Collarspace Discussion Forums


Home  Login  Search 

Not sure what title to give this !!!


View related threads: (in this forum | in all forums)

Logged in as: Guest
 
All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> Ask a Mistress >> Not sure what title to give this !!! Page: [1] 2   next >   >>
Login
Message << Older Topic   Newer Topic >>
Not sure what title to give this !!! - 4/15/2007 7:43:38 AM   
canupleaseme


Posts: 775
Joined: 7/9/2006
Status: offline 		After spending several months incorporating a chastity device in our relationship we have come to the conclusion that its not working for us.  Basically the problem is the device we bought (cb300) is just causing too much interference in way of pain, lack of sleep and being active. 
I feel really torn about the situation.  I will try to explain the set up we have had going on with it. At christmas when he came over he had wrapped the cb for me and when he locked himself up in it he gave me the key and said some very imoprtant and personal things to me.  It was my best xmas present.  I have carried my key with me everywhere its so special to me.  Mostly becasue of what he said to me when he gave it me. My boy is at uni doing his finals, and within the first few weeks of getting used to wearing it he found it so painful in the night and was causing him sleep loss.  He continiued to wear it for me but being concerned about his sleep and getting his uni work done I told him that i only wanted him to wear it in the day, it was to go on as soon as he woke up and be taken off as he got to bed.  He was to text me everyday on doing this.  In bed he wore the gates I had bought him.  This set up was perfect for me and it allowed him to get enough sleep.  He still only had release when i granted it and I was happy with the knowledge his cock was mine and we were all happy.
At first this worked out fine.  In fact as far as I was aware everything was going really well with it, I made regular checks about it and felt everything was ok.
At the weekend my boy finally confided in me how much it is affecting him.  And as much as its affecting him in the way I want it to its also doing it in a way that makes me not want him to wear it any longer.  I was so shocked at first but understood why he hadnt told me.
To be honest I am upset that I was under the impressionit was ok and it wasnt at all.  We have spoken about that and that isnt the issue I have now.  He wont be wearing it again.  I dont want him to.  I know if i still did he would continue to wear it.  Its just lost its magic now.   My problem is I loved getting my texts everyday, I loved the feeling of knowing he had just locked my cock up and it was all mine.  I loved him texting me every evening to tell me he had taken it off and put the gates on knowing he would be arosed but still not allowed to touch it.  And most of all I miss my key already. Its just lost its meaning, I may be just being very mardy.  But my key was so special to me and something I had in my hand at least one a day always making me smile I guess it was like a sub/slave sees their collar.

I have spoken to him about all this, we do usually communicate very well.  He knows how important to me all my texts and key was. And will continue to do the texts as he had done. We just dont know how to replace my key.  Because we live long distance (only one month to go !!) and cant get together so much, the cb was a big thing for us in our relationship.  I dont blame him in any way but I do feel disaponted it didnt work out right, a bit lost about losing a daily ritual if you like and sad that my key doesnt mean what it did to me before.

I feel like I have lost some control, is this just normal to feel like this?  I seem to be experiencing so many new emotional experiences recently lol.  Im trying to keep in mind that its just adjusting back to not having that now.  I know I havent lost him, its really on the scale of things not an issue in our relationship together it just feels weird.

How have you dealt with situations in your relationship that havent worked out in the end?
Is it normal to feel disapointed?
Does anyone else have anything like my key that they cherish ?


< Message edited by canupleaseme -- 4/15/2007 7:44:08 AM >

_____________________________

Proud mistress
Profile   Post #: 1
RE: Not sure what title to give this !!! - 4/15/2007 7:58:05 AM   
bobipanti


Posts: 87
Joined: 9/29/2005
Status: offline 		I am truly sorry that this did not work out with you and your boy. I wish I had a Mistress who would lock me up and text me everyday to check that I was fine.

Bobi

(in reply to canupleaseme)
Profile   Post #: 2
RE: Not sure what title to give this !!! - 4/15/2007 8:29:15 AM   
MiladyAngelique


Posts: 107
Joined: 8/11/2006
Status: offline 		not sure if this will help

but they have a good range of chasity products some of which may be better for your boy??
http://www.saxleather.com.au/index.php?page=home&subrange=chastity%20device%20belt

(in reply to canupleaseme)
Profile   Post #: 3
RE: Not sure what title to give this !!! - 4/15/2007 8:32:22 AM   
petdave


Posts: 2479
Status: offline 		That's a real shame :(
i think it's absolutely reasonable to be disappointed by this, but unfortunately, it sounds like one of those situations that has to be written off to a learning experience. Sometimes, no matter how right something seems, other factors make things go awry.
i would suggest that you just try to remember that the emotions behind the original gift haven't changed. i wear a collar that was given to me on our wedding night, and the fact that i could remove it if i so chose doesn't make it less precious. If his cock belonged to you when he wore the CB, the fact that he had to remove it for practical concerns doesn't make it any less yours. He (i assume?) still needs your permission to use it, and the key that he gave you is still a symbol of that, just as it was when he wore the CB.

Best wishes to you both...

(in reply to bobipanti)
Profile   Post #: 4
RE: Not sure what title to give this !!! - 4/15/2007 8:33:30 AM   
mp072004


Posts: 381
Joined: 12/22/2005
Status: offline 		It's always sad when something works really well at first and then stops working.

I feel like you are mostly upset that you've lost an important way to connect with your far-away boy. You've found a solution to the communication--you're going to continue texting one another regularly. Since you emphasize the importance of your key, I wonder if you could devise some other token. You're certainly not weird or unique for wanting a token of your relationship--that's why some people wear marriage rings. Jewelry is always good and easy, and very socially acceptable. I had a relationship that involved some periods of time away from one another, and I grew quite emotionally attached to a bracelet that my then-partner gave to me before one of these periods. (I noticed this identification of item with person when the relationship ended and I decidedly didn't want to wear the thing any longer.) Could he give you a small wearable gift? You might even want matching, or complementary wearable items. If you like keys very well, couldn't he carry a lock and you carry a key, without the lock being attached to his genitals?

Monica

(in reply to canupleaseme)
Profile   Post #: 5
RE: Not sure what title to give this !!! - 4/15/2007 10:03:32 AM   
earthycouple


Posts: 4462
Joined: 2/19/2006
Status: offline 		I had a similar situation once.  He simply was miserable for all the wrong reasons in the CB so I removed it, we tried again and I promised him if it came off again against my desire it would never go back on and it didn't.  I hate that because that was my cock and I liked having it locked up. 

What I wound up doing was this:  His collar during the day for work was simply a silver necklace I chose, so I stopped using that and bought a lockable silver chain that hung low enough for the lock to be hidden but small enough in circumfrence that he could not take it off over his head.  He was locked in.  Period.  It caused no discomfort, it could not be seen unless I wanted it seen and I held the key.  I realize, I feel that this is not the same, but it was an acceptable change.

You could also use a waist chain or an anklet.  Good luck to you and please know that you are not the only Domme to have these feelings.
D~

(in reply to mp072004)
Profile   Post #: 6
RE: Not sure what title to give this !!! - 4/15/2007 10:39:54 AM   
SunNMoon


Posts: 1058
Joined: 3/18/2007
Status: offline 		Big hugs. Remember that the meaning behind the key is still there. He is yours and you both wanted it to work. Just keep thinking about that even through the device didn’t work doesn’t mean that you are not in control.  You might want to look at other chastity devices, but since I don’t have a penis I have no idea how wearable they will be. I have an idea (again not sure how workable it is) but get him a ribbon to tie on, with a tag hanging off saying your name on it, or how about the lock being tied on. That way you both know that you own his cock. Because it’s a symbol, and this way he will still call and let you know every morning that he has placed it on.

I’m long distance too. So just keep counting down the days, just one more month. I’m so so jealous of you; I won’t be living in the same city with Love until August. That key still hold all of the original meaning in it. I’m so sorry it didn’t work out the way you wanted it to. Hugs again.
 

(in reply to canupleaseme)
Profile   Post #: 7
RE: Not sure what title to give this !!! - 4/15/2007 11:00:46 AM   
TexasMaam


Posts: 1467
Joined: 6/22/2005
Status: offline 		I have a CB3000 also and it's just a very poor fit.  I'm sure it just depends on the man, but the CB2000 was a better design for comfort from the few males I've locked down.  The 3000 was a very poor fit for My new sub and I'm going to try the CB2000 again.

Being a keyholder is an amazing experience that very few women on this planet ever know; once you've enjoyed that dynamic, it is indeed a tremendous loss to have to set it aside.  Yes, if locking down has become important to you, there is a feeling of loss that can accompany the release from the device.  Especially if you were confident that he was being faithful as a result of the lockdown.

There can be a lot of reasons that he 'suddenly' explained the issues of concern.  Very likely he has been having trouble with the confinement during the frequent daily erections that he was always used to, and once the 'new' of the CB 3000 wore off he decided he'd prefer to have that unencumbered freedom back again.  It's a rare sub who can actually commit to being locked down.

The lack of sleep either indicates a possible problem with nocturnal erections that wake him up or simply the discomfort of a poor fit. 

It's also possible, as painful as the possibility might be, that he wants to be with someone local and doesn't have the courage to tell you. 

You have a few options, such as trying other device styles and sizes, if he's willing.  Earthy has a great idea re: necklace locked so that he can't take it off, certainly anyone he considered seeing on the side would have her questions about its origin, and a commitment to wear it would speak volumes as to his sincerity.  Resistance to it would indicate... well, you know what it would indicate.  If he's completely resistant, I think you'll know the answer. : (

You will have to determine whether a long distance relationship with a submissive who is free and available to others  is something you can accept, whether as a vanilla partner or as a Domme. 

If so, you can enjoy an occasional session with him given this change in your relationship dynamic, do so.  I've certainly had meaningful long term relationships with subs who could not, or would not commit to a lockdown.

If you can't live comfortably without a lockdown, then it's time to let go and move on to someone closer to home who has your best interests at heart and is willing to demonstrate that to you.

Have I had experience with situations that didn't work out in the end? We all have, a long term BDSM D/s relationship that works out in the end is the dream of a lifetime.  Getting there can be an agonizing road, but one that will hopefully turn out to be well worth the heartaches and disappointments along the way.

Warm wishes,

TexasMaam

< Message edited by TexasMaam -- 4/15/2007 11:09:01 AM >

_____________________________

~ My opinions are not necessarily those of the management... ~

(in reply to canupleaseme)
Profile   Post #: 8
RE: Not sure what title to give this !!! - 4/15/2007 11:03:26 AM   
SLAVEBOY32


Posts: 122
Joined: 2/26/2007
Status: offline 		the more i read about the cb the more i realize it is prolly not feasible, (meaning if i find another Domme). I have read, that many subs wear it temporarily at first, because of discomfort etc. then wear it more and more as they get used to it. seems like your boy would have gotten used to it by now though with all the time he spent in it. i dont know how to replace your key short of what earthycouple mentioned with a locking innocent looking collar. although i dont think it will acheive the same for you since you are not locking his cock, maybe it would bring some symbolization back for you though to have the key to his collar. there was a link, in another post, that took me to a website that showed a totally new kind of chastity belt. it locked,  it looked more feasible then a cb 3000. i have tried to find the thread, trouble is ive read so many threads since then im not sure where it was..lol. im sorry, i will try to look for it when i get home tonight, i can tell you as a sub male, it honestly looked alot more realiztic to wear 24/7, and the company swore it was secure. when you two are together next month,  you could still have fun with the cb, make him wear it for special occassions etc. i know the symbolization isnt the same though...just a thought. time heals everything, and the good communication you have with your boy i suspect will help you get over it faster. best of luck.

< Message edited by SLAVEBOY32 -- 4/15/2007 11:07:56 AM >

(in reply to SunNMoon)
Profile   Post #: 9
RE: Not sure what title to give this !!! - 4/15/2007 11:13:15 AM   
canupleaseme


Posts: 775
Joined: 7/9/2006
Status: offline 		bobipanti  thankyou he knows he is a very lucky boy :)

MiladyAngelique  Thankyou for the link, I will certainly have a good look, unfortunatly we cant afford another device yet :( but will keep that handy for when we can :)

PetDave  I was worried I was feeling disapointed and shouldnt be, your right it is natural to feel that way when somethig doesnt work out.  I know the key should still hold its value to me becasue of what he said etc, but it just doesnt now even if i try really hard to make it :(  I think I need to work on that !!

Monica  It is mostly that ive lost my key.  And i feel bad that something like that would make me feel upset it makes me feel superficial and i'm not at all. You are right about it being like couples who wear jewerly for each other or something similar. I'm so glad t hear that others have similar things like with your bracelet.

earthycouple Thankyou for your reply too.  I hope in time we find a suitable replacement device.  I too loved knowing my cock was locked up, chastity wasnt something I had had much experience with before I met my boy.  I didnt realise how powerful it would be to our relationship.  And how dominant it would make me feel with him.  I guess a lot of this is about me losing that too.  Once he has finished uni and doesnt have so much work to do I will be more demanding with where we go with this. Again its so reasuring to know i'm not alone feeling this way.

SunNMoon  Thankyou  what a good idea about the ribbon !! I will certainly tell him about all the ideas that you have given me.  I think whats in order is a lot of reasurance on his part that that cocks still mine and I am really going to work on making the key still be special.  I think the problem is when i see it or think about it I just feel so disapointed, hopefully that will pass.  We have been together as a couple both vanilla and D/s for 6 months and before that very close friends for 6 months.  These last 6 months have certainly been hard work and at times its seemed too hard but you know something its sooo worth all the work.  He finished uni mid may and then when he has tied everything up is due to move in with me.  I really cant wait and when things like this happen or we get into difficult situations I always bare in mind its not going to be like this forever.  I hope your wait goes quickly for you.  Its great hearing from others in similar situation.


I am so pleased eveyone has been so nice :) When I talked to a few friends who are dommes they were all very negative about the situation saying I should just make him wear it anyway but I think that would be worse.  I would hate to have him wearing it everyday thinking i hate doing this, if he isnt doing it for me to please me and is happy about it I'm not interested so it wouldnt work that way at all for me.
I am still in control of his orgasms and I do trust him completely not to be naughty.





_____________________________

Proud mistress

(in reply to SunNMoon)
Profile   Post #: 10
RE: Not sure what title to give this !!! - 4/15/2007 11:15:53 AM   
KYsissy


Posts: 781
Joined: 5/12/2005
Status: offline 		My experience with the CB2000 is that at night I get erections and the CB gets pushed up and pulls my balls and is quite painful.  While tolerable for a short period of time, night after night gets to be unbearable. The skin starts to get raw, not good, especially if mental alertness is required the next day.

< Message edited by KYsissy -- 4/15/2007 11:18:25 AM >

(in reply to canupleaseme)
Profile   Post #: 11
RE: Not sure what title to give this !!! - 4/15/2007 11:26:49 AM   
canupleaseme


Posts: 775
Joined: 7/9/2006
Status: offline 		TexasMaam I have no worries about his faithfulness and am 99% sure he isnt trying to tell me he wants out of our relationship, though the thoughts did entre my head briefly.  Its definatly been about nightime erections causing the pain and his balls hurting to the poitnt he feels winded.  I never considered the possibility of him being on a lock down permanently in our relationship and its definatly not a deciding factor of wether we should be together or this would have put a spanner in the works lol.  But you are right about the feeling of loss.  I am loving our journey together in bdsm and we are lucky enough to have only had a few minor things not work out.  This is the first thing that hasnt worked that will have a big impact on us and I guess we just have to make sure we deal with it properly and communicate properly to one another. Thankyou so much for your post :)

Slaveboy32  Its crazy we have searced forum after forum asking others about the cb to get help and ideas on making it better to wear and everyone has the same problem well almost everyone we have encountered.  Some other chastity devices do look more wearable its certainly something we will look into when we have some spare cash.  Im sure once i have stopped feeling like i want him to throw it away that we will have some fun in the future with it.  I look forward to seeing the link should you find it thankyou for your post :)


_____________________________

Proud mistress

(in reply to canupleaseme)
Profile   Post #: 12
RE: Not sure what title to give this !!! - 4/15/2007 11:30:39 AM   
canupleaseme


Posts: 775
Joined: 7/9/2006
Status: offline 		Kysissy Yes it definatly hurt his balls a lot, and with him being in such an important part of his course it would be irresponsible of me to make him wear it anyway knowing it would casue him to lose sleep and concentration.  maybe I should just make him chop it off and put it on a chain for me and then i will have my cock completely


_____________________________

Proud mistress

(in reply to canupleaseme)
Profile   Post #: 13
RE: Not sure what title to give this !!! - 4/15/2007 11:32:24 AM   
TexasMaam


Posts: 1467
Joined: 6/22/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: KYsissy

My experience with the CB2000 is that at night I get erections and the CB gets pushed up and pulls my balls and is quite painful.  While tolerable for a short period of time, night after night gets to be unbearable. The skin starts to get raw, not good, especially if mental alertness is required the next day.


enlightening, thanks for the post, KYsissy....TM

_____________________________

~ My opinions are not necessarily those of the management... ~

(in reply to KYsissy)
Profile   Post #: 14
RE: Not sure what title to give this !!! - 4/15/2007 11:55:14 AM   
Vendaval


Posts: 10297
Joined: 1/15/2005
Status: offline 		I think that petdave summarized this best by the term
"learning experience".  No technique or device is guaranteed
to work 100% of the time.
 
You have several suggestions here for alternate methods
and hope one or more of them works for you.
 
He is relocating to be closer to you in a month too?
That sounds like a true sign of committment. 
 
I wish you both all the best,
 
Vendaval

_____________________________

"Beware, the woods at night, beware the lunar light.
So in this gray haze we'll be meating again, and on that
great day, I will tease you all the same."
"WOLF MOON", OCTOBER RUST, TYPE O NEGATIVE


http://KinkMeet.co.uk

(in reply to canupleaseme)
Profile   Post #: 15
RE: Not sure what title to give this !!! - 4/15/2007 12:02:05 PM   
canupleaseme


Posts: 775
Joined: 7/9/2006
Status: offline 		Vendaval  Yes its definatly a learning expereince.  I feel so much better knwoing what I'm feeling is normal so to speak.  He moves in with me after uni and is still vry keen about it so yes I see that as a big commitment on his part.  I imagine thats when the fun really begins I will probably find the time we had apart a breeze compared to adjusting to living together ha ha. 
I am glad we are strong enough to not let this become a problem and that we are both willing to try and find a way to make everything feel ok. Thankyou for your reply


_____________________________

Proud mistress

(in reply to Vendaval)
Profile   Post #: 16
RE: Not sure what title to give this !!! - 4/15/2007 12:23:36 PM   
MzMia


Posts: 5333
Joined: 7/30/2004
Status: offline 		Thank you for sharing your story Canuplease, it was a learning experience for many.
As many have stated, it is the relationship that counts.
I was told a long time ago, that the Neosteel was the best quality chastity belt available.
You might also consider this when you want to try again.
I believe it is well worth trying.
It is known for not only being sleek, but comfortable.
It is expensive, but quality does not come cheap.
If you try chastity in the future, try something else until you find something suitable.
Good luck. 
 Nsepmain

< Message edited by MzMia -- 4/15/2007 12:28:28 PM >

_____________________________

Namaste'
To Each His/Her Own
"DENIAL ain't just a river in Egypt." Mark Twain


What's your favorite fetish?
"My partner's whisper"--bloomswell

(in reply to canupleaseme)
Profile   Post #: 17
RE: Not sure what title to give this !!! - 4/15/2007 12:36:26 PM   
canupleaseme


Posts: 775
Joined: 7/9/2006
Status: offline 		MzMia  Ive heard quite a lot about the neosteel, its something I think we will look at once we can afford the time and money to invest in it again.  The relationship is definatly what counts.  And whilst I was a bit quiet with him when he talked to me about it after it was out of shock that I really hadnt realised there was such a problem and that he hadnt told me before, this isnt going to affect our relationship, I hope not anyway.  Things dont always work out and if i sit down and look at all the things that have developed in our relationship that I wasnt expecting I can see i'm a very lucky mistress and am in a special relationship and thats worth more than any key really.  I just miss it lol and I miss knowing my cock is locked up and out of his grasp, but as everyone has pointed out there are ways round this :)

_____________________________

Proud mistress

(in reply to MzMia)
Profile   Post #: 18
RE: Not sure what title to give this !!! - 4/15/2007 12:40:33 PM   
nyrisa


Posts: 1830
Joined: 11/20/2006
Status: offline 		(fast reply)

What about getting a piercing? A Prince Albert heals well, I am told, and he is probably not likely to get into much self-mischief with it during the healing process; not only that, but every time he sees his cock, he sees your ring of ownership in it. Maybe you could get a matching ring to keep on your keyring, so that every time you touch it, you will think of his ring. Then, when he moves in with you, if you don't wish for him to keep the piercing, have a ceremonial removal of it.

If he has a computer and a web cam, he could show you his cock each night so you can inspect the healing process and give him directions about its care. Just an idea.

_____________________________

A true lady takes off her dignity with her clothes and does her whorish best. At other times you can be as modest and dignified as your persona requires. Robert Heinlein

The last thing I want to do is hurt you...but it is still on my list.

(in reply to MzMia)
Profile   Post #: 19
RE: Not sure what title to give this !!! - 4/15/2007 12:52:28 PM   
canupleaseme


Posts: 775
Joined: 7/9/2006
Status: offline 		nyrisa Thats a great idea!  Peircing him is a limit so not something I could consider but definatly a good idea thankyou :)

_____________________________

Proud mistress

(in reply to nyrisa)
Profile   Post #: 20
Page:   [1] 2   next >   >>
All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> Ask a Mistress >> Not sure what title to give this !!! Page: [1] 2   next >   >>
Jump to:





New Messages No New Messages
Hot Topic w/ New Messages Hot Topic w/o New Messages
Locked w/ New Messages Locked w/o New Messages
 Post New Thread
 Reply to Message
 Post New Poll
 Submit Vote
 Delete My Own Post
 Delete My Own Thread
 Rate Posts




Collarchat.com © 2025
Terms of Service Privacy Policy Spam Policy

0.078