Age gaps

Collarspace Discussion Forums

Home Login Search

Age gaps

View related threads: (in this forum | in all forums)

Logged in as: Guest

All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> Ask a Mistress >> Age gaps

Page: [1] 2 next > >>

Login

Message

<< Older Topic Newer Topic >>

Age gaps - 4/22/2007 5:11:08 PM

MillerLite

Posts: 7
Joined: 12/11/2005
Status: offline

I made a post similar to this last year, but it was about me personally. I'm still wondering.

As I'm only 20, and the majority of people I've come across are older than me, and in more cases more than 5 years. Not that is a problem. I wouldn't mentally feel *okay* submitting to someone younger than me. And I would prefer someone older. But anyway, onto my question..

For the people in the know, do age gap bdsm relationships work in the long run and last. Or once the naughtyness of being with someone 10/15 years older/younger than you wears off and that's all that makes the relationship, does the relationship kind of petter off? As I imagine there are alot of compromises/differences, due to the age.

Thanks :)

Post #: 1

RE: Age gaps - 4/22/2007 6:17:45 PM

patrinska

Posts: 7
Status: offline

i believe that relationships between older dommes and much younger subs can work long term, provided that both parties are going towards the same goal. there are plenty of pitfalls in that type of relationship, not the least of which is the maturity level of the younger party. i have been lucky & have had some wonderful subs that are 10+ years younger than me (i'm 32). in general, i do become a mentor/mother figure of sorts to them, which i personally find quite gratifying.....and they can learn from the life i've had & the advice i give.

(in reply to MillerLite)

Post #: 2

RE: Age gaps - 4/22/2007 6:25:10 PM

DommeChains

Posts: 415
Joined: 3/23/2006
Status: offline

My husband (who is dominant) is 24 years younger than me. We have been together 3 years and the age difference is a plus for us.

Both of my subs are younger than me. One is 8 years younger & the other is 19. Although age play is not an interest with any of us we enjoy the dynamic of the older, experienced femdom and the younger male. I tend to gravitate to younger men since I enjoy their energy, their passions and their comfort level with an independent woman.

I would imagine if age difference was the only attraction that, just like any other connection based on a sole trait as an attractant, the lifespan of the relationship is limited. I prefer to have a strong foundation of friendship, comman values and multiple interests for all of my kink relationships since I am looking for long term.

(in reply to MillerLite)

Post #: 3

RE: Age gaps - 4/23/2007 6:34:13 AM

thetammyjo

Posts: 6322
Joined: 9/8/2005
Status: offline

Fox and I are 11 years apart.

Interesting the people who this has mattered to most are other kinky people who I suspect would have not problem if the woman in the relationship was the younger one. For our first four years we had scores of people asking Fox (primarily) and me when he was leaving -- they just assumed that a younger man couldn't know what he wanted. There is very little that pisses off Fox more (the idea that I've brainwashed or am abusing him is the other thing that pisses him off).

The place where it causes us the most issues is in adding people to the household. We're really like someone between our ages in the hopes that they could relate to both sets of ages here. Someone older sort of freaks Fox out a bit as does someone under 20 for him. Since I prefer younger slaves, it isn't much of an issue.

_____________________________

Love, Peace, Hugs, Kisses, Whips & Chains,

TammyJo

Check out my website at http://www.thetammyjo.com Or www.tammyjoeckhart.com

And my LJ where I post fiction in progress if you "friend" me at http://thetammyjo.livejournal.com/

(in reply to MillerLite)

Post #: 4

RE: Age gaps - 4/23/2007 6:42:39 AM

LaTigresse

Posts: 26123
Joined: 1/15/2006
Status: offline

I don't really think much about age when talking to people. It's more of a consideration of maturity and open mindedness that matters to me.

I love the fresh open minded enthusiasm of many that are years younger than I, yet I also enjoy the calm maturity in many that are older. It just all depends on the person and what they bring with their own life experiences and mindset.

_____________________________

My twisted, self deprecating, sense of humour, finds alot to laugh about, in your lack of one!

Just because you are well educated, articulate, and can use big, fancy words, properly........does not mean you are right!

(in reply to thetammyjo)

Post #: 5

RE: Age gaps - 4/23/2007 6:45:21 AM

slaveluci

Posts: 4294
Joined: 3/2/2007
From: Little Rock, AR
Status: offline

There is a 26 yr. difference between Master and i. He is 60, i am 34. Before meeting Him (in my "vanilla"life), i had always been attracted to and involved with men much older than myself. Guys my age and younger just never did anything for me. Master and i have more in common than i ever have with anyone i've known (male or female, young or older). To me, there is nothing "naughty" about it. i simply need someone who has a lot of life experience and who has been able to garner wisdom from it. i could not submit to, let alone be owned by, someone i did not utterly respect and look up to and someone who has lived a little and has something to teach me. Being young and thinking you know everything is certainly different from having been around the block and actually knowing . Just my take on it...........slave luci

_____________________________

To choose a good book, look in an inquisitor’s prohibited list. ~John Aikin

(in reply to MillerLite)

Post #: 6

RE: Age gaps - 4/23/2007 7:05:01 AM

MiladyAngelique

Posts: 107
Joined: 8/11/2006
Status: offline

I have 2 age limits:

On the lower side they must be of legal age....

On the higher end they must be at least 5 years younger then my mother would be.

I have dated/played with guys, with a range of ages in between, but I must admit I do prefer older subs within about 10years of my age and if they are younger within 3 years is preferable, I have simply found these to be the ages I blend with best.

edited to make more sense...

< Message edited by MiladyAngelique -- 4/23/2007 7:37:32 AM >

_____________________________

All men are animals, some just look better when caged
All men are animals, some just provide better fur coats

(in reply to MillerLite)

Post #: 7

RE: Age gaps - 4/23/2007 7:09:53 AM

leatherorlace

Posts: 215
Joined: 2/21/2005
Status: offline

Hexzactly. What she said.
Gentry

(in reply to LaTigresse)

Post #: 8

RE: Age gaps - 4/23/2007 7:27:59 AM

MillerLite

Posts: 7
Joined: 12/11/2005
Status: offline

Thanks for the replies so far. I guess I should explain why I'm posting a similar thread.

The time I posted the last thread on this, I was talking to a 36 year old Domme, we were going to meet up, we talked so much online, webcam, phone, that I started to think the world of her. I asked her a few times why she liked me so much, and she just said I'm her dream sub, the fantasy she has always had, as there aren't too many subs of my age, with my quality. Whatever that means.

And she ended up going off with someone 11 years older than me, because he was nearer, after saying distance wasn't a problem, and I was perfect for her. And every attribute she listed as being the dream sub, most of them, a 31 year old wouldn't have.

It kind of devisated me in a way, as I put all my eggs in one basket, I had politley turned down people as close as 20 mins from me, as I thougtht so much of her.

So this is why I'm posting this. Just to see if it can work out, and whether what happened to me, was just someone messing me around.

< Message edited by MillerLite -- 4/23/2007 7:29:02 AM >

(in reply to leatherorlace)

Post #: 9

RE: Age gaps - 4/23/2007 7:38:21 AM

MsKatHouston

Posts: 1909
Joined: 6/7/2006
From: Houston, TX
Status: offline

It can work out. Personally I have a preference for someone who is closer to my age. That's not to say I have not and would not be with someone younger. Perhaps what this other domme was doing was keeping her options open. She was ok with you while she had nobody else but onec someone else came along, she was all over that. Unfortunate she did not communicate her preferences to you and it sounds as if she misled you also. You get some inconsiderate people in all walks of life. Here is no different. I'm sorry that happened to you but perhaps that experience will help you hone your expectations and communication skills for the next one. You're a cutie. I'm sure there's someone who wants to snatch you up.

_____________________________

-Kat

~If you can't be a good example, you'll just have to serve as a horrible warning~

(in reply to MillerLite)

Post #: 10

RE: Age gaps - 4/23/2007 8:18:02 AM

Red82

Posts: 79
Joined: 4/13/2007
Status: offline

I normally dont have it any other way. Alot of women my age havent figured out how to Master their own lives, let alone me.

(in reply to MsKatHouston)

Post #: 11

RE: Age gaps - 4/23/2007 9:08:01 AM

MillerLite

Posts: 7
Joined: 12/11/2005
Status: offline

What it came down to was probably the distance, but in saying distance wasn't a problem. I never gave it a second thought, after she told me I was perfect.

I'm about 120 miles from her, the sub she went with was 50 miles away.

And she's not with him anymore. And I'm still not over it. So I guess she made the wrong decision in the end. But I'd find it hard to do anything, as I don't take being second best to someone very well :/

Nevermind. Plenty more fish in the sea and all that jazz :)

(in reply to MsKatHouston)

Post #: 12

RE: Age gaps - 4/23/2007 9:11:12 AM

LaTigresse

Posts: 26123
Joined: 1/15/2006
Status: offline

Distance would be more of an issue for me than anything. I want someone nearby that I can touch and spend time with. Time NOT on the phone or in front of a computer screen.

They either have to be willing to get their ass to me or have lotsa cashola to get my ass to them on a regular basis. Otherwise it's just not going to work.

_____________________________

My twisted, self deprecating, sense of humour, finds alot to laugh about, in your lack of one!

Just because you are well educated, articulate, and can use big, fancy words, properly........does not mean you are right!

(in reply to MillerLite)

Post #: 13

RE: Age gaps - 4/23/2007 9:27:17 AM

MillerLite

Posts: 7
Joined: 12/11/2005
Status: offline

Oh yeah I know, I don't do online bdsm, I've tried it in the past, and it's more than tedious at the best of times.

We had planned everything, how we were going to meet half way, were, what trains to take and so on.

But nevermind, it's not the main issue of this thread, and all that is water under the bridge, just thought I'd explain what made me, make this thread.

(in reply to LaTigresse)

Post #: 14

RE: Age gaps - 4/23/2007 9:33:55 AM

LadyPact

Posts: 32566
Status: offline

I have to agree with MzKat. It sounds like the one in question wasn't completely sincere about either the distance or the age not mattering. When something closer to Her needs came along that was a better match, she reconsidered one factor or another and went with what She thought was more pleasing to Her. The word "opportunist" comes to mind, but I wouldn't want to be that harsh.

It is just a suggestion, but I have a thought that might help for the future. Sometimes, a good way to find out if certain catagories hold much importance is to see if they have mattered in past relationships. Has the person you're talking with had a prior sub who was, for example, two hours drive away? Have they ever been involved with a sub who might have been ten years + their junior? Asking about past experiences can sometimes give an idea of what agreements have been acceptable in the past or if they are just lip service.

Will agree with one other thing. You are a little cutie. I'm sure you'll have no trouble finding the right One at all. Best of luck to you.

(in reply to MsKatHouston)

Post #: 15

RE: Age gaps - 4/23/2007 9:36:46 AM

undergroundsea

Posts: 2400
Joined: 6/27/2004
From: Austin, TX
Status: offline

I think compatibility and one's interest in a relationship are defined by a complex mix of practical matters and things that make one attractive. I think distance is one example of a practical matter.

I appreciate the value of commonality and age does not define an absolute but does define a likelihood for commonality with respect to maturity and various perspectives about life. I think age, or the associated commonality, is less relevant for a relationship that is based on D/s only than for a relationship that is D/s and companionship.

Cheers,

Sea

< Message edited by undergroundsea -- 4/23/2007 9:37:57 AM >

(in reply to LaTigresse)

Post #: 16

RE: Age gaps - 4/25/2007 5:48:26 AM

Seven0Two

Posts: 4
Joined: 4/25/2007
From: Las Vegas
Status: offline

i am also curious as to what someone considers too large of an age gap, and if there are any willing teachers who would give my maturity a chance and not look at my age??

(in reply to undergroundsea)

Post #: 17

RE: Age gaps - 4/25/2007 6:10:45 AM

thetammyjo

Posts: 6322
Joined: 9/8/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: MillerLite

Thanks for the replies so far. I guess I should explain why I'm posting a similar thread.

The time I posted the last thread on this, I was talking to a 36 year old Domme, we were going to meet up, we talked so much online, webcam, phone, that I started to think the world of her. I asked her a few times why she liked me so much, and she just said I'm her dream sub, the fantasy she has always had, as there aren't too many subs of my age, with my quality. Whatever that means.

And she ended up going off with someone 11 years older than me, because he was nearer, after saying distance wasn't a problem, and I was perfect for her. And every attribute she listed as being the dream sub, most of them, a 31 year old wouldn't have.

It kind of devisated me in a way, as I put all my eggs in one basket, I had politley turned down people as close as 20 mins from me, as I thougtht so much of her.

So this is why I'm posting this. Just to see if it can work out, and whether what happened to me, was just someone messing me around.

I know I'm going to sound a bit like a teacher/mom here.....

This is a good lesson in why you shouldn't narrow down your potential partners until you've really met someone face-to-face and have negotiated a relationship.

Frankly until you have, you don't own her/him monogamy especially if it's conversational only.

_____________________________

Love, Peace, Hugs, Kisses, Whips & Chains,

TammyJo

Check out my website at http://www.thetammyjo.com Or www.tammyjoeckhart.com

And my LJ where I post fiction in progress if you "friend" me at http://thetammyjo.livejournal.com/

(in reply to MillerLite)

Post #: 18

RE: Age gaps - 4/25/2007 6:26:55 AM

SweetDommes

Posts: 3313
Joined: 10/5/2004
Status: offline

We prefer close in age to us because of compatability - someone your age, Miller, is not likely to have enough in common with us to sustain a long lasting relationship.

I agree with what others have said - there are always going to be those who can/do make it work, and those who can't/won't make it work ... and it seems that the domme in question has other issues going on as well. And TammyJo is right about not limiting yourself too early - we don't require that someone stop talking to other prospective Dommes just because they are talking to us ... although we do require that we be told if we aren't the only one a boy is talking to.

< Message edited by SweetDommes -- 4/25/2007 6:27:22 AM >

_____________________________

Miss Karen and Miss Holly

Earth is the insane asylum for the universe.

Friends are God's apology for relatives

(in reply to thetammyjo)

Post #: 19

RE: Age gaps - 4/25/2007 12:41:13 PM

GoddessDustyGold

Posts: 2822
Joined: 4/11/2004
From: Arizona
Status: offline

I am very specific regarding age ranges in My profile. I have had a few tell Me that I am not being fair. Perhaps.
But I view a 24/7 live-in relationship to be a serious and committed relationship, and I don't want to have to deal with the need that is bound to come up sooner or later regarding dating, marriage and children. I am done with that, and I am, in fact, a grandma. Therefore, I find I have more potential for a long lasting relationship with someone who is closer to My own age and has already had their children or is at a point where it is no longer a need. I have a tendency to view any 22 year old, or even 28 year old, who insists that this is not necessary, with a raised eyebrow. Again, it may not be fair, but I am being as realistic as I can be with My personal view of human nature. . I do not want to be a matchmaker and have the additional responsibility of ensuring that My slave has fulfilled that portion of his/her life also.
That said, age makes little difference to Me regarding casual play, friendship, or even a live-out who may eventually go to another more appropriatly aged Domina for the long term.

_____________________________

Dusty
They that give up essential liberty to obtain a little temporary safety deserve neither liberty nor safety
B Franklin
Don't blame Me ~ I didn't vote for either of them
The Hidden Kingdom

(in reply to MillerLite)

Post #: 20

Page: [1] 2 next > >>

All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> Ask a Mistress >> Age gaps

Page: [1] 2 next > >>

Jump to:

New Messages	No New Messages
Hot Topic w/ New Messages	Hot Topic w/o New Messages
Locked w/ New Messages	Locked w/o New Messages

Post New Thread

Reply to Message

Post New Poll

Submit Vote

Delete My Own Post

Delete My Own Thread

Rate Posts

Collarchat.com © 2025

Terms of Service

0.078