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What is service? - interesting question. - 4/28/2005 6:36:00 PM   
panzerwagon


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Joined: 1/17/2005
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What do you mean when you offer to serve? What do you mean when you
offer to BE of service? What do mean when you offer yourself in
servitude?

Do the answers to these questions bring up visions of you being
bound helplessly while being exquisitely tortured, teased to the
verge of orgasm?

Do you envision some Amazon Goddess sporting a huge strap-on taking
you anally?

Do you envision yourself prancing around in some French Maid Costume
and being asked to provide oral service to a Mistress?

Do you envision some woman sqatting over your helplessly bound
body "forcing" you to serve her orally?

Or do you envision being put over her knee and spanked like a naughty
little boy?

Yes, nice visions aren't they? However, not one of those visions is
the definition of "serve", "service" or "servitude".

Oh, I'm sure many subs consider them to be just that, but if you
check your dictionaries you won't find any mention of French Maid
Costumes, bondage, strap-ons, oral sex, or any other fetish you may
enjoy.

In fact you won't find any mention of fetishes at all in the
definitions.

• Serve is defined as:
1. to work for, be a servant;
2. to act in a specific capacity;
3. to place food before, wait on;
4. to be of assistance to.

• Service is defined as:
1. the occupation or duties of a
servant;
2. the act or means of serving;
3. duties performed as an
occupation.

• Servitude is defined as:
Submission to a master; slavery.

When you offer to serve a FemDom, what you are offering (or should
be offering) is the surrender of your control. You should know her
well enough to trust her with your life. When you offer your
servitude to her, you are telling her that you trust her judgment,
you trust her to keep you safe from harm, you trust her to know what
is best for both of you, you trust her decisions and desire to
follow her orders and obey her in all things. Your offer of service
is your ability to let go of your ego and your free will (control)
and allow her to control you.

Serving is, first and foremost, the act of making her life easier.
It is compliance with all her desires, wishes, orders. Yes, BD/SM
and fetish play, more than likely, will be included as part of the
relationship. But overall, the D/s aspect of the relationship will
be where you have turned your control over to her and you do as she
says. It is about pampering her and catering to her.

Everyday life will be a part of this, for most people do have to
work, bills do have to be paid, people need to see doctors
occasionally, and dentists. Then there are family get togethers,
family emergencies, social gatherings with vanilla friends and also
with D/s friends. For the most part, life will seem pretty vanilla,
but there will be one difference. IF you have truly submitted, then
your actions will be measured by how your Mistress would feel about
it. Your decisions will be based upon what you are allowed, or not
allowed to decide without her permission. You will treat others
with respect, but especially other women. You will consider that
your actions would reflect back upon your Mistress, and therefore act
in a manner that would make her proud of you. There may be other
constant reminders, she may insist you wear panties under your
clothes at work. But you will always remember that you have
submitted to her and will honor that commitment.

How can you serve your Mistress - what are the ways?

Here are some suggestions:
Make sure her home is clean and neat.
Make sure her clothes are clean and neat.
Prepare her favorite foods for her.
Prepare her bath.
Rub her feet after she comes in from working all day.
Offer her a massage if her day was very stressful.
Offer to do her manicure and pedicure.
Have her favorite music playing or find her favorite show or movie
on TV.
Surprise her with flowers.
Serve her coffee as soon as she gets up in the morning.
Ask what clothing she wants laid out for her.

These are just a few of the ways you can serve her once you have
been trained in what she wants and likes. Don't be afraid to use
your imagination to surprise her (provided of course that she has no
problem with you doing this occasionally).

A happy, contented, pleased, relaxed woman is a woman who will then
have no problem torturing you, using you, or even indulging you with
a fetish or two that are your favorites…………just to show you how much
she really appreciates your service and submission to her.

So, what are you offering? Personal service only (oral, massage,
bathing)? Play sessions only (spankings, facesitting, strap-on,
whippings, cbt)? Domestic service only (household chores,
errands)? OR are offering the whole package? These are the things
you need to be clear about in your own mind first and foremost
before approaching a Mistress and offering to "serve" her. Along
with how committed you wish to be to the D/s relationship, if at all.

(composed by MsLyn)
Profile   Post #: 1
RE: What is service? - interesting question. - 4/29/2005 4:53:32 AM   
ShiftedJewel


Posts: 2492
Joined: 12/2/2004
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Thank you........

Jewel

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Don't ask, trust me, you won't like the answer... no one ever does.

(in reply to panzerwagon)
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RE: What is service? - interesting question. - 4/29/2005 9:19:09 AM   
perverseangelic


Posts: 2625
Joined: 2/2/2004
From: Davis, Ca
Status: offline
I -like- your definition. (or the authors definition) It jives with mine. My service makes my partners life better, easier and more fun. Whatever that entails is up to him.

Well put.

_____________________________

~in the begining it is always dark~

(in reply to ShiftedJewel)
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RE: What is service? - interesting question. - 4/29/2005 9:58:54 AM   
EmeraldSlave2


Posts: 3645
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline
This is why I have different "orientations" within submission, some are more obedience oriented (they like being trained and given orders to follow) some are more control oriented (they like rituals and being passive), some are more service oriented (they like doing things and assisting in tasks), and some are more pleasure oriented (they like having fun and being entertaining).

Most subs are some mix of those types, with a prevalence towards one or the other.

It's also important to note that service does not equal submission. I think this gets highlighted when dominants do service towards others and their subs or when subs do service for people other than their dominant.

(in reply to perverseangelic)
Profile   Post #: 4
RE: What is service? - interesting question. - 6/15/2005 9:21:00 PM   
asissyforher


Posts: 228
Joined: 5/20/2005
From: iowa now..maybe move soon.
Status: offline
panzerwagon'

all is true........
now..where are the dommes that actually want service??????????????????//

i have looked since 1998 and logged in over 10,000 miles......and spent too much time money and stress.

i have 'a' domme i am waiting for to make up Her mind by this weekend but i am not holding my breath.

a sissy


_____________________________

"still looking for a real life domme..no more plastic wannabes for me"

(in reply to EmeraldSlave2)
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RE: What is service? - interesting question. - 6/15/2005 10:49:19 PM   
AAkasha


Posts: 4429
Joined: 11/27/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: asissyforher

panzerwagon'

all is true........
now..where are the dommes that actually want service??????????????????//

i have looked since 1998 and logged in over 10,000 miles......and spent too much time money and stress.

i have 'a' domme i am waiting for to make up Her mind by this weekend but i am not holding my breath.

a sissy



Is your potential femdom reading the forums here?

Akasha

_____________________________

Akasha's Web - All original Femdom content since 1995
Don't email me here, email me at [email protected]

(in reply to asissyforher)
Profile   Post #: 6
RE: What is service? - interesting question. - 6/15/2005 11:01:18 PM   
BlkTallFullfig


Posts: 5585
Joined: 6/25/2004
Status: offline
Thank you for that post, I loved reading it! M

_____________________________

a.k.a. SexyBossyBBW
""Touching was, and still is, and will always be, the true revolution" Nikki Giovanni

(in reply to panzerwagon)
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RE: What is service? - interesting question. - 6/15/2005 11:58:02 PM   
asissyforher


Posts: 228
Joined: 5/20/2005
From: iowa now..maybe move soon.
Status: offline


Is your potential femdom reading the forums here?

Akasha
=======
probably not since She is not a forum board person......but what is the difference if She did?

i have nothing to be ashamed of.......i call em as i see em..always have......always will.

i have a clear conscience.......what little one i have. i find working the streets as a kid a conscience can get you killed so i dont have much of one....
i have no fear from man nor beast....nor Woman.
i have nothing to be ashamed of....as i see it....i live vanilla so whats the deal?.....so uh.......why do You ask?

a slave



_____________________________

"still looking for a real life domme..no more plastic wannabes for me"

(in reply to BlkTallFullfig)
Profile   Post #: 8
To Subs/Slaves.. What is service? - 6/16/2005 10:25:56 AM   
BlkTallFullfig


Posts: 5585
Joined: 6/25/2004
Status: offline
I wish this post was in Ask A Mistress or Ask a Submissive... Would actually love to hear more of what the subs seeking think of it.. M

_____________________________

a.k.a. SexyBossyBBW
""Touching was, and still is, and will always be, the true revolution" Nikki Giovanni

(in reply to panzerwagon)
Profile   Post #: 9
RE: To Subs/Slaves.. What is service? - 6/16/2005 11:30:24 AM   
asissyforher


Posts: 228
Joined: 5/20/2005
From: iowa now..maybe move soon.
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: BlkTallFullfig

I wish this post was in Ask A Mistress or Ask a Submissive... Would actually love to hear more of what the subs seeking think of it.. M



quote:

I wish this post was in Ask A Mistress or Ask a Submissive... Would actually love to hear more of what the subs seeking think of it.. M



so what do YOU see is wrong then, BlkTallFullfig? "i' fail to see a problem.. i live/think/feel/ vanilla..i type..vanilla. 'spose YOU t r y to explain to a an ole country boy?
i would seriously like to know..
thanks
a slave



_____________________________

"still looking for a real life domme..no more plastic wannabes for me"

(in reply to BlkTallFullfig)
Profile   Post #: 10
RE: To Subs/Slaves.. What is service? - 6/16/2005 11:58:39 AM   
BlkTallFullfig


Posts: 5585
Joined: 6/25/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: asissyforher
quote:

I wish this post was in Ask A Mistress or Ask a Submissive... Would actually love to hear more of what the subs seeking think of it.. M

so what do YOU see is wrong then, BlkTallFullfig? "i' fail to see a problem.. i live/think/feel/ vanilla..i type..vanilla. 'spose YOU t r y to explain to a an ole country boy?
i would seriously like to know..
thanks
a slave

Say what?? Did I say there was a problem here? I said that I would like to know what other subs/slaves think of this service premise/post??
As for how I feel about your thinking? I'm going to plead the 5th.. M

_____________________________

a.k.a. SexyBossyBBW
""Touching was, and still is, and will always be, the true revolution" Nikki Giovanni

(in reply to asissyforher)
Profile   Post #: 11
RE: To Subs/Slaves.. What is service? - 6/16/2005 1:08:46 PM   
onceburned


Posts: 2117
Joined: 1/4/2005
From: Iowa
Status: offline
I think the original message is about the difference between a sub seeking to serve to meet his own desires, and a sub seeking to serve in order to meet her desires.

The difference between the two is power exchange. In a D/s relationship, the sub is turning over the focus of his desires - it is no longer centered in what he wants, but in what she wants. He is allowing her to decide when and how to meet his needs. He simply needs to focus on being pleasing to her.

(in reply to BlkTallFullfig)
Profile   Post #: 12
RE: What is service? - interesting question. - 6/16/2005 4:27:23 PM   
GoddessDustyGold


Posts: 2822
Joined: 4/11/2004
From: Arizona
Status: offline
Nicely done!
I also wish that more submissives who are seeking so hard, could read this and give it some thought!

M, I plead the 5th also on garylee's posts. I am translating this as him thinking that you were referring to his reply regarding his potential Goddess and whether or not She knew he was posting. Wondering what other submissives might think of that. Of course, you were not addressing that at all. You were referring the the quite lovely OP.

garylee, don't be so quick to jump to conclusions. Take a moment and breathe. M was not even addressing you. ye gods!

< Message edited by GoddessDustyGold -- 6/16/2005 4:32:51 PM >


_____________________________

Dusty
They that give up essential liberty to obtain a little temporary safety deserve neither liberty nor safety
B Franklin
Don't blame Me ~ I didn't vote for either of them
The Hidden Kingdom


(in reply to panzerwagon)
Profile   Post #: 13
RE: To Subs/Slaves.. What is service? - 6/16/2005 6:57:33 PM   
BlkTallFullfig


Posts: 5585
Joined: 6/25/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: onceburned
I think the original message is about the difference between a sub seeking to serve to meet his own desires, and a sub seeking to serve in order to meet her desires.

Thanks Chris, but Is it called service if it is activity aimed at and focused on meeting his desires? M

_____________________________

a.k.a. SexyBossyBBW
""Touching was, and still is, and will always be, the true revolution" Nikki Giovanni

(in reply to onceburned)
Profile   Post #: 14
RE: What is service? - interesting question. - 6/16/2005 7:24:14 PM   
AAkasha


Posts: 4429
Joined: 11/27/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: panzerwagon


How can you serve your Mistress - what are the ways?

Here are some suggestions:
Make sure her home is clean and neat.
Make sure her clothes are clean and neat.
Prepare her favorite foods for her.
Prepare her bath.
Rub her feet after she comes in from working all day.
Offer her a massage if her day was very stressful.
Offer to do her manicure and pedicure.
Have her favorite music playing or find her favorite show or movie
on TV.
Surprise her with flowers.
Serve her coffee as soon as she gets up in the morning.
Ask what clothing she wants laid out for her.




Couldn't a submissive man with these kinds of desires find satisfaction with a vanilla woman? If a sub is of the mindset that he really could do without the bondage, fetish, roleplay, pain, sexual control -- and truly, he just wants to treat his lady like a queen, couldn't he find happiness even if she was not a self-identified "femdom" or "Mistress"?

My second observation is that the list above isn't uniquely submissive. There are a lot of "vanilla" men that treat their wives like this -- to the best of their abilities as time will allow (ie, perhaps they are the breadwinner, and work a lot, and are exhausted -- but, when not, their attention goes in the direction of that list). There's a certain "breed" of guy -- he can be as unkinky as they come -- that's genuinely interested in providing the special surprises, thinking one step ahead of his lady, and carries with him a sincere interest in her well-being. Some men are already wired like this.

My next question is -- what happens in a relationship where the femdom also treats her partner that way? Is she less dominant if she responds in kind, when appropriate?

I guess I don't know what I'd classify my relationship as. My husband is not submissive, but he'll play my kinky femdom games as needed because he knows it rocks my world. But, I'm not a 24/7 femdom -- I go in cycles -- when I get hungry for it, I take it. Otherwise, we operate mostly as equals.

However, he does all those things in that list more than most men -- but that's his nature. He'd do that for whatever woman he ended up marrying; he puts gas in my car so I don't have to get up that extra 15 minutes the next day, he makes the run to the supermarket if I am having a craving, he tapes something on TIVO if he saw that a guy got tied up, he offers to drive me to a friend's and pick me up for a girls night out so I don't have to worry about driving. He does nice things for my mom. He puts a sweet note in my car for me to find the next day. But, he'd to this for any woman he married and loved; it's not anything about being sub or not. And, my girlfriends have mates that may vary on this scale of "service" orientation -- he just tends to be on the higher side of it. Oddly, not because I trained him or made him or expected it of him -- he's just that way, and of all the mates I have had, he's the most that way. I boil it down to a simple quality: Thoughtfulness.

Now, at the same time, I do the same things for him, but in a different way -- it's the romantic surprises, it's picking up a book that I think he might like, bringing home a treat from his favorite bakery, or "forcing" him to go buy that latest widget that he needs for one of his hobbies and has been putting off buying because he's watching the budget. I get great joy out of taking care of him, and making him happy. I don't see that as a submissive quality.

That entire side of our relationship I see as completely separate from the fact that I get pleasure from dominating him in a sensual and/or sexual way as my hunger comes and goes.

And, on a final note, I would like to ask other femdoms if they'd consider a sub who followed the above list to the letter on a daily basis to be an absolute joy -- or a smothering pain in the butt? I think what makes all those things special is a guy that knows how to read when things are appropriate and things are not. The right guy *knows* when he could offer a bath, or it's time for a massage -- etc. What I've seen happen in some cases is a service-sub --- in his NEED to be of service to his femdom -- smothers her if she really doesn't need anything. Then, here come the unwanted footrubs, the resentment if she didn't fall over in shock over a job well done, or the attention-demanding he so craves from his duties. Thoughtfulness for the joy of doing it is something completely different from thoughtfulness in order to get something in return.

Akasha


_____________________________

Akasha's Web - All original Femdom content since 1995
Don't email me here, email me at [email protected]

(in reply to panzerwagon)
Profile   Post #: 15
RE: What is service? - interesting question. - 6/16/2005 8:48:52 PM   
fourpeas


Posts: 243
Joined: 5/6/2005
Status: offline
What is service...


As a sub I can definitely say without question that I am VERYVERYVERY service oriented. I always have been... I have been in service to people or a cause for as long as I can remember.

I have done volunteer work for almost all of my life, I used to cry when I saw the ads for the starving kids on TV. (Don't laugh) Sometimes I get very upset thinking about sorrow and any sort of pain that people have to feel. I feel sad when I see things that make other people sad. I feel upset. I want to please almost everyone in my life, and I feel such pleasure when I do things to make other people happy.

I don't know. I feel such satisfaction from making other people's lives easier, not just a Dom but also my mom, sister, brother, family... It makes me feel so whole. It makes me feel so good at work, at church, where ever, to be doing things to make the world a better place, to make a specific person's world a better place, to be a positive force, to be a proactive force of service.

I get so much out of serving in action, out in the world. I enjoy submission as well... but the combination of the two is what sends me flying, and what has been such a useful prism with which to focus my energies.


A former Secretary General of the United Nations once said:

"It is more noble to give yourself completely to one individual than to labor diligently for the salvation of the masses."

(in reply to AAkasha)
Profile   Post #: 16
RE: To Subs/Slaves.. What is service? - 6/16/2005 9:31:54 PM   
onceburned


Posts: 2117
Joined: 1/4/2005
From: Iowa
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: BlkTallFullfig

quote:

ORIGINAL: onceburned
I think the original message is about the difference between a sub seeking to serve to meet his own desires, and a sub seeking to serve in order to meet her desires.

Thanks Chris, but Is it called service if it is activity aimed at and focused on meeting his desires? M


No, I don't feel so. Perhaps I wasn't clear in my message but in the first example the sub says he wants to serve... but when it gets down to business, he is not willing to provide service to her. His desire to serve is focused primarily on meeting his own needs, rather than focused on meeting hers.

(in reply to BlkTallFullfig)
Profile   Post #: 17
RE: What is service? - interesting question. - 6/17/2005 8:08:57 PM   
GoddessDustyGold


Posts: 2822
Joined: 4/11/2004
From: Arizona
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: AAkasha

quote:

ORIGINAL: panzerwagon


How can you serve your Mistress - what are the ways?

Here are some suggestions:
Make sure her home is clean and neat.
Make sure her clothes are clean and neat.
Prepare her favorite foods for her.
Prepare her bath.
Rub her feet after she comes in from working all day.
Offer her a massage if her day was very stressful.
Offer to do her manicure and pedicure.
Have her favorite music playing or find her favorite show or movie
on TV.
Surprise her with flowers.
Serve her coffee as soon as she gets up in the morning.
Ask what clothing she wants laid out for her.




And, on a final note, I would like to ask other femdoms if they'd consider a sub who followed the above list to the letter on a daily basis to be an absolute joy -- or a smothering pain in the butt? I think what makes all those things special is a guy that knows how to read when things are appropriate and things are not. The right guy *knows* when he could offer a bath, or it's time for a massage -- etc. What I've seen happen in some cases is a service-sub --- in his NEED to be of service to his femdom -- smothers her if she really doesn't need anything. Then, here come the unwanted footrubs, the resentment if she didn't fall over in shock over a job well done, or the attention-demanding he so craves from his duties. Thoughtfulness for the joy of doing it is something completely different from thoughtfulness in order to get something in return.

Akasha



You and I are very different, Aakasha. For Me, yes, it would be an absolute joy. And no,, I would not feel smothered. Because I am the one with all the authority. It is not an equal partnership, so when I need time and space, I will have it. In a vanilla relationship, that time and space is not as easy to demand and command. Part of My submissive boy's service also includes serving Me the way I wish, when I wish. If I don't require a particular service or attention at any given time, if I want or need a break, I can say so, and there is no fallout. Or there had better not be.
It is not balanced, and some may feel it is not right, but that is why I seek a boy who is just as happy to serve Me by not doing anything, as to serve Me by doing something. I am also there if and when they need something special and I am a nurturer by nature. But I am very comfortable with being in complete and total charge. Even if it means that today I am watching a taped mini-series for 10 hours, and the boy can just go somewhere and read. Until I ring the bell, that is. *W*
Yes, you are right. There is always that expectation of reward that just has to be stamped out of these boys. That is why it is so hard to meet a true submissive. They will get their festish needs satisfied. But it will be on My terms. That is what it is supposed to be about. And that is what We are constantly promised. Finding one who really enjoys the service is quite another thing.


< Message edited by GoddessDustyGold -- 6/17/2005 8:19:02 PM >


_____________________________

Dusty
They that give up essential liberty to obtain a little temporary safety deserve neither liberty nor safety
B Franklin
Don't blame Me ~ I didn't vote for either of them
The Hidden Kingdom


(in reply to AAkasha)
Profile   Post #: 18
RE: What is service? - interesting question. - 6/17/2005 9:49:40 PM   
BlkTallFullfig


Posts: 5585
Joined: 6/25/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: GoddessDustyGold
quote:

ORIGINAL: AAkasha
I would like to ask other femdoms if they'd consider a sub who followed the above list to the letter on a daily basis to be an absolute joy -- or a smothering pain in the butt?
Akasha

You and I are very different, Aakasha. For Me, yes, it would be an absolute joy. And no,, I would not feel smothered. Because I am the one with all the authority. It is not an equal partnership, so when I need time and space, I will have it. In a vanilla relationship, that time and space is not as easy to demand and command. Part of My submissive boy's service also includes serving Me the way I wish, when I wish. If I don't require a particular service or attention at any given time, if I want or need a break, I can say so, and there is no fallout. Or there had better not be.
It is not balanced, and some may feel it is not right, but that is why I seek a boy who is just as happy to serve Me by not doing anything, as to serve Me by doing something. I am also there if and when they need something special and I am a nurturer by nature. But I am very comfortable with being in complete and total charge.
Yes, you are right. There is always that expectation of reward that just has to be stamped out of these boys. That is why it is so hard to meet a true submissive. They will get their festish needs satisfied. But it will be on My terms. That is what it is supposed to be about. And that is what We are constantly promised.

I agree GodessDusty...
I look forward to the potential of being smothered with service and obedience... Thus far it's been more tit for tat (I'll serve if...), good for getting me some experience and learning what I definitely don't want, but hardly service oriented.
I'm like you in that I am a nurturer, and doubt anyone serving me would be wanting for anything very long, but it will be on my terms. M

_____________________________

a.k.a. SexyBossyBBW
""Touching was, and still is, and will always be, the true revolution" Nikki Giovanni

(in reply to GoddessDustyGold)
Profile   Post #: 19
RE: To Subs/Slaves.. What is service? - 6/17/2005 9:51:54 PM   
BlkTallFullfig


Posts: 5585
Joined: 6/25/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: onceburned
No, I don't feel so. in the first example the sub says he wants to serve... but when it gets down to business, he is not willing to provide service to her. His desire to serve is focused primarily on meeting his own needs, rather than focused on meeting hers.

Thanks Chris... I was just making sure we weren't calling them both service..
Feels more like "let's make a deal".. M

_____________________________

a.k.a. SexyBossyBBW
""Touching was, and still is, and will always be, the true revolution" Nikki Giovanni

(in reply to onceburned)
Profile   Post #: 20
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