When do you know it is time to walk away?

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When do you know it is time to walk away? - 4/20/2007 9:07:52 PM

newsub27

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How do you know when you get yourself involved to deep and just need to walk away? Stupid me allowed my feelings for Master to go too deep, and was not part of the deal. When should I leave in order to keep from getting hurt to badly?

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RE: When do you know it is time to walk away? - 4/20/2007 9:12:24 PM

OedipusRexIt

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I don't know enough about your situation to offer advice yet. Perhaps you'll post in more detail.

My sympathies, though, as this is (especially recently) the hardest question to answer for myself.

When I knew it wasn't right, I walked to avoid making it tougher later....

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RE: When do you know it is time to walk away? - 4/20/2007 9:12:39 PM

Wildnfreehrt2004

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The time to walk away is after you've discussed your needs, your wants, your expectations and find that they are no longer in alignment and chances of them being in alignment fall between slim and none. Communication, honesty, openness.

Being submissive/slave doesn't absolve you of the responsibilities of being grown up enough to look after yourself, esp if your partner isn't going to.

hugs,
Wildy

< Message edited by Wildnfreehrt2004 -- 4/20/2007 9:15:26 PM >

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RE: When do you know it is time to walk away? - 4/20/2007 9:13:12 PM

hisannabelle

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From: Tallahassee, FL, USA
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greetings newsub,

when i develop feelings for someone i am not supposed to develop feelings for, for me it is beneficial to talk it out with them and see if they are open to the relationship going any further. because i am, well, me, it is difficult for me to continue a relationship or friendship when i've crossed the emotional boundaries beyond a certain point with someone who does not want to go there with me. i am still friends with my exes and care for them as family, and that to me isn't the same feeling, because at one point we -were- there together, but i do have one friend for whom i have VERY strong feelings and i think the only thing that's made it possible for me to stay such good friends with him and not need to walk away is the fact that he moved, so i rarely see him now and don't talk to him as much. so...that's where i am coming from, from personal experience.

i know, though, that it's possible - difficult, but possible - for some people to continue relationships on a certain emotional level even if their feelings are on a different level...so i know that for some, it wouldn't be necessary to walk away. but for me, it would be. i think that before you walk away, this is something you should sit down and discuss in depth with your master, though. an actual time is whenever you feel right, or whenever you feel able; there really is no right or wrong time. it's always going to vary.

*hugs* because i know how difficult this can be...my thoughts are with you.

annabelle.

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RE: When do you know it is time to walk away? - 4/20/2007 9:13:16 PM

minnetar

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i can only be involved with a Master emotionally. He is supposed to be concerned about your welfare. i think it is more upon ourselves as whom we choose in that role.

minnetar

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RE: When do you know it is time to walk away? - 4/20/2007 9:16:53 PM

ownedkitten

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Greetings newsub27,

It is my opinion that when both parties needs are not being served in a relationship, it is time for a serious talk. If it turns out that they have different desires for the way the relationship is going or the direction it is going on, it is probably time to part ways. Please accept my sympathies, as I am sure this is a difficult time for you.

Grace in Service,
caitriona

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RE: When do you know it is time to walk away? - 4/20/2007 9:24:22 PM

newsub27

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Thanks you for imput, I dont want to leave Master, I do care very much for him and enjoy our time together. I feel that sometimes he does care but he is being the all powerful Master therefor he cant let on he has any emotions, and at other times I feel he is being very apathetic. I think we really need to work on our communication and I am trying...........

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RE: When do you know it is time to walk away? - 4/20/2007 9:30:32 PM

OedipusRexIt

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quote:

ORIGINAL: newsub27

Thanks you for imput, I dont want to leave Master, I do care very much for him and enjoy our time together. I feel that sometimes he does care but he is being the all powerful Master therefor he cant let on he has any emotions, and at other times I feel he is being very apathetic. I think we really need to work on our communication and I am trying...........

Sounds like communication and trust are your homework. Make sure he studies with you...

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RE: When do you know it is time to walk away? - 4/20/2007 9:37:41 PM

minnetar

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quote:

ORIGINAL: OedipusRexIt

quote:

ORIGINAL: newsub27

Thanks you for imput, I dont want to leave Master, I do care very much for him and enjoy our time together. I feel that sometimes he does care but he is being the all powerful Master therefor he cant let on he has any emotions, and at other times I feel he is being very apathetic. I think we really need to work on our communication and I am trying...........

Sounds like communication and trust are your homework. Make sure he studies with you...

why not communicate your needs? explain how you feel. i am a sub who is very sensitive and emotional. i believe you need to convey that to a Master.

minnetar

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RE: When do you know it is time to walk away? - 4/20/2007 10:02:28 PM

newsub27

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I try to "communicate" my needs........he just never seems to "get it".

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RE: When do you know it is time to walk away? - 4/20/2007 10:12:36 PM

mystiquenz

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i don't think you can have a relationship without being completely open, unless it is a triangle, because they seldom work well.

But for the right Man, I'm completely open, and always vunlerable, thereby when it is time to say good bye, there is usually hurt and tears ... but i would prefer to be touched and to touch rather than to have a superficial relationship and not have had the beauty of the tears.

each relationship in life, no matter what the dynamic is there for a reason and/or a lesson, so take the goodness and leave the sadness behind. Life is far too short for indecisive moments ... you have the choice, so empower yourself with what will work for you.

< Message edited by mystiquenz -- 4/20/2007 10:14:36 PM >

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RE: When do you know it is time to walk away? - 4/20/2007 10:15:42 PM

Owned1

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I know it sounds simplistic ~~ You just know

Owned

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RE: When do you know it is time to walk away? - 4/21/2007 2:59:11 AM

AquaticSub

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quote:

ORIGINAL: newsub27

I try to "communicate" my needs........he just never seems to "get it".

I know it's the oldest, and perhaps cheesiest, trick in the book but have you tried writing him a letter? Work on it over several days and make sure it's exactly what you want to say.

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Without my dominance you cannot submit. Without your submission I cannot dominate. You are my equal in this, though our roles are different.-Val

It was ok for him to beat me but then he tried to cuddle me! - Me

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RE: When do you know it is time to walk away? - 4/21/2007 3:13:40 AM

Squeakers

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Newsub---what is an all powerful Master and why is one that is all powerful not allowed let on that he has any emotional feelings?

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RE: When do you know it is time to walk away? - 4/21/2007 3:22:34 AM

Quivver

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quote:

ORIGINAL: newsub27

How do you know when you get yourself involved to deep and just need to walk away? Stupid me allowed my feelings for Master to go too deep, and was not part of the deal. When should I leave in order to keep from getting hurt to badly?

I doubt I am unique but hurt for me is hurt, the degree makes no difference. The way I see it is your hurting already. . . . You have already invested yourself emotionally, my question is did you invest and save some for yourself? Or did you throw it all in the basket and hope for the best?

quote:

ORIGINAL: newsub27

Thanks you for imput, I dont want to leave Master, I do care very much for him and enjoy our time together. I feel that sometimes he does care but he is being the all powerful Master therefor he cant let on he has any emotions, and at other times I feel he is being very apathetic. I think we really need to work on our communication and I am trying...........

I belive that Masters have feelings just like the rest of us. Only they handle them differently. Those times you see apathy could be saying much more then he is sharing. Yet pushing him to say wont work in your best interest. You mention that ~we~ really need to work on communication. Yet you cant force ~we~ to do anything. All you can do is work on your own communication skills.

quote:

ORIGINAL: newsub27

I try to "communicate" my needs........he just never seems to "get it".

If he's not ~getting it~ maybe you need a different approach. I've heard in other posts where baring your soul helps, yet many times that can come off as sounding needy. It's also possible that he does ~get it~ but honestly dosnt know what to do with it. Maybe he's overwhelmed.

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The problem with communication ... is the illusion that it has been accomplished. ~George Bernard Shaw

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RE: When do you know it is time to walk away? - 4/21/2007 4:19:28 AM

MariaB

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quote:

ORIGINAL: AquaticSub

quote:

ORIGINAL: newsub27

I try to "communicate" my needs........he just never seems to "get it".

I know it's the oldest, and perhaps cheesiest, trick in the book but have you tried writing him a letter? Work on it over several days and make sure it's exactly what you want to say.

I would go along with this or perhaps write down in detail about how you are feeling and leave it in a place that he will fall across it

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RE: When do you know it is time to walk away? - 4/21/2007 6:41:06 AM

SimplyMichael

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There are people who do emotionless relationships, many gay men do this sort of play. Not my cup of tea. If you want more you have to ask.

There is a technique called "mirroring" where you tell someone something and they have to mirror it back to you. It helps build communication skills both listening and speaking. If you are not being completely open, honest, and clear about your issues, then the chance of him "hearing" you falls off dramatically.

Now if he told you he didn't want to deal with your emotions and you want to bring them into the relationships, that is a different story.

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RE: When do you know it is time to walk away? - 4/21/2007 6:43:15 AM

UR2Badored

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quote:

ORIGINAL: MariaB

I would go along with this or perhaps write down in detail about how you are feeling

This seems great to do regardless of the outcome in the context of this relationship. Even if you dont ever give it to him, it might help you to discover your feelings about him and the time to just think about the circumstance and fully compose in your mind what you want and expect in relationship in general. Once you write it down, it may help to better verbally communicate your thoughts with him or anyone in the future. Regardless of what happens, I wish you the best in this journey.

< Message edited by UR2Badored -- 4/21/2007 6:49:55 AM >

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RE: When do you know it is time to walk away? - 4/21/2007 6:52:18 AM

CuriousLord

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Chances... probablities.. are hard to judge.

Ultimately.. if this makes sense.. you need to integrate the value function of the chance curve of it working out.. but, if you're not a math dork, this is the best way I can say it.

Try to think of the chances of it working out, then how much this would effect you. Like, if there's a 60% chance it'd work out, and it'd hurt you twice as badly for it to fail as if it would work out, then you have a 60% vs 2 * 40% = 3 vs 4, unfavorable course of action to stick with it.
Then there's oppurtunity costs to consider.. but.. I can't even extrapulate that far. If you're very bright, it may work for you to consider.

Barring the math junk.. just think of what works for you. Don't take a long shot just because you think nothing else will come along.

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RE: When do you know it is time to walk away? - 4/21/2007 7:11:47 AM

LaMistressa

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Ultimately, if my head, heart, and gut are having a disagreement about whether to stay or go, the gut trumps the other two. Any time I have ignored my gut feelings, I have been sorry afterwards.

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