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Am I alone in this? - 4/14/2007 4:40:06 PM

proudlyspoiled

Posts: 8
Joined: 5/22/2005
Status: offline

I know I am opening a can of worms so I will apologize in advance. But I really need to know if my way of thinking is off.

I know the lifestyle is about having different views and a sort of sexual independance and a type of freedom. How is there such a thing as too much or not having enough?

The reason I am asking this is because I met someone recently that I really liked...and part of the reason I like him was because I thought he was new to area so I hate to say this term but he was "fresh meat". As we talked I found he was not as new as I thought as he had lived in the area sometime ago and we knew some of the same people.

I am drifting from the point but, do you find it a turn off when you met someone you are interested in and find they have had sexual relationships with other people you know or may socialize with? OR they have been sexual with someone in which you question their safety practices?

Am I odd in desiring to find someone who has not been passed around so to speak?

_____________________________

"If you touch my mind, I will always remember you;
If you touch my heart, I will never forget you;
If you touch my soul--You will capture my heart"

Post #: 1

RE: Am I alone in this? - 4/14/2007 4:47:00 PM

julietsierra

Posts: 1841
Joined: 9/26/2004
Status: offline

I wouldn't say you're "odd" but since no matter where you are, the numbers just are not there, and it means that in general, you're going to meet someone who has dated someone else. This happens all the time in the vanilla world too but the numbers are large enough that we can pretend that we're their one and only. Afterall, the likelihood of meeting an ex girl friend or boy friend just isn't that high.

When your pool of prospective people is small to begin with, chances are, unless you're a virgin to this life and your locality, you're going to end up being with someone that someone else has been with before.

Oh... I just reread your post. When it comes to safety, then I suppose at the very least, it's going to take a hefty amount of discussion as to how safe the person you are dating and the person before you were. If in doubt, walk away I guess. That, or you could always ask that he provide you with current paperwork stating a clean bill of health.

juliet

< Message edited by julietsierra -- 4/14/2007 4:51:13 PM >

(in reply to proudlyspoiled)

Post #: 2

RE: Am I alone in this? - 4/14/2007 4:49:55 PM

spanklette

Posts: 882
Joined: 2/22/2005
Status: offline

Part of being in the lifestyle is realizing that it can be "incestuous" at times. It's hardly the six degrees of separation that everyone would like to imagine. Eventually, once you've been around a particular set of people long enough, people start inter relating. It may not be to your tastes, but I'm not surprised.

If you're trying to meet local people, then my only suggestion would be to try to tap the resources of the internet, which you already seem to be doing. You'll find people here who don't know any of the people in the scene...of course, that's because they're usually not interested in knowing them and would prefer to remain private.

_____________________________

~spanklette~

"The important thing is this: to be able at any moment to sacrifice what we are for what we could become. " Charles du Bois

"Please don't shout, can't you see I'm not listening." Billie Myers

(in reply to proudlyspoiled)

Post #: 3

RE: Am I alone in this? - 4/14/2007 4:52:12 PM

KnightofMists

Posts: 7149
Joined: 7/29/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: proudlyspoiled

Am I odd in desiring to find someone who has not been passed around so to speak?

Does it matter what others see this as... odd or not... does it really matter? I would think all that matters here is how you see it for yourself. If that's what you want... odd or not... it makes you happy... and that's great for you.

_____________________________

Knight of Mists

An Optimal relationship is achieved when the individuals do what is best for themselves and their relationship.

(in reply to proudlyspoiled)

Post #: 4

RE: Am I alone in this? - 4/14/2007 4:52:49 PM

mnottertail

Posts: 60698
Joined: 11/3/2004
Status: offline

you are so alone, darlin'....that kinda sick is justewwwwwwwwww.

perhaps if you could tone it down, I don't know.

But really, I have searched many threads, and you are just so wrong.

Ron

_____________________________

Have they not divided the prey; to every man a damsel or two? Judges 5:30

(in reply to proudlyspoiled)

Post #: 5

RE: Am I alone in this? - 4/14/2007 4:53:53 PM

proudlyspoiled

Posts: 8
Joined: 5/22/2005
Status: offline

I am really not sure why it bothers me so much but would you think of it as a deal breaker?

And why do you think I am so wrong?

< Message edited by proudlyspoiled -- 4/14/2007 4:55:51 PM >

_____________________________

"If you touch my mind, I will always remember you;
If you touch my heart, I will never forget you;
If you touch my soul--You will capture my heart"

(in reply to spanklette)

Post #: 6

RE: Am I alone in this? - 4/14/2007 4:59:40 PM

spanklette

Posts: 882
Joined: 2/22/2005
Status: offline

Hmm...well, to me, it would depend on the person. It's not something that I can really give an answer to. It really depends on whether you consider it a deal breaker.

How important is his former involvement to you? It's not important to me at all. I don't know you or him. So, if I gave you the answer that I think is appropriate...it most likely wouldn't suit the situation.

_____________________________

~spanklette~

"The important thing is this: to be able at any moment to sacrifice what we are for what we could become. " Charles du Bois

"Please don't shout, can't you see I'm not listening." Billie Myers

(in reply to proudlyspoiled)

Post #: 7

RE: Am I alone in this? - 4/14/2007 5:11:19 PM

BRNaughtyAngel

Posts: 1821
Status: offline

I understand what you are saying and would feel the same way. There's a major ick factor in knowing that the guy you're dating/submitting to/having sex with, has been with someone you know, much less a lot of someones you know.

I guess in some ways I'm not so open-minded because I just don't think it's special if everybody's had it.

Would it be a dealbreaker? I dunno, but I can't imagine I'd feel very comfortable walking around a BDSM event knowing my new dominant had screwed half the female population there.

And yes, I would wonder about the health factors.

(in reply to proudlyspoiled)

Post #: 8

RE: Am I alone in this? - 4/14/2007 5:11:21 PM

KatyLied

Posts: 13029
Joined: 2/24/2005
From: Pennsylvania
Status: offline

In some munch groups being "passed around" seems to be the norm and accepted practice. At a first munch group meeting I attended people introduced themselves and were not shy about explaining their past relationships, such as Sub A is now with Dom B, but was formerly with Dom A, and she sometimes switches to Dom A's current sub, etc This is just one example of how this small group had pursued relationships and dom'd/sub'd to each other and evidently continue to do so. It works for them, fine. It was too incestuous for my tastes and it was more information than I needed to know at the first munch I ever attended.

_____________________________

“If you want to live a happy life, tie it to a goal, not to people or things.”
- Albert Einstein

(in reply to proudlyspoiled)

Post #: 9

RE: Am I alone in this? - 4/14/2007 5:19:46 PM

proudlyspoiled

Posts: 8
Joined: 5/22/2005
Status: offline

See that is exactly how I feel...how is it special if I can just go to such and such and say how was it...I know that sounds messed up but it isn't special and it is almost as if I am just another notch in the belt

_____________________________

"If you touch my mind, I will always remember you;
If you touch my heart, I will never forget you;
If you touch my soul--You will capture my heart"

(in reply to KatyLied)

Post #: 10

RE: Am I alone in this? - 4/14/2007 5:25:23 PM

spanklette

Posts: 882
Joined: 2/22/2005
Status: offline

If that's the head space you're coming from...then, I suppose, it's a deal breaker for you...so, there ya go!

_____________________________

~spanklette~

"The important thing is this: to be able at any moment to sacrifice what we are for what we could become. " Charles du Bois

"Please don't shout, can't you see I'm not listening." Billie Myers

(in reply to proudlyspoiled)

Post #: 11

RE: Am I alone in this? - 4/14/2007 5:40:17 PM

StacyCat

Posts: 112
Joined: 1/11/2006
Status: offline

If you have an issue with it, then who cares? Just find your partners outside of the group, do not look inside the group for people.

But, beware of being the person that picks on the "fresh meat." Then you have the opposite effect, that you cannot find anyone in the scene, and must prey on the new people to find partners. That paints you in an entirely different light.

(in reply to spanklette)

Post #: 12

RE: Am I alone in this? - 4/14/2007 5:50:15 PM

minnetar

Posts: 1272
Joined: 4/11/2007
Status: offline

i can understand your feelings in regards to this. i would pretty much feel the same way.

minnetar

(in reply to proudlyspoiled)

Post #: 13

RE: Am I alone in this? - 4/14/2007 5:53:24 PM

proudlyspoiled

Posts: 8
Joined: 5/22/2005
Status: offline

Well forgive me for correcting you but I don't "prey" on new people period..To me there is a big difference between having a scene and having sex and no they do not have to be the same thing. The term fresh meat was to signify he is not in the current circles of being passed around not that he is new to the lifestyle.

I have no problems finding playing partners the question is the sexual relationship. I have no problems with a Dom who has beat the asses of a 100 girls...I do have a problem with that individual when he had sex with those same 100 girls. So there lies the difference.

I can find someone to play with regularly and satisify that need for that "fix", unfortunately the problem I have is finding that someone who can satisify the need to be spanked and get fucked.

And I apologize if that was crude

_____________________________

"If you touch my mind, I will always remember you;
If you touch my heart, I will never forget you;
If you touch my soul--You will capture my heart"

(in reply to StacyCat)

Post #: 14

RE: Am I alone in this? - 4/14/2007 6:09:52 PM

Quivver

Posts: 1953
Joined: 11/27/2004
Status: offline

When I read your post I really didnt understand. Then again I have not ever been active in my local community or attended a munch. But as the thread went on, somehow the light bulb went off and I totally get it! Fresh Meat is just a poor term for what it seems your looking for is all. When I put myself in the position and really thought about it I'd be a bit squicked out myself even if in reality we are all somewhat sloppy seconds. Having it right in your face (ie: the community) would tarnish things a bit for me. Kind of makes things less special...
I would rather not know or be involved under those circumstances.

_____________________________

The problem with communication ... is the illusion that it has been accomplished. ~George Bernard Shaw

(in reply to proudlyspoiled)

Post #: 15

RE: Am I alone in this? - 4/14/2007 6:43:07 PM

Wildfleurs

Posts: 1650
Joined: 9/24/2004
From: Connecticut
Status: offline

Using fast reply...

And yes, the more someone's been passed around, passing themselves around or piddling everywhere like a beagle the less interested I'd be in them.

C~

_____________________________

"Just because you've always done it that way doesn't mean it's not incredibly stupid." -despair.com

~~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
The heart of it all - http://www.wildfleurs.com
~~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

(in reply to Quivver)

Post #: 16

RE: Am I alone in this? - 4/14/2007 7:56:20 PM

MzMia

Posts: 5333
Joined: 7/30/2004
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: proudlyspoiled

I know I am opening a can of worms so I will apologize in advance. But I really need to know if my way of thinking is off.

I know the lifestyle is about having different views and a sort of sexual independance and a type of freedom. How is there such a thing as too much or not having enough?

The reason I am asking this is because I met someone recently that I really liked...and part of the reason I like him was because I thought he was new to area so I hate to say this term but he was "fresh meat". As we talked I found he was not as new as I thought as he had lived in the area sometime ago and we knew some of the same people.

I am drifting from the point but, do you find it a turn off when you met someone you are interested in and find they have had sexual relationships with other people you know or may socialize with? OR they have been sexual with someone in which you question their safety practices?

Am I odd in desiring to find someone who has not been passed around so to speak?

Wonderful post! I think you also explained what you meant very well in your subsequent posts also.
I am the same way, in fact I am probably worse. In High School I never wanted to date boys at my
school, I always liked boys that went to other schools, and I don't mean near by schools either!
I dated one guy in my high school on the basketball team, when we broke up, I did not feel comfortable
even being at the same party with him. *Freaking nightmare.*
I would feel the same with if we broke up and he frequented the same BDSM club and circles.

It would bother me a lot to be with someone and have to see or be around anyone he had been
intimate with on a regular basis, eww.
I just don't share well.
LOL, I am really funny in this way. I also know what you mean about "new blood" also.
I really don't mind newbies with no experience as long as we are compatible and everything else clicks.
Having years and years of experience is NO guarantee a relationship is going to last!
I don't want to be with the submissive that has played
and banged everyone for miles around. Or the person that "everyone" and their dog knows either.
I rather be with the submissive that they do NOT know.

I am also this way as far as dealing with my neighbors and people at work, I try not to piss where
I have to live or work.
To each their own.

< Message edited by MzMia -- 4/14/2007 8:08:38 PM >

_____________________________

Namaste'
To Each His/Her Own
"DENIAL ain't just a river in Egypt." Mark Twain

What's your favorite fetish?
"My partner's whisper"--bloomswell

(in reply to proudlyspoiled)

Post #: 17

RE: Am I alone in this? - 4/14/2007 8:02:05 PM

Sinergy

Posts: 9383
Joined: 4/26/2004
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: KatyLied

In some munch groups being "passed around" seems to be the norm and accepted practice. At a first munch group meeting I attended people introduced themselves and were not shy about explaining their past relationships, such as Sub A is now with Dom B, but was formerly with Dom A, and she sometimes switches to Dom A's current sub, etc This is just one example of how this small group had pursued relationships and dom'd/sub'd to each other and evidently continue to do so. It works for them, fine. It was too incestuous for my tastes and it was more information than I needed to know at the first munch I ever attended.

When I was involved years ago with a submissive, she was a name-dropper and wanna-be big dog in our local munch groups. I was new, so I let myself be dragged into those groups by her.

I went to a bunch of different munches, clubs, and play parties, and found that most of them contained the same people. They seemed to play musical subs (or musical Doms) all the time, and a long relationship among any of them was in the 4-6 month range.

One aspect I found odd as hell was how much people I didnt know or had never met seemed to know about me. This tended to give me a sense of almost being violated. When my submissive and I broke up, I soon discovered that while I had not told anybody anything, I found that most of our mutual friends knew all about her side of the breakup. I suppose I didnt help my case (whatever that means) because I was generally of the opinion that my personal life was none of their effing business.

I picked up my tiddly-winks and went over to the other side of the playground to play.

Just me, could be wrong, etc.

Sinergy

_____________________________

"There is a fine line between clever and stupid"
David St. Hubbins "This Is Spinal Tap"

"Every so often you let a word or phrase out and you want to catch it and bring it back. You cant do that, it is gone, gone forever." J. Danforth Quayle

(in reply to KatyLied)

Post #: 18

RE: Am I alone in this? - 4/14/2007 8:07:44 PM

Elorin

Posts: 970
Joined: 8/22/2004
From: San Antonio, TX
Status: offline

For me, coming from poly circles, it isn't odd to meet potential lovers who have been lovers of friends or loved ones. It doesn't bother me, either.

However, I will be honest - after getting to know someone, if I learned they had slept with X it will sometimes be a deal breaker because of what I know of X.

If it bugs you to find someone that has slept with a lot of people, it just means you don't want a promiscuous partner. But if your new friend has slept with two other people and they happen to be people you know, that is very different from having slept with 23 other people, including two people you know.

I prefer people who are very particular about who they sleep with. A lot of people or just a few, but I want them to be discerning. So does it bug me when a new lover used to have Jonny, Jasmyn, Linda, and Lew as lovers? Nope. I've fucked half of them and it means they have good taste. ~smiles~

There isn't anything wrong with wanting a partner who hasn't slept around. Just find someone whose values match yours, including being discerning who they sleep with.

(in reply to MzMia)

Post #: 19

RE: Am I alone in this? - 4/14/2007 8:11:58 PM

MzMia

Posts: 5333
Joined: 7/30/2004
Status: offline

I am about as far from poly as anyone can get.
I am not a jealous type, but I am possessive and I don't like games.
I figure the world is big enough that I don't have to deal with people
all in the same circles.
I don't knock those that do, right on!

I know of people that pass/share the same partners like they are the only people
left on earth.
But I can't "get down" like that.

Now let me go wabbit huntin for some fresh meat.

< Message edited by MzMia -- 4/14/2007 8:20:29 PM >

_____________________________

Namaste'
To Each His/Her Own
"DENIAL ain't just a river in Egypt." Mark Twain

What's your favorite fetish?
"My partner's whisper"--bloomswell

(in reply to Elorin)

Post #: 20

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