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Help finding Dom - 4/13/2007 6:25:22 AM

subyearns

Posts: 1
Joined: 4/5/2007
Status: offline

Good morning all. I am very new to this and am wondering. How do you know a Dom is right for you?

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RE: Help finding Dom - 4/13/2007 7:39:37 AM

MasterFireMaam

Posts: 5587
Joined: 3/1/2006
From: Charleston, WV
Status: offline

How would you know if it were a vanilla, dating relationship? Our relationships on differ from these in that we desire a transfer of authority inside a stucture.

Master Fire

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The power of who we are can be intoxicating. The power of who we could be is humbling.
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(in reply to subyearns)

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RE: Help finding Dom - 4/13/2007 8:07:50 AM

Mustardseed

Posts: 291
Joined: 5/27/2006
From: Seattle, WA
Status: offline

I've got to agree with Master Fire. It's easy to put Tops, Masters, Owners and others in a specific relationship niche -- as though they're a different species -- but really: if I wouldn't date them if we were both vanilla, why would I bottom or submit to them?

(in reply to MasterFireMaam)

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RE: Help finding Dom - 4/13/2007 8:00:38 PM

arayofsunshine55

Posts: 545
Joined: 8/1/2004
From: San Francisco, CA
Status: offline

I'm with the others. I know what people work for me and which do not. Most importantly I know myself. And did not expect to change my core when I started WIITWD. That was never up for grabs. knowing myself has enabled me to find someone who works well for me. But at 45 I am really clear on what works for me. My friends, family, co-workers. The life skills you have developed these years should not be jettisoned 'cause you are looking for a dom. In fact you will need them more than ever IMO.

_____________________________

Sunshine

Is it not most transformative, most earthshaking, to pierce the veils of self-deception and illusion, and crack the eggshell of ignorance, to most intimately encounter oneself? Lama Surya Das

(in reply to subyearns)

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RE: Help finding Dom - 4/14/2007 12:57:44 PM

Celeste43

Posts: 3066
Joined: 2/4/2006
From: NYS
Status: offline

I knew because I felt comfortable talking to him about anything and everything and I am usually a very private person. So for me to be able to open up it was obvious that he was (and is) a very special person.

(in reply to arayofsunshine55)

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RE: Help finding Dom - 4/14/2007 12:59:49 PM

bandit25

Posts: 3029
Joined: 6/18/2005
Status: offline

MFM is right (as usual). How do you know if anyone is right for you? It's the same with a dom.

(in reply to subyearns)

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RE: Help finding Dom - 4/14/2007 1:17:11 PM

briarrose

Posts: 27
Joined: 8/11/2004
Status: offline

I agree with the others. A Dom is still human, as are you. If you wouldn't have a relationship with that person w/out the D/s, why would you with it?

At the end of the day, it is still a relationship and needs compatibility to work. Keep your eyes open and don't settle for a crappy relationship because the person makes your pink bits tingle but sucks in every other aspect/the way he treats you, etc.

--b

(in reply to bandit25)

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RE: Help finding Dom - 4/14/2007 11:19:09 PM

saphiradraca

Posts: 10
Joined: 1/21/2007
Status: offline

If I wouldn't have a vanilla relationship with someone, I wouldn't have a D/s relationship with him either.

(in reply to briarrose)

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