/23/2005 10:43:19 AM >

_____________________________

Akasha's Web - All original Femdom content since 1995
Don't email me here, email me at [email protected]

(in reply to goodhouseboy)

Post #: 9

RE: Relocators - 4/23/2005 11:27:58 AM

SweetDommes

Posts: 3313
Joined: 10/5/2004
Status: offline

I'm with y'all on this one. We do have that we want our boys to be able to relocate, but we also state that we are only interested in those from the US. We don't want to mess with the red tape and immigration issues, not to mention the wait period before they start work, and all that other shit. And every last one of them that we have said this to has said "oh, but it's no problem for me to move there" ... that says to me that either they have done it before, multiple time (which I find pretty offensive, honestly, for a number of reasons that I won't go into), or they have no clue what it is like to immigrate to the US at this point in history. And anyone that has an unreasonable time frame for relocation in the first e-mail (we do ask when they would be able to, to make sure that we wouldn't be waiting 4 years or something) we don't bother with. Someone who says that he can relocate next week ... one week is so not enough time to get to know someone. Someone who gives a more reasonable "well, I need to have at least X long for notification for work and to pack my things after we've chatted awhile" ... that's more likely to make us happy.

(in reply to AAkasha)

Post #: 10

RE: Relocators - 4/23/2005 3:07:57 PM

LadyAngelika

Posts: 8070
Joined: 7/4/2004
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: goodhouseboy
i find this topic a bit too over reactive.

This topic is not over reactive. This topic is quite relevant and it is an issue that many of us have to deal with.

quote:

ORIGINAL: goodhouseboy
and as to not being interested in someone that IS able to come to You?....my gawd ....why?

Because I’m simply not. I don't want anyone to come to me because of the type of commitment that relocation entails. I simply do not want that kind of responsibility. Especially if someone is immigrating... that means I have to be financially responsible for this person? And if it doesn't work out? Nah. Not my cup of tea.

quote:

ORIGINAL: goodhouseboy
especially if you aren't finding what you need local?....i find that a cold hearted outlook.

I find plenty of what I want local to me. In fact, too many perhaps. I don't need to look elsewhere. Maybe if there ever is a shortage of intelligent, successful, charming, attractive, gainfully employed submissively inclined men in the Montreal area, I’ll change my tune.

quote:

ORIGINAL: goodhouseboy
but i guess..if that IS Your feelings...You are entitled. i will not dispute that fact.

Umm.. but your whole post was about disputing this fact. And of course you are entitled to your opinion, but don’t dispute the fact and then say you won’t dispute the fact because that’s just silly! If you want to dispute it, dispute it!

quote:

ORIGINAL: goodhouseboy
i just feel it is too cold for me personally.

Then that’s your prerogative. For the record, setting limits doesn’t make me cold. It makes me self-aware, upfront, honest and no-nonsense.

- LA

_____________________________

Une main de fer dans un gant de velours ~ An iron hand in a velvet glove

(in reply to goodhouseboy)

Post #: 11

RE: Relocators - 4/24/2005 2:06:43 PM

goodhouseboy

Posts: 23
Joined: 4/19/2005
Status: offline

quote:

You state in your message here that you are retired/disabled. Have you confirmed that your disability benefits (if you have them) will continue, even if you move to another country?

Akasha

-----------------------
i have not looked into such, as yet, and have not been asked to, so i will worry about it if i ever am inclined to go to canada...right now i have enough trouble dealing with the u.s. right now, ...and i am fairly much done running from state to state for the moment.
i am staying put, and will wait, until i find someone that is serious about being a One. and since 2001 that hasn't happened...

thanks again for my 3 cents
houseboy

(in reply to LadyShoshin)

Post #: 12

RE: Relocators - 4/27/2005 10:18:50 AM

wyngedbyste

Posts: 23
Joined: 11/12/2004
Status: offline

The simple answer is they don't mean it. If you were to take their words at face value, I'm guessing most would back out.

Byste

(in reply to LadyShoshin)

Post #: 13

RE: Relocators - 4/27/2005 1:24:24 PM

goodhouseboy

Posts: 23
Joined: 4/19/2005
Status: offline

quote:

successful, charming, attractive, gainfully employed submissively inclined men in the Montreal area, I’ll change my tune.

Lady Angelika

may i assume Ma'am?...You look for the $$$ in it all then?
You talk success and gainfully working..sounds in MY ears it is about the $$...are You pro?

just asking..

thanks
houseboy

_____________________________

he has the most toys still dies.

(in reply to LadyShoshin)

Post #: 14

RE: Relocators - 4/27/2005 1:27:05 PM

AAkasha

Posts: 4429
Joined: 11/27/2004
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: goodhouseboy

quote:

successful, charming, attractive, gainfully employed submissively inclined men in the Montreal area, I’ll change my tune.

Lady Angelika

may i assume Ma'am?...You look for the $$$ in it all then?
You talk success and gainfully working..sounds in MY ears it is about the $$...are You pro?

just asking..

thanks
houseboy

Good lord.

I could just as easily say you aren't looking for a femdom to serve, you are looking for free room and board.

I would have the SAME criteria in my search for a permanent, relationship-based submissive -- gainfully employed -- NOT because it is about the money (I am the career woman in my relationship, my husband doesn't even work anymore except for me) -- but because it shows he is grounded, responsible and can support himself.

Ie, he isn't looking for a mealticket.

Akasha

_____________________________

Akasha's Web - All original Femdom content since 1995
Don't email me here, email me at [email protected]

(in reply to goodhouseboy)

Post #: 15

RE: Relocators - 4/27/2005 2:17:42 PM

onceburned

Posts: 2117
Joined: 1/4/2005
From: Iowa
Status: offline

quote:

may i assume Ma'am?...You look for the $$$ in it all then?

Houseboy, you might consider trying to fit in here. If you hope to find a domme you need to show that you can get along with others. Insulting people is not a good way to do it.

< Message edited by onceburned -- 4/27/2005 2:18:22 PM >

(in reply to goodhouseboy)

Post #: 16

RE: Relocators - 4/27/2005 5:51:02 PM

FelinePersuasion

Posts: 4792
Joined: 11/20/2004
Status: offline

First, the person who'd contact someone they don't know out of the middle of no where and say I can be there with in a week, is asking for it. There's to many whacko's and unstable people to just pick up an move to someone you don't know. Also what if you don't like them lol.

And secondly I don't think it makes any one a pro to expect someone they take on is gainfully employed. It's not the Mistress, or Master's job to be expected to support someone. should they wish to yes, have to no. I fully expect any one I would take on not to be a sandbagger.

(in reply to onceburned)

Post #: 17

RE: Relocators - 4/27/2005 6:01:41 PM

ProtagonistLily

Posts: 1222
Joined: 12/27/2004
Status: offline

quote:

Lady Angelika

may i assume Ma'am?...You look for the $$$ in it all then?
You talk success and gainfully working..sounds in MY ears it is about the $$...are You pro?

just asking..

thanks
houseboy

Oh I love this...since when should submissives assume anything? Takes some serious moxie there.

And what if she was a Pro? What's that got to do with anything. Your attitude and tone are completely disprespectful, and you should be ashamed for even asking.

Why is it, when male subs don't get their way they assume it's because there's something wrong with the Fem Domme? It really does get awfully tiresome....

Lily

_____________________________

"Be who you are and say what you feel because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind"
~Dr. Seuss~

(in reply to goodhouseboy)

Post #: 18

RE: Relocators - 4/27/2005 6:07:02 PM

LadyAngelika

Posts: 8070
Joined: 7/4/2004
Status: offline

quote:

I would have the SAME criteria in my search for a permanent, relationship-based submissive -- gainfully employed -- NOT because it is about the money (I am the career woman in my relationship, my husband doesn't even work anymore except for me) -- but because it shows he is grounded, responsible and can support himself.

Thank you Akasha. You are dead on.

Now goodhouseboy, you might want to look at a thread I started yesterday about all expenses paid before you start throwing around such accusations. You might look like less of an ass.

I think that having a well balanced life is paramount. I am a Pro, that is I am a professional in my field, highly regarded, successful and career oriented. I am looking for a partner that has a similar lifestyle. I'm just looking to meet a man who has it all, "my match" so to speak. An intellectual at the dinner table and a porn star in the bedroom with an overall positive outlook on life, self confidence and independence. Do I have strict criteria? Yup. Do I make any bones about it? Nope. I have a right to not make any compromises.

- LA

< Message edited by LadyAngelika -- 4/27/2005 6:09:38 PM >

_____________________________

Une main de fer dans un gant de velours ~ An iron hand in a velvet glove

(in reply to AAkasha)

Post #: 19

RE: Relocators - 4/27/2005 6:16:50 PM

Emmmrld

Posts: 57
Joined: 4/21/2005
From: Las Vegas, Nevada
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: goodhouseboy

quote:

successful, charming, attractive, gainfully employed submissively inclined men in the Montreal area, I’ll change my tune.

Lady Angelika

may i assume Ma'am?...You look for the $$$ in it all then?
You talk success and gainfully working..sounds in MY ears it is about the $$...are You pro?

just asking..

thanks
houseboy

Um HELLO ??? Oh wait that's right you're a man therefore totally clueless of what women (regardless of kink orientation) look for.

Gainfully employeed is NOT code for "I'm a PRO and am trying to solicite clients".

It IS code for "You should have a job - doesn't matter what it is, just have a job. I'm tired of having men approach me who think that I'm going to give them a free ride in life."

Please do not confuse this with "a man should pay for everything" because that is not said or implied in this case.

While you've posted that you have an income - that's GREAT for you. Not all men do. Yet they some how can afford internet or make time for the internet - yet can't seem to get and maintain a job.

*shakes head*

Emerald

(in reply to goodhouseboy)

Post #: 20

Page: [1] 2 3 next > >>

All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> General BDSM Discussion >> Relocators

Page: [1] 2 3 next > >>

Jump to:

New Messages	No New Messages
Hot Topic w/ New Messages	Hot Topic w/o New Messages
Locked w/ New Messages	Locked w/o New Messages

Post New Thread

Reply to Message

Post New Poll

Submit Vote

Delete My Own Post

Delete My Own Thread

Rate Posts

Collarchat.com © 2025

Terms of Service

0.094