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What does a Mistress expect from her chosen submissive/... - 4/19/2007 6:17:42 AM   
ownone


Posts: 3
Joined: 4/12/2007
Status: offline 		Mistress,
What actual qualities do you most desire and indeed expect in your chosen submissive or slave in order to enhance your lifestyle experience and ensure proper control of its movements and capabilities?
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RE: What does a Mistress expect from her chosen submiss... - 4/19/2007 6:22:10 AM   
HutchGarahl


Posts: 562
Joined: 1/10/2007
Status: offline 		How strong the desire to serve is. If a slave doesn't show much desire to serve, I don't see much potential in them....but if they openly show the desire....there's a much bigger chance of falling into grace.

(in reply to ownone)
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RE: What does a Mistress expect from her chosen submiss... - 4/19/2007 7:01:23 AM   
MistressLorelei


Posts: 997
Joined: 11/7/2005
Status: offline 		Before anything, any submissive who I would even get to know beyond an e-mail or two, must be capable of intelligent e-mails, which consist of more than one line.  His vanilla side also will be an important consideration.  Will his passions, family background, and goals in life be consistent with mine.  Then, I must get a sense that his intent is to serve a woman he begins to bond with, rather than to serve any leather skirt and whip.

I prefer someone who does not have a lot of hard limits, nor a list of many requirements, as I do not wish to 'lead' the relationship around a bunch of red flags and must haves.  He should genuinely display early on that his pleasures come in the form of pleasing his Mistress above himself.

With a male with these qualities, most anything is possible... that's what I want with a submissive.

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RE: What does a Mistress expect from her chosen submiss... - 4/19/2007 7:33:56 AM   
Lashra


Posts: 4900
Joined: 2/9/2006
Status: offline 		Obedience and honesty are the two biggies with Me. I also expect them to be intelligent and to learn the way I like things done. There is nothing worse then a sub who says they want to serve but never bothers to learn how the Domme likes things.

~Lashra


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RE: What does a Mistress expect from her chosen submiss... - 4/19/2007 7:41:56 AM   
crouchingtigress


Posts: 4387
Joined: 3/19/2006
From: Maui
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: ownone

Mistress,
What  qualities do you desire in your submissivein order to ensure proper control of its movements and capabilities?


hi ownone, i editted your post because i thought it was too wordy for my taste which is undesirable to me.

also, one, i dont want an it....it feels self indulgent to me to let a sub call himself an it, like he is checking out of who he is and zoning out into a fantasy.



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RE: What does a Mistress expect from her chosen submiss... - 4/19/2007 9:08:47 AM   
thetammyjo


Posts: 6322
Joined: 9/8/2005
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quote:

ORIGINAL: ownone

Mistress,
What actual qualities do you most desire and indeed expect in your chosen submissive or slave in order to enhance your lifestyle experience and ensure proper control of its movements and capabilities?


Self control and self motivation.

Others they are not providing service so much as simply obeying orders.

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RE: What does a Mistress expect from her chosen submiss... - 4/19/2007 9:59:00 AM   
LadyPact


Posts: 32566
Status: offline 		The two things that come across more and more in My mind are the desire to serve and more specifically, the desire to serve Me.  For Me, it's not enough for one to want to be submissive.  That part of them should already exist before they ever take the time to contact Me.  It's the part that should bring with it the desire to learn, etc.  The point is, there should be something about Me in particular that one wants to make this journey with. 

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RE: What does a Mistress expect from her chosen submiss... - 4/19/2007 10:16:02 AM   
MiladyElaine


Posts: 1086
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Status: offline 		Obedience, Devotion, and Support

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RE: What does a Mistress expect from her chosen submiss... - 4/19/2007 10:20:30 AM   
MariaB


Posts: 2969
Joined: 4/3/2007
Status: offline 		A sub/slave must be self disciplined, honest, reliable and trustworthy first and foremost.
I like a sub that is in control of their vanilla life in every aspect because someone who is disorganised or dippy in the real world is going to be the same in submission.
Intelligence is important, though Im talking socially apt and not academic. There will be times when I want to take my sub out to social gatherings and its crucial that they can interact and have good social skills. There is nothing more of a turn on for me than seeing my sub standing tall amongst others and holding their own in a confident manner only to come home with me and be totally submissive to my needs.

A good communicator with me, because expressing themselves is very important.
I find naivety a turn off. I don’t appreciate a sub telling me they have no limits or that I can do ‘anything’ to them!
I tend to prefer fem subs for the simple reason that they have that spark of fire in their eyes that is often lacking in male subs. Spark is very important to me.


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RE: What does a Mistress expect from her chosen submiss... - 4/19/2007 10:24:31 AM   
MariaB


Posts: 2969
Joined: 4/3/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyPact

The two things that come across more and more in My mind are the desire to serve and more specifically, the desire to serve Me.  For Me, it's not enough for one to want to be submissive.  That part of them should already exist before they ever take the time to contact Me.  It's the part that should bring with it the desire to learn, etc.  The point is, there should be something about Me in particular that one wants to make this journey with. 

Ah now I don’t agree with this. Any sub that writes or approaches me for the first time in a submissive way will be brushed off for the simple reason that this sort of person will submit to anyone.
I want the person to show me themselves first and foremost and I want to be the one that makes them want, desire to submit to me.
How would he know he only wanted to submit to you at his first point of contact?

< Message edited by MariaB -- 4/19/2007 10:25:26 AM >

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RE: What does a Mistress expect from her chosen submiss... - 4/19/2007 10:41:27 AM   
LadyPact


Posts: 32566
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: MariaB

quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyPact

The two things that come across more and more in My mind are the desire to serve and more specifically, the desire to serve Me.  For Me, it's not enough for one to want to be submissive.  That part of them should already exist before they ever take the time to contact Me.  It's the part that should bring with it the desire to learn, etc.  The point is, there should be something about Me in particular that one wants to make this journey with. 

Ah now I don’t agree with this. Any sub that writes or approaches me for the first time in a submissive way will be brushed off for the simple reason that this sort of person will submit to anyone.
I want the person to show me themselves first and foremost and I want to be the one that makes them want, desire to submit to me.
How would he know he only wanted to submit to you at his first point of contact?


Would have to be something that had one contact Me to begin with.  Otherwise, that submissive is just writing anyone and everyone they think they have a shot with.

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RE: What does a Mistress expect from her chosen submiss... - 4/19/2007 11:53:39 AM   
MistressRouge


Posts: 876
Joined: 3/18/2005
From: Birmingham West Midlands UK
Status: offline 		Servitude, respect, adorning, honesty, courteousy an insatiable appetite to please Me, and My enjoyment of their submission.

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RE: What does a Mistress expect from her chosen submiss... - 4/20/2007 8:11:32 AM   
whipingherfeet


Posts: 202
Joined: 10/26/2006
Status: offline 		they must obey or feel the lash on his or her ass

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RE: What does a Mistress expect from her chosen submiss... - 4/20/2007 9:35:12 AM   
MaamJay


Posts: 2101
Joined: 9/2/2005
Status: offline 		Initially, an inner desire to serve - he needs to show Me that is genuinely his heart's desire as I don't ever again want one who is so caught up with his fetish that it's all about him instead of Me. Then he has to display the willingness and commitment to getting to know Me. That means writing and speaking intelligently, openly, honestly and without the naive "yes Mistress, whatever you say Mistress, no I have no opinions/original thoughts/ideas of my own Mistress". That leaves Me cold! I want someone I can interact with and whom I can trust to interact intelligently with others. he must be punctual, reliable, not breaking engagements with Me for trivial reasons - I'll cope with serious circumstances that intervene! I am looking for the personal relationship to develop between U/us.

Once he bonds with Me (and I to him!), then the relationship takes a whole new turn. Now it's ME that he wants to serve, he must be willing and able to quickly learn My likes, dislikes and preferences. he must be obedient and be willing to serve in domestic, bedroom and play capacities. he must be respectful, especially when he wishes to articulate a different opinion. I will respect him by listening to that ... but if I decide I want it done My way, no further discussion and definitely no sulks or tantrums! he must do things to My agenda and schedule, though, that said, I would be cognisant of his other responsibilities such as work and study. Essentially he must derive his satisfaction from pleasing Me, though he may receive other rewards. he must NOT be a punishment-driven sub ... the sort who misbehaves to get punished. My punishment is NEVER physical or anything remotely construed as bdsm ... too much danger of it being a reward! It is something invoked as an absolute last resort and involves withdrawal ... of his privileges, his time to do things he likes... or My presence. he shouldn't need micro-managing and should show a high level of self-discipline (otherwise I think I'm failing as a Domme). he's the sort of sub whom I can forbid from speaking for a whole night at a play party ... and he loves and respects and wants to please Me enough to do it ... without need of a gag. Or he follows My instructions regarding chastity ... without need of a chastity device.

Yes, I'm still looking LOL!
Maam Jay

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RE: What does a Mistress expect from her chosen submiss... - 4/20/2007 12:14:15 PM   
KaramelGoddess


Posts: 404
Joined: 6/20/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: ownone

Mistress,
What actual qualities do you most desire and indeed expect in your chosen submissive or slave in order to enhance your lifestyle experience and ensure proper control of its movements and capabilities?


Hello ownone,
 
Qualities in order of importance:
  1. Honesty
  2. Open-mindedness
  3. Respectfulness & Courtesy (both in the bedroom and beyond)
  4. A willingness to obey
  5. A willingness to trust - once we know each other well
  6. Intelligence & knowledge of BDSM
  7. A masochist...as I am a Sadist...

I have all of this with My boy of three years.  The only unfortunate thing is that we are an online/phone relationship only, due to distance and family responsibilities (e.g. I can not move there because of being needed here).  I'm currently feeling out a new sub - who is local... and so far he's hit 5 out of 7, so I'm pretty delighted about that.
 
With kind regard,
~Kara


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RE: What does a Mistress expect from her chosen submiss... - 4/20/2007 12:33:39 PM   
Elorin


Posts: 970
Joined: 8/22/2004
From: San Antonio, TX
Status: offline 		Honesty
Intelligence
Emotional maturity
Desire to please
Willingness to obey
Willingness to speak his/her opinion when asked, speak up when he/she thinks I'm wrong
Passion for BDSM
Desire to learn
Willingness to try new things


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RE: What does a Mistress expect from her chosen submiss... - 4/20/2007 3:15:20 PM   
DommeChains


Posts: 415
Joined: 3/23/2006
Status: offline 		Courage
Persistance
Honesty
Sense of humor
Deep rooted desire/need to submit
Intelligence
Emotional availability

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RE: What does a Mistress expect from her chosen submiss... - 4/20/2007 3:51:36 PM   
MissSCD


Posts: 1185
Joined: 3/10/2007
Status: offline 		Total respect, honor, and obidence.

Regards, MissSCD

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RE: What does a Mistress expect from her chosen submiss... - 4/20/2007 5:40:22 PM   
BeachMystress


Posts: 2156
Joined: 4/3/2004
From: Naples Island- Long Beach CA - Southern California
Status: offline
I expect my submissive to be a pleaser. I do not want to have to fight him to get him to submit. I want it to be given freely and lovingly. I want to be the center of his universe and more important than air to him.
 
On the traits front, I expect my submissive to have the following:
The ability to actually focus on me even when they'd rather be doing something else, loyalty, honesty, humility, obedience, self respect, that they know and accept them self, manners, that they are able to self motivate, the ability to communicate, being realistic.. aka, the ability to see me as human and still respect me as a Dominant, patience, maturity, and the desire and ability to anticipate my needs (yes, this is a learned skill.)


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RE: What does a Mistress expect from her chosen submiss... - 4/21/2007 2:15:39 AM   
MsCfromMelbourne


Posts: 777
Joined: 2/15/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: ownone

Mistress,
What actual qualities do you most desire and indeed expect in your chosen submissive or slave in order to enhance your lifestyle experience and ensure proper control of its movements and capabilities?


Can I tell you something?  If she really likes you and loves your company, the rules and regulations of your behaviour kind of take care of themselves.

Let the relationship unfold in its own delicious way. 

The more D/s relationships I watch  the more I realise that every  D/s dynamic is unique. I have loved every kind of sub from cheeky brats to devoted dogs.  There are no rules that apply neatly to every sub or every Domme

Having said that, you probably want to:

1) ask her what she expects from you.  She might not really know.  These things develop over time. 

Therefore

2) keep a few ideas up your sleeve and in wooing her, mention that "some Dommes like their subs to do X (eg wear a CB3000 whenever we cannot be together).  What is your view?"  Watch her body language as well as answers.  What excites her evil mind?

3) hopefully she will ask you what you would like (advice: run away - fast - if she does not care what you want out of the D/s relationship). 

My partner does a great job explaining how he badly needs to feel controlled without pressuring me to do "stuff" to him. 

I do "stuff" to him because I love doing "stuff" (within his limits of course .....*cough cough*).  But most of all, I love him as a person.  You want that kind of Domme, not a Domme with a rule book.

Edited to add: 

First, I like other people's lists but - with the exception of "loves BDSM" or "is a masochist" or "enjoys ceding power to women" - these are all qualities you would want in a good vanilla partnership too.  They are not distinguishing features over and above what any Nice Guy should be

Secondly, the Domme has to bring exactly the same qualities to the relationship that she expects from the submissive - even willingness to please, believe it or not.  Domination is not a licence to take more than you give or have less character and integrity

< Message edited by MsCfromMelbourne -- 4/21/2007 2:26:43 AM >

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