ownedgirlie
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Joined: 2/5/2006
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quote:
ORIGINAL: velvetears
One can consent to something - let's give a simple example, to be spanked. If you then put conditions on the spanking - only OTK, not too hard, leave no marks, etc - i would question how submissive this is? i have read examples of many subs who live their relationships very unconditionally - daddysprop, ownedgirlie, chewise, are just a few that pop into my mind from remembering their pov. i think consent and conditions are two seperate things - maybe linked but different. Isn't that where trust comes in - giving consent without conditions because you trust your dom enough to know you and not bring harm to you in any way? Wouldn't too many conditions be topping from the bottom? i am not advocating giving a dom free reign to do whatever he pleases, once you consent to allow him to dominate you, by any means, that would be too risky in many a situation.
Hi VelveltTears, what an interesting thread :)
There are conditions, but they are conditions he has placed on me. I entered this relationship based on the understanding and trust that certain conditions in return would occur. Before I asked him to own me, I asked him, "Will you care for me?" and by that, I did not mean "Will you love me" rather, "Will you look out for me if I give myself over to you?" That was a condition I needed to understand before becoming his. I currently place no conditions on him, however.
As to your original question about submitting to a vanilla-type, I related to many answers that were given here. Like others so wonderfully put it, I also tried to submit to my ex husband, who was "very vanilla," in so much that he told me I was mentally ill and brainwashed for wanting to submit. He is currently telling friends and family that I am under the influence of very bad people, and I am under spiritual attack. He did not want my submission. He did not know what to do with it, and he resented me trying to fulfill that part of myself with him. He resented me placing him in a role / position that he did not want. Which is odd, being how domineering and controlling he was, but we all know those are different traits than "true dominance" (ha, I had to say it, lol).
The problem with just going ahead and submitting to any ol' body is that any ol' body isn't going to intimately know me, and how to dominate me like my Master would (in fact, this causes me to think of a thread I'd like to start, once I fully wrap my mind about it). An unsuspecting vanilla partner would not know how best to manage me according to who I am, but would instead manage me according only to how he sees the world for himself, which could in fact be detrimental to me. I'm only going to submit to someone who has taken the time and effort to know me, otherwise, how can I be sure to trust they won't lead me into dangerous waters? That's what caused me to be as screwed up as I was when my Master found me - because I had a history of submitting to men who didn't know how to dominate me, or who didn't want to. I learned from that, that I would not submit to someone who didn't want it. In my opinion, when a submissive person gets to a point where she (he) will do anything for someone, that someone had better know what the heck he (she) is doing with her (him). To often we see submissives who have been giving their all to someone and who are hurting because they were led wrong. I can only echo Julia's sentiments here, and say in these cases, neither are fulfilled, and I'll even add that both parties are probably quite frustrated.
Because I was submissive to every male when Master found me, and because he saw how screwed up that made me, he made the edict to me that I am to submit only to him, period, and that "just because he has a penis, does not make him a dominant." While he is an advocate, to a certain degree, of natural order (for the most part, understanding there are exceptions and twists), he is also a believer that there are people out there who don't know what the hell they're doing when managing another human being. He saw I was the result of such mismanagement and aimed to fix that...and did!
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RE: Submissive in many contexts - 
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) - a condition is a point or situation with respect to circumstances - which means - 'loose ends' - it gives credence to the evolution of a relationship - in this case a BDSM one. In outside wiitwd, very few- save the very needy (and those kinds of people exist in all walks of life) enters a relationship or marriage that is considered long term with the clause of 'you will never leave me' - that isn't what I said. What I said is that care is taken. That nothing would be done in an abusive way. That has nothing to do with love or leaving or just doing what the s-type wants - its an understanding of growth and involvement. That doesn't matter if thats a Ds relationship, a Ms one or switches - there is alot of difference between care and caring.
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