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RE: Intellectual Appeal - 4/18/2007 4:12:15 PM   
Petronius


Posts: 289
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline
Reading this I am amazed that I keep running into submissives who ask for my picture instead of the results of my IQ test.

Go figure!

(in reply to blushingflower)
Profile   Post #: 81
RE: Intellectual Appeal - 4/18/2007 4:17:16 PM   
OedipusRexIt


Posts: 634
Joined: 11/15/2005
Status: offline 		I will interject a counterpoint to the "of course everyone wants a smart partner/here's how many degrees I have" discussion. 

Despite the pleasing number of intelligent replies here, it seems reasonable to assume that there are a significant portion of the population who prefer an intellectually inferior partner, just as it is reasonable to assume that there are many here who either are, or wish to be perceived as, intellectually inferior.

A random sample of Dom/Sub profiles will confirm this assumption.  Many submissives seem to revel in a display of cluelessness, in order to attract their preferred brand of Dom.  Hardly any Dom profiles seem to feature intellect as a prime quality...  

If your profile runs counter to this trend, Bravo!  Perhaps you've noticed many who do fit the mold?.



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Profile   Post #: 82
RE: Intellectual Appeal - 4/18/2007 4:22:30 PM   
ADom442


Posts: 34
Joined: 11/17/2005
Status: offline
quote:

OedipusRexIt asked:
"What is the importance of intellect to you in selecting a partner?  Some, all or none...?

What are the things you look for online that exemplify intellect?  ... "


Intellect is important to me because it facilitates communication, and communication is requisite for building a good relationship whether the relationship is a vanilla one or is one of our lifestyle.

I have a submissive friend who easily qualified to be a member of Mensa, and has as impressive a vocabulary as anyone I've met.  Talking with her is a joy because there's substance in the things she says, and she and I can both challenge one another's paradigms and expose implicit assumptions that we've made without realizing that we've made them. 

Intellect adds substance to relationships.

Charles

_____________________________

It is the business of the very few to be independent; it is a privilege of the strong. And whoever attempts it ... proves that he is probably not only strong, but also daring beyond measure.
- Nietzsche

(in reply to OedipusRexIt)
Profile   Post #: 83
RE: Intellectual Appeal - 4/18/2007 4:26:10 PM   
marylynn


Posts: 84
Joined: 4/17/2007
Status: offline 		Well, I don't know about the others, but for me - intellect is very important.. in ANY kind of relationship.

outside the bedroom can get real tiring if you're doing a "yes/no" kind of answer/question.

To hold my attention requires a certain amount of skill..
and, I'm sure, of most people as well

(in reply to Stranger1)
Profile   Post #: 84
RE: Intellectual Appeal - 4/18/2007 4:31:11 PM   
thetammyjo


Posts: 6322
Joined: 9/8/2005
Status: offline 		Intellectual drive and curiosity is very sexy in my opinion. Beyond sexy it is a quality I must have in order to just be friends with someone.

We are a household of college educated geeks, geekpluses you might say. I would think that anyone who was fairly well educated and fairly intellectual would get bored with us very quickly.

However I also have dyslexia so I think being well educated and being intellectual is more than just how well someone types on a screen. They are criteria I can only determine after several online conversations and at least one face-to-face, hours long conversation.

In fact this week I had to say "no thanks" to someone who tried to start a dialog with me but was contributing partial sentences, didn't ask any questions, and seemed to think "yes" or "no" was enough for his end of the discussion. I suppose some one might feel more powerful if their sub or slave was less intelligent but I frankly find it more powerful to own someone of equal intelligence if not more intelligence.

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(in reply to OedipusRexIt)
Profile   Post #: 85
RE: Intellectual Appeal - 4/18/2007 4:37:40 PM   
Olorin


Posts: 8
Joined: 3/10/2007
Status: offline 		Allow me to be contrarian here - a role that I tend to relish.

I'm a straight male - I can't speak to the preferences of anyone other than hetero- or bisexual women - but my experience has been that intelligence and intellect are a lot less interesting to a typical woman than is usually implied in polite company. I don't mean to imply its about looks - my hunch is its about attitude and personality above all - but the vast majority of women don't care about intelligence over and above a certain threshold.

There are exceptions, of course, and these are the exceptionally intelligent (at the risk of sounding arrogant, I am exceptionally intelligent) who are simply so gifted as to rarely find someone who is a match. For those women, being able to be themselves around me without fearing they might intimidate me was a factor; but in in 15 + years, I've maybe met five or so women who said my intelligence was, in itself, attractive.

Or to put it another way: as I told a female friend of mine recently, I know for a fact intelligence isn't the main thing women in general look for because I don't have women throwing themselves at me on a daily basis.

Not like I'm bitter or anything....

Yes. Let me forestall any replies along the lines of "Well, with that attitude, no wonder women don't dig you" or "Sounds to me your problem is your arrogance is a turn-off." I assure you I wasn't born arrogant or pessimistic - these are qualities that have been cultivated and encouraged (one might even say "festered") over quite a bit of time. I was quirky, odd, unusual, different, shy, through high school and college and grad school, I was a sweet guy, a nice guy, always been attentive and pleasant... etc... in other words, I was insecure and a pushover. And those two facts about me were far greater liabilities than being nice, and sweet, and smart, were assets. (I might add, an unbroken stretch of rejection all through highschool and into my junior year of college did nothing to encourage me to self-confidence. "Smart is sexy"? Don't make me laugh....)

These days I consider myself a "recovering nice guy." In my milder moments, I'm a "sweet bad boy." And, miracle of miracles, my success with women has gone up significantly. Yes, I'm sure being intelligent enough to hold a conversation with anyone I meet is an asset, insofar as its nice to be able to have a conversation instead of watching the game on tv. But as a general rule, the only people who can tell that I'm "a LOT smarter than average" rather than just "smarter than average" are quite frankly a lot smarter than average themselves; I can count on the fingers of one hand the number of times that "smart is sexy" actually paid off for me.

So yeah. I take "I find intelligence attractive" to mean "I want a guy at least as smart as me, but as long as thats the case, I want everything else; I don't necessarily need him to be any smarter than that." And you know what? I'm perfectly content with that: I won't go out with a woman who isn't below a minimum level of physical attraction. Same difference.

But on behalf of a lot of smart guys in my life I've known, I'ld like to take this opportunity to disabuse the general population of the mistaken assumption that intelligence is, in itself, a feature that women in general will key on to as a matter of attraction. Real life is not an after-school special.

(in reply to Stranger1)
Profile   Post #: 86
RE: Intellectual Appeal - 4/18/2007 4:40:13 PM   
MasterFireMaam


Posts: 5587
Joined: 3/1/2006
From: Charleston, WV
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: ExSteelAgain
The silly, unaccredited degrees are just that...silly. They don't help you get a job in teaching, research or whatever, even if you are called Doctor down at the bar. Employment things are checked out even if you have the most beautiful, well framed, degree.


Many divinity degrees are unaccredited. However, you CAN get work with them...usually as a councellor or a writer or a speaker.

Edited to add: not to mention as a church leader or figure.

Master Fire

< Message edited by MasterFireMaam -- 4/18/2007 4:59:18 PM >

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Profile   Post #: 87
RE: Intellectual Appeal - 4/18/2007 4:40:22 PM   
LadyPact


Posts: 32566
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Petronius


Reading this I am amazed that I keep running into submissives who ask for my picture instead of the results of my IQ test.

Go figure!


Yes, and while I would not doubt the sincerity of any who do say how important intellect is when considering someone new, it would make for interesting discussion to see where it falls in compared to aesthetical appearance.

(in reply to Petronius)
Profile   Post #: 88
RE: Intellectual Appeal - 4/18/2007 4:40:50 PM   
gypsygrl


Posts: 1471
Joined: 10/8/2005
From: new york state
Status: offline
quote:

it is reasonable to assume that there are many here who either are, or wish to be perceived as, intellectually inferior


Interesting observation.  For me, if the relationship is right, in that it provides adequate security and structure, it frees me to be stupid.  I'm not stupid by any stretch of the imagination, but I associate intelligence with ego-centered defensive rationality.  Insecurity breeds intelligence and intelligence is fed with hunger.  If I'm feeling secure and have confidence in a partner, I can let those defenses down and as I do that, my intellect softens.  I get dumb.  Literally.  Sometimes, I get so dumb, I stop talking.





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“To be happy is to be able to become aware of oneself without fright.” ~Walter Benjamin


(in reply to OedipusRexIt)
Profile   Post #: 89
RE: Intellectual Appeal - 4/18/2007 4:49:31 PM   
OedipusRexIt


Posts: 634
Joined: 11/15/2005
Status: offline 		[/quote]

Yes, and while I would not doubt the sincerity of any who do say how important intellect is when considering someone new, it would make for interesting discussion to see where it falls in compared to aesthetical appearance.
[/quote]


... this is a fair question.  It's not like I've never fallen for bimbos... and occasionally I've hated myself in the morning. 

Not for a long time, though...  So, while a pretty face will turn my swelled head, it won't hold my attention for long. 

Looks are important (and subjective), but superficial in the long term. 

_____________________________

"My name is Inigo Montoya, you killed my father, prepare to die..."

(in reply to LadyPact)
Profile   Post #: 90
RE: Intellectual Appeal - 4/18/2007 4:50:29 PM   
ExSteelAgain


Posts: 1803
Joined: 7/2/2006
From: Georgia
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: MasterFireMaam

quote:

ORIGINAL: ExSteelAgain
The silly, unaccredited degrees are just that...silly. They don't help you get a job in teaching, research or whatever, even if you are called Doctor down at the bar. Employment things are checked out even if you have the most beautiful, well framed, degree.


Many divinity degrees are unaccredited. However, you CAN get work with them...usually as a councellor or a writer or a speaker.

Master Fire



Maybe so, but I'm not a preacher creature, nor do I think mail order degrees can get you past the guard at the gate to the college, ala, "Rudy, " the movie, to be a counselor or whatever.

< Message edited by ExSteelAgain -- 4/18/2007 5:04:34 PM >

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Profile   Post #: 91
RE: Intellectual Appeal - 4/18/2007 5:04:38 PM   
juliaoceania


Posts: 21383
Joined: 4/19/2006
From: Somewhere Over the Rainbow
Status: offline
quote:

What are the things you look for online that exemplify intellect? 


When I was seeking, the ability to form sentences that led to paragraphs that gave the impression of succinct thought helped in giving me a feel for whether or not someone had cogent views of the world supported by logic and reasoning. It was very important to me that I find someone on my level to converse with, and I did, but more important was whether or not they shared my values.

quote:

If you previously answered "none", no need to post further.  Go back and look at more pictures.



Someone that wrote something of such a condescending nature would never have appealed to me because intellect without kindness, patience, and humility mean nothing... I could date a smart computer if all was necessary was the ability to process information, heart and soul are much more rare than intellectual capacity in my experience.

quote:

but if you have an original thought, feeling or opinion, why not share it as if we were all listening?  No need to write an epic, summarize for us, please.

and so, another good conversational topic is thrown to the wolves.



I would state if you believe yourself so very much above those whom you sink in level to converse with, perhaps you should climb back up on your high horse and leave us lesser mortals and unwashed masses to languish without your thought provoking sentiments.

< Message edited by juliaoceania -- 4/18/2007 5:05:14 PM >

_____________________________

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Great minds discuss ideas; Average minds discuss events; Small minds discuss people. Eleanor Roosevelt

(in reply to OedipusRexIt)
Profile   Post #: 92
RE: Intellectual Appeal - 4/18/2007 5:08:41 PM   
juliaoceania


Posts: 21383
Joined: 4/19/2006
From: Somewhere Over the Rainbow
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: MasterFireMaam

quote:

ORIGINAL: OedipusRexIt
and so, another good conversational topic is thrown to the wolves.


If you think so poorly of us, why are you bothering?

Master Fire



As usual, you took the words out of my mouth in a much more direct way than I did.

_____________________________

Once you label me, you negate me ~ Soren Kierkegaard

Reality has a well known Liberal Bias ~ Stephen Colbert

Great minds discuss ideas; Average minds discuss events; Small minds discuss people. Eleanor Roosevelt

(in reply to MasterFireMaam)
Profile   Post #: 93
RE: Intellectual Appeal - 4/18/2007 5:09:55 PM   
LuckyAlbatross


Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: SDFemDom4cuck
With all due respect LA, I'm a bit suprised by this coming from you. A degree has little to do with intellect.

I didn't say it did.

To add:  Have I ever said or implied anywhere that someone without a degree cannot be really smart or really intellectual or really productive or really cool?  NO.  That would be wrong and stupid.

Everyone seems to be ignoring the TWO OTHER requirements BESIDES college degree:

1)  High intellect

2)  Intellect that matches my own on at least some key areas

I just ADD another criteria to it.  One I feel crucial and completely relevant to the topic of intellect.

Why are people surprised that I have this particular requirement for myself and my long term committed partners?  Aren't we all supposed to support eachother in NOT settling and NOT listening to others in deciding who/what works for us?

I'm completely open about my requirements and how they will affect me.  What exactly is the issue here?

< Message edited by LuckyAlbatross -- 4/18/2007 5:28:04 PM >

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Profile   Post #: 94
RE: Intellectual Appeal - 4/18/2007 5:11:30 PM   
blushingflower


Posts: 144
Joined: 10/11/2006
Status: offline
quote:

Despite the pleasing number of intelligent replies here, it seems reasonable to assume that there are a significant portion of the population who prefer an intellectually inferior partner, just as it is reasonable to assume that there are many here who either are, or wish to be perceived as, intellectually inferior.

quote:

ORIGINAL: Olorin
For those women, being able to be themselves around me without fearing they might intimidate me was a factor

There are people who prefer intellectually inferior partners, it makes them feel smarter.  There are girls who have been taught to play dumb.  Somehow, even though I had virtually perfect attendence in school, I missed that lesson.  But the girls who were quiet and didn't answer questions in class certainly had a lot more dates than I did.  I went to college on a full academic scholarship.  This was not a fact I shared with a lot of people- it can alienate and intimdate them. 
Sometimes when we watch TV, a girl who is attractive but seems dumb will come on, and Daddy will comment that he thinks she's hot.  I maintain that I can't find someone hot if I think they're dumb, but I think this is something that men and women differ on- if I find your personality unappealing, it's next to impossible for me to find you attractive, even if I would did I not know the unappealing things about you.  Men can think a girl's a dumb bitch and still think she's hot.  (not to say that all men feel this way or all women have the same issue I do, it's just a pattern I've noticed). 
When I comment that she's dumb, he'll say that she might just be playing dumb, but that's as big a turn-off to me as actually being dumb.

(in reply to OedipusRexIt)
Profile   Post #: 95
RE: Intellectual Appeal - 4/18/2007 5:11:36 PM   
LuckyAlbatross


Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: ExSteelAgain
If you had said degrees indicate a level of discipline and an ability to work hard, I may have agreed, but to say you feel it is, flat out, that important I'll disagree.

Hey Ex, see Post #29
quote:


PS...I would still fuck you.

You're such a charmer :)

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to ExSteelAgain)
Profile   Post #: 96
RE: Intellectual Appeal - 4/18/2007 5:14:32 PM   
LuckyAlbatross


Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: gypsygrl
Interesting observation.  For me, if the relationship is right, in that it provides adequate security and structure, it frees me to be stupid.  I'm not stupid by any stretch of the imagination, but I associate intelligence with ego-centered defensive rationality.  Insecurity breeds intelligence and intelligence is fed with hunger.  If I'm feeling secure and have confidence in a partner, I can let those defenses down and as I do that, my intellect softens.  I get dumb.  Literally.  Sometimes, I get so dumb, I stop talking.

I completely get what you mean here.  It's a deep form of intimacy with my partner and I that we can call eachother vapid dorks all the time :)

But I still get bored and annoyed with someone over any real period of time who wasn't pretty smart.

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to gypsygrl)
Profile   Post #: 97
RE: Intellectual Appeal - 4/18/2007 5:18:56 PM   
Quivver


Posts: 1953
Joined: 11/27/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Petronius


Reading this I am amazed that I keep running into submissives who ask for my picture instead of the results of my IQ test.

Go figure!


I figure it this way.  While we chat about everday things, life in general I will gain my own perspective of you and if you fit ME.  The photo feeds only my vision which is semi important to get the entire picture.  Or to simplify this, I need to see a pic to judge if I find you attractive.  I've seen others of both sexes that just loose their eye candy appeal when they open their mouths...........  I want the package that fits me!
(oh yea and on a side note letters behind a name mean nothing if they lack common sense)  I'll take an Intelligent Rogue anyday.


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The problem with communication ... is the illusion that it has been accomplished. ~George Bernard Shaw

(in reply to Petronius)
Profile   Post #: 98
RE: Intellectual Appeal - 4/18/2007 5:19:13 PM   
dcnovice


Posts: 37282
Joined: 8/2/2006
Status: offline 		I confess: Shallow queen that I am, I lust after guys who embody the old saying "Nothing upstairs, but what a staircase."

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No matter how cynical you become,
it's never enough to keep up.

JANE WAGNER, THE SEARCH FOR SIGNS OF
INTELLIGENT LIFE IN THE UNIVERSE

(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)
Profile   Post #: 99
RE: Intellectual Appeal - 4/18/2007 5:27:03 PM   
ExSteelAgain


Posts: 1803
Joined: 7/2/2006
From: Georgia
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: LuckyAlbatross
When it comes to people I want to spend the rest of my life with in an intimate relationship, I've found that having the college experience and training it provides to be a necessary factor.


Okay, that says it better and I had missed that post.

_____________________________

You can paint a cinder block bright pastel pink, but it's still a cinder block. (By Me.)

(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)
Profile   Post #: 100
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