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RE: I am so sick of this crap...are you? - 4/24/2007 4:01:01 PM

Suleiman

Posts: 1127
Joined: 9/9/2004
Status: offline

The playground level crap isn't limited to just one playground. The only way to avoid it is to drop out of life. Believe me.

My wife was never much of a committer, and to this day, when we show up at conventions, she bumps into somebody with whom she has had past relations, or who knows some chunk of her more amorously adventurous past. Most of her friends still don't believe that she's capable of staying in a long-term relationship, despite it having been over ten years since she stopped seeing the various people who made up her "harem". She still has the occasional fling, but even that has greatly diminished - I think her last affair was back in '04. And, yeah, there's a lot of BS that happens when people feel the need to revisit her past pecadillos. Some times, they're being friendly and reminiscing. Some times they're being catty. Honestly, more often than not, they're just clueless. You can't run away from clueless. It's everywhere. Become a shut-in, and the clueless bug will bite you on the ass anyway. Poison every relationship you're in, cut yourself off from the entire human race, and you'll be safe - your own cluelessness will buffer from the realization of what a git you've become. Other than that, just develop a thicker skin and learn to say "fuck off bitch" (or some variant thereof) in a form and tone that sounds polite and genial.

_____________________________

Think of my verbosity as a sort of litmus test for our relationship. I write in a manner identical to how I speak and how I think. If you can not cope with what I have written here, it is probably for the best if we go our separate ways.

(in reply to ErusUxor)

Post #: 21

RE: I am so sick of this crap...are you? - 4/24/2007 4:06:15 PM

OsideGirl

Posts: 14441
Joined: 7/1/2005
From: United States
Status: offline

Actually, I find it mildly funny when people bring it up to me. He was a SLUT.

My view is "big whoop". I know what he was then and I know what he is now.

_____________________________

Give a girl the right shoes and she will conquer the world. ~ Marilyn Monroe

The Accelerated Velocity of Terminological Inexactitude

(in reply to Suleiman)

Post #: 22

RE: I am so sick of this crap...are you? - 4/24/2007 5:29:20 PM

myobedience

Posts: 472
Joined: 1/28/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: mistoferin

Why are you letting it bother you so? I would simply respond to them "I am well aware of his past and I am not at all interested in discussing it, that was then...this is now".

Period. Conversation over.

but why the hell do people even stick there nose where it doesnt belong to begin with ?

_____________________________

With grace and gratitude, I am owned.
A Man who always seeks to be the best He can be for you is the only Man truly worthy of being called Master.

(in reply to mistoferin)

Post #: 23

RE: I am so sick of this crap...are you? - 4/24/2007 5:47:50 PM

spanklette

Posts: 882
Joined: 2/22/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: myobedience

but why the hell do people even stick there nose where it doesnt belong to begin with ?

Now, that's an age old question.

_____________________________

~spanklette~

"The important thing is this: to be able at any moment to sacrifice what we are for what we could become. " Charles du Bois

"Please don't shout, can't you see I'm not listening." Billie Myers

(in reply to myobedience)

Post #: 24

RE: I am so sick of this crap...are you? - 4/24/2007 6:10:57 PM

LuckyAlbatross

Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline

Course for me I was and remain a big slut, so the idea of someone trying to tell that to my partner and make an issue of it is laughable.

Sounds like maybe you just need a few hours of some really hard deep dark crunchy old metal rock. That can sometimes get it worked out of your system.

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to spanklette)

Post #: 25

RE: I am so sick of this crap...are you? - 4/24/2007 6:13:08 PM

BlackWomanSubNJ

Posts: 54
Joined: 2/11/2007
Status: offline

As long as you keep acknowledging and reacting to it, they will continue. Maybe if yall are so happy, you need to stop posting on this board and live your life.

(in reply to Griswold)

Post #: 26

RE: I am so sick of this crap...are you? - 4/24/2007 6:14:29 PM

corsetgirl

Posts: 824
Joined: 5/22/2004
Status: offline

Simple, envy, jealousy and pettiness. I have to admit I was guilty of those who would hurl insults as I would attempt to make the last ex dom look bad in front of his sub. I believe when someone on the other side has been "exed" out, it is a blow to your pride and ego and for some, they would stoop that low to make themselves look good. Hey, life goes on and people change which has made me a more forgiving person.

I would agree with the others, laugh, smile and ignore them. .

(in reply to spanklette)

Post #: 27

RE: I am so sick of this crap...are you? - 4/24/2007 6:21:49 PM

minnetar

Posts: 1272
Joined: 4/11/2007
Status: offline

i think that SimplyMichael is very supportive and that you are extremely fortunate!!

minnetar

(in reply to ErusUxor)

Post #: 28

RE: I am so sick of this crap...are you? - 4/24/2007 6:24:34 PM

Viciousbabe

Posts: 61
Joined: 5/15/2006
Status: offline

People, whether in this lifestyle or not, simply can not stand to see other people happy when they are miserable. Studies show that misery doesn't just love company, it prefers miserable company.

People can act one way for all of their lives, find the one they love and seem to be a completely different person. Those nay-sayers are probably seeing some thing in your Master that they wish he might have had when he was with them, or that they could have in their current relationship.

It may be hard, but I say to simply try and rise above it. By putting thought and energy into these people, it is showing them they can get to you. Go out and do the things you love, with the one you love. People will either learn to admire your relationship and strive to have one similar or they will fall away and stop saying all of the petty things.

(in reply to ErusUxor)

Post #: 29

RE: I am so sick of this crap...are you? - 4/24/2007 8:04:24 PM

Argentopal

Posts: 379
Joined: 12/12/2005
From: Central Texas / Hill Country
Status: offline

Want to really "get them"? The next few times some one wants to tell you something or discuss old times or what ever, smile a huge smile and drag them to a chair, make them sit down and look at them as if listening with rapt attention and offering little verbal encouragements to keep telling you more while in your mind thinking anything and everything nasty you ahve ever heard or would like to imagine about them. When they are all gossiped out look at them in dissapointment and ask if that is really all they know. End by shaking your head and saying how, wow, you KNEW all of that already and were really hopeing for something you did not already know. Thank them profusly (sp?) and ask them to be sure and let you know if they ever hear anythign "newer than that." To really get them, if your husband/Master is close by tell them - "oh wait one second I have to get him, he loves to hear all these amazing stories about him, especially since they are now X years old and everyone is still telling them, he had no idea at the time that his activities would make this famous!" Nothing deflates gossip and exaggeration like you yourself taking part. Takes all the fun out of it!

Good luck, and think about ducks and let the nastiness run off your backs.

_____________________________

He held out His hand and said "Step into the abyss with me."

... and i did.

~Surrender without Fear~
~Power without Guilt~
~Love without Doubt~

(in reply to Viciousbabe)

Post #: 30

RE: I am so sick of this crap...are you? - 4/24/2007 8:18:17 PM

crouchingtigress

Posts: 4387
Joined: 3/19/2006
From: Maui
Status: offline

i think its wonderful personally. saves you the trouble of becoming friends with them, investing in them and then being hurt and surprised by back biting behavior.

in your post you ask are you? i have to say no, i am not sick of this crap, because i dont have any of this sort of crap in my life...and that is not by happenstance, it is by design.

_____________________________

Service slut, durable plaything, and ponypenquincatdogpig, to Lee Harrington

This is him

"Its none of my buisness what other people think of me."

(in reply to Argentopal)

Post #: 31

RE: I am so sick of this crap...are you? - 4/24/2007 8:19:07 PM

juliaoceania

Posts: 21383
Joined: 4/19/2006
From: Somewhere Over the Rainbow
Status: offline

My Daddy always repeats this adage to me... it is better to be hated than ignored.

My mom used to repeat this adage to me.... if they are talking about you at least they are not talking about someone that it would hurt, because you're strong enough to take it.

_____________________________

Once you label me, you negate me ~ Soren Kierkegaard

Reality has a well known Liberal Bias ~ Stephen Colbert

Great minds discuss ideas; Average minds discuss events; Small minds discuss people. Eleanor Roosevelt

(in reply to Argentopal)

Post #: 32

RE: I am so sick of this crap...are you? - 4/24/2007 8:21:04 PM

crouchingtigress

Posts: 4387
Joined: 3/19/2006
From: Maui
Status: offline

OMG julia your moms one reminded me of one of my all time favs...."it is none of my buisness what anyone thinks of me"

_____________________________

Service slut, durable plaything, and ponypenquincatdogpig, to Lee Harrington

This is him

"Its none of my buisness what other people think of me."

(in reply to juliaoceania)

Post #: 33

RE: I am so sick of this crap...are you? - 4/24/2007 10:39:11 PM

ErusUxor

Posts: 44
Joined: 4/22/2007
Status: offline

good point...and probably not terribly bad advice... except that I wasn't aware that there was a happiness ban on here...

I do not react....and never have.... I said that in an earlier post.

I started coming to this site to see how others felt about D/s... I'm still learning about my desire for submission and its good to see that others are learning right along with me...

_____________________________

When they said "penny for your thoughts" ...I had to try and figure out how to make change.

(in reply to BlackWomanSubNJ)

Post #: 34

RE: I am so sick of this crap...are you? - 4/25/2007 12:02:25 AM

MsCfromMelbourne

Posts: 777
Joined: 2/15/2007
Status: offline

Just ask blandly "why are you telling me this?".

Stay silent and wait for a reply. Do not smile - we women are trained from birth to make others feel comfortable. Don't. Just stare and wait for an answer

People will back off fast. They are just trying to shame you both. Its a social power play (non-consensual power exchange) so turn the tables and cause them social embarassment instead.

_____________________________

<----- Corset, mask and collar designed and manufactured by metalsmith Karl H, chromed and lined in black suede. Masks and collars available from http://www.lucreziadesade.com.au/default.html. Corsets custom made only

(in reply to ErusUxor)

Post #: 35

RE: I am so sick of this crap...are you? - 4/25/2007 3:47:04 AM

smilezz

Posts: 2156
Joined: 6/18/2004
Status: offline

Good morning ErusUxor,

You said you are tired of people rubbing your nose in things. Why "allow" them to? why are you giving them that much power over you?

You're right, it is none of their business......but people can be assholes, they can be nosey bitches and bastards...sometimes others feel it is THEIR duty to get up in your face and let you know about such and such.....they are getting their satisfaction from it by reading this post and knowing that it bothers you.

We all have pasts, it's how we choose to handle our future is what matters.

Happy Wednesday!
~smilezz~

_____________________________

=It's not my fault that when I was a baby I was dropped in a box of Glitter & I have been shinin' ever since=

�*:-.,_,.-:* � �*:-.,_,.-:* � �*:-.,_,.-:* � �*:-.,_,-:* �

(in reply to ErusUxor)

Post #: 36

RE: I am so sick of this crap...are you? - 4/25/2007 5:56:04 AM

julietsierra

Posts: 1841
Joined: 9/26/2004
Status: offline

A suggestion:

Next time, someone wants to "rub your nose" in things just say (with effusive excitement!! - be a giddy female for a moment, even if that's not your normal way of being) "I KNOW!!! Isn't it COOL that we've found each other? He told me ALL about all of that and.. wow, I just think it's great when two people can share all the good bad and ugly of their lives with each other and still LOVE each other as much as we love each other - don't YOU?"

And if they keep on, then get very serious and politely say "you might want to consider what you say about my Master if we're really friends." And mean it.

I had to do that at the beginning of my relationship with my Master. One of the people I thought was a friend of mine chose to test that last comment. We haven't spoken since. I absolutely don't play when it comes to where I stand with my Master and have found that politely ignoring or glossing over what people say tends to, in effect, give them permission to continue to say it, because they think they can effect change in your life by doing so. What we perceive as misguided attempts to "help" us is often very planned attempts at seeing who is in charge of you - but they will never admit that.

Presenting yourselves as a very very strong, intact unit - even if one of you is not present, is the surest way of stopping those who like to gossip about you and offer all sorts of "helpful" advice. I came up with all sorts of very polite comments that let them know exactly what they'd said... "why thank you! I'll be sure to let my Master know you said that. I'm sure he'll be grateful for your concern."...
"lol, now _______, am I going to have to tell my Master about this?".. and so on. They learned in no short order that when they were talking to me, they were, in effect, talking to him, and that seemed to help immensely.

juliet

(in reply to ErusUxor)

Post #: 37

RE: I am so sick of this crap...are you? - 4/25/2007 6:39:54 AM

BeachMystress

Posts: 2156
Joined: 4/3/2004
From: Naples Island- Long Beach CA - Southern California
Status: offline

Personally, the next time someone does it, I'd call them on it. Stop the conversation and say something to the effect of "Why did you feel the need to do that?" Tell them you'd really like an explanation because you just don't understand. If they try to demure, remind them it is a lifestyle about communication and that should be true even between people not involved with each other. Ask if you've done something to offend them personally? Are they defending someone who feels wronged? Do not be snarky about it. You're on a real quest for information.

_____________________________

Beach Mystress
*Do not threaten the weak. Intimidate the strong. ~ Stevenson*
http://beachmystress.jigsy.com
http://www.flickr.com/photos/beachmystress/

(in reply to Griswold)

Post #: 38

RE: I am so sick of this crap...are you? - 4/25/2007 7:22:01 AM

LuckyAlbatross

Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: julietsierra
And if they keep on, then get very serious and politely say "you might want to consider what you say about my Master if we're really friends." And mean it.

I personally wouldn't take kindly to that line- but again if youdon't care about losing a 'friend' like that it wouldn't matter.

Not that I'm rude to my friends, but when I become close to someone, it's with the common understanding that I will be honest. Not the brutal without fear sort of honesty, but honesty nonetheless. If I have a problem with a master, I'll say so.

Perhaps more of a "I really don't see a reason to go into that and I feel it really disrespects the relationship I have"?

Even then, that's only if they actually ARE friends. If we're talking just casual acquaintances, a quick brush off, laughter, or change of subject should do the job very well without bringing up friction.

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to julietsierra)

Post #: 39

RE: I am so sick of this crap...are you? - 4/25/2007 7:39:49 AM

childofpain

Posts: 44
Joined: 1/16/2007
Status: offline

I deal with this a lot.

I truly believe in kill them with kindness, because I am the better person. Once they start talking about Him I say, "That's good" with a smile on my face. No matter what it is they were saying. I also glow in the thought that I or W/we have had so much impact on others lives that they can't get me or U/us out of their small little minds...LMAO brush it off, be the better person. I am also in a public group...I have years in this lifestyle and my Master only had one year when i met Him. so I do hear all about the things He did wrong....again I smile and say "That's good" and I walk away. or you can post to your group that you and your Master have talked and you know everything He has done, wrong and right, then asked them to please not bring up either of your pasts. That puts it out in the open and hopefully most will understand...the bad people will feel bad and the good people will apologize. JMO

(in reply to ErusUxor)

Post #: 40

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