RE: an ideal victim?

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NeedToUseYou -> RE: an ideal victim? (4/17/2007 9:48:02 PM)
Sorry, that happened to you. But I have some experience with this. Honestly, you sound like my mother. Let's see, my mother had a stream of men doing such things since I can remember. And, she will do nothing about it. "Oh, if I say something then he might get really violent". Well, I guess you can just let him rape you forever, it will happen. whatever. If it was just you, well your an adult, and you can make a decision if keeping a low profile is worth being this guys personal whore. That is what you will be if you don't stop it right now. Sorry. Well, anyway, my mother, did this and still continues dealing with this to this day. You can't say anything to make her god forbid call the cops. She'd rather be raped I guess. Who fucking knows maybe that is her kink, and I really don't care anymore. But what I do care about is your kids. Do you honestly think this fuckwad, won't try something with them, eventually. I had a few of those motherfuckers try to even come in my room and start to try shit. And I was a kid, I'd yell, and they fortunately would leave. But who the fuck knows. The lovely part is even after that she'd still let them in the house. Sound familiar. (Oh, I forgot you don't let him in, you just don't do anything to stop him, same fucking thing). So, if you are going to indulge this man in your personal life. For the love of god, your kids should never be allowed in your house again. If you let them come in knowing your have already essentially given permission for this guy to come over and do as he likes(Not do anything when he does), your an unfit parent. It's not about you, I don't really concern myself trying to convince people that they need to protect themselves. If they haven't learned that by adulthood they are pretty fucked already. But maybe, you can do something to protect your kids. I'm not kidding one bit here. You call the fucking cops right now, and get it on record. You file every bit of paper work imaginable against him. If that causes you grief. then move. And the little bit about drugs, makes it even worse not better, it means he's even more unstable. Or just bend over when he comes over, and make it simple for everyone, and don't bring your kids there anymore. Oh, and I shouldn't even have to point this out, but people like the "dude" you described, tend to know other "dudes" like that, and you think those others won't tag along eventually, your out of your mind. Once you become a "willing" victim. (That would be a person that let's event happen, even when they could be stopped), you will be his permanent bitch. Hey, if that is what you want, don't call the Cops. If you were in the US, I'd say buy a gun. And shoot his ass next time he breaks in.

Sinergy -> RE: an ideal victim? (4/17/2007 9:53:51 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Real0ne Le, you only need to ask yourself one question. Did you or did you not ask the man to stop. If you asked him to stop all else is irrelevant. Even if it were only a whisper all else is irrelevant. i agree with julia where i woudl have whatever means you have there to put out a restraining order on the guy so he knows if he does it again he ass is in deep shit.; Its called a paper trail. We can psycho analyse this to death and even if you secretly wanted it, it simply does not matter. Not once you ask the man to stop. i mean i dont care if his dick is in an inch, it means stop. period. Go with the "Do not trespass order," less messy. Let the police give him his copy. The problem with stalker / abusive relationships is that the one doing the stalking / abusing is a pattern offender. They have a script running in their head of how things are supposed to go down. When the person they are stalking / abusing doesnt play their role, the stalker / abuser loses control and starts with their self-appointed role. What this means is that any contact you have with the person simply resets the script back to page one. Facing the person in court to get your restraining order qualifies in their sick mind as having contact with them. The police giving him a "Do not trespass" order is less likely to turn on his script. Sinergy

juliaoceania -> RE: an ideal victim? (4/17/2007 10:03:49 PM)
I do not know what their laws are in the UK, it maybe totally different than here in the states.

thompsonx -> RE: an ideal victim? (4/17/2007 10:36:43 PM)
LadyEllen: I have read many of your posts. I respect your intellect. Do not let it fail you during this crisis. You know what you must do to prevent this situation from escalating. Stop fucking about and do it now. thompson

LadyEllen -> RE: an ideal victim? (4/18/2007 3:49:07 AM)
Thanks everyone. I must admit I'm still bewildered by the experience and my lack of much reaction to it, but its all helped clarify the situation for me; I'm too damned nice and understanding and forgiving, maybe because I'm alone and vulnerable, and this guy is a selfish arrogant child who has absolutely no respect for any woman he meets, alternating between charm and rage, with utterly no comprehension of what he is doing and what he has done. I've had enough. I've tried for three years to make him see sense about his situation but he wont see and he wont change, and he genuinely has so much going for him otherwise; but he cant overcome his issues that mean he's got a record any loser would be proud of; 40 years old, never worked, never done anything, no wife or LTR ever, no kids (a blessing which he sees as a curse) - he's more like a 15 year old. About the only thing I can do is report him. We have laws against harassment, though those dont seem to work too well, we dont get to defend ourselves with anything more than equal force here (in an unequal situation so I dont see how that works) and I would last about a day in a male prison (which is where I'd go) if somehow I managed to disable him - during which time my apartment would be emptied by the locals. I've asked my contacts in the police about how I can report him without it being investigated, which is possible here though there is lots of pressure from the police then to prosecute to keep their performance figures up. I dont see any mileage in that though as there's no evidence but my word against his on anything but the harassment - where there are plenty of witnesses. I'd really like to move, but house prices here and the near impossibility of selling this place (a bad area that I live in because it was all my ex and I could afford in the 80s housing boom, could then not sell and had to keep when we moved out, though it provided me with a home when we split), dont make that in anyway likely to be possible. There isnt enough money to move out and rent somewhere, and there's nowhere else for me to go and stay with friends - even my parents still have two teenagers at home. Social housing is out of the question, because there isnt any and as an owner I have no chance regardless of having two children of different sexes and we're all in a single bedroom, which the social housing people say is unacceptable. Isnt the UK grand? On the other hand, this guy (yes Dave, its my neighbour), is living in a private rented apartment paid for by the social benefit system and so could in theory be moved out for being a nuisance tenant - if there were anywhere for them to move him to, that is. And there's no knowing which loser they would then move into his apartment either. At least the one I have now is a known quantity and there's worse than him out there I know. E

m0rgan -> RE: an ideal victim? (4/18/2007 3:50:10 AM)
quote: Well it's your choice to remain helpless and continue- but why start posting for advice if you aren't going to take any steps to change the situation? quote: ORIGINAL: LuckyAlbatross Well it's your choice to remain helpless and continue- but why start posting for advice if you aren't going to take any steps to change the situation? abso-fucking-lutely! you are either a victim waiting for it to happen, or a drama-queen enjoying it on some level. i know those exist, but i don't understand it or them. my guess is that the phone call was just some kind of "checking out how much shit am i in, and have i got away with it again" kind of shit. my 2 cents; if someone finds out they can get away with stuff, the next stuff is several steps up. fit a bigger chain, or move!

farglebargle -> RE: an ideal victim? (4/18/2007 5:02:15 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: LadyEllen On the other hand, this guy (yes Dave, its my neighbour), is living in a private rented apartment paid for by the social benefit system and so could in theory be moved out for being a nuisance tenant - if there were anywhere for them to move him to, that is. And there's no knowing which loser they would then move into his apartment either. At least the one I have now is a known quantity and there's worse than him out there I know. E The "New Jersey Solution" would entail meeting a with couple of blokes in a pub, and them subsequently passing on a message, in no uncertain terms, that it would be healthiest for him to move VERY quickly.

Rule -> RE: an ideal victim? (4/18/2007 5:04:44 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: LadyEllen I must admit I'm still bewildered by the experience and my lack of much reaction to it You are still not facing reality. He is in the process of softening you up. You know the difference in how a frog behaves when you throw him in boiling water and how he behaves when you put him in cold water and slowly heat it up to boiling temperature? Do not open your door under any circumstance. Put on more chains. Put in a spy hole. Avoid any contact with this molester. Have some weapons about like a can of hairspray, a paintball gun, a knife (stick it in his throat or eye). Poison or sedate the guy and roll him onto a plastic sheeting or drag him into the bathroom and cut his throat and make his body disappear. You are a smart girl and can make a body disappear. Just get rid of the intestines and lungs first. Nobody responded when he molested you. How many people do you think will respond when you kill him? Nobody. quote: ORIGINAL: LadyEllen About the only thing I can do is report him. If you do not arrange for him to be killed, you must report him. And move! And have yourself tested for stds. Talk to your physician. Talk to your ex. Talk to anyone that will listen. quote: ORIGINAL: LadyEllen during which time my apartment would be emptied by the locals. So put your stuff in storage now. Empty the apartment yourself and get some persons to help you do it. Act now, today. quote: ORIGINAL: LadyEllen I'd really like to move, but house prices here It is an excuse. You cling to what is familiar. Forget it. The nice season is starting now. Buy a tent and go to a camping area or make a long term deal with a farmer. You do not need an apartment in this season. quote: ORIGINAL: LadyEllen and the near impossibility of selling this place (a bad area that I live in because it was all my ex and I could afford in the 80s housing boom, could then not sell and had to keep when we moved out, though it provided me with a home when we split) So do not sell. Rent out your house yourself and perhaps make a nice profit, or make a deal with someone or some institution to rent it out for you. You have been living in that house far too long. You should have moved already. You want to move, but you do not see an opportunity, perhaps because you are apathetic. The important part of the last sentence is the first part: You want to move. quote: ORIGINAL: LadyEllen There isnt enough money to move out and rent somewhere You are seeing obstacles. Better start to see opportunities. If you cannot see them yourself, then find someone who can. quote: ORIGINAL: LadyEllen there's nowhere else for me to go and stay with friends There must be people that are willing to help you and that offer refuge, if only for one day per week. Even strangers. Find them. Isn't there a refuge for battered women? Join a church or a scouting group. Get people to keep you company and stay over for the night. quote: ORIGINAL: LadyEllen Social housing is out of the question, because there isnt any and as an owner I have no chance regardless of having two children of different sexes and we're all in a single bedroom But perhaps you can swap your place for a rented place free of charge. quote: ORIGINAL: LadyEllen there's no knowing which loser they would then move into his apartment either. At least the one I have now is a known quantity and there's worse than him out there I know. Wise up. Emigrate to Ireland or to The Netherlands. Yes, I know that you have unmentionables and other ties, but do not be your own prisoner. Choose freedom. Move.

LuckyAlbatross -> RE: an ideal victim? (4/18/2007 7:53:50 AM)
I definitely think it's long term planning time- savings, cleaning up where you live, doing serious market searches. Maybe not this year, but within 5 years surely you can make the move.

missturbation -> RE: an ideal victim? (4/18/2007 8:42:35 AM)
Lady E, First i'm very sorry this happened to you and if you need to talk you can always mail me on the other side. Second i had a similar situation happen to me and i did report it to the police. The law being what it is over here regarding sexual assault / rape he was found guilty of assault, not sexual assault, not rape just plain old very low on the chain assault. He got a fine and a slap on the wrist. I totally understand your reluctance to report this matter to the police. The law really is an 'ass'. All i can suggest is not answering your phone to unknown numbers and a spy hole in your door so you can see who is there before answering it. Try to avoid him as much as possible. Save some money as others have suggested and get out of there. If you need somewhere to go for a break in the mean time my door is always open.

juliaoceania -> RE: an ideal victim? (4/18/2007 9:41:39 AM)
It is situations like these that make me not want to know my neighbors.

Real0ne -> RE: an ideal victim? (4/18/2007 9:42:56 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Sinergy quote: ORIGINAL: Real0ne Le, you only need to ask yourself one question. Did you or did you not ask the man to stop. If you asked him to stop all else is irrelevant. Even if it were only a whisper all else is irrelevant. i agree with julia where i woudl have whatever means you have there to put out a restraining order on the guy so he knows if he does it again he ass is in deep shit.; Its called a paper trail. We can psycho analyse this to death and even if you secretly wanted it, it simply does not matter. Not once you ask the man to stop. i mean i dont care if his dick is in an inch, it means stop. period. Go with the "Do not trespass order," less messy. Let the police give him his copy. The problem with stalker / abusive relationships is that the one doing the stalking / abusing is a pattern offender. They have a script running in their head of how things are supposed to go down. When the person they are stalking / abusing doesnt play their role, the stalker / abuser loses control and starts with their self-appointed role. What this means is that any contact you have with the person simply resets the script back to page one. Facing the person in court to get your restraining order qualifies in their sick mind as having contact with them. The police giving him a "Do not trespass" order is less likely to turn on his script. Sinergy Excellent profiling Sinergy! i totally agree with this, the no tresspassing is a great idea too. They must have something over their to accomplish this.

Real0ne -> RE: an ideal victim? (4/18/2007 9:44:33 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: juliaoceania It is situations like these that make me not want to know my neighbors. invest in pepper spray, the good stuff with the tear gas component in it. you can spray it on one side of the house and your eyes will water 40 feet away on the other side LOL

Real0ne -> RE: an ideal victim? (4/18/2007 9:47:33 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: LadyEllen I must admit I'm still bewildered by the experience and my lack of much reaction to it, but its all helped clarify the situation for me you should have a huge reaction to it since your rights and person have been violated. maybe you are in shock, give yourself some time for the event to sink in.

LotusSong -> RE: an ideal victim? (4/18/2007 9:54:44 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: juliaoceania I would make a police report, at least get some order of protection, restraining order, or the like. If he thinks he can attack you whenever he feels like it, it may not be the last time. He sounds like a real sicko and I would not associate with him or anyone close to him Ditto. Any kind of assault is not a complement.

ana85 -> RE: an ideal victim? (4/18/2007 10:06:07 AM)
I was in a VERY similar situation. Damn near rape, fighting him off, freaking out, confused and scared of the whole situation and how bad it could get. friends with his family, not knowing what the hell to do that would cause the least chaos. It's a hard situation to be in because no matter what, it's going to get bad. Once you realise that it will cause issues, once you accept that, you can decide what to do, just decide fast because he'll come back. It's a reality you have to deal with. You may think, "well, he's not normally like this, he doesn't understand, he would never do it again, I'm more aware so I'll be more careful," but the reality is, if he can do it, he will, and right now he thinks he can. If you don't want to go to the police, then find a way you can deal with it. There is too much risk to just let it sit. You may know him but that does not make him less likely to end up causing you more pain and/or killing you. If you want to talk feel free to send me a message, just be careful and please do something. Trust me when I say this is not a situation that will just go away. Ana

Aswad -> RE: an ideal victim? (4/18/2007 1:41:02 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: seeksfemslave Meatcleaver I couldnt possibly accept the argument that all men are potential rapists. A bit PC that ? It's a very common POV. However, it is also false. A lifetime prevalence study was undertaken in 1978 or 1979, covering the nearly 50.000 Danish males born that year. All of them. By age 27, the incidence of convictions for rape was 0.3%. Even if you assume huge numbers of them did it without getting convicted, you still end up with a *tiny* percentage of the net population. But, yeah, the feminazis tend to treat all men as potential rapists. I just don't think we all have that in us, although I'd be willing to accept that maybe as many as 10% do. It will be interesting to see the trend on the other side of the gender line when women have had a bit of time to "catch up". Already, there are significant increases.

Aswad -> RE: an ideal victim? (4/18/2007 2:08:05 PM)
LadyEllen, Have you considered picking up a stun-gun? They're really small, can be hidden just about anywhere on your person, and if you get the right kind, it'll knock him out cold. I'm not suggesting this as a solution, but as a precaution. The advice people have given you here is sensible. I'm just advocating a bit of an interrim precaution, in case he drops by again. Recidivism rates are high, even among *convicted* rapists (30% without treatment, 15% with), and I'd consider it exceedingly likely he tries something. Just zap him from an angle he isn't paying attention to while he's going at it. Then call the cops and have them pick him up while the evidence is fresh. For most proper stun-guns, about 3 seconds will have him writhing on the floor. Law enforcement uses 8 seconds. If you can get at the neck, that would be advisable, as it will cause vasovagal syncope (i.e. he will faint). The ideal spot is under the ear, behind the jaw. If he gets violent, the heart makes for a good target, provided the device packs enough current (30mA+) to induce fibrillation. Most of these are also hard, so can be used as puncture weapons. Eye gouging or a properly done headbutt can also work wonders, and one presumes you would be in an excellent position for both. If you need to neutralize him for sure, a knife or something thin and hard can be inserted with a stab behind the clavicle, or under the diaphragm, and pushed into the heart. The side of the neck is less reliable. With a knife, a stab from the side will work if you align the knife 45 degrees relative to the orientation of his ribs, as the knife will catch on the ribs, slide between two of them, straighten out, and pass into the chest cavity. Just some thoughts. You have the right to defend yourself, and to take that as far as you need to go in order to stop him. Bear in mind that you'll probably be saving others a heck of a lot of misery in doing so as well.

LadyEllen -> RE: an ideal victim? (4/18/2007 3:56:24 PM)
The wheels are in motion. No contact today. On the self defence thing - we dont get pepper sprays, we dont get stun guns, we dont get anything. We are permitted to use equal force in self defence. He is stronger than I, so to overcome him I need a weapon, which means I break the law instantly I use one as this is "excessive" force. If he had a weapon and I had a weapon, then it would be equal in law. In law, I am male and so couldnt even rely on the fact that I'm nothing like and so need a weapon to equalise things. Such is the ridiculous law here. The problem becomes, if I used a weapon - I would be arrested. I would then end up in a male prison - maybe alongside this guy to make things even more interesting, should he be arrested that is, and not treated as a victim of my violence. Conviction rates are what count here - my assault being easier to prove by reference to wounds, I am prone to conviction, whilst his assault being subject to my word against his would likely not even proceed to court. In the general male prison population I'd last about a day I expect, so I'd be put in the segregated section with the paedophiles, rapists etc, where I'd last about two days. Mind you, I'd likely not last any longer in a women's prison. E

kiyari -> RE: an ideal victim? (4/18/2007 5:09:19 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: petdave i am assuming this is the habitual drunk with the heroin-addict girlfriend that you've posted about in the past? <snipped> IMHO, you've gotten yourself entangled with a very dangerous individual, and from what you've posted here it sounds very much as though you've resigned yourself to taking whatever he decides to "give" you. So, yes, you sound like the ideal victim. Lady, listen to Pet Dave!

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