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Did you stay with your first? - 4/15/2007 12:35:54 PM

bowandserve

Posts: 30
Joined: 3/2/2007
Status: offline

I am a Domme and as much trouble as they are I am still drawn to newbie subs. Love to draw them out, help them discover their true selves, be the one to take them down the journey. Time after time they end up being too much or freaking out and running away.

Question is more directed to subs but maybe doms have some answers - does anyone stay with their first? Is it possible?

Post #: 1

RE: Did you stay with your first? - 4/15/2007 12:42:26 PM

slaveofdarkhold

Posts: 124
Joined: 3/15/2006
Status: offline

I married my first Dom six months ago.... all good so far. Ask me again in five years;)

(in reply to bowandserve)

Post #: 2

RE: Did you stay with your first? - 4/15/2007 12:45:56 PM

crouchingtigress

Posts: 4387
Joined: 3/19/2006
From: Maui
Status: offline

not sure i have never found what you are describing attractive....the young bucking broncos are so much work, so much tears and fears, and so much *poof* and they are gone that i never feel drawn...i am loathe to admit this but i am actually kinda repelled by folks still in the fear and shame stages of awakening to their lives, i much prefer the old reliable trail horse...nice dependable..no chance of getting kicked in the head...

but i am glad that women like you exist...dont get me wrong....because after they leave ...they might suffer for years...and when they finaly come back, they are more broken in....

_____________________________

Service slut, durable plaything, and ponypenquincatdogpig, to Lee Harrington

This is him

"Its none of my buisness what other people think of me."

(in reply to bowandserve)

Post #: 3

RE: Did you stay with your first? - 4/15/2007 12:48:44 PM

Suleiman

Posts: 1127
Joined: 9/9/2004
Status: offline

Of course it's possible. It's possible for a nilla newbie to stay with his or her frist. Many do. Problem is, a first timer has no experience, by definition, and so has no idea what they want. Now, if the learned partner has a clue, and shows some discrimination in whom they initiate, and has a desire for a long-term partnership, then of course there is a good chance for the newbie to stay with their first.

In point of fact, though, most relationships don't last. Vanilla or kink, most relationships are impermanent.

Post-edit comment; I just seem to be a sucker for post-scripts today)

After a moment's thought, a little bell went ding in the back of my mind. When you say "Time after time they end up being too much", whether you mean too much trouble, too much work for you, or what-have-you, it does imply that perhaps you lack the commitment nessesary. Had the person who took me in as a 24/7 slave shown more commitment to making the relationship work, rather than demanding that I make all the concessions to her needs without conceding to my own, I might still be with her today. If you want a long lasting relationship, it takes work. Hard, nasty, unpleasant work. Relationships aren't pretty. That's one of the reasons why there are so many damn velcro collars out there these days.

< Message edited by Suleiman -- 4/15/2007 12:58:33 PM >

_____________________________

Think of my verbosity as a sort of litmus test for our relationship. I write in a manner identical to how I speak and how I think. If you can not cope with what I have written here, it is probably for the best if we go our separate ways.

(in reply to bowandserve)

Post #: 4

RE: Did you stay with your first? - 4/15/2007 12:49:43 PM

AquaticSub

Posts: 14867
Joined: 12/27/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: bowandserve

I am a Domme and as much trouble as they are I am still drawn to newbie subs. Love to draw them out, help them discover their true selves, be the one to take them down the journey. Time after time they end up being too much or freaking out and running away.

Question is more directed to subs but maybe doms have some answers - does anyone stay with their first? Is it possible?

First what? The first person I had sex with a dominant and while he introduced me to BDSM, we definately wouldn't work in a long-term relationship. My first relationship where we played around with the roles of dom sub was my ex-fiancee. Now, the first relationship where we are 24/7, I'm still in.

_____________________________

Without my dominance you cannot submit. Without your submission I cannot dominate. You are my equal in this, though our roles are different.-Val

It was ok for him to beat me but then he tried to cuddle me! - Me

Member:Clan of the Scarlet O'Hair

(in reply to bowandserve)

Post #: 5

RE: Did you stay with your first? - 4/15/2007 12:59:53 PM

selfbnd411

Posts: 598
Joined: 7/23/2005
Status: offline

quote:

Suleiman

quote:

ORIGINAL: Suleiman
In point of fact, though, most relationships don't last. Vanilla or kink, most relationships are impermanent.

I completely agree with this. How many people married their first b/f or g/f? How many "best friends forever" from high school do people still talk to? It just shows how rare it is to find a person who you can really build something permanent with, and how lucky people who have accomplished that should feel.

(in reply to Suleiman)

Post #: 6

RE: Did you stay with your first? - 4/15/2007 1:04:37 PM

Devilslilsister

Posts: 1262
Joined: 8/3/2006
Status: offline

lol i've stayed with my first Dom. Been about 2 1/2 years now and it looks like i'm going to be with him quite abit longer.... but ya never know.. lol

_____________________________

My ability to cope with BS is at an all time low - me

i may look like i'm doing nothing, but i'm very busy at a cellular level

(in reply to selfbnd411)

Post #: 7

RE: Did you stay with your first? - 4/15/2007 1:08:40 PM

santalia

Posts: 142
Joined: 1/10/2007
Status: offline

Greetings

No, i did not stay with my first.

The first person i had sex with was one of those "another notch in the bedpost" types. He was gone after he fucked me three times.

The first person i married is long gone. i hope to have our divorce finalized no later than August.

The first Master i had i loved and would have remained with but he didn't want me. He's gone now too. It's for the best though, because he wasn't right for me, and i see that now whereas i couldn't see it back then.

Now, i have a wonderful, loving Master who i adore. He is not my first, but He is my last.

Well wishes

-santalia{JR}t

(in reply to bowandserve)

Post #: 8

RE: Did you stay with your first? - 4/15/2007 1:12:25 PM

Wildfleurs

Posts: 1650
Joined: 9/24/2004
From: Connecticut
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: bowandserve

I am a Domme and as much trouble as they are I am still drawn to newbie subs. Love to draw them out, help them discover their true selves, be the one to take them down the journey. Time after time they end up being too much or freaking out and running away.

Question is more directed to subs but maybe doms have some answers - does anyone stay with their first? Is it possible?

I guess it depends on how you look at first - I had other dominants who I dated and played with. But my owner is the first person thats ever owned me.

C~

_____________________________

"Just because you've always done it that way doesn't mean it's not incredibly stupid." -despair.com

~~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
The heart of it all - http://www.wildfleurs.com
~~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

(in reply to bowandserve)

Post #: 9

RE: Did you stay with your first? - 4/15/2007 1:12:50 PM

juxmeeh

Posts: 7
Joined: 4/15/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: selfbnd411

quote:

Suleiman

quote:

ORIGINAL: Suleiman
In point of fact, though, most relationships don't last. Vanilla or kink, most relationships are impermanent.

I completely agree with this. How many people married their first b/f or g/f? How many "best friends forever" from high school do people still talk to? It just shows how rare it is to find a person who you can really build something permanent with, and how lucky people who have accomplished that should feel.

I'm still friends with my best friend from high school. Talk almost everyday haha. Been friends for going on 13 years now. As far as a Master goes... not sure yet

(in reply to selfbnd411)

Post #: 10

RE: Did you stay with your first? - 4/15/2007 1:13:05 PM

MasterFireMaam

Posts: 5587
Joined: 3/1/2006
From: Charleston, WV
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: crouchingtigress
i am actually kinda repelled by folks still in the fear and shame stages of awakening to their lives

I've gotta agree here. I'm pretty out...and I'm not done yet. In a lot of ways, just being with me means that you probably need to be out, too. Fear and shame are the two biggest things that keep people from coming out. So....that's not gonna work with me.

Now, once they're past this...I like newbies. They're full of wonder. They're fun. They're an opportunity.

Master Fire

_____________________________

The power of who we are can be intoxicating. The power of who we could be is humbling.
-----
Ms Relationship Books
-----
BDSM How-To Books

(in reply to crouchingtigress)

Post #: 11

RE: Did you stay with your first? - 4/15/2007 1:19:14 PM

BOUNTYHUNTER

Posts: 9259
Joined: 2/5/2004
Status: offline

NO, my first was so many years ago, she was a lez pain puppy ,it was a love hate relationship from the start.She love me for what I had to offer her "pain and pleasure" and yet hated me because a man could do that to her.I love to mentor newbies and start them on their journey.I hear from them from time to time and many are doing well..bounty

_____________________________

US going to hell in a hand basket/

(in reply to MasterFireMaam)

Post #: 12

RE: Did you stay with your first? - 4/15/2007 1:20:57 PM

sambamanslilgirl

Posts: 10926
Joined: 2/5/2007
From: Chicago, IL
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: bowandserve

Question is more directed to subs but maybe doms have some answers - does anyone stay with their first? Is it possible?

if you're in it for the sexual fun only, then i say no, neither one of you will stay together after (what Daddy calls) the "honeymoon" period - once the newness of meeting each other you tend to get bored because you haven't established a meaningful relationship.

if you're in it for a committed relationship for a long period of time, then i say yes because you both took the time in getting to know each other in the D/s as well as vanillas which in turned built a strong foundation of your relationship.

in my expericence, i've had "doms" who showed little or no interest in me at all - so no our "relationship" didn't last long since they were only looking for a quick fix until they found someone else. Daddy's actually my first "real" (and i use that term loosely) Dom which after 8 months are going strong together.

_____________________________

...2011 - year of the fabulous rock star life ...and i do it so well...

...announcing Mr. & Mrs. British Petrol ...yeah, marrying into oil is slick business...

(in reply to bowandserve)

Post #: 13

RE: Did you stay with your first? - 4/15/2007 1:21:29 PM

lovewithoutfear

Posts: 153
Joined: 7/11/2005
Status: offline

"How many "best friends forever" from high school do people still talk to? It just shows how rare it is to find a person who you can really build something permanent with, and how lucky people who have accomplished that should feel."

Hmmm. I am still close with one of my friends/lovers from 20 years ago, though we don't live near each other. Other people I have been very close to have not maintained contact. I don't always think that is a bad thing, though -- as some wonderful people move out of my life, there is room for more to wonderful people to come in. I question the dominant paradigm that says that all other things being equal, a lasting relationship is necessarily better than an ephemeral one.

That being said, I am with my first owner (3 and a half years now) and hope to remain so indefinitely.

Regards
JoyfulYes
lovewithoutfear

(in reply to selfbnd411)

Post #: 14

RE: Did you stay with your first? - 4/15/2007 1:22:06 PM

DiurnalVampire

Posts: 8125
Joined: 1/19/2006
From: Nashville, TN
Status: offline

My first and I were together for a while, but she had major issues with jealousy and control. I have had a few newbie subs since then, none of which stayed with me long. Angel is not a complete newbie, but heis fairly inexperienced aside from wit me, and his experience was nothing like what he and I have. I am hoping for the best with him.

DV

_____________________________

I will be your Dominate if you will be my submit - Fox

Snarko Ergo Sum
If you cannot change your mind, how are you so sure you still have one? -proverb

*Owner of Fox - collared 10/13/07*
VampiresLair

(in reply to BOUNTYHUNTER)

Post #: 15

RE: Did you stay with your first? - 4/15/2007 1:22:19 PM

selfbnd411

Posts: 598
Joined: 7/23/2005
Status: offline

[/quote]
I'm still friends with my best friend from high school. Talk almost everyday haha. Been friends for going on 13 years now. As far as a Master goes... not sure yet
[/quote]

Hehe! Me too, actually!

It just strikes me that whenever I talk to old friends, they ask me what's going on with the rest of the gang. Because apparently I'm the only one who bothers to keep in touch with the rest of them. To me it seems like a small thing to fire off an email now and then.

< Message edited by selfbnd411 -- 4/15/2007 1:24:59 PM >

(in reply to juxmeeh)

Post #: 16

RE: Did you stay with your first? - 4/15/2007 1:27:42 PM

handsoverhead

Posts: 17
Joined: 1/7/2006
Status: offline

Yes it it possible. I am still with my first Dom after nearly 18 months. I was lucky in that we both played with others for the first six months so I did get to experience a couple of other Doms/Dommes ... then we accidentally fell in love, stopped playing with others and moved in together ... a whole new ball game!

I know we are very lucky to have found each other.

By the way, as a long time board lurker, just wanted to say how much I love reading these boards :)

(in reply to MasterFireMaam)

Post #: 17

RE: Did you stay with your first? - 4/15/2007 1:29:11 PM

Samwhiplash

Posts: 191
Joined: 10/5/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: MasterFireMaam

quote:

ORIGINAL: crouchingtigress
i am actually kinda repelled by folks still in the fear and shame stages of awakening to their lives

I've gotta agree here. I'm pretty out...and I'm not done yet. In a lot of ways, just being with me means that you probably need to be out, too. Fear and shame are the two biggest things that keep people from coming out. So....that's not gonna work with me.

Now, once they're past this...I like newbies. They're full of wonder. They're fun. They're an opportunity.

Master Fire

Gotta say I am kinda coming from this viewpoint also. Have in the past year been down the brand new newbie road a few times and each time I wish I hadnt when they go through the almost inevitable 'issues' afterwards :(

Give me a playmate with even a touch of experience and there is more of an opportunity for anything of any length - less drama :)

(in reply to MasterFireMaam)

Post #: 18

RE: Did you stay with your first? - 4/15/2007 1:40:19 PM

bowandserve

Posts: 30
Joined: 3/2/2007
Status: offline

Wow, thank you for all your quick replies!

For the one questioner - I pour my energy into these newbies but I am very demanding. They love it at first, but inevitably they start rebelling and revert back to vanilla games and I let them know in no uncertain terms that is unacceptable. To answer your other question, yes, I am looking for my one long term.

I've tried a few different level newbies from they didn't have a clue they ever felt this way - hadn't even ever been tied up!, ones that thought they wanted it but turned out it was for the sex, and those that weren't quite ready to devote themselves - just dabbling.

It can be SO frustrating but for some reason newbies add a little rush of excitement so I guess I keep returning... but thanks for the hopeful stories!

(in reply to Samwhiplash)

Post #: 19

RE: Did you stay with your first? - 4/15/2007 1:48:38 PM

Stranger1

Posts: 219
Joined: 4/13/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: bowandserve

I am a Domme and as much trouble as they are I am still drawn to newbie subs. Love to draw them out, help them discover their true selves, be the one to take them down the journey. Time after time they end up being too much or freaking out and running away.

Question is more directed to subs but maybe doms have some answers - does anyone stay with their first? Is it possible?

I see it happen rarely-new people in this tend to be more about new experiences than solid relationships.

It's pretty hard to focus on that when playing the field takes priority-I like ones who have gotten to the point of finding a personal prefference that emphasizes stability, over thrill seeking.

(in reply to bowandserve)

Post #: 20

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