RE: What if your dominant wants something a little different? (Full Version)

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Suleiman -> RE: What if your dominant wants something a little different? (4/17/2007 5:56:39 PM)

Last I checked, it's called "topping from the bottom" or "MasoDom" or some similar sort of thing.

Been there, done that. Part of how I know I'm a switch.



selfbnd411 -> RE: What if your dominant wants something a little different? (4/17/2007 5:56:48 PM)

I've had a Domme ask me to tie her up.  I really didn't want to do it, but she knew how to get to me--A little bit of biting is fun but it gets old fast for me!  So I agreed to top her, but I put her in a hogtie and gagged her.  Then I just stretched out on the bed next to her and relaxed for a while.  She took it good naturedly but she didn't ask me to top her again [;)]

Everyone is different I'm sure, but for me it's a really uncomfortable position to be in as a sub.  It might be different if the Domme was actually giving orders as to what she wanted done, but I still prefer to know my role and try to do it as best as I can.



mp072004 -> RE: What if your dominant wants something a little different? (4/17/2007 7:10:22 PM)

The behavior of the submissive you described is generally called service topping, submissive topping, or submissive sadism. The behavior of the dominant you described is generally called dominant masochism or dominant bottoming. When thinking about this, it helps to distinguish giving and receiving sensation from giving and receiving authority. Many submissives seem okay with the idea of performing oral sex on their dominants, or giving massages to them, and both those activities involve an active, sensation-giving submissive and a passive, sensation receiving dominant--it might help to think of providing a flogging, or inserting needles, or binding, as simply an activity like oral sex or massage, in which the submissive is acting in order to please his or her dominant.

Calling the behavior of the dominant "topping from the bottom" is problematic, I'd say, because 1) it confuses *organized* alternative roles with manipulation or brattiness and 2) "topping from the bottom" is itself inaccurate--topping from the bottom would, logically, mean bending over and hitting yourself.

Monica



MissDiscipline -> RE: What if your dominant wants something a little different? (4/17/2007 7:20:27 PM)

I feel that might cause some confusion in the submissive. Maybe that dom/me should  seek a dominant out side of their D/s agreement.



AquaticSub -> RE: What if your dominant wants something a little different? (4/17/2007 7:57:59 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: LuckyAlbatross

Topping from the bottom in a non manipulative way :)

Or service top.

Or just obeying orders.

Like anything- it depends on the relationship.  We choose relationships based on a certain set of expectations.  This expectation can include "occasionally topping me upon orders."  Sometimes it does not.  If a master changes the set of expectations upon which consent was given, there is reasonable room to take a look at the relationship overall.

Once again, you need to be informed on exactly what you are getting into before you are getting into it.


Wouldn't a dominant ordering the sub to tie them up be bottoming from the top?



Aubre -> RE: What if your dominant wants something a little different? (4/17/2007 8:00:19 PM)

I don't view this as switching because the Dominant is remaining in charge of the situation, but I understand that the definition of switch is fluid by design. I like the term service topping for this scenario.



AquaticSub -> RE: What if your dominant wants something a little different? (4/17/2007 8:03:04 PM)

While Valyraen has no interest in being tied up (heh - we tried once upon a time. It wasn't too long before he was free and I was tied), he instructs me to claw his back or whatnot during a scene. We don't really call it anything except me obeying and providing him a sensation that he enjoys. I really don't get the idea that only submissives are allowed to enjoy the receiving end of physical sensations produced by biting, scratching, cupping and so on.



catize -> RE: What if your dominant wants something a little different? (4/17/2007 8:14:41 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: MissDiscipline

I feel that might cause some confusion in the submissive. Maybe that dom/me should  seek a dominant out side of their D/s agreement.

I’m not that easily confused.  I know exactly WHO is in charge and it ain’t me!



simply4You -> RE: What if your dominant wants something a little different? (4/17/2007 8:20:00 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: Aubre

I often hear subs/slaves say "I will do anything for my dominant." Here's a curve ball:

What if your dominant wants you (the submissive) to tie them up, and do very specific things to them ? The dominant stays in control and you obey their commands, you are doing whatever they want you to do how and when they want it done.  I wish there was a good name for this type of scenario.        


Greetings A/all,

One relationship i was in, He wanted me to switch with Him.  After a while, i did.  Way more involved than i care to get into here, but in the end, something broke inside me in a way that things were never the same after that.  i wasn't the same after that.

i did it because it was what He wanted.  i did it because it was what He needed.  And i did it well ... but at what cost to myself?  i guess that was something i had to find out.  Switching, like i did, is now a hard limit for me.

Could i do some sort of sensation 'play' ... i suppose, but it would greatly depend on the One i was with and what was being asked of me.

~ simply_me



littlesarbonn -> RE: What if your dominant wants something a little different? (4/17/2007 8:25:34 PM)

I'd have zero problem whatsoever doing this. If it brings her pleasure to have me tie her up and do things that she wants done to her, how is that any different than how I would be serving her normally? It's still doing what she wants to give her pleasure.



PAsextoy4u -> RE: What if your dominant wants something a little different? (4/17/2007 8:29:40 PM)

This is exactly how I felt and thought about doing certain things to my former Master.  He enjoyed sensation play, as well as full body massages.  I saw no difference between the massaging and the cupping or light flogging I would give him.  I KNEW he was in charge, and I certainly felt like a very pleasing submissive being able to give him pleasure in many more different ways.  I never felt dominant or like I was in charge or in the authority postition.  It was all about HIS pleasure, HIS needs, HIS wants, HIS desires, in whatever manner he wanted, be it a slow massage, a slow thorough blow job, a light all over flogging, taps and cupping all over, or him taking me in any way HE wanted... it was always about HIM! 

If he had wanted to switch our roles, and become the submisisve, now THAT would have been problematic for me.  I can please in many ways, but I dont want a submissive partner in life, I need and want a Dominant partner. 



biru -> RE: What if your dominant wants something a little different? (4/17/2007 8:29:42 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: AquaticSub

quote:

ORIGINAL: LuckyAlbatross

Topping from the bottom in a non manipulative way :)

Or service top.

Or just obeying orders.

Like anything- it depends on the relationship.  We choose relationships based on a certain set of expectations.  This expectation can include "occasionally topping me upon orders."  Sometimes it does not.  If a master changes the set of expectations upon which consent was given, there is reasonable room to take a look at the relationship overall.

Once again, you need to be informed on exactly what you are getting into before you are getting into it.


Wouldn't a dominant ordering the sub to tie them up be bottoming from the top?


It sure seems like it.



Domin8tingUrDrmz -> RE: What if your dominant wants something a little different? (4/17/2007 8:51:38 PM)

...fast reply

I identify as Switch simply because I am somewhat masochistic.  I am dominant.  It would take a very unique person to cause me to want to submit.  But, just because I am dominant in nature, does that mean I should not be permitted to enjoy sensations such as flogging, biting, whipping, or any other sensations that submissives get to enjoy?  Wouldn't one (any sub/slave) be dominating their partner by telling them you would not do such things?  Think about it.  

If I tell my partner to bite me, he should, because it would be pleasing to me.  I am not submitting to him, he is submitting to me, and to my request.   It's really quite simple.

edited for spelling



Elorin -> RE: What if your dominant wants something a little different? (4/17/2007 8:53:32 PM)

No problems whatsoever.
Daddy likes to chirp up when getting a massage around kinky company "Look at me! I'm a bottom!!"

I've cupped him before (though more for therapeutic reasons) and do massage. Top and bottom are just definitions of who is DOING and who is RECEIVING (being done? ~grinnin~). I do what he asks, what he wants. He's in control. And that means I make decisions when he isn't up for it or can't. It doesn't change our overall power dynamic.

~E



sambamanslilgirl -> RE: What if your dominant wants something a little different? (4/17/2007 8:54:15 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: Aubre

I often hear subs/slaves say "I will do anything for my dominant."

i suppose they would die for a dominant if he asked them to - i wouldn't not even for Daddy.

quote:


What if your dominant wants you (the submissive) to tie them up, and do very specific things to them ? The dominant stays in control and you obey their commands, you are doing whatever they want you to do how and when they want it done.  I wish there was a good name for this type of scenario.        

Daddy has taken on part of the submissive role before however it doesn't make Him any less of the title He holds by doing this. it was His way of getting know me, my limits and my likes/dislikes when we first met. we both discovered we both had the same taste and interests however He knows there are some things i flatly will not do for Him.



junecleaver -> RE: What if your dominant wants something a little different? (4/17/2007 9:00:54 PM)

Hm well, my Dominant taught me how to flog another person by allowing me to flog him.  He wouldn't let me snap it though! ;)  When I eagerly asked if I could practice some decorative bondage stuff I had learned, he firmly told me no lol



Mustardseed -> RE: What if your dominant wants something a little different? (4/17/2007 9:24:29 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: Aubre

  I often hear subs/slaves say "I will do anything for my dominant." Here's a curve ball:

What if your dominant wants you (the submissive) to tie them up, and do very specific things to them ? The dominant stays in control and you obey their commands, you are doing whatever they want you to do how and when they want it done.  I wish there was a good name for this type of scenario.      


"So there" doesn't begin to describe my reaction to this hypothetical. hoo hoo. However, the chances that Daddy would be interested in being bound are slim to none. Anything is possible, but this one isn't at all probable.

However, as I've serviced him anally -- taking his directions, going at his speed, adjusting to his movement and holding still or pulling out as he's changed position, etc.; and service bottomed in knife play with him -- no threats, no hair pulling, no cutting, pressing only as hard as he's specified, only gliding the knife where he's allowed; I think that I'm halfway to "anything."

However, this was no real stretch for me. I'm a switch, and I submit to and provide service for Daddy. No big. There are other areas in which I find submitting to Daddy difficult: he eventually wants a slave, and I'm not comfortable with using that term to describe myself; he wants to loan me out, and I have some issues with someone else making my dates for me.

So, it depends on in what direction you define "different." [&:]



spanklette -> RE: What if your dominant wants something a little different? (4/17/2007 9:35:29 PM)

I wish! But, nope, no getting to tie up and beat on my Daddy. Seriously, if it was something that He wanted...I wouldn't have any qualms. No amount of ropes, floggers, or whips could change who I am. I'm sure it would be delicious fun.[:D]
 
I need to remember this sort of thing when I'm trying to think up stakes for a bet. I can never think of anything this good...



temptressofsouls -> RE: What if your dominant wants something a little different? (4/17/2007 9:50:29 PM)

It depends on the situation. If I was in a very deep trusting relationship, I could probably get past the uncomfortableness and just obey, because its in my nature to please and it would most likely be temporary.

However, I have met a few "Doms" who are really switches, and have thought they could just get me to Domme them by ordering me around. I WONT do that....thats dishonest to me.



lovewithoutfear -> RE: What if your dominant wants something a little different? (4/17/2007 10:27:51 PM)

"I’m not that easily confused.  I know exactly WHO is in charge and it ain’t me! "

I will second this sentiment.  Authority is one thing; who is doing and who is getting done is another, and there are all kinds of combinations.

I might be a rare one, but I was both willing and had a very good experience when a Dominant I was in relationship with asked me to take on the Dominant role.  I was fully in charge for one evening.  This involved going out to a restaurant and then to a party where we knew some people, then home for a little play (I didn't want to do much) and sex.  The experience was very powerful and humbling, and a wonderful learning tool for us both in many ways.  This person had such power and grace in submission that it was an example to me and increased my respect for them as a Dominant.   I also got to feel what it feels like to be the "responsible party" for awhile.  This experience kind of planted the seed of my realizing I have strong Dominant tendencies. 

So would I do this kind of thing  (take a Top or Dom role) for Sir if he wanted it?  Yes, without hesitation, both because I see it as part of my service and because I actually would see value in the experience and expect to enjoy it. 

Regards
JY



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