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Sometimes - 4/27/2005 1:19:30 AM

lickenforyou

Posts: 379
Joined: 3/13/2005
Status: offline

Do Dommes ever just sometimes dominate?

I'm considered an alpha male in the real world. Top dog in my bark and my bite.

I've been dommed by girlfriends. Most couldn't get into it. The couple times that went well were great, but was still lacking. Elements missing. The mundane (non sexual) serving aspects were as exciting as the punishments. But I don't want to jump in and live this life style 24/7. And I'd like to try it without a roomfull of slaves. And I doubt I'll ever want to announce it to the world. I'm aware that there are pro Dommes, but I'd like it to be because the person is into it.

Thanks for taking the time to read this,

_____________________________

I changed my profile name to - toserveonlyYou - but am having trouble posting in the forums with that profile.

Post #: 1

RE: Sometimes - 4/27/2005 2:00:51 AM

ManOwner

Posts: 127
Joined: 4/12/2005
From: Sacramento, California
Status: offline

You were in a room full of slaves?

(in reply to lickenforyou)

Post #: 2

RE: Sometimes - 4/27/2005 2:36:56 AM

MsMacComb

Posts: 808
Joined: 3/30/2005
From: My Mothers womb.
Status: offline

lickenforyou,
There seems to be some confusion or a dispartity between what some guys think a "domme" should be and what many are.
Are there dominant woman all around the world? Sure. But many guys think she should look like a Playboy model and satisfy his fantasy.
In reality she might look like Oprah, or Hillary Clinton or Cher and she might have her own version of waha constitutes domination.
What if her verision of domination meant no sex, nothing but service from her submissive? What if she had other lovers but he was denied orgasms either permanetly or on a fixed but irregular scheduale? In your mind would that still qualify her as a "dominant woman"?
It may, or may not. Not trying to be negative nor attack your post. I am just trying to make it clear that about half of all women are either old, fat or have their own ideals about femdom. Yet fro some reason many (ok most) guys discount those women all the while professing their "devotion" to the dominant female.

_____________________________

Not looking for anyone for anything, any time.

(in reply to ManOwner)

Post #: 3

RE: Sometimes - 4/27/2005 4:12:51 AM

chainedgirl

Posts: 142
Joined: 2/5/2005
Status: offline

If you are seeking a relationship with someone where you live in but its not a full on 24/7 D/s thing, well yes it happens. i'm in one right now. Ok, i have a Master but W/we do have quite a large element of O/our relationship as nilla. Just like anyone else, a Domme canNOT be 'on' all the time, that's just rediculous. There are many Mistresses out there who do the hardcore Mistressy thing for others, but its only an image and when tucked away behind closed doors with their loved one, then they let their hair down just like anybody else.

So, to answer your question, yes they do, some may even be seeking something akin to long term casual where you only meet up a couple of times a week, but in that case you probably wouldn't get to see the 'down' side.

my question back to you is what exactly are you seeking?

(in reply to MsMacComb)

Post #: 4

RE: Sometimes - 4/27/2005 4:43:54 AM

LadyAngelika

Posts: 8070
Joined: 7/4/2004
Status: offline

quote:

Do Dommes ever just sometimes dominate?

So lickenforyou...

You get yourself a little collarme account, post yourself a little introduction and then you come right to the "Ask A Mistress" section and question our dominance. Nice!

A warm welcome to you. We are always in need of more whinny boys saying: "I want to be dominated but I want to have it my way". Because we just don't have enough of those here...

To be quite honest with you, you are going to find you aren’t a perfect match with just anyone. So the few Dommes you tried with didn’t turn your crank. Doesn’t make them un-dominant necessarily. Simply makes them not the right match for you. C’est la vie! Life isn’t made in such a way that we have chemistry with every second person.

By your profile, you seem to be interested in the sexual aspects of domination. I would expect that at 43 you might have realised that you’ll never satisfy a woman if you are only approaching it from a sexual point of view. But then, sometimes I expect way too much from most people. As for finding a Domme who will cater to that, good luck. You’ll be searching a while I think.

- LA

_____________________________

Une main de fer dans un gant de velours ~ An iron hand in a velvet glove

(in reply to lickenforyou)

Post #: 5

RE: Sometimes - 4/27/2005 7:41:37 AM

ProtagonistLily

Posts: 1222
Joined: 12/27/2004
Status: offline

So basically, what you are saying is, because you are Top Dog in your vanilla life, you want to control your D/s relationship.

This doesn't sound like a submissive mindset. This sounds like what a guy with kinky proclivities wants, which is fine, but it's not submissive.

You may find it difficult finding a Domme if this is the way you are going about your search. You may want to do some reading and figure out where you fit on the continuum because you sound a little too controlling to be a submissive.

L

_____________________________

"Be who you are and say what you feel because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind"
~Dr. Seuss~

(in reply to lickenforyou)

Post #: 6

RE: Sometimes - 4/27/2005 9:02:35 AM

BeachMystress

Posts: 2156
Joined: 4/3/2004
From: Naples Island- Long Beach CA - Southern California
Status: offline

I dominate my sub daily. Most Domme I know who are Lifestyle do so also. Why would you question this? Because no one dominates you? Hmm.. gee. Let's get a bit of perspective here. Domme are rare. When people say that they include the Pro with the Lifestyle. When you're talking about a Lifestyle only Domme the numbers go from rare to very rare. Within this subset of very rare people, you want one who is willing to deal with a part time sub. You narrow things by making it clear you expect your submission to include the sexual. You further restrict your search by making looks one of your important factors. You've gone from a hard to almost impossible search by your own choosing. I know many local Dommes. Of all of those, 5 are Lifestyle only. Of those 5, only two are searching for a sub. (No, I'm not about to clue you in on names.. I don't sic random subs on my friends.) You'd probably reject one or both of those two due to their looks. They aren't some man's fantasy of what a Domme should be.. they ARE Domme.

Since the major factors in your search are not wanting to give submission on a daily basis and the looks of the Domme, you will do best if you give in and engage the service of a Pro.

_____________________________

Beach Mystress
*Do not threaten the weak. Intimidate the strong. ~ Stevenson*
http://beachmystress.jigsy.com
http://www.flickr.com/photos/beachmystress/

(in reply to lickenforyou)

Post #: 7

RE: Sometimes - 4/27/2005 9:19:53 AM

Spike1777

Posts: 85
Joined: 3/19/2005
From: Hollywod, Ca
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyAngelika
"I want to be dominated but I want to have it my way".

Hold the pickle or hold the lettuice, just like McDonalds. I think that is a great idea. But i do not think that is what D/s is about.

I have a servitude fetish, so i am at bliss when i am serving. But i have to admit that it is all about attending to the Domme. Attending to her needs and desires. The Dommes pleasure brings me pleasure. But i am still very new to this D/s or M/s culture and still just begining to accept the submissiveness of my nature.

Actually accepting my submissiveness is somewhat difficult. It was not until i studied enough on the subject, that everything was actually spelled out. Although pretty cool to understand why some actions bring along joyousness, while the accepted value of the male driven society only return fustration. But there it is simply and true: have the Domme be in control. Although a special event might be "to have it my way".

I also feel that there is a big difference between a person who has experience as a Domme and a more vanilla girl who will simply do it. Myself and my Domme roommate have been joined by another girl. She is cool and we joke about her spanking my little butt. But there is a big difference between a little spanking (OTK?) and being Dominated.

I would have to suggest finding someone on collarme with some experience. Perhaps some sort of Domme / subie mentor program.

little spike

< Message edited by Spike1777 -- 4/27/2005 9:20:26 AM >

_____________________________

You talk of duties where there should be only a question of pleasure....Venus in Furs, by L. Masoch.......
A Slave, someone who lives in voluntary servitude consents once and then is bound to obey.

(in reply to LadyAngelika)

Post #: 8

RE: Sometimes - 4/27/2005 9:37:54 AM

AAkasha

Posts: 4429
Joined: 11/27/2004
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyAngelika

quote:

Do Dommes ever just sometimes dominate?

So lickenforyou...

You get yourself a little collarme account, post yourself a little introduction and then you come right to the "Ask A Mistress" section and question our dominance. Nice!

A warm welcome to you. We are always in need of more whinny boys saying: "I want to be dominated but I want to have it my way". Because we just don't have enough of those here...

To be quite honest with you, you are going to find you aren’t a perfect match with just anyone. So the few Dommes you tried with didn’t turn your crank. Doesn’t make them un-dominant necessarily. Simply makes them not the right match for you. C’est la vie! Life isn’t made in such a way that we have chemistry with every second person.

By your profile, you seem to be interested in the sexual aspects of domination. I would expect that at 43 you might have realised that you’ll never satisfy a woman if you are only approaching it from a sexual point of view. But then, sometimes I expect way too much from most people. As for finding a Domme who will cater to that, good luck. You’ll be searching a while I think.

- LA

I don't know if you all might have been a little too harsh on this one. A fairly vanilla guy might come on here and not know the language or what "lifestylers" do or what the spectrum is at all -- and he comes across looking like he's wondering why he hasn't found the 'perfect dominant woman" that will be his sex goddess in bed.

For every man that is unrealistically looking for that, I think there are a lot of men that desire domination but don't consider themselves "lifestyle submissive" material. What I got from his post was that he didn't want to go to play parties to find a femdom (that's what he meant by "room full of slaves") and he didn't want to have to submit to his mate 24/7. And he doesn't want to be a "lifestyler" -- going to bdsm parties on a leash, etc.

There are a lot of dominant women that do not like 24/7 either; but that does not necessarily mean we're compliant and pushovers in the rest of the relationship then turn into dynamo-domina, answer-to-all-your-fantasies in bed, either. We still like it on our terms -- and if that's something the original poster can't deal with, that's going to be a problem.

There are femdoms that desire a fairly equal "relationship" that looks completely normal on the outside, and they are not involved in the fetish scene at all. But they still want to practice their femdom desires on their mate on a very regular basis. Be it daily, only in bed, sometimes in bed, or once a week, or two weekends a month -- whatever their appetite is.

What the original poster needs to know is that if he is seeking a relationship with a dominant woman who is "honestly into it" and he can feel it when they're doing it -- he has to realize that it might not be what he has imagined. After all, it's *her* fantasy, not his. A woman can't "be in control" and let her desires roam free if she's trying to accommodate a man's expectations of what domination is.

I'd also suggest he read my "Good Girls Guide to Domination" before trying to introduce anymore "vanilla" women to BDSM -- they might take to it better if they were approached the right way. http://www.akashaweb.com/goodgirl.html

Akasha

_____________________________

Akasha's Web - All original Femdom content since 1995
Don't email me here, email me at [email protected]

(in reply to LadyAngelika)

Post #: 9

RE: Sometimes - 4/27/2005 10:35:52 AM

Spike1777

Posts: 85
Joined: 3/19/2005
From: Hollywod, Ca
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: AAkasha
I'd also suggest he read my "Good Girls Guide to Domination" before trying to introduce anymore "vanilla" women to BDSM -- they might take to it better if they were approached the right way. http://www.akashaweb.com/goodgirl.html

cool essay, makes for fine reading.

_____________________________

You talk of duties where there should be only a question of pleasure....Venus in Furs, by L. Masoch.......
A Slave, someone who lives in voluntary servitude consents once and then is bound to obey.

(in reply to AAkasha)

Post #: 10

RE: Sometimes - 4/27/2005 10:43:40 AM

kc692

Posts: 3701
Joined: 3/24/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: lickenforyou

Do Dommes ever just sometimes dominate?

I'm considered an alpha male in the real world. Top dog in my bark and my bite.

I've been dommed by girlfriends. Most couldn't get into it. The couple times that went well were great, but was still lacking. Elements missing. The mundane (non sexual) serving aspects were as exciting as the punishments. But I don't want to jump in and live this life style 24/7. And I'd like to try it without a roomfull of slaves. And I doubt I'll ever want to announce it to the world. I'm aware that there are pro Dommes, but I'd like it to be because the person is into it.

Thanks for taking the time to read this,

Licken,

You need to clarify what you are looking for... if I'm reading the question right, you are asking if there are Dommes that sometimes dominate, and other times are more vanilla, and function in a more traditional role of girlfriend, letting you be Top Dog again. You seem like you want to decide when she is Domme, as evidenced by you saying "the girlfriends that dommed", and the "couple of times".

I don't think you are looking for a Domme, a true Domme, is Domme 24/7. She may not be living the lifestyle 24/7, but she IS Domme. She is not likely to be quiet and unassuming at ANY time. There is a difference between dominant and domineering, but in any relationship, a Domme is a Domme. Perhaps what you are looking for, is a vanilla girlfriend that you would like to role play with, and pretend like she is in control.

(in reply to lickenforyou)

Post #: 11

RE: Sometimes - 4/27/2005 11:49:11 AM

BlkTallFullfig

Posts: 5585
Joined: 6/25/2004
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: kc692
You seem like you want to decide when she is Domme, as evidenced by you saying "the girlfriends that dommed", and the "couple of times".

a Domme, is Domme 24/7. She may not be living the lifestyle 24/7, but she IS Domme. She is not likely to be quiet and unassuming at ANY time. There is a difference between dominant and domineering, but in any relationship, a Domme is a Domme. Perhaps what you are looking for, is a vanilla girlfriend that you would like to role play with, and pretend like she is in control.

That is what I understood...
If on the other hand he meant that he would like a relationship with a Domme who would respect his boundaries and not humiliate him publically, I can understand and accept that. M

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a.k.a. SexyBossyBBW
""Touching was, and still is, and will always be, the true revolution" Nikki Giovanni

(in reply to kc692)

Post #: 12

RE: Sometimes - 4/27/2005 1:13:31 PM

kc692

Posts: 3701
Joined: 3/24/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: BlkTallFullfig

quote:

ORIGINAL: kc692
You seem like you want to decide when she is Domme, as evidenced by you saying "the girlfriends that dommed", and the "couple of times".

a Domme, is Domme 24/7. She may not be living the lifestyle 24/7, but she IS Domme. She is not likely to be quiet and unassuming at ANY time. There is a difference between dominant and domineering, but in any relationship, a Domme is a Domme. Perhaps what you are looking for, is a vanilla girlfriend that you would like to role play with, and pretend like she is in control.

That is what I understood...
If on the other hand he meant that he would like a relationship with a Domme who would respect his boundaries and not humiliate him publically, I can understand and accept that. M

I agree with the boundaries comment you made, if that is something that his Domme has no problem with, but I truly think he wants to pick and choose the times, and activites, and does not want a true Domme.

I also agree with another comment that was made about him not being really submissive. He just wants to be kinky. Licken, there is nothing wrong if you just want to be kinky, but please don't say you want a Domme unless you truly think about submission, and all that entails. If you don't, and a Domme actually does respond to you, you definitely may know the meaning of the saying "be careful what you wish for, you just might get it".

(in reply to BlkTallFullfig)

Post #: 13

RE: Sometimes - 4/27/2005 2:11:33 PM

BeachMystress

Posts: 2156
Joined: 4/3/2004
From: Naples Island- Long Beach CA - Southern California
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: kc692
but please don't say you want a Domme unless you truly think about submission, and all that entails. If you don't, and a Domme actually does respond to you, you definitely may know the meaning of the saying "be careful what you wish for, you just might get it".

In the unlikely event that a Domme did interact with him I suspect it would be unpleasant on both sides. There is a better than average chance each would end up frustrated. *smiles* He might even go off proclaiming her not a "real" Domme because what she wanted didn't mesh with what he did. (I see that one all the time, LOL. The woman does what she wants yet is "not real" because she doesn't live up to the male fantasy. *sighs* Makes you wish the "real Domme" wrote some of the fantasies, huh?)

_____________________________

Beach Mystress
*Do not threaten the weak. Intimidate the strong. ~ Stevenson*
http://beachmystress.jigsy.com
http://www.flickr.com/photos/beachmystress/

(in reply to kc692)

Post #: 14

RE: Sometimes - 4/27/2005 4:39:37 PM

SecretDomme

Posts: 152
Joined: 1/21/2004
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: kc692

I don't think you are looking for a Domme, a true Domme, is Domme 24/7. She may not be living the lifestyle 24/7, but she IS Domme. She is not likely to be quiet and unassuming at ANY time. There is a difference between dominant and domineering, but in any relationship, a Domme is a Domme. Perhaps what you are looking for, is a vanilla girlfriend that you would like to role play with, and pretend like she is in control.

I'm not sure I agree with this. I would classify myself as a "true Domme" (although that phrase is going to have different meaning to different people), but my dominance in a D/s situation is different from how I may behave in my daily life activities. I am confident and assertive in my daily life, but I do not equate that to the dominance that I display with a sub. My high level of confidence and ability to be assertive certainly contribute to and enhance my ability to be dominant with a sub, but the way I display my dominance is very specific to the D/s situation at the time. I don't feel the need to be dominant 24/7 and can easily be "quiet and unassuming" if that is how I am feeling at the moment.

Be well,
Julie

(in reply to kc692)

Post #: 15

RE: Sometimes - 4/27/2005 5:03:28 PM

kc692

Posts: 3701
Joined: 3/24/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: SecretDomme

quote:

ORIGINAL: kc692

I don't think you are looking for a Domme, a true Domme, is Domme 24/7. She may not be living the lifestyle 24/7, but she IS Domme. She is not likely to be quiet and unassuming at ANY time. There is a difference between dominant and domineering, but in any relationship, a Domme is a Domme. Perhaps what you are looking for, is a vanilla girlfriend that you would like to role play with, and pretend like she is in control.

I'm not sure I agree with this. I would classify myself as a "true Domme" (although that phrase is going to have different meaning to different people), but my dominance in a D/s situation is different from how I may behave in my daily life activities. I am confident and assertive in my daily life, but I do not equate that to the dominance that I display with a sub. My high level of confidence and ability to be assertive certainly contribute to and enhance my ability to be dominant with a sub, but the way I display my dominance is very specific to the D/s situation at the time. I don't feel the need to be dominant 24/7 and can easily be "quiet and unassuming" if that is how I am feeling at the moment.

Be well,
Julie

I appreciate,understand, and respect your comment, but, dominance does not necessarily mean your outward appearance, or having to show your dominance. I can also be quiet and unassuming if that is what I am feeling, but that is the point I'm making; we are acting how we feel and choose to act, without neccessarily considering how others view us at that moment. The OP was saying he didn't want 24/7, and only wanted part time domination, and although admittedly might have been worded more accurately, I meant he was not going to find a Domme that was Domme one moment, and quiet and unassuming to the point of him having his way as Top Dog in the vanilla world whenever he chose, and her acquiescing to that in the next moment. Also, your high level of confidence and ability to be assertive, is what lets you be quiet and unassuming when you want to be, because that is what YOU want, not what one in the OP's position would rather you be. I AM dominant 24/7, that is my core being; whether it is easily visible to others by my outward actions is a choice. If you are that way because you CHOOSE to (quiet and unassuming), that does not diminish the fact of being true Domme, only if you are acting that way to please or continue a relationship with someone like the OP, as he says, when he wants it, and Domme because he wants that at that particular moment, is when I think it is not true. I am definitely not disagreeing with you, I actually agree on what I believe was the point you were making, but hoping to word my last post a little more clear to accurately reflect my thoughts.

(in reply to SecretDomme)

Post #: 16

RE: Sometimes - 4/27/2005 5:40:27 PM

AAkasha

Posts: 4429
Joined: 11/27/2004
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: kc692

quote:

ORIGINAL: SecretDomme

quote:

ORIGINAL: kc692

I don't think you are looking for a Domme, a true Domme, is Domme 24/7. She may not be living the lifestyle 24/7, but she IS Domme. She is not likely to be quiet and unassuming at ANY time. There is a difference between dominant and domineering, but in any relationship, a Domme is a Domme. Perhaps what you are looking for, is a vanilla girlfriend that you would like to role play with, and pretend like she is in control.

I'm not sure I agree with this. I would classify myself as a "true Domme" (although that phrase is going to have different meaning to different people), but my dominance in a D/s situation is different from how I may behave in my daily life activities. I am confident and assertive in my daily life, but I do not equate that to the dominance that I display with a sub. My high level of confidence and ability to be assertive certainly contribute to and enhance my ability to be dominant with a sub, but the way I display my dominance is very specific to the D/s situation at the time. I don't feel the need to be dominant 24/7 and can easily be "quiet and unassuming" if that is how I am feeling at the moment.

Be well,
Julie

I appreciate,understand, and respect your comment, but, dominance does not necessarily mean your outward appearance, or having to show your dominance. I can also be quiet and unassuming if that is what I am feeling, but that is the point I'm making; we are acting how we feel and choose to act, without neccessarily considering how others view us at that moment. The OP was saying he didn't want 24/7, and only wanted part time domination, and although admittedly might have been worded more accurately, I meant he was not going to find a Domme that was Domme one moment, and quiet and unassuming to the point of him having his way as Top Dog in the vanilla world whenever he chose, and her acquiescing to that in the next moment. Also, your high level of confidence and ability to be assertive, is what lets you be quiet and unassuming when you want to be, because that is what YOU want, not what one in the OP's position would rather you be. I AM dominant 24/7, that is my core being; whether it is easily visible to others by my outward actions is a choice. If you are that way because you CHOOSE to (quiet and unassuming), that does not diminish the fact of being true Domme, only if you are acting that way to please or continue a relationship with someone like the OP, as he says, when he wants it, and Domme because he wants that at that particular moment, is when I think it is not true. I am definitely not disagreeing with you, I actually agree on what I believe was the point you were making, but hoping to word my last post a little more clear to accurately reflect my thoughts.

I'm also not "dominant" in my personality (although assertive and self confident) or dominant 24/7 in my relationship. However, I'd still classify myself as a "femdom" rather than "sometimes kinky" because of a couple of factors:

1. I don't dominate on command. I have to be in the mood, and I have to want to do it for me. So for a sub that wants to flip me on and off like a light switch, it won't happen. If anything, it will irritate me.

2. When I do want to dominate, when I am in the mood, I don't want to be told no. I want it how I want it, when I want it. I make exceptions of course for medical issues or limits or whatnot -- but for the most part, it's something that can be pretty consuming for me. If my partner can't satisfy me, we need to have an agreement about outside play relationships.

For these two reasons, I've only been able to mesh with subs that did not have a need for "on-demand domming" and also were flexible enough to submit to me on my terms -- even if the timing wasn't great for him.

Akasha

_____________________________

Akasha's Web - All original Femdom content since 1995
Don't email me here, email me at [email protected]

(in reply to kc692)

Post #: 17

RE: Sometimes - 4/27/2005 5:45:21 PM

SecretDomme

Posts: 152
Joined: 1/21/2004
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: kc692

I appreciate,understand, and respect your comment, but, dominance does not necessarily mean your outward appearance, or having to show your dominance. I can also be quiet and unassuming if that is what I am feeling, but that is the point I'm making; we are acting how we feel and choose to act, without neccessarily considering how others view us at that moment. The OP was saying he didn't want 24/7, and only wanted part time domination, and although admittedly might have been worded more accurately, I meant he was not going to find a Domme that was Domme one moment, and quiet and unassuming to the point of him having his way as Top Dog in the vanilla world whenever he chose, and her acquiescing to that in the next moment. Also, your high level of confidence and ability to be assertive, is what lets you be quiet and unassuming when you want to be, because that is what YOU want, not what one in the OP's position would rather you be. I AM dominant 24/7, that is my core being; whether it is easily visible to others by my outward actions is a choice. If you are that way because you CHOOSE to (quiet and unassuming), that does not diminish the fact of being true Domme, only if you are acting that way to please or continue a relationship with someone like the OP, as he says, when he wants it, and Domme because he wants that at that particular moment, is when I think it is not true. I am definitely not disagreeing with you, I actually agree on what I believe was the point you were making, but hoping to word my last post a little more clear to accurately reflect my thoughts.

I appreciate your clarification and certainly agree with you that those of use who identify ourselves as Dommes do so on our terms and not to meet a sub's idea of how we should behave.

Be well,
Julie

(in reply to kc692)

Post #: 18

RE: Sometimes - 4/27/2005 5:51:59 PM

LadyAngelika

Posts: 8070
Joined: 7/4/2004
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: AAkasha
I don't know if you all might have been a little too harsh on this one.

Me? Harsh? *bats eyelashes sweetly*

quote:

ORIGINAL: AAkasha
I think there are a lot of men that desire domination but don't consider themselves "lifestyle submissive" material.

Yup. Those are the kind of guys I usually hook up with actually.

quote:

ORIGINAL: AAkasha
What I got from his post was that he didn't want to go to play parties to find a femdom (that's what he meant by "room full of slaves") and he didn't want to have to submit to his mate 24/7. And he doesn't want to be a "lifestyler" -- going to bdsm parties on a leash, etc.

What I got from his post was that most dommes he met "couldn't get into it", "the couple times that went well were great, but was still lacking", and last but not least, that "the mundane (non sexual) serving aspects were as exciting as the punishments".

I guess we just read it a different way Akasha. Then again, we can’t always see everything the same way ;)

quote:

ORIGINAL: AAkasha
There are a lot of dominant women that do not like 24/7 either;

I know, I'm one of those women!

quote:

ORIGINAL: AAkasha
but that does not necessarily mean we're compliant and pushovers in the rest of the relationship then turn into dynamo-domina, answer-to-all-your-fantasies in bed, either. We still like it on our terms -- and if that's something the original poster can't deal with, that's going to be a problem.

That was pretty much what I was trying to tell him in my post.

quote:

ORIGINAL: AAkasha
There are femdoms that desire a fairly equal "relationship" that looks completely normal on the outside, and they are not involved in the fetish scene at all. But they still want to practice their femdom desires on their mate on a very regular basis. Be it daily, only in bed, sometimes in bed, or once a week, or two weekends a month -- whatever their appetite is.

Yup! Sounds a lot like me.

quote:

ORIGINAL: AAkasha
What the original poster needs to know is that if he is seeking a relationship with a dominant woman who is "honestly into it" and he can feel it when they're doing it -- he has to realize that it might not be what he has imagined. After all, it's *her* fantasy, not his. A woman can't "be in control" and let her desires roam free if she's trying to accommodate a man's expectations of what domination is. .

Again, this was the point of my post.

quote:

ORIGINAL: AAkasha
I'd also suggest he read my "Good Girls Guide to Domination" before trying to introduce anymore "vanilla" women to BDSM -- they might take to it better if they were approached the right way. http://www.akashaweb.com/goodgirl.html

Akasha

It is a great resource and I'm sure he'll benefit from it. However, if he likes the article, I can totally see him sending a woman there and telling her this is how he wants to be dominated. ;)

- LA

_____________________________

Une main de fer dans un gant de velours ~ An iron hand in a velvet glove

(in reply to AAkasha)

Post #: 19

RE: Sometimes - 4/27/2005 5:54:37 PM

LadyAngelika

Posts: 8070
Joined: 7/4/2004
Status: offline

quote:

Elements missing.

Ok. I'll bite. What was missing. What kind of domination would you like to experience?

- LA

_____________________________

Une main de fer dans un gant de velours ~ An iron hand in a velvet glove

(in reply to lickenforyou)

Post #: 20

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