RE: Can I find a master who doesnt expect sex?

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xBullx -> RE: Can I find a master who doesnt expect sex? (4/20/2007 8:42:51 AM)
Leigha, So let me get this straight, since I like sex, I'm shallow and incapable as a man mastering his property? Perhaps I'm not reading you correctly, I'll allow you a chance to enlighten me on why my liking sex would make me incapable of dragging you down off of the Beartooth Mountains and instructing you as to what it means to blong to me as a woman. I assure you that when I'm finished, sex will be nothing you complain about. It will just be another in a series of your favorite activities. Of course there is more to owning a woman than fucking her, but why bitch about one of lifes greatest pleasures. Sort your way past the pussy trolls and you'll find your master. Serve well girl, Bull

marsman -> RE: Can I find a master who doesnt expect sex? (4/20/2007 8:48:53 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: somethndif quote: ORIGINAL: Leigha23 I was chatting with a master who I told I was looking for a master for bdsm play at first then maybe a relationship and I told him Im not looking for a mistress. He tells me most masters expect sex and wont play unless you have sex with them and if I play with a mistress she wont play unless you pay her. I dont care about the mistresses but do masters usually expect sex from the girl subs? Thank you all in advance. Yes, I expect every scene that I do to be sexual. If I am going to go to the trouble to whip her ass, then I want to fuck her when I'm finished. grin On some rare occasions, I have not cum during or at the end of a scene. But I make my interest in sex very clear, and have been fortunate to find submissives who are, like me, very sexual and very interested in sex. And with the submissives I have been with, sex/fucking/whatever-you-want-to-call-it usually happens on the first, or second "date." If it doesn't, there will not likely be a third date! Dan I agree with Dan, "there will not likely be a third date!" Becoming and being a good experienced Dom takes study, tools, practice and concentration. And getting nothing back in return, leaves the relationship unbalanced.

MistressNoName -> RE: Can I find a master who doesnt expect sex? (4/20/2007 8:52:02 AM)
Leigha23, While it is absolutely possible to find a het male Master who will respect your no-sex limits (and I agree with aurora that you're going to need to be able to clearly define what you mean by that), it is also true that it will be absolutely difficult to find such a person. It will be particularly difficult, I think, to find this person on this site, since it has been my experience that most het males on this site are on here precisely looking for sex...that goes for Tops as well as bottoms...and I'm not saying ALL het males are seeking sex, just most. It would be more prudent (no pun intended) I think, to look for a Lifestyle Master within your local BDSM/Lifestyle/Leather community...A lot of times you might be able to find Leather family groups that are looking to expand, for instance. But as for the person who's misinformation led you to post your question here, he may be part of that "most het males," I mentioned. May be...not saying he definitely is... Anyway, best to you, MNN

somethndif -> RE: Can I find a master who doesnt expect sex? (4/20/2007 8:54:54 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Leigha23 quote: ORIGINAL: somethndif Yes, I expect every scene that I do to be sexual. If I am going to go to the trouble to whip her ass, then I want to fuck her when I'm finished. grin are you whipping her ass and going thru that trouble just so you can have sex? playing the master role as a means to an end sort of like those fake mistresses that are only playing as means to get money? My submissive/slave and I have been together for over 3 1/2 years now. We were sexual on our second date, and we would have been on our first date, but that was only lunch in a restaurant in D.C., and there was no place to do much more than finger her. grin My problem with what you say is your using the word "just." BDSM is, for me, ALWAYS sexual, but it is not "just" sexual, or more accurately, it is often more than "just" sexual. It is about relationships and connections with people that go beyond sex. As my submissive/slave is also a former and very successful ProDomme, I would also take issue with your referring to ProDommes as "fake mistresses," but that is probably best left for another time. she is now retired, but is domme with others now, men and women, but never with me. And I assure you she is NOT a fake anything and was never "only playing as means to get money!!" Dan

MasterFireMaam -> RE: Can I find a master who doesnt expect sex? (4/20/2007 9:30:58 AM)
Oh just never mind. I so haven't read this correctly all the way through even once. Master Fire

Aslanemperor -> RE: Can I find a master who doesnt expect sex? (4/20/2007 9:45:25 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Leigha23 I was chatting with a master who I told I was looking for a master for bdsm play at first then maybe a relationship and I told him Im not looking for a mistress. He tells me most masters expect sex and wont play unless you have sex with them and if I play with a mistress she wont play unless you pay her. I dont care about the mistresses but do masters usually expect sex from the girl subs? Thank you all in advance. As I'm seeing most are telling you, it's possible but rare. Personally, sex is a tool I use in training. Yes, I get pleasure out of it, and usually, so does my sub, but it's used more as endurance or obedience training. For a sub who dislikes it, I might use it as a punishment. I had a slave once who disliked oral sex. I would only order her to do it when she was bad(Which wasn't often). If you want a master who doesn't want sex, you should simply state all the things you want in a partner, and mention that sex is not what you're looking for. Of course, remember, this sort of play generally is designed to bring on sexual arrousal and so 99% of masters are going to want some form of sex or another. I hope I've been helpful. Aslanemperor

Missokyst -> RE: Can I find a master who doesnt expect sex? (4/20/2007 10:49:12 AM)
Heck yes. I see that one a lot. quote: ORIGINAL: velvetears many times it means - i won't screw you but you will blow me. Personally, I would rather have sex. The ones that just want a drive by bj are too easy to be had. Kyst

onestandingstill -> RE: Can I find a master who doesnt expect sex? (4/20/2007 11:27:39 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: MistressNoName It will be particularly difficult, I think, to find this person on this site, since it has been my experience that most het males on this site are on here precisely looking for sex...that goes for Tops as well as bottoms...and I'm not saying ALL het males are seeking sex, just most. MNN My first Sir though a very sexual creature would not allow me to touch him between his knees and waist for the first 4 months we were together. I tok his training collar before he'd allow me access to that area of him. He told me I had to accept BDSM and sex were seperate and independant processes of our spirits so he cut me off from any sex till I got more comfortable with sensation play and the energy exchange. I've also had other Doms I played with that lorded the option of sex over me with comments like "You have to earn that pleasure with me etc.." Maybe it's just me because I'm very sexually oriented. Over 1/2 of the Doms I played with held sex back as they were not ready or they were not open to oral sex or intercourse. Interesting this concept of the Doms not wanting to have full contact was frustrating the living hell out of me 2/05-2/06 and it's not common in the lifestyle men act like this. suzanne

Elorin -> RE: Can I find a master who doesnt expect sex? (4/20/2007 11:52:37 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Leigha23 I was chatting with a master who I told I was looking for a master for bdsm play at first then maybe a relationship It sounds to me that what you are looking for is to play with someone and learn hos skilled they are in D/s, S*M, and bondage, and then form a more intimate relationship (I'm assuming that then involves sex). I think it is very possible that you can find this. While I don't know how many male doms will have a long term relationship that does not involve any sex at all, I would say that the majority of the male doms that I know are patient enough to play for a while, get to know the person/sub/bottom in question, and ~then~ move on to a sexually intimate relationship. It does help if you get involved in BDSM organizations that have play parties, especially if said play parties don't allow sex on premises. That means no expectation for sex during a scene, and if you like a scene that you are involved in you can seek that person out at future parties and choose whether you want to seek out contact outside of parties. ~Elorin

Leigha23 -> RE: Can I find a master who doesnt expect sex? (4/20/2007 11:56:21 AM)
well, its just that when I read things like you said "If I am going to go to the trouble to whip her ass, then I want to fuck her when I'm finished. grin " that makes me think you only flog her because your going to get sex, like the pro women who will only flog because they are going to get money. do women care that the doms only flog them and tie them etc because they get to have sex with them? i hope to find a dom that likes to tie up, flog, cause some pain to me, humiliate me, make me clean his house, make me do errands for him, or make me garden or go shopping for him or other controlling things simply because he likes to do those things and domimate me NOT because he wants and expects sex. it feels like if sex is the only reason you flog her because its not something you would normally "trouble" yourself with than its not being done for the bdsm activity itself. It seems like the same complaint some guys have that female dommes shouldnt be playing with other men sub for money. does sex or money have to be the prerequisits for those not in relationships? that is what i am trying to understand. it seems from answers on here that most men expect sex and a very few dont. it makes me think those call themselves dominant as a means to get sex. like the dommes who call themselves dommes as a means to get money. i hope i find the very few that dont but if not oh well.

alivingdoll -> RE: Can I find a master who doesnt expect sex? (4/20/2007 11:57:41 AM)
ahhh I think i understand where Leigha23- is coming from Do you want to just gain experience to see if this lifestyle is for you and not tangle with the emotional /sexual attachments to complicate the process? I don't know unless i ask remember no such thing as stupid questions (ducking) ~~~~Doll

Elorin -> RE: Can I find a master who doesnt expect sex? (4/20/2007 12:02:53 PM)
As someone who is a pro domme as well as a lifestyle domme, it isn't that I call myself a domme just to get money. It is "if all you are interested in is how I can hurt you, then you can damned well pay me to hurt you. If you want to know more of me than just what i can do in scene, then I'll be delighted to hurt you in scene and satisfy both of our masochistic/sadistic needs, knowing that you want to get to know me out of scene as well." The point of view is one of - if you are going to objectify me, I will objectify you in return. I do think you are trying to make things black and white, though, and they rarely are. BDSM can be very sexual. As top or bottom, it turns me on a great deal. There are many men who feel that if they are going to do a scene and get turned on, they deserve to then get off. They expect that. And that is reasonable. It is also, however, reasonable for you to want your dom/me to get more out of the scene than just the turn on. It is fair for you to want them to enjoy flogging for floggings sake in addition to how sexy it makes you look and hence how much it turns them on. Good luck in your searching. ~E

Leigha23 -> RE: Can I find a master who doesnt expect sex? (4/20/2007 12:03:00 PM)
yes, i like the activities involved like orders, control, house work, the flogging stuff, even medical stuff to, but i dont want to play with someone who wouldnt really be playing with me if he werent going to get sex. i dont want sex to be the real underlying reason a man "doms" another. it just takes away from the trueness just like some dommes who wont play with a man unless she were going to get cash.

CreativeDominant -> RE: Can I find a master who doesn't expect sex? (4/20/2007 12:04:05 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: crouchingtigress IMHO most do...not all but most...probally because boobies look so awesome all tied up... all the blood turning them angry red...and tiny beads of sweat making them glisten ever so deliciously ~groaaaaaaaaaaaaans loudly~

Leigha23 -> RE: Can I find a master who doesn't expect sex? (4/20/2007 12:05:25 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: CreativeDominant quote: ORIGINAL: crouchingtigress IMHO most do...not all but most...probally because boobies look so awesome all tied up... all the blood turning them angry red...and tiny beads of sweat making them glisten ever so deliciously ~groaaaaaaaaaaaaans loudly~ [:D]

fadeddreams -> RE: Can I find a master who doesnt expect sex? (4/20/2007 12:13:51 PM)
If you were in Michigan, i could give you the name of a Master...who wouldn't want sex from you...but would want a blow job... Personally, being flogged/play with is highly arousing to me...and therefore...i would seek one that actually can and wants to have sex....

WhiplashSmile -> RE: Can I find a master who doesnt expect sex? (4/20/2007 12:17:11 PM)
There are times when I want to play without sex, however I'm a very sexual person but I'm also sensual. I have played with and without sex. It all depends upon the type of activities and scenes to be acted out. If it's not sexual, then I have to sink my mind into the more sensual sides along with any sado/maso elements. I might test the sexual limits mentally in the person I'm playing with.. call it a form of seductive mental play. Play without sex can be a great way of teasing yourself and the other person. It's all about getting into the right mindset.

Leigha23 -> RE: Can I find a master who doesnt expect sex? (4/20/2007 12:18:29 PM)
could we talk outside this arena then?

Leigha23 -> RE: Can I find a master who doesnt expect sex? (4/20/2007 12:20:14 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: fadeddreams If you were in Michigan, i could give you the name of a Master...who wouldn't want sex from you...but would want a blow job... Personally, being flogged/play with is highly arousing to me...and therefore...i would seek one that actually can and wants to have sex.... i'll leave giving your friend a suck job in your hands, you go take care of him and ill continue on with my search. tanks.

Leigha23 -> RE: Can I find a master who doesnt expect sex? (4/20/2007 12:23:05 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: MistressNoName Leigha23, While it is absolutely possible to find a het male Master who will respect your no-sex limits (and I agree with aurora that you're going to need to be able to clearly define what you mean by that), it is also true that it will be absolutely difficult to find such a person. It will be particularly difficult, I think, to find this person on this site, since it has been my experience that most het males on this site are on here precisely looking for sex...that goes for Tops as well as bottoms...and I'm not saying ALL het males are seeking sex, just most. It would be more prudent (no pun intended) I think, to look for a Lifestyle Master within your local BDSM/Lifestyle/Leather community...A lot of times you might be able to find Leather family groups that are looking to expand, for instance. But as for the person who's misinformation led you to post your question here, he may be part of that "most het males," I mentioned. May be...not saying he definitely is... Anyway, best to you, MNN Thanks and thanks for vield and spankmepink and everyone else to. i have alot of emails to answer, oh boy.

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