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What is in the closet? - 4/15/2007 5:10:32 PM   
Xeandra


Posts: 49
Joined: 3/14/2006
From: Arizona
Status: offline 		Ok I know the term is kinda odd applied here. The only people that don't know im into D/s or bdsm is my parents. So id say that im not really in the closet since they obviosly have no need to know what i do in the bedroom.
My question is though how may of us are in the closet with whom and what keeps you there or what has opened you up?

< Message edited by Xeandra -- 4/15/2007 5:11:45 PM >

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RE: What is in the closet? - 4/15/2007 5:14:38 PM   
Mystique567


Posts: 273
Joined: 6/11/2006
Status: offline 		I think I am pretty open about anything, the only people left in the dark is my staff.

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RE: What is in the closet? - 4/15/2007 5:15:24 PM   
PoeticMotion


Posts: 22
Joined: 3/17/2007
From: Atlanta, Georgia
Status: offline 		I was "in the closet" for many years. Now I'm 27 and I don't necessarily hide it, but I don't make a huge public deal of it either. This isn't all of who I am. I'm honest about it, but I see no need to make a public spectacle of it.

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RE: What is in the closet? - 4/15/2007 5:17:02 PM   
crouchingtigress


Posts: 4387
Joined: 3/19/2006
From: Maui
Status: offline 		What is in the closet? not me.
 
why? because i am lucky enought to not have to for work or family.

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This is him

"Its none of my buisness what other people think of me."




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RE: What is in the closet? - 4/15/2007 5:17:33 PM   
FukinTroll


Posts: 6277
Joined: 2/6/2007
From: Under a bridge
Status: offline 		My insatiable lust for the OP!

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I'm the guy your girl is thinking about when she is fucking you!

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Greedy Groupie!

The Mods have me on speed Spank!! Gotta luv'em.

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RE: What is in the closet? - 4/15/2007 5:18:19 PM   
Xeandra


Posts: 49
Joined: 3/14/2006
From: Arizona
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: PoeticMotion

I was "in the closet" for many years. Now I'm 27 and I don't necessarily hide it, but I don't make a huge public deal of it either. This isn't all of who I am. I'm honest about it, but I see no need to make a public spectacle of it.


Yeah i'ts not the only part of me  either  but it was something that was on my mind

_____________________________

"Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind." Dr. Suess


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RE: What is in the closet? - 4/15/2007 5:18:33 PM   
CypherEnigma


Posts: 62
Joined: 7/24/2005
Status: offline 		I am very much open with most people of my lifestyle activities. I am one of the founders of the local munch groups and attend them through out the state. Where i am cautious is in my home town in public settings. I do live in a smaller town and the local corporate comapnies would very much frown on one such as me. I do not make ripples with my participation in the lifestyle, but nor do i hide it. My family and friends are all aware if not in the lifestyle.

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RE: What is in the closet? - 4/15/2007 5:19:30 PM   
Celeste43


Posts: 3066
Joined: 2/4/2006
From: NYS
Status: offline 		The only people you don't tell you like to be tied up and spanked are your parents? You introduce yourself to a new coworker and that's the first thing you say? You tell this to the cashier at the grocery store instead of talking about the weather?

My point is that we all have, or should have, appropriate interpersonal boundaries. It is no one's business what I like to do in the bedroom. My vanilla friend's don't go around spelling out who decided what movie to see and who chooses the new car in their relationship. I have equally no reason to say anything in detail about mine.

My friends and family see that I am happy, that we are always respectful towards each other, that we don't snipe at each other in public. They are happy that I am in this relationship even if they wouldn't choose him for themselves. Just as his friends are happy for him that he is in a good and supportive relationship even though I might not be their taste in women.

Now unless you were raised in a house where women got together for coffee and usually discussed who gave their husband a blowjob last night, it seems obvious that forcing details on others they haven't asked for really is too much information.

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RE: What is in the closet? - 4/15/2007 5:20:27 PM   
MasterFireMaam


Posts: 5587
Joined: 3/1/2006
From: Charleston, WV
Status: offline 		I'm out for those who care to take a look around. What I don't do is jump out of the closet and shout, "Boo!" at people. Ok, most of the time. Wearing leather to the Grub Cat (Food Lion) saturday night was fun. *chuckle*

Master Fire


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RE: What is in the closet? - 4/15/2007 5:21:38 PM   
FukinTroll


Posts: 6277
Joined: 2/6/2007
From: Under a bridge
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: FukinTroll

My insatiable lust for the OP!


 JEEBUS!!! Twice in one day.

_____________________________

I'm the guy your girl is thinking about when she is fucking you!

TrollTopia
Greedy Groupie!

The Mods have me on speed Spank!! Gotta luv'em.

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RE: What is in the closet? - 4/15/2007 5:23:57 PM   
LuckyAlbatross


Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline 		Reposted:
First, this is a lot like the coming out process that homosexuals have to deal with as well.

Secondly, make sure that you are prepared to handle questions and reactions that might come at you. Sometimes they might be ok with it, sometimes they might be confused, or angry or worried or other things- make sure you can handle whatever is going to be thrown at you.

Next, decide whether you think they are ready for you to come out to them. I'm out to my sister but not to my mother. I doubt I ever will come out t my mom. It's not so much about my own privacy, but about her comfort level. I don't need her to know about me being owned property in order for my relationship to be healthy with her.

Next, on a person by person basis, pick good timing. Holidays are not good. If you're telling casual friends, then do it at a party or some place where youa re being casual. If you are telling a best friend or relative, leave privacy and space to talk.

Your OWN attitude will shine through more than anything you actually say. Keep it simple, keep it generic, keep it nilla-friendly at first, and show that you are happy with this choice. Make sure that you project an attitude of confidence and sincerity. They don't have to understand the relationship as long as they understand it makes you happy.

And give it time. Coming out is a PROCESS, it rarely happens all in one bunch. The more practice you get at coming out, the easier it gets.

http://www.collarchat.com/m_821839/mpage_1/key_coming/tm.htm#822664
Coming out as a sub

http://www.collarchat.com/m_673932/mpage_1/key_coming/tm.htm#673940
questions about coming out

http://www.collarchat.com/m_603184/mpage_1/key_coming/tm.htm#603237
Coming Out

http://www.collarchat.com/m_594649/mpage_1/key_coming/tm.htm#594704
Telling Family

http://www.collarchat.com/m_552712/mpage_1/key_coming/tm.htm#552726
real world acceptance

http://www.collarchat.com/m_500172/mpage_1/key_coming%252Cprocess/tm.htm#500695
So I came out...

http://www.collarchat.com/m_191844/mpage_1/key_coming%252Cprocess/tm.htm#192641
family

http://www.collarchat.com/m_87719/mpage_1/key_coming%252Cprocess/tm.htm#87743
Talking to vanilla people


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RE: What is in the closet? - 4/15/2007 5:25:20 PM   
haysup


Posts: 35
Joined: 2/28/2006
Status: offline 		I'm in the closet about being bisexual and with another woman, period- last thing I need is my parents knowing the intimate details of what transpires in the bedroom. The day I come out to them as bi will arrive soon enough, but the day will never dawn when I feel my parents and other family members need to know what a kinkster I am.
Friends are totally different- as I'm known among them for being loudmouthed sexually, in many senses of the word

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RE: What is in the closet? - 4/15/2007 5:26:11 PM   
TigressFL


Posts: 239
Joined: 6/8/2006
Status: offline 		I am out to all of my family and friends and have been for years. Not only do they know about my kinks they also know about my way of life. I never felt the need to be in the closet luckily. I do not announce it to new vanilla people in my life, they have to be considered a friend not an associate.

Tigress~FL

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RE: What is in the closet? - 4/15/2007 5:26:29 PM   
Xeandra


Posts: 49
Joined: 3/14/2006
From: Arizona
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Celeste43

The only people you don't tell you like to be tied up and spanked are your parents? You introduce yourself to a new coworker and that's the first thing you say? You tell this to the cashier at the grocery store instead of talking about the weather?

My point is that we all have, or should have, appropriate interpersonal boundaries. It is no one's business what I like to do in the bedroom. My vanilla friend's don't go around spelling out who decided what movie to see and who chooses the new car in their relationship. I have equally no reason to say anything in detail about mine.

My friends and family see that I am happy, that we are always respectful towards each other, that we don't snipe at each other in public. They are happy that I am in this relationship even if they wouldn't choose him for themselves. Just as his friends are happy for him that he is in a good and supportive relationship even though I might not be their taste in women.

Now unless you were raised in a house where women got together for coffee and usually discussed who gave their husband a blowjob last night, it seems obvious that forcing details on others they haven't asked for really is too much information.



I didnt state that I shouted it at the rooftops its just an inquiry that no one is required to answer. And im known for beeing mistress of too much information. *smiles

_____________________________

"Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind." Dr. Suess


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RE: What is in the closet? - 4/15/2007 5:29:04 PM   
Xeandra


Posts: 49
Joined: 3/14/2006
From: Arizona
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: haysup

I'm in the closet about being bisexual and with another woman, period- last thing I need is my parents knowing the intimate details of what transpires in the bedroom. The day I come out to them as bi will arrive soon enough, but the day will never dawn when I feel my parents and other family members need to know what a kinkster I am.
Friends are totally different- as I'm known among them for being loudmouthed sexually, in many senses of the word




Ditto on the in the closet thing about being bisexual with other ladys

_____________________________

"Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind." Dr. Suess


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RE: What is in the closet? - 4/15/2007 5:30:00 PM   
MadRabbit


Posts: 3460
Joined: 8/9/2006
Status: offline 		I dont make a big deal out of D/S because its simply another kind of relationship nor do I bother explaining all the cool theories and dynamics to all my buddies.

As far as my sadistic desires, I talk about them in the same context as the average vanilla person talks about their sex life with complete strangers.

So am I in the closet? I am as much as in the closet as the average couple is with me regarding their own bedroom exploits.

I find it silly when people (particularly my generation) make a big deal out of "outting themselves" and fealing the need to share their sexual exploits with everyone. I find this to be silly since most vanilla people dont talk about their sexual exploits on that kind of open level. Its more about "being different is cool" rather than living life on a realistic and normal level.

But hey...what can I say? We're a bored group of slackers and we need some kind of cause to fill our free time not occupied by our video games. Personally, I find reading to be more contrusctive then shoving my debauchery down everyone's throat under the guise of "working towards acceptance".


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RE: What is in the closet? - 4/15/2007 5:31:14 PM   
sweetnurseBBW


Posts: 2464
Joined: 1/26/2006
From: North Carolina
Status: offline 		I don't think it is my families business what I do with my private life. I come from a conservative family and don't feel the need to tell them I enjoy certain activities. Most friends know of my involvment in the lifestyle but on  a need to know basis. Friends in the lifestyle know even more because I feel they can understand and won't be judgemental.

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Sir Pain's pain slut

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RE: What is in the closet? - 4/15/2007 5:45:34 PM   
minnetar


Posts: 1272
Joined: 4/11/2007
Status: offline 		i tried to be open with my siblings.  The two that i thought were most open and one of my sister-in-laws.  They freaked and couldn't handle it so i learned.

minnetar

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Profile   Post #: 18
RE: What is in the closet? - 4/15/2007 5:56:12 PM   
littlesarbonn


Posts: 1710
Joined: 12/3/2005
From: Stockton, California
Status: offline 		I came out a long time ago to a family member (my only family member) and it didn't go well. I was so high off of being in what I thought was the perfect relationship at that time, and I wanted the world to know. Turns out that some families are more accepting of kink than others. I remember attending dinner at my Mistress's house, and her family thought I was the greatest guy they ever met, even knowing I was her slave and not her "boyfriend". It was a great dinner. Let's just say that I didn't get the same reaction from my own family. It never did improve either, even after a decade.

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RE: What is in the closet? - 4/15/2007 6:08:09 PM   
SDFemDom4cuck


Posts: 2809
Joined: 5/23/2005
From: P'burgh PA
Status: offline 		I just don't think it that important to be open to my family. It's my private life and since what I do has no affect on them or their lives I don't feel it important for them to know. I don't need their approval or understanding, it isn't going to change who I am in any way.

As far as friends..well, most of them know I tend to run the relationships I'm in but I don't go into all the kink related details therein. After all, what I do in the privacy of my own home is between the person I do it with and myself.

_____________________________

Ms Jo

She dealt her pretty words like Blades -
How glittering they shone -
And every One unbared a Nerve
Or wantoned with a Bone -

I want a sensitive man - one who'll cry when I hit him.

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