RE: Experience versus age, young"sub"looking?

RE: Experience versus age, young"sub"looking? (Full Version)

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MadRabbit -> RE: Experience versus age, young"sub"looking? (4/19/2007 9:55:09 AM)
The point is your advice is contradicting reality. Your own advice would have stopped you from gaining the experience you needed to become your "fully formed" dominant. Only you are (or claim to be) a "fully formed dominant" and you give this advice to now suffocate the people who are in the shoes you once were. In the communities, this kind of logic creates an enviroment that essentially "eats its young." My sarcasm and harsh points were in an attempt to make this logic clear. The hyprocricay of the elders is their wisdom is often for young people to not go out and do the things they did to gain the wisdom they now have. Listening and learning from other people only go so far and doesnt make up for lack of hard knocks.

SimplyMichael -> RE: Experience versus age, young"sub"looking? (4/19/2007 9:56:17 AM)
Looks on proudly! I am only this good because I have been that bad...

MadRabbit -> RE: Experience versus age, young"sub"looking? (4/19/2007 9:58:54 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: SimplyMichael Looks on proudly! I am only this good because I have been that bad... Exactly. And thank you for the compliment, though my skills are quite bad right now! I just hope my personal life will be at a place in the near future where I can go out, meet people, and gain the experiences to make the bad ones good.

PeggyDee -> RE: Experience versus age, young"sub"looking? (4/19/2007 10:00:55 AM)
MadRabbit, I love your post!!! You're soooo right. One of the things I say all the time is that you can "claim" or even have all the experience of a "lifetime" (coughs) in the "lifestyle" but that doesn't mean you know anymore or are any better at things than someone who is 18 years old and walked into his or her first dungeon party. I liken it to everything else in life. I learned to sew (big looping stitches) when I was 4 years old. I liked to sew (seemed to like playing with the needles alot too, but I'm off topic,,,heh) so I continued to sew, now I can do embroidery, cross stitch and if I spend alot of time and patience can even make an article of clothing by hand or by machine. This does not make me a seamstress or a designer. It doesn't even make me VERY good at it. I can do it, let's say "pretty well" and I can teach it, let's say "well enough for someone to get the basics", but by no stretch of the imagination an I an expert. So, does having 48 years experience sewing at least once a month all those years make me anything at all except that I learned to sew MY way (oh and my grandmothers way..lol)??? Nope, it doesn't. Same with bdsm, I don't care how long you think you've been doing things, you only have what you have and that might be alot and that might be alittle and age has absolutely nothing to do with it. Thanks for posting. PeggyDee~GW

PeggyDee -> RE: Experience versus age, young"sub"looking? (4/19/2007 10:02:53 AM)
SimplyMichael, I don't think calling older females "hags" is gonna get ya any kudos from said hags.....smiles. PeggyDee~GW

SimplyMichael -> RE: Experience versus age, young"sub"looking? (4/19/2007 10:04:41 AM)
In my few years running BDSM groups and playspaces as well as hosting social events, I have seen very very few injuries caused by lack of skill and in fact, most injuries were caused by experienced players who tend to be the ones taking the greater risks. What I did see a lot of were broken and shredded hearts, emotional wreckage. There was ZERO correlation to age, time in the scene, experience, or anything other than the ability to have healthy relationships. That skill is one people like LA seem to possess quite early and some like myself take many years to get it right.

MadRabbit -> RE: Experience versus age, young"sub"looking? (4/19/2007 10:08:31 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: PeggyDee SimplyMichael, I don't think calling older females "hags" is gonna get ya any kudos from said hags.....smiles. PeggyDee~GW Your just not translating Michael's posts correctly. When he says "hags", I automatically translate it as "beautiful and lovely hags that have aged like fine wine." [:D]

PeggyDee -> RE: Experience versus age, young"sub"looking? (4/19/2007 10:13:01 AM)
MadRabbit, I do so like your definetion so much better. My self esteem is back now...lol. Keep posting your thoughts. You're in the right head space. Apologies to Michael if I misinterpreted his reference to hags. Sort of like being a hag anyway... PeggyDee~GW

selfbnd411 -> RE: Experience versus age, young"sub"looking? (4/19/2007 11:16:56 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: SweetMegan20 I'm just not really attracted to older guys. Plus, people in vastly different age groups want and need different things. I want to spend my life with someone and experience it with them, not for the next 20 years and then their hip breaks! Heh! I completely agree. There's another thread about whether it's a bad to be in love with a sub (vs loving a sub). Certainly, I could love and serve a Domme who is older or younger than I am. Maybe I could even fall in love with her and spend the rest of my life with her. It's just much more likely that I'll fall in love with someone near my age range. Age spreads tend to be narrow when we're young and they get wider as we get older. It's just how things work. Besides, I'd imagine that females--Domme, switch, or sub--have plenty of choice when it comes to partners, so it's not surprising that they tend to choose partners that they can identify with.

SireKane -> RE: Experience versus age, young"sub"looking? (4/19/2007 11:47:12 AM)
I am a 47 year old dominant man. In general people in their 20's are attracted to other people in their 20's, but there are exceptions. When I came into the public lifestyle I was 20, I was'nt looking for hot 30 and 40 year old women, but all the personal ads I answered were from women or couples over 30. Today it's different, because of the growing popularity of Goth Clubs, Bondage Balls, Burning Man Festivals, Fetish Performance Groups, Ren Faire, ect... there are more people in their teens and early twenty being exposed to kinky sex, D/s and bdsm than ever before. As a result there are "fully formed" dominant young men in their 20's. It's only natural that submissive females in their 20's seek out a dominant man within their age range. Age has nothing to do with being a "fully formed" dominant. The term "fully formed" is actually very judgemental if you ask me. If you are an older dominant who wants to attract submissive females in their 20's, you'll need to be an execptional dominant man in your 40's, 50's, and perhaps 60's.

Celeste43 -> RE: Experience versus age, young"sub"looking? (4/19/2007 12:08:17 PM)
MadRabbit has the maturity and wisdom that few older males on this site have. As far as his technical skills, so what? You assume a sub who is attracted by his personality and intelligence will be so shallow that if she expresses an interest in bullwhips, for example, she won't be willing to wait and enjoy other activities while he learns to use one? Technical skill can always be learned, and in many things it takes no more than a day to read up on it to know how to safely; do simple bondage, do wax play, learn what areas to hit or not with a hand, a paddle, a crop. Now learning not to wrap with a flogger could take as much as a week of flogging a pillow one hour daily. But most younger subs aren't going to themselves have 20 years of edge play experience so the fact that the dom may have that is irrelevant. Plus you ignore the fact that learning together is something very worthwhile, it builds confidence in both dom and sub, and allows both of them not to be intimidated by their inexperience. Technical skills make one a top. A natural tendency to take the lead in situations makes you a dominant. The two are not equivalent. One of the best rope tops I know is not dominant, he seeks only power equal relationships with a rope bottom. I'd play with him any day but I wouldn't get into a relationship with him because I need a dominant male as my partner.

PrincessEllie -> RE: Experience versus age, young"sub"looking? (4/19/2007 12:54:57 PM)
As a young submissive girl, I have publically drawn the line at 30. This is generally to keep the old men at bay. Being eighteen, I am really not too interested in having a Dom who's going to keel over from old age before I ever get to meet him. Honestly though, I do a case by case consideration of age when I get to know someone. It is a factor, but it's not a BIG factor.

sweetnurseBBW -> RE: Experience versus age, young"sub"looking? (4/19/2007 12:59:47 PM)
Everyone has preferences. Older doesn't mean experienced either. Some discover the lifestyle in their 40's or beyond. Some people dont want someone older and thats ok. Personally I prefer older and experienced but that is just me.

WilliamWizer -> RE: Experience versus age, young"sub"looking? (4/19/2007 1:18:49 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: PrincessEllie As a young submissive girl, I have publically drawn the line at 30. This is generally to keep the old men at bay. Being eighteen, I am really not too interested in having a Dom who's going to keel over from old age before I ever get to meet him. Honestly though, I do a case by case consideration of age when I get to know someone. It is a factor, but it's not a BIG factor. I understand people like you that prefers somebody near their age. basically because I'm like that too. but I also wanted to bring the questions to you and everybody else that draws a line so clear defined. you say your line is at 30. would you say no to a 31 or 32 dom only because he is out of the limit or that limit is more or less flexible. for me my age limit is that she needs to be younger than me but if someday I find a good slave that is only a few years older I won't say no to her only by her age

PrincessEllie -> RE: Experience versus age, young"sub"looking? (4/19/2007 1:21:45 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: WilliamWizer quote: ORIGINAL: PrincessEllie Honestly though, I do a case by case consideration of age when I get to know someone. It is a factor, but it's not a BIG factor. You say your line is at 30. would you say no to a 31 or 32 dom only because he is out of the limit or that limit is more or less flexible. Like I said, it is case by case. I generally cut off at thirty only because I was getting a lot of 50+ guys. I will get to know someone regardless of age though, if they really interest me. In fact, the Dom I like most right now is 32.

smcontrol -> RE: Experience versus age, young"sub"looking? (4/19/2007 11:50:04 PM)
It's a particularly D/s irony that the Dominate that you are interested in most is something more than you started out thinking you wanted. Or at least it makes me smile anyway...

OedipusRexIt -> RE: Experience versus age, young"sub"looking? (4/19/2007 11:53:12 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: SimplyMichael Doesn't it just suck when the hags your age aren't interesting and the fucking young hotties tell you to fuck off cause you are old? I just hate that. It's not my place to try and change your rap, my good man, but might you not consider a slightly less ironic approach, in hopes of greater success? ... on second thought, don't. You crack me up. How's it workin' for ya?

smcontrol -> RE: Experience versus age, young"sub"looking? (4/19/2007 11:55:30 PM)
The quote that comes to mind is "Good Judgement comes from experience but experience comes from poor judgement." I think the worst part of the age thing was when what used to be hot young women started to look like little girls. And btw... Major hip breaking and live in health care professionals start to be an issue somewhere past forty-four. But I understand the theme.

OedipusRexIt -> RE: Experience versus age, young"sub"looking? (4/20/2007 12:00:55 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: smcontrol The quote that comes to mind is "Good Judgement comes from experience but experience comes from poor judgement." I think the worst part of the age thing was when what used to be hot young women started to look like little girls. And btw... Major hip breaking and live in health care professionals start to be an issue somewhere past forty-four. But I understand the theme. You had me at little girls, but lost me at hip breaking... ... my hips.... still ok. I've fallen, and can still get up.

slavejali -> RE: Experience versus age, young"sub"looking? (4/20/2007 1:06:24 AM)
It's always hard to talk about the age and experience thing. I remember when I was cough ..younger, there is no way in hell anyone older than me saying anything that downgraded my life experience would have been taken ..kindly. I thought I knew it all, had it all..in fact I still do...so..umm...damn.. Realistically..there are no tricks to bdsm play, its not a very hard thing at all ..and not much experience is required..how long does it take to learn to tie a knot? A weekend workshop will get you slicing up your slave with a scalpel. In regards to relationship skills...its not a bdsm thing and some people never learn how to have one even when they are 80 years old... I dunno...I'm thinking back now to when I was first talking to Master, it was really important to me that he had actual live-in Master/slave relationship experience..I think it was important to him that I did too. it was important to me that he had a wide knowledge and experience of different forms of bdsm play. I guess my reason for that was that I didn't want to get hooked up with anyone who might 'get over' a fad they were going through or something. ...and in regards to the play experience...i don't live in a big city anymore and getting to events and training and doing shit like that is a real hassle, besides the fact I'm over the whole club scene now.

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