An assignment by Master (Full Version)

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imthatacheyouhav -> An assignment by Master (4/19/2007 10:02:58 AM)

an autobiography was requested of me. My initial responce was * oh cool, this will be a piece of cake* i was sorely mistaken. everytime <bar none> i have sat down to do this i have been reduced to tears. Heres what i have so far..."I was born in .... i do not really know why i am sharing this or what i expect anyone to say in responce. I have not shared this with my Master, it embarrasses me...*my reaction to this task i mean. I am MORE then alittle surprized that i am having such difficulty. Any ideas on how to get past this "thing" that seems to be blocking my attemps, so i can get on with it already?.....*realizing i my self am not entirely sure what the "thing" is* if none of this made sense LOL my apologizes in advance.



onestandingstill -> RE: An assignment by Master (4/19/2007 10:13:43 AM)

Hello There,
Instead of looking at this job like you've got to write a book just picture yourself in front of him talking to him.
Start with "I was born i" then go to the town, date and hospital.
Next go through what your family's told you about you being a baby and what you remember as your earliest recollections.
Maybe if you look at it like telling him a story in front of him vs having to write the book of your full biography the writers block and cold fears will dissipate some.
Good Luck to you,
suzanne



SimplyMichael -> RE: An assignment by Master (4/19/2007 10:14:00 AM)

Most of us wear many masks, some to fool others, some to fool ourselves.  The ones we wear to fool ourselves are the most terrifying to remove.  What you are doing is hard, the more real it is the harder it will be.

Try writing a bio of a part of you, say your relationships and focus on patterns in them.   Or perhaps a job bio or something else that isn't so laden with emotion.

You can search for an old post of mine called "spilling my guts" under my old name of Crappydom.  I laid out some pretty raw stuff there and it might give you ideas, a laugh or two, and perhaps make it a bit easier.

Editied to add:  I think it is a GREAT sign that it is hard for you.  Lying is always easy, telling the truth is both hard and scary.  You have what we call a "growth experience" staring you in the face, they are always hard and painful but often highly rewarding!



LuckyAlbatross -> RE: An assignment by Master (4/19/2007 10:14:47 AM)

I'd say the best thing is to read others autobiographies and glean from them.

You can start with the birth and go chronologically, you can start with a significant period and move on emotionally, you can start with a good quote and move from there.  Research the different "intros to essays" and see if any sparks your interest.



MasterFireMaam -> RE: An assignment by Master (4/19/2007 10:21:03 AM)

I see two things that can be done here. 1) follow everyone else's advice...keep it fairly general on surface information. 2) start trying to figure out why it's embarrassing....start writing, perhaps in stream of consciousness (write whatever come to you head)...and keep at it until something surfaces. It may take a while. I have a huge landmine about objectification that's just now starting to become clear after a good year of working on it.

Master Fire



imthatacheyouhav -> RE: An assignment by Master (4/19/2007 10:27:26 AM)

OMG Thankyou sooo much Y'all....i'm serious i had no clue how to proceed. LOL its like i was a dear in headlights or something. noone had ever said to me ...*i want to know "who" you are.....now go and write it for me....* a daunting task because he wants the "masks" off...like SimplyMichael had eluded to....Thanks again for the suggestions. This has also raised other questions in my mind though....why is this so bothersome?....is it because i havent sufficiently dealt with my past?....is it because i am "used" to wearing a mask and am afraid to remove it.....is it because i am afraid of deep intimacy with this man<i have been without that for sometime now> just thinking out loud....



sweetsillyslave -> RE: An assignment by Master (4/19/2007 10:34:45 AM)

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Thadius -> RE: An assignment by Master (4/19/2007 10:40:07 AM)

I think the advice given by Michael and LA are spot on. I would only add, that in addition to their advice, inform your owner of the emotional response that you are experiencing to this task, such information is vital to both of you.

I wish you well,
Thadius

P.S. The journey inward can be scary and overwhelming, just remember that those things have always been there, they are just being looked at in a new light (without blinders).



mstrjx -> RE: An assignment by Master (4/19/2007 10:49:59 AM)

There are a couple of things going on inside that might help.

First, what your Master is looking for is called transparency.  He wants to know everything about you, so he can be a better Master for you.  Giving this knowledge also helps you to be more vulnerable to him.  Nothing wrong with that - a tight bond is what you wish, yes?

I had this 'thought' just the other day that might be of value to you as well.  When dealing with another, each of us has the dubious distinction to be any of 4 entities.  There is the person who you 'are'.  There is the person who you 'believe' you are (your perception of self).  There is the perception your partner has of you.  Finally, useful in the selection process, there is 'that person' held to a measuring stick (or litmus test) of being 'appropriate' or 'desireable' relative to your partners expectations.

What you should strive for is to narrow these four potentials to be one.  You really need to see yourself for who and what you are.  But you also need to impart 'you' to your partner such that they can see you for who you really are as well.  And hopefully 'who you are' is more than what your partner was bargaining for.  You become 'prized'.

Hope this helps.

Jeff



dawntreader -> RE: An assignment by Master (4/19/2007 11:00:14 AM)

i have been required to do this in the past as well...it is not easy. When i was writing my own, it was essay questions on every major catagory so the end result was just that - an autobiography. It took days, many tears and tissues, the reopening of wounds and closed doors.
 
By the end of it though, there was great relief, not just in the accomplishment of it but in seeing the reality of myself. my greatest fear was how he would preceive me and yet, i knew i had to answer honestly. In the end, the relationship did not work out (not because of what i wrote) but the things i learned about myself were extremely valuable to my own growth~



LuckyAlbatross -> RE: An assignment by Master (4/19/2007 11:01:03 AM)

How long have you been together?  Social closeness comes with time and experience and your self might be screaming that this is too much too soon.



selfbnd411 -> RE: An assignment by Master (4/19/2007 11:04:32 AM)

I write all the time in my field, and the best way to do it is to just put it out there--stream of consciousness if you have to.  I think many people have great difficulty writing about themselves.  The "why should anyone care about me?" feeling is definitely something I have a hard time with when I apply for things.  I usually just put it out there, and unless you're chipping this into a stone tablet, you can (and definitely should) always revise it later.



SimplyMichael -> RE: An assignment by Master (4/19/2007 11:30:26 AM)

Oh I love threads like this and these are why I come here.  The depth and breadth of the advice is sometimes stunning.



mystiquenz -> RE: An assignment by Master (4/19/2007 11:40:53 AM)

Greetings A/all,

I think i have to agree with the excellent comments given generally and also endorse Master Thadius's post. 

There have been a few times over recent months, where i have been given a task, or where a conversation or situation has occured, and tears from a deep well spilled down my cheeks, because I do not cry, I tend to pout, or kick a slipper, I was astounished as to a) where did the tears come from, b) and why did they surface, so that lead to another level of self examination. 

Self exmaination is good providing you are learning from the outcomes.  Maybe for you, it is the time to look and acknowledge your past.  Whatever that past may be, and say thank you, and then look forward to your future.  Once your get your mindset sorted, you will get there, the mountain that it appears to be at this time, will just transpire to be a little incline in a long footpath. 

Good luck,







juliaoceania -> RE: An assignment by Master (4/19/2007 11:44:05 AM)

quote:

What you are doing is hard, the more real it is the harder it will be.


Lately I have had a similar challenge as the OP, although not the same. Thanks for these words, perhaps if I see my "assignment" as such, perhaps it will help look at the long term gain of finding what is real, instead of how "hard" it is.



Celeste43 -> RE: An assignment by Master (4/19/2007 11:47:08 AM)

Emotional transparency is extremely difficult. I'm four years into a relationship where this is the focus and there are still things I am just now able to talk to him about. If it's too much, too soon, then you are wise to protect yourself. You can't force the kind of trust required to reveal your innermost vulnerabilities.

Share with him what's going on. The problem you're having is part of who you are. I'd also break it down to manageable bites. Doing an autobiography can take hundreds of pages which you can't be expected to do immediately. Start with general overview, family background, school, career etc.



OrlandoDave -> RE: An assignment by Master (4/19/2007 11:50:20 AM)

I have done this (sort of) a couple of times, to get a better look at where my life is and where it is not. I find it helpful to write my obituary in the third person, always a good place to start for me.



LadyPact -> RE: An assignment by Master (4/19/2007 12:01:02 PM)

This is a task I have given out Myself for some of the reasons that have already been mentioned above.  It's hard.  It's supposed to be hard.  The times it would have been easy, I haven't assigned it.  The facts about a person (I was born in) are the surface stuff.  I've always wanted the underneath.
 
I've had some good results with it, depending on how truthful one is willing to be and how honest they are about the core of themselves.  Not only does this get to be shared with your Dominant, it allows things to come to the surface for you to share with yourself.... To be more open about your inner workings than you may have been before.  It will be as small or as great an undertaking as you make it, with equal potential for results.  May your journey be great.



crouchingtigress -> RE: An assignment by Master (4/19/2007 12:04:02 PM)

you are not used to focusing on you. you dont think you matter enough to focus on.

if you are crying right now...write me on the other side.




imthatacheyouhav -> RE: An assignment by Master (4/19/2007 12:15:06 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: LuckyAlbatross

How long have you been together?  Social closeness comes with time and experience and your self might be screaming that this is too much too soon.

i have been with Him only 2 weeks.... and i suspect this would still be hard in 2 years.....i dont know how to tell you i know....but i do know this is a sincere man...it is not a power trip for Him nor do i believe its to gather information that could be used as "ammo" later. He seems "genuinely" intrested in me ans he also thinks i'm dead sexy....LMAO <this is a wonderful guy, no?>  it is TRUELY inspiring to have this kind of support....and refreshing to know i'm not alone with this.



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