Is there anything in *the lifestyle* that you have a fear of? (Full Version)

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Xeandra -> Is there anything in *the lifestyle* that you have a fear of? (4/15/2007 9:43:07 AM)

Reason im asking is im a switch but...Domm most of the time. I can deal out pain but if im subbie it really scares the hell out of me. Like quivering in fear wanting to or actually crying my eyes out. I cannot stand anything to do with it besdies a little spank during intercourse or a bite during cannot be in between must be during.

So again anyone else have a fear in relation to this *lifestyle?



Faramir -> RE: Is there anything in *the lifestyle* that you have a fear of? (4/15/2007 9:45:08 AM)

Of course--being emotionally vulerable, loving and being loved.  Scariest thing in the world, because being gutted, having your heart torn out, hurts like nothing else in the world.



Xeandra -> RE: Is there anything in *the lifestyle* that you have a fear of? (4/15/2007 9:47:08 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: Faramir

Of course--being emotionally vulerable, loving and being loved.  Scariest thing in the world, because being gutted, having your heart torn out, hurts like nothing else in the world.


I suppose i don't have that fear because i look at love diffenretly of course i have experinced being gutted having my heart ripped out of my chest emotional but that is only part of the experince for me



MistressDoMe -> RE: Is there anything in *the lifestyle* that you have a fear of? (4/15/2007 9:47:17 AM)

Xeandra, I have to think about this, but you ask the best
questions that I have ever seen around here.
Thank you for making many of us think.



Elorin -> RE: Is there anything in *the lifestyle* that you have a fear of? (4/15/2007 9:47:18 AM)

Attitudes that scare me, yes. Actions that I'm afraid of? No, not really.
Things that intimidate me? Absolutely. Flesh hook suspension, punching scenes, intentional bone breaking (fingers and toes not big bones).

No, I take that back. I'm afraid of ending my relationship with Sir and never having the desire to submit to anyone else - and thereby losing out on all of the joy and pleasure that submission brings to my life.



SusanofO -> RE: Is there anything in *the lifestyle* that you have a fear of? (4/15/2007 9:47:38 AM)

I can handle physical pain (and I've had a bit of intense physical pain in a D/s relationship, so I know this, to an extent, anyway).

I am not particularly into: Cutting or "intense" knife-play, "gun-play", fire-play, breath-play, scat, kicking or trampling. Even intense face-slapping strikes me as a bit brutal, and some things simply strike me as stupid to do (but that's just me, to each their own). 

*Over-the-top (to me) emotional pain is another matter. This is one reason I am not a fan of what is known as the "Minf_k" as a "kink", especially a hard-core, emotional one.

It "works" for some people (apparently, although I have my doubts about this, actually), I just know that personally, I find it really difficult to go there, and it's pretty much a "hard limit" for me for that reason.

- Susan



missturbation -> RE: Is there anything in *the lifestyle* that you have a fear of? (4/15/2007 9:48:43 AM)

I fear being in love, being abandoned and needles. I guess the first two are not really just lifestyle fears but they are what i'm scared of.



Xeandra -> RE: Is there anything in *the lifestyle* that you have a fear of? (4/15/2007 9:54:30 AM)

I'll add on to my list of fear yes  attitudes can be scary when im submissive and a dome just automaticly romps into the the rum telling me i am not right and that i must do things this way the pysicaly forcing me to a certin pose stance or oterh . That attitude really scares me and ive come up agaisnt it alot so that is why i stay dominant becasue then i can contend with those pople that act out so agressivly when its not needed.



crouchingtigress -> RE: Is there anything in *the lifestyle* that you have a fear of? (4/15/2007 9:55:19 AM)

being lied to.



Alloces -> RE: Is there anything in *the lifestyle* that you have a fear of? (4/15/2007 9:59:44 AM)

awesome question Xeandra..
 
and I must answer yes to it ...the big thing I fear and this coming from a Sadist is this ....I fear inexpierienced people that have the age ole "you can't tell or teach me anything " attitude..I have witnessed these people in different settings and almost always they end up causeing damage to someone either mentally or physically and then blame the partner for their own ineptness..



Xeandra -> RE: Is there anything in *the lifestyle* that you have a fear of? (4/15/2007 10:01:25 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: Alloces

awesome question Xeandra..
 
and I must answer yes to it ...the big thing I fear and this coming from a Sadist is this ....I fear inexpierienced people that have the age ole "you can't tell or teach me anything " attitude..I have witnessed these people in different settings and almost always they end up causeing damage to someone either mentally or physically and then blame the partner for their own ineptness..



Soooo on the same page with you there being that i was the one they harmed!



SusanofO -> RE: Is there anything in *the lifestyle* that you have a fear of? (4/15/2007 10:05:25 AM)

In reference to what Alloces, stated - this could be part of the reason I am not "into" hard-core Mind_ucks as a "kink". In fact, I know it is - my overall impression is, that either or both people claim at its outset, to know what they are getting into, and-or what they are doing, when it's not really true (and I can't understand how they can really claim it if they've never been in that particular, exact, situation anyway).

Then, when something inevitably goes awry, it's always the other person's fault, and ill-feeling seems to abound all around. I am not saying it can't possibly work, I've just never seen it work very well.

I obviously am not a fan of Mind_cuks generally, so I am definitely predjudiced, it was nothing against you personally, in my comments.

- Susan 



Slavetrainer2007 -> RE: Is there anything in *the lifestyle* that you have a fear of? (4/15/2007 10:07:53 AM)

Ever heard the saying "Your either scared or stupid." Someone who actually has no fear, i believe is really ignorant. Or the just dont give a shit about anything.

For me:
I fear taking something to far. I am pushy by nature.  I push limits, I push past limits, and im pretty good at it so far. But what if.....just what if  i misjudge and push to far? Sure you can write this off with safewords.  But i dont use safewords, because they are either over or under used and in my current situation i think they would be underused at fear of failing me.

Or for instance say with suffocation, i take it to far and  dont let her breath soon enough....bad things can happen then. But if you dont take it far enough it loses its effect.

I think when you  push a sub to the edge with kinks and you  hit that thin line between not enough and to much i think you always  have the fear in the back of your mind that you may go to far over that line instead of the utopia of riding it. And while safewords  are suppose to be a safety to keep you from going over that line, they are flawed. They depend to much on someone  muttering them that is worried about disappointing and often so far in subspace... you have to wonder if they are still in touch with reality at all.

This is were self confidence plays a large role.. can you take her to that edge without sending her to the hospital?

EDIT: When you play with fire, you should always fear getting burned.



BOUNTYHUNTER -> RE: Is there anything in *the lifestyle* that you have a fear of? (4/15/2007 10:08:47 AM)

Never fear LOVE girl however I must say love is a weapon that can be used to kill your soul...as always just the views of this ol" master



BondageTopJere -> RE: Is there anything in *the lifestyle* that you have a fear of? (4/15/2007 10:10:33 AM)

Getting to know someone vey well on phone the phone and IM an when the first meet comes, find out they simply can't hold a conversation.  I'm afraid of my inexperience, not so much because I think I will push too fast or too slow, but that I don't really know when to push in the first place.



Faramir -> RE: Is there anything in *the lifestyle* that you have a fear of? (4/15/2007 10:11:51 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: Alloces
the big thing I fear and this coming from a Sadist is this ....I fear inexpierienced people that have the age ole "you can't tell or teach me anything " attitude..I have witnessed these people in different settings and almost always they end up causeing damage to someone either mentally or physically and then blame the partner for their own ineptness..


That's not a fear, that's you being self-serving, implying that you are experienced, safe and trustworthy, therefore desriable.



BOUNTYHUNTER -> RE: Is there anything in *the lifestyle* that you have a fear of? (4/15/2007 10:12:41 AM)

I fear nothing in or about the lifestyle,IN the early years I was a little afraid my family and boss would find out some way,but  what the hell does a young dom full of hell care if they did? 



TigressFL -> RE: Is there anything in *the lifestyle* that you have a fear of? (4/15/2007 10:13:25 AM)

Being unable to be independent, mentally, emotionally and physically. The sheer idea of having to depend on anyone for anything scares the shit out of me lol

Tigress~FL



TNstepsout -> RE: Is there anything in *the lifestyle* that you have a fear of? (4/15/2007 10:13:46 AM)

Oh well yes, there is a quite a lot that I fear. For me too it's much more the emotional than the physical. I guess what I fear most is to expose my vulnerabilities and then have them used against me, either to manipulate or hurt me. I guess that's one reason I don't like to feel rushed, pushed or pressured to open up before I know someone well. It really sets up a panic in me.

I also really fear losing my identity in someone else. For me I think that is a big part of my fear of a D/s relationship. (on the s side) My problem I guess, but still it's something I fear. From years of being the forgotten partner I guess.

I also fear being judged. As far out as some sexual/BDSM interests/activites are I still fear being judged for mine.



Alloces -> RE: Is there anything in *the lifestyle* that you have a fear of? (4/15/2007 10:17:19 AM)

actually Faramir it isn't selfserving in the least ........having been the Owner of a dungeon in the Colorado area during the 80's I witnessed too many inexpierienced people doing damage to others and then like you standing in judgement of someone else
 



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