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Dommes who disappear - 4/24/2007 3:51:13 PM

IdiotMale

Posts: 132
Joined: 10/5/2005
Status: offline

What's the deal with alot of dominant women on here that act like they are interested in you and send you a nice message and even add you to their admire list on occasion and after you reply back to them with a nice respectful message and suggest to talk sometime or possibly meet,they strangely just disappear??? I always thought that was typical guy behavior.

Post #: 1

RE: Dommes who disappear - 4/24/2007 3:54:17 PM

bandit25

Posts: 3029
Joined: 6/18/2005
Status: offline

Nah, it's typical people behavior.

(in reply to IdiotMale)

Post #: 2

RE: Dommes who disappear - 4/24/2007 4:07:06 PM

TigressFL

Posts: 239
Joined: 6/8/2006
Status: offline

Try investing hours and hours for weeks into someone that "says all the right things" and plans to meet only to have them disappear. That is what I experience! lolol

Once people grasp that someone is serious they find a way to run because they are here just for the "idea of it" not the reality o f it and unfortunately I think many simply assume everyone views it the same was so there is no harm , no fowl... <growls >

Good Luck!

Tigress~FL

(in reply to IdiotMale)

Post #: 3

RE: Dommes who disappear - 4/24/2007 4:21:38 PM

MsSonnetMarwood

Posts: 1898
Joined: 2/10/2005
From: Eastern Shore, Maryland
Status: offline

Well this one is easy...

It's because they've suddenly moved cross country.

~~

Ok but seriously - don't invest too much into someone you've only ever spoken to online - online is very volatile and I could count on my fingers and a few toes the number of folks I've met face to face that I originally met online - and I probably have spoken to literally THOUSANDS who profess to want to meet.

Best bet? Go to some local munches and other functions to meet people.

< Message edited by MsSonnetMarwood -- 4/24/2007 4:23:53 PM >

_____________________________

~Ms. Sonnet Marwood~

Deja Moo: The feeling you've heard this bull somewhere before.

(in reply to TigressFL)

Post #: 4

RE: Dommes who disappear - 4/24/2007 5:04:21 PM

subfever

Posts: 2895
Joined: 5/22/2004
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: IdiotMale

What's the deal with alot of dominant women on here that act like they are interested in you and send you a nice message and even add you to their admire list on occasion and after you reply back to them with a nice respectful message and suggest to talk sometime or possibly meet,they strangely just disappear??? I always thought that was typical guy behavior.

You're exactly right... it is typical guy behavior.

The closer you're getting to a phone chat, the more likely these male posers will drop you like a hot potato.

But by then they've had their fun. On to the next sucker.

< Message edited by subfever -- 4/24/2007 5:05:19 PM >

(in reply to IdiotMale)

Post #: 5

RE: Dommes who disappear - 4/24/2007 5:34:15 PM

Owned1

Posts: 847
Joined: 7/6/2005
From: Toronto, Ontario
Status: offline

It is typical wanker behaviour. That is why many expect ~ demand a phone chat early on in the getting to know you stage. This weeds out the males pretending to be female, the morons who feel this is just a game and nothing is real nor are they effecting another human being.

There could be many reasons why this happens, least of all the gazillion interent deaths that occur regularily.

Owned

_____________________________

~~in His Chains i am free~~

(in reply to IdiotMale)

Post #: 6

RE: Dommes who disappear - 4/24/2007 7:14:56 PM

sjskuared

Posts: 51
Joined: 1/6/2005
Status: offline

I have had several, more than I can count on one hand, experiences with women who disappear.

One I didn't hear from after chatting with for over a year, disappeared first because she lost her computer. Next I heard from her for a few months then again nothing, then I hear she got married and never heard from her again.

A few times I got messages from women, wrote back and never heard from them again. Mind you this is after they have initiated contact.

I try to talk on the phone after a few emails, when I don't get a phone number or call it raises a question mark.

Knowing that I am not every woman's cup of tea I still think there are many women playing games here, maybe not as many as the men who are playing, but a high number of them are.

(in reply to Owned1)

Post #: 7

RE: Dommes who disappear - 4/24/2007 7:30:28 PM

edendream

Posts: 9
Joined: 4/5/2004
Status: offline

IdiotMale, Sigh. I know, it happens. The internet is different thatn "real life." And BDSM is a lifestyle not sanctioned by society, and thus, oftentimes the social expectations and appropriate behavior disappear out the window, even with someone you've chatted or known quite a while. I'll be honest, as a domme, I've failed to follow up with submissives at times, but never with someone who has shown me courtesy or interest or respect or intelligence. If I don't think a relationship will work out, in a BDSM context, I try to let a submissive know why.
I wish you the best. There are some great dommes - and submissives out there.

(in reply to IdiotMale)

Post #: 8

RE: Dommes who disappear - 4/24/2007 7:31:07 PM

MzMia

Posts: 5333
Joined: 7/30/2004
Status: offline

People "disappear" normally because they are not interested for WHATEVER reason.
Usually it means they don't want to see you, stay in touch or have a relationship, with you.
Surely you know that. It is much easier to chicken out and run, than give a reasonable
explanation.

< Message edited by MzMia -- 4/24/2007 7:32:02 PM >

_____________________________

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To Each His/Her Own
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(in reply to IdiotMale)

Post #: 9

RE: Dommes who disappear - 4/24/2007 8:13:35 PM

pollux

Posts: 657
Joined: 7/26/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: sjskuared

A few times I got messages from women, wrote back and never heard from them again. Mind you this is after they have initiated contact.

I know the feeling.

Edendream & MzMia together have it about right. Very well said by both ladies.

IM: Don't let it get to you. It happens. Look at it as a character-building exercise.

(in reply to sjskuared)

Post #: 10

RE: Dommes who disappear - 4/24/2007 9:22:40 PM

luvblkass

Posts: 6
Joined: 9/26/2006
Status: offline

People hide on the internet. Most are not who they claim to be. They disappear and become someone else as soon as you try to get close.

(in reply to pollux)

Post #: 11

RE: Dommes who disappear - 4/24/2007 10:45:52 PM

LadyPact

Posts: 32566
Status: offline

I think it's a combination of all of these things and a little more. Another reason that might be added is that, in some cases, other opportunities arise. That's a nice way of saying there might be more than one potential match to be speaking with. During getting to know someone, even if it's over an extended period of time, it doesn't necessarily mean you were the only one under consideration. When the choice between a few is made, not all have the courage to be truthful about it.

(in reply to luvblkass)

Post #: 12

RE: Dommes who disappear - 4/24/2007 10:48:54 PM

addicted2it

Posts: 322
Joined: 5/31/2004
From: California
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: IdiotMale

What's the deal with alot of dominant women on here that act like they are interested in you and send you a nice message and even add you to their admire list on occasion and after you reply back to them with a nice respectful message and suggest to talk sometime or possibly meet,they strangely just disappear??? I always thought that was typical guy behavior.

Role reversal happens often here. Maybe they found someone who they liked better.

_____________________________

"What I lack in wisdom and intelligence, I more than make up or with age."

(in reply to IdiotMale)

Post #: 13

RE: Dommes who disappear - 4/24/2007 11:04:31 PM

MsCfromMelbourne

Posts: 777
Joined: 2/15/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: IdiotMale

What's the deal with alot of dominant women on here that act like they are interested in you and send you a nice message and even add you to their admire list on occasion and after you reply back to them with a nice respectful message and suggest to talk sometime or possibly meet,they strangely just disappear??? I always thought that was typical guy behavior.

Yes, you may have been talking to a guy

Beats me why, but a lot of (straight) men get their kicks duping other (straight) men

_____________________________

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(in reply to IdiotMale)

Post #: 14

RE: Dommes who disappear - 4/24/2007 11:31:51 PM

BeautifulRacket

Posts: 70
Joined: 9/28/2006
From: Seattle Area
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Owned1

It is typical wanker behaviour. That is why many expect ~ demand a phone chat early on in the getting to know you stage. This weeds out the males pretending to be female, the morons who feel this is just a game and nothing is real nor are they effecting another human being.

There could be many reasons why this happens, least of all the gazillion interent deaths that occur regularily.

Owned

Demanding anything--especially a phone call or meeting--will also weed out women like me. I usually will not allow someone from online to get my phone number until right before a meeting, or after a meet has gone well. I don't want anyone who turns out to be a nutcase to have my unlisted number or harrass me. I had a close call with that last year, and have since been very careful about giving out my contact info too soon.

So, the phone call won't work for me (and I'm guessing quite a few others), but I'm more than happy to meet someone in a safe place relatively soon, or arrange for them to come to the playspace I'm a member of to meet. I doubt I'm compatible with anyone who won't take it on faith that I'm one of the reliable people who won't stand them up without a very good reason.

(in reply to Owned1)

Post #: 15

RE: Dommes who disappear - 4/25/2007 12:01:14 AM

MsRose

Posts: 98
Joined: 5/1/2004
Status: offline

It's sad that people disappear suddenly. There are lots of reasons for this. Can't stand it when it happens (and I've experienced quite a few 'disappearances' in my time). But take heart and don't give up and give yourself a chance to meet someone who will stick around.

_____________________________

"man is born free, and everywhere he is in chains" ~ Rousseau.

(in reply to MsCfromMelbourne)

Post #: 16

RE: Dommes who disappear - 4/25/2007 11:41:47 AM

BeachMystress

Posts: 2156
Joined: 4/3/2004
From: Naples Island- Long Beach CA - Southern California
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: MsCfromMelbourne
Yes, you may have been talking to a guy
Beats me why, but a lot of (straight) men get their kicks duping other (straight) men

I was going to point this out but Ms. C beat me to it. I've never understood it, but I know several men who do this routinely. Screwed up, huh?

_____________________________

Beach Mystress
*Do not threaten the weak. Intimidate the strong. ~ Stevenson*
http://beachmystress.jigsy.com
http://www.flickr.com/photos/beachmystress/

(in reply to MsCfromMelbourne)

Post #: 17

RE: Dommes who disappear - 4/25/2007 3:19:02 PM

IdiotMale

Posts: 132
Joined: 10/5/2005
Status: offline

Well I will just say thank you to all who responded to my post..I suppose I already knew all of the opinions on this subject that you all gave and I think I posted the question more out of frustration, than lack of knowledge..With all that said I shall carry on and continue the search... :)

(in reply to BeachMystress)

Post #: 18

RE: Dommes who disappear - 4/26/2007 8:21:25 AM

SlaveSubtoserve

Posts: 282
Joined: 6/21/2006
Status: offline

....and as noted this happens a lot in the vanilla Internet dating scene also so....

(in reply to IdiotMale)

Post #: 19

RE: Dommes who disappear - 4/26/2007 2:42:34 PM

bowandserve

Posts: 30
Joined: 3/2/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: BeautifulRacket

[
Demanding anything--especially a phone call or meeting--will also weed out women like me. I usually will not allow someone from online to get my phone number until right before a meeting, or after a meet has gone well. I don't want anyone who turns out to be a nutcase to have my unlisted number or harrass me. I had a close call with that last year, and have since been very careful about giving out my contact info too soon.

So, the phone call won't work for me (and I'm guessing quite a few others), but I'm more than happy to meet someone in a safe place relatively soon, or arrange for them to come to the playspace I'm a member of to meet. I doubt I'm compatible with anyone who won't take it on faith that I'm one of the reliable people who won't stand them up without a very good reason.

I agree with this. Turns me right off when someone begins to insist that I'm a fake, etc. I choose not to put my pic up. I also won't give out my number and I hate the phone - that doesn't lead to any less confusion. I offer a peak at my webcam and to meet for dinner - not a drink. That, to me, weeds out the ones that want to kick the tires, so to speak.

I also agree with the others that it's a numbers thing. This site doesn't include the original conversation and I can't keep up with what was said and which you are. It doesn't register much until I meet someone. Plus when someone starts declaring their undying interest in me before that, it creeps me out.

I go through phases where I'm looking, then one interests me and the others start to bug me for whatever reason - I tell them I am interested in another and the vicious emails start - which always reminds me to never give my number or personal info.

On another note - I posted my own version in the ask a sub board asking why subs suddenly drop off - after meeting and playing that is. It is a people thing. I try my best not to lose it from frustration but there are no answers.

(in reply to BeautifulRacket)

Post #: 20

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