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RE: What is in the closet? - 4/15/2007 6:20:07 PM

Aileen68

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Joined: 8/2/2005
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My family knows nothing about my interests. It's none of their business at all what I do behind closed doors. Some of my friends may have an inkling. The ones that I think do might be involved in bdsm also. Just a gut instinct based on certain things said in conversations.

(in reply to Xeandra)

Post #: 21

RE: What is in the closet? - 4/15/2007 6:39:57 PM

grlneedstolearn

Posts: 728
Joined: 1/29/2007
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quote:

ORIGINAL: Xeandra

Ok I know the term is kinda odd applied here. The only people that don't know im into D/s or bdsm is my parents. So id say that im not really in the closet since they obviosly have no need to know what i do in the bedroom.
My question is though how may of us are in the closet with whom and what keeps you there or what has opened you up?

It's only my parents, and two of my closest friends that know about me and the lifestyle. Though my parents don't approve, they don't bring it up or talk about it at all, so i just let it drop and i won't bring it up with them at all. Other than that no one else knows and i plan to keep it that way.

(in reply to Xeandra)

Post #: 22

RE: What is in the closet? - 4/15/2007 6:42:04 PM

szobras

Posts: 435
Joined: 9/18/2006
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There are those in close circles that are privy to complete open communication, Interested friends that are on a need to know, and some family and professional circles that remain on a "need to NO" basis.

(in reply to Xeandra)

Post #: 23

RE: What is in the closet? - 4/15/2007 6:42:57 PM

Fnordstrum

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Joined: 2/14/2006
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My family knows nothing, If I knew how any of them might react then there are a couple family members I'd tell if it came up (If I thought the reaction would be favorable), but honestly I have no idea how they'd react so there really is no reason to tell any of them.

As far as friends go, pretty much all of my friends know, even though I don't have too many friends into BDSM themselves.

And as far as any random people go, I have no problems with them knowing, if it were to come up in conversation somehow.

¤¤¤¤¤¤¤

_____________________________

Power = Work / Time
Knowledge is Power and Time is Money, so
Knowledge = Work / Money, and Money = Work / Knowledge
Therefore, as Knowledge approaches zero, Money approaches infinity (regardless of work done), and vice versa.

(in reply to Aileen68)

Post #: 24

RE: What is in the closet? - 4/15/2007 6:55:53 PM

selfbnd411

Posts: 598
Joined: 7/23/2005
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I'm pretty far the closet, but I'm trying to get out. Putting my picture in my profile yesterday was a HUGE first for me. I'm a TA, and one quarter I saw one of my students on this site. I don't have a class to teach this quarter, though, so there's a small chance a student will find me for a few months. I'll probably revisit my decision come September!

(in reply to Fnordstrum)

Post #: 25

RE: What is in the closet? - 4/15/2007 8:07:10 PM

SimplyMichael

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I was at work today using one of the fancy European woodworking benches as a prop along with fancy bronze handplanes for a photo shoot of paddles. I guess I am sort of out.

(in reply to selfbnd411)

Post #: 26

RE: What is in the closet? - 4/15/2007 8:45:25 PM

Elorin

Posts: 970
Joined: 8/22/2004
From: San Antonio, TX
Status: offline

I'm not in the closet. I don't force it onto people, but it is not a secret and since kink is a big part of my life it tends to come up. My co-workers know I'm kinky, my family knows I'm kinky. I don't know if my grandmother or aunts and uncles know, but the reason I consider myself to be out of the closet in regards to them is that I don't care if they know.

I am a published fetish model and demo bottom, as well as being a local educator. While I do not use my given name for fetish modeling and BDSM education, I do use the name Elorin for usernames and e-mail addresses that friends and coworkers are exposed to. I have had co-workers tell me that they googled Elorin out of curiosity and learned a great deal about me, and that doesn't make me scared or concerned.

I suppose it all depends on what "in the closet" means. I always considered it to mean that someone was hiding a facet of their life or lifestyle, and were afraid to have it become common knowledge. Being in the closet about being gay means keeping it secret, hiding it. There are plenty of gay men who don't flout their sexuality to everyone they meet, but are still not in the closet.

~E

(in reply to SimplyMichael)

Post #: 27

RE: What is in the closet? - 4/16/2007 12:41:07 AM

BossyShoeBitch

Posts: 3931
Joined: 1/13/2007
From: South Florida
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I told a group of friends I was at dinner with last week. My best friend was there too but she already knew.
Showed them the site on my treo. I have never seen this particular group of women so quiet and enthralled, EVER..
Somehow we wound up going to the sex shop and they all thought I was immediately an expert on every item in stock. It was pretty funny. If the Dominant I am involved with had known, I am sure he would have had me asking the clerk very loud, very graphic questions. (He likes for me to do that and listen on the phone). I don't have it on my profile, but no one really knows I am a switch either.. So I guess I am halfway out..

_____________________________

A clever man can get out of situations a wise man never gets into...
A pessimist sees the difficulty in every opportunity; an optimist sees the opportunity in every difficulty.

(in reply to Elorin)

Post #: 28

RE: What is in the closet? - 4/16/2007 1:06:13 AM

LadyPact

Posts: 32566
Status: offline

I touched on this subject on another board, because I recently confirmed suspicions that were had about My private life to some (not everyone) at work. While I don't feel the need to tell anyone and everyone that I come into contact with in My life, I was glad to have the opportunity to be that honest about Myself. It was probably the highlight of My week.

A good portion of My friends kmow. My extended family does not. That might go back to the old saying about choosing your friends, but not your family *laughs*.

I still look at how much I reveal on a case by case basis. What can a person can handle and what they can't. So far, most that I've chosen to be open with are pretty accepting. When they have questions, I give them honest answers. Maybe it's just the type of people I chose to call friends to begin with.

(in reply to BossyShoeBitch)

Post #: 29

RE: What is in the closet? - 4/16/2007 5:46:37 AM

Aubre

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I have been known to put subs in the closet :P

(in reply to LadyPact)

Post #: 30

RE: What is in the closet? - 4/16/2007 6:19:05 AM

ShiftedJewel

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Joined: 12/2/2004
Status: offline

I'm claustrophobic, I've never been "in the closet". Everyone that knows me either knows or suspects and really doesn't want me to comfirm it so they don't ask. I don't push it in peoples faces, I simply don't hide it. None of us do.

Hell, Easter weekend we were in the garage working on my bike and it was finally nice enough to have to big doors open and twicehappy was in the front yard doing something and our new neighbor (just finished moving in this last weekend) was talking to her and the subject of cars came up and she couldn't remember what kind one of our cars was so she hollared "Master" from the front of the drive. Just an example of how we don't hide wiitwd.

I think most people are more accepting then are given credit. I can imagine if we moved here and started parading around in fetish wear and carried whips and floggers to the local hardware store things would have been terribly different. But we are just "us" and people accept us for that.

I don't know, I just woke up a little bit ago so maybe I'm not making a lot of sense.

Jewel

_____________________________

Don't ask, trust me, you won't like the answer... no one ever does.

(in reply to Aubre)

Post #: 31

RE: What is in the closet? - 4/16/2007 6:21:32 AM

cjenny

Posts: 1736
Joined: 11/27/2006
Status: offline

It is such a hard balance for me. On one hand it is simply who I am and the way I live. A few friends know that I am kinky lol, two know that I am not just kinky but also live D/s. They do not understand but they do not judge me on it either aside from worrying over my safety.
On the other, it is a personal thing. I don't usually discuss sex or relationships with family. 'Til last week heh, I told a sister that (struggling for exact words..) 'I prefer not to be holding the reins in a relationship, I am more comfortable and happy if I can leave certain details up to someone else'.

Can we say....................
Family Intervention?
It is 'set up' for mid summer when the whole happy clan gets together to try and save the deviant daughter dancing down dark dreams. Ugh. Any tips are so so welcome. Please.

_____________________________

*Unless I cite a source it is MO.

~ ssssh. i think i've just found freedom. ~

(in reply to Aubre)

Post #: 32

RE: What is in the closet? - 4/16/2007 6:26:55 AM

SusanofO

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Joined: 12/19/2005
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How about hiring a kink aware counsellor to come with you to this "intervention?" Good Lord, what do they think you are doing?

How about saying: "This makes me happy, plus it's just not your business? I love you, but don't make it an issue, or you won't be seeing as much of me, and that would be hard for all of us?"

Good luck cjenny - what a nightmare!

- Susan

< Message edited by SusanofO -- 4/16/2007 6:30:44 AM >

_____________________________

"Hope is the thing with feathers,
That perches in the soul,
And sings the tune without the words,
And never stops at all". - Emily Dickinson

(in reply to cjenny)

Post #: 33

RE: What is in the closet? - 4/16/2007 6:30:42 AM

cjenny

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Ohgosh I hadn't thought of official (kink aware counsellor) assistance before.
Thankyou Susan. I've plenty of time to (brood, panic) get organised before it happens. Yay for long distance family!

_____________________________

*Unless I cite a source it is MO.

~ ssssh. i think i've just found freedom. ~

(in reply to SusanofO)

Post #: 34

RE: What is in the closet? - 4/16/2007 6:31:45 AM

SusanofO

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Joined: 12/19/2005
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I read that on another thread somewhere (can't remember where, or which forum here). It might work fairly well, IMO.

- Susan

< Message edited by SusanofO -- 4/16/2007 6:32:23 AM >

_____________________________

"Hope is the thing with feathers,
That perches in the soul,
And sings the tune without the words,
And never stops at all". - Emily Dickinson

(in reply to cjenny)

Post #: 35

RE: What is in the closet? - 4/16/2007 6:36:01 AM

apettiger

Posts: 131
Joined: 1/15/2007
Status: offline

since i was raised in a BDSM friendly home i thought E/everyone lived like this. it wasnt until i was 21 that i found out there are some who, not only do not live like this, but dont even understand it.
it was a huge revelation for me.
i looked at vanilla people like the odd-balls for years.
so my question is......
there is a closet?
show me where it is so i can release all the hapless souls inside.

_____________________________

378-828-272

(in reply to SDFemDom4cuck)

Post #: 36

RE: What is in the closet? - 4/16/2007 6:36:01 AM

BOUNTYHUNTER

Posts: 9259
Joined: 2/5/2004
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ITS hard to come "out"especial the diing "dirth" that your parents may find out,I was introduce to bdsm at the age of 15 by my teacher,she was 23 and someone had done a real good job with her.I came out around 20 after my mom was visiting me and found my stash of toys in the hall closet.IT wasn"t a big deal or she didn't make it one and that helped by her not shouting and rasing hell.THE dread we carry as we practice our skills in the closet and looking far for willing pardoners isn't as bad as it seems..as always just the views of this ol"master...."DIRTH" my word for forboding.tons of bricks hanging just above you head ready to fall smiles etc...bounty

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US going to hell in a hand basket/

(in reply to cjenny)

Post #: 37

RE: What is in the closet? - 4/16/2007 7:02:38 AM

cjenny

Posts: 1736
Joined: 11/27/2006
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Bounty, and others... I am curious about something. Do you (general) think that there is a difference between the sexes in coming out?
Or is there a difference between someone coming out as a dominant vs coming out as slave or submissive?
Struggling again for clarity lol. Is a female or male perceived by the 'nilla world in a different manner if they declare themselves as submissive? So many seem to see those that are sub slave, bottom as someone who is weak-willed or unable to take care of themselves..
So do you think that is true? IOW, would the reception be different if I said 'yo Mother I am a dominant strong female' vs 'yo Mother I am a submissive happiest with a strong man'.?

_____________________________

*Unless I cite a source it is MO.

~ ssssh. i think i've just found freedom. ~

(in reply to BOUNTYHUNTER)

Post #: 38

RE: What is in the closet? - 4/16/2007 8:10:25 AM

selfbnd411

Posts: 598
Joined: 7/23/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: cjenny
So do you think that is true? IOW, would the reception be different if I said 'yo Mother I am a dominant strong female' vs 'yo Mother I am a submissive happiest with a strong man'.?

My family doesn't know, but there is a difference I think. As a guy, it seems that there's more respect and firewalls for my privacy. If I want to talk about something that's fine, but they generally won't ask questions. It's not the same for my sisters.

I think it's a better question to ask about whether there's a difference when telling friends, though. I talk about sex with friends, but not with my parents. I don't want to know what my parents do and they probably don't want to know what I do. =)

(in reply to cjenny)

Post #: 39

RE: What is in the closet? - 4/16/2007 9:42:11 AM

canupleaseme

Posts: 775
Joined: 7/9/2006
Status: offline

I am open about who I am with all my friends , if i thought for a minute my mum wouldnt be completely freaked out then I would tell her too. Im not embaressed about it I just respect my mum and wouldnt want to upset her. But then I wouldnt want her to tell me what she gets upto with my step dad either.
My rule of thumb is if I think they can handle it I am happy to be open about it.

_____________________________

Proud mistress

(in reply to SDFemDom4cuck)

Post #: 40

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