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For the Dom/mes - 4/22/2007 8:02:43 PM   
Kitte9


Posts: 411
Joined: 11/26/2006
Status: offline 		What do you look for / expect in a submissive?

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RE: For the Dom/mes - 4/22/2007 8:12:34 PM   
MasterFireMaam


Posts: 5587
Joined: 3/1/2006
From: Charleston, WV
Status: offline 		This is a VERY open ended question. I expect many things. Can you narrow it down some?

Master Fire


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The power of who we are can be intoxicating. The power of who we could be is humbling.
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(in reply to Kitte9)
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RE: For the Dom/mes - 4/23/2007 4:30:54 AM   
Focus50


Posts: 3962
Joined: 12/28/2004
From: Newcastle, Australia
Status: offline 		Compatibility, availability, do I even like her as a person etc - which either does or does not equate to greater mutual connection.... 
 
Any eager sub can obey commands - commendable but will never sustain me longterm.
 
Focus.

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RE: For the Dom/mes - 4/23/2007 6:01:13 AM   
sambamanslilgirl


Posts: 10926
Joined: 2/5/2007
From: Chicago, IL
Status: offline 		well i can tell you what Daddy saw in me - He saw a successful, strong, independent, inltelligent, classy, strong-willed, stubborn, motivated, aggressive, talented writer and unique woman as His daughter-submissive.  what makes our relationship work - our friendship, compatiablity and common interests in nilla and BDSM.

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...2011 - year of the fabulous rock star life ...and i do it so well...


...announcing Mr. & Mrs. British Petrol ...yeah, marrying into oil is slick business...

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RE: For the Dom/mes - 4/23/2007 6:58:35 AM   
mstrjx


Posts: 2045
Joined: 11/27/2005
Status: offline 		An obtuse question such as this deserves an offbeat response.  Read between the lines, kiddies!

I 'expect' far less than what I 'look for'.

There are lots of ways that I can be impressed or delighted.  But in reality over the years the people who I have been involved with have not approached those standards.  Rather than wait for something 'closer' to that ideal, I accepted what came my way and lived with my choices.

Eventually, I came to realize that although my partners were far different, there were some similarities that were all-too similar, to the extent that my expectations were lowered to a level that fit them.  After all, if all of these people all turned out to be archetypes of the same person, everyone must be like that, right?

No.  What I have come to realize is that I really want the pleasant surprise.  And I don't need to see them all upfront.  I would like to be able to see something new every once in a while that makes me validate those high-ish ideals that I 'look for'.

Jeff

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Know thyself. It's the best gift you can ever give yourself.

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RE: For the Dom/mes - 4/23/2007 7:48:32 AM   
Kitte9


Posts: 411
Joined: 11/26/2006
Status: offline 		Do you look for someone who is familiar in their role and passively accepts your descisions, or do like someone with a bit of fire, who might tug at their collar, so to speak. Someone who brings out the Dom/me in you.
I know I want to sum for someone, but I don't think I want to make it easy. I want someone strong enough to show me, no someone who just says 'do this' and expects me to obey. Is that wrong or a turn-off for you?

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I am stronger than yesterday

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RE: For the Dom/mes - 4/23/2007 7:56:24 AM   
MistressMelissa


Posts: 226
Joined: 11/21/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Kitte9

What do you look for / expect in a submissive?


I expect honesty, loyalty and obedience. I can teach the rest.

One last thing, the ability to step away from the computer and actually live as they claim. It's one thing to dream and fantasize, it's another to actually live it.

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Melissa
Mistress of Ds Haven
www.dshaven.com

The person who says it can not be done, should not interrupt the person doing it. - Ancient Wisdom

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RE: For the Dom/mes - 4/23/2007 8:16:39 AM   
MistressMelissa


Posts: 226
Joined: 11/21/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Kitte9

Do you look for someone who is familiar in their role and passively accepts your descisions, or do like someone with a bit of fire, who might tug at their collar, so to speak. Someone who brings out the Dom/me in you.
I know I want to sum for someone, but I don't think I want to make it easy. I want someone strong enough to show me, no someone who just says 'do this' and expects me to obey. Is that wrong or a turn-off for you?


There is a fine line between knowing ones place and being a brat. I have no use for a brat, SAM or any other creature. While I don't expect them to roll over and play dead, I do expect some human emotion and understand some requests are harder to accept than others. I enjoy watching the internal strugle but at the same time that should be reserved for the difficult choices, not everyday life.

You want a leader, not a dictator and that's natural. There are those individuals who veiw this lifestyle as their excuse for being an ass. An attitude of "I'm not an ass, I'm a Master!"which is the sad side of our reality.

_____________________________

Melissa
Mistress of Ds Haven
www.dshaven.com

The person who says it can not be done, should not interrupt the person doing it. - Ancient Wisdom

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RE: For the Dom/mes - 4/23/2007 8:29:11 AM   
mstrjx


Posts: 2045
Joined: 11/27/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Kitte9

I know I want to sub for someone, but I don't think I want to make it easy. I want someone strong enough to show me, not someone who just says 'do this' and expects me to obey.



What you are saying, but don't know it at this point, is that you want someone who is so compelling that whatever the 'do this' is, you find yourself making it easy even if you didn't necessarily intend on it being that way.

There's a saying in life - Nothing's 'impossible', it's just that some things take a little longer.  I believe the same can be said of submissives/slaves.  In the end, they want to submit.  The key is to find something in yourself (the dominant perspective) that brings about that submissive side in the 'stronger' subs/slaves.  The right attitude, right phrase, right 'action', something that finally flips the switch in that person, so to speak.  A little cleverness, a little ingenuity, a little patience, if the pairing is right, whatever needs to be found WILL be found.

Jeff

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Know thyself. It's the best gift you can ever give yourself.

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RE: For the Dom/mes - 4/23/2007 9:15:50 AM   
Kitte9


Posts: 411
Joined: 11/26/2006
Status: offline 		Please excuse my ignorance, but what is a SAM?

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RE: For the Dom/mes - 4/23/2007 9:35:12 AM   
MistressMelissa


Posts: 226
Joined: 11/21/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Kitte9

Please excuse my ignorance, but what is a SAM?


SAM stands for Smart Ass Masochist

These are masochist that will try and bate tops into playing with them by being a smart ass. The belief is if they can upset and or challenge the top sufficiently the top will have to play with them to prove them wrong. Thus it's a from of topping from the bottom.

Here is an article on the subjects of SAM's
http://lauragoodwin.org/sam.htm



_____________________________

Melissa
Mistress of Ds Haven
www.dshaven.com

The person who says it can not be done, should not interrupt the person doing it. - Ancient Wisdom

(in reply to Kitte9)
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RE: For the Dom/mes - 4/23/2007 9:40:42 AM   
WhiplashSmile


Posts: 1472
Joined: 6/8/2004
Status: offline 		First and foremost, I want to know them as a human being.  If they are trying to act out a role of being the Ultimate submissive, it tends to discourage me.  I expect honesty and open communication.   I look for how well their actions match their own words as well.  In general many of the same things I look for in my friendships and other kinds of relationships.

Because this is a deeper kind of relationship, I look for chemistry, attraction and things like that. 

Another aspect I look for is how deep and honest her and I can go with each other.  Meaning how much of our trueselves we get out on the table with one another.  How well she deals with me and how well I deal with her.. in short acceptance of each other for who and what we are deep down inside.. Call it Deep level honesty and exploration with one another.




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RE: For the Dom/mes - 4/23/2007 10:01:41 AM   
MiladyElaine


Posts: 1086
Joined: 10/10/2004
Status: offline 		I look for obedience, honesty and loyalty.  If they have none of these or they are found wanting, they get dumped before even meeting.
I like someone who's a little familiar with their role, but not so familiar that any difference in the way I want to do things is considered "fake"!
I appreciate a passive attitude and unlike mstrjx, I do NOT like surprises!


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A crazy quilt is warm but oddly put together.

Milady

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RE: For the Dom/mes - 4/23/2007 10:11:09 AM   
RavenMuse


Posts: 4030
Joined: 1/23/2006
Status: offline 		First... the spark of Dynamic between us that draws her submission to Me and draws My to want to reach out and possess her.

Second... that she has a driving need to please and once that spark kicks in, that the need to please isn't 'everyone' but turning to be a need to please ME

Third, do I get the feeling I can trust this girl? Do I believe she is Honest?

Then her intelect, strength of character, personality, social and communication skills.... do I like who she is as a person?

Then comes wether she is physicaly pleasing


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This above all: to thine own self be true,
And it must follow, as the night the day,
Thou canst not then be false to any man.

Owner of metalmiss

(in reply to MiladyElaine)
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RE: For the Dom/mes - 4/23/2007 3:36:05 PM   
KnightofMists


Posts: 7149
Joined: 7/29/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Kitte9

What do you look for / expect in a submissive?


Many things...

I expect... Obedience

I look for behaviors that demonstrate this expectation

_____________________________

Knight of Mists

An Optimal relationship is achieved when the individuals do what is best for themselves and their relationship.

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Profile   Post #: 15
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