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Newbie with an etiquette question - 4/24/2007 7:57:18 PM

miachel

Posts: 10
Joined: 4/22/2007
Status: offline

i have just joined this site a few days ago. currently i am just wondering and trying to explore my nature. during this time period i have received numerous emails from Doms. several of them are almost insistent that i call them or they call me. i am not comfortable in giving this information to strangers but i also do not want to be inhospitable. what is the proper way in handling this matter? please anyone with advice would be greatly appreciated. thank you.

_____________________________

Thank you, one lives to serve.

Post #: 1

RE: Newbie with an etiquette question - 4/24/2007 8:09:50 PM

SweetSarijane

Posts: 3788
Joined: 10/7/2005
From: KC area Missouri
Status: offline

They are strangers still whether they call themselves Doms or not. If you're not comfortable giving them your number or calling them so soon, don't and tell them you don't do that, and when they tell you you're not submissive for refusing (and yes many likely will tell you that) just laugh and move on, since they don't determine what you identify as, you do. Oh and welcome to the forums!!

edited for missing punctuation and parenthesis.

< Message edited by SweetSarijane -- 4/24/2007 8:26:55 PM >

_____________________________

Sarah2
Deviant Mind
Wild Side Readers KCSass

(in reply to miachel)

Post #: 2

RE: Newbie with an etiquette question - 4/24/2007 8:10:44 PM

juliaoceania

Posts: 21383
Joined: 4/19/2006
From: Somewhere Over the Rainbow
Status: offline

First of all, although you classify yourself as a submissive, you do not have to submit to anyone's wishes. You do not have to respond to rudeness. You do not have to risk your safety. You do not have to call anyone or give them your number.

Second of all, I would not let these people who are strangers ruin learning more about yourself and your nature by closing your profile because you feel overwhelmed.

Here is one link of many about this topic on the boards... opinions vary, but most of us to not respond to abusive people

http://www.collarchat.com/m_955018/mpage_1/key_emails/tm.htm

I would also recommend that you look into joining a local group's munch to learn more about yourself, what you seek in your submissiveness, and how that will interface with the rest of your life... there are no "right" answers when it comes to being submissive, there is no universal protocol, and anyone that tries to get you to ignore your gut is not someone that you should be considering as a play partner or a dom...

Just my thoughts

Edited to add: read these forums! They offer you at least a sampling of how all of us approach this in an individual way.

Good luck

< Message edited by juliaoceania -- 4/24/2007 8:12:20 PM >

_____________________________

Once you label me, you negate me ~ Soren Kierkegaard

Reality has a well known Liberal Bias ~ Stephen Colbert

Great minds discuss ideas; Average minds discuss events; Small minds discuss people. Eleanor Roosevelt

(in reply to miachel)

Post #: 3

RE: Newbie with an etiquette question - 4/24/2007 8:11:10 PM

BondageTopJere

Posts: 170
Joined: 8/22/2006
Status: offline

If by referring to call as in on the phone, it would be best for you not too. Quite frankly if they take issue with that, would you really want to talk to them in the first place?

If you referring to simply replying to the emails they send you, either no reply or a very short "no thank you, I'm not interested" should suffice, depending on how much of an ass they are being. But if you do find them intersting and comfortable enough with them to talk with them, ask if they have a Instant messenger they use and talk tot hem initially using that method.

(in reply to miachel)

Post #: 4

RE: Newbie with an etiquette question - 4/24/2007 8:14:51 PM

minnetar

Posts: 1272
Joined: 4/11/2007
Status: offline

i would take the opportunity to get to know them first. Some do it in order to verify your gender status and others do it in order to try and get cyber sex. i would not be intimidated. If they can't handle you wanting to learn more then it is probably best it doesn't go further. Please don't feel pressured.

minnetar

(in reply to miachel)

Post #: 5

RE: Newbie with an etiquette question - 4/24/2007 8:23:39 PM

imthatacheyouhav

Posts: 1259
Joined: 4/16/2007
Status: offline

just because you are a submissive doesnt mean you are THEIR submissive. its a relationship like any other. So do not let frustrated horny guys claiming to be Doms bully you into anything you think is wrong.

(in reply to miachel)

Post #: 6

RE: Newbie with an etiquette question - 4/24/2007 8:46:33 PM

LuckyAlbatross

Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline

Take what works for you

Forget about the rest

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to imthatacheyouhav)

Post #: 7

RE: Newbie with an etiquette question - 4/24/2007 9:57:36 PM

ClandestinedOne

Posts: 91
Joined: 3/31/2007
Status: offline

Right on, JuliaOceania!

(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)

Post #: 8

RE: Newbie with an etiquette question - 4/24/2007 10:19:43 PM

Casie

Posts: 450
Joined: 1/5/2006
Status: offline

Anyone that upfront about wanting your information without trying to get to know you is flat out creepy. Tell them to go fuck themselves. Further more talk to other sub/slaves. and doms who aren't all about getting up in your shit!! And read some books, and websites I suggest screw the roses send me thorns and www.castlerealm.com good luck on your journey doll

(in reply to miachel)

Post #: 9

RE: Newbie with an etiquette question - 4/25/2007 1:40:30 AM

MasterNdorei

Posts: 658
Joined: 10/8/2005
Status: offline

There are many reasons they are asking you to speak with them... they want to verify they are really talking to a female, they can make a better impression over the phone, they think that by talking to you on the phone they are one step closer to meeting you... the list of reasons goes on and on. The bottom line remains the same: if you are uncomfortable and they continue to push, they are not a good match for you at this time.

i Wish You Well~*
Master's dorei

(in reply to Casie)

Post #: 10

RE: Newbie with an etiquette question - 4/25/2007 2:15:04 AM

xxxWENCHxxx

Posts: 45
Joined: 12/10/2006
Status: offline

welcome to collar me .... everyone has given great advice .... be true to yourself .... if it doesn't feel right it isn't right .... if they are truly interested they will be there when YOU are ready to chat with them online (IM) ....

that's what i did .... they didnt like it or gave me a hard time, then so very sorry but you are now blocked and will not be bothering me anymore and move on to the next ....

just a little FYI, after a while you will see this happen continually .... every time there is "fresh meat" they tend to flock to the newbie in swarms .... the newbies don't know who is who yet but you will learn .....

again welcome aboard .... enjoy the journey ... we're all here to help ....

_____________________________

"Out of my mind. Back in 5 minutes."

DEJA MOO ... the feeling Y/you've heard this bull somewhere before !!!

"Chaos, panic and disorder .... my work here is done."

(in reply to MasterNdorei)

Post #: 11

RE: Newbie with an etiquette question - 4/25/2007 2:24:19 AM

NakedGirlScout

Posts: 370
Joined: 1/10/2006
From: Toronto
Status: offline

It wouldn't be you who was being "inhospitable" in not meeting strangers' demands to phone them (or do anything else they demand), it would be they who are inhospitable in behaving like wankers. Don't think that you're in any way obligated to do anything with someone who calls himself a Dom or Master, whom you've never met and aren't in a consensual relationship with, than you'd be doing with any other random stranger who messaged you off the internet. I'm sure you realize on some level that if you did give in to these boors, you'd find yourself next fielding demands of meeting, of having sex, and of giving them all your money.

(in reply to miachel)

Post #: 12

RE: Newbie with an etiquette question - 4/25/2007 3:33:34 AM

MsSonnetMarwood

Posts: 1898
Joined: 2/10/2005
From: Eastern Shore, Maryland
Status: offline

YOU have the obligation to keep YOU safe. That's no one else's job. This is the internet, and as I'm sure you realize, not everyone is what they say they are. So it's up to you to be smart.

Would you walk up to someone on the street and hand them your home address and phone number? Probably not. Don't do it here.

_____________________________

~Ms. Sonnet Marwood~

Deja Moo: The feeling you've heard this bull somewhere before.

(in reply to NakedGirlScout)

Post #: 13

RE: Newbie with an etiquette question - 4/25/2007 3:47:29 AM

elligan

Posts: 13
Joined: 4/5/2006
Status: offline

Just do what you think is right, nothing more or less than you are comfortable with consider what is safe and what you think is okay.
Personally I'm very careful about the information I give people but that's just me
-elli

(in reply to MsSonnetMarwood)

Post #: 14

RE: Newbie with an etiquette question - 4/25/2007 4:00:23 AM

jayded34

Posts: 293
Joined: 2/12/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: imthatacheyouhav

just because you are a submissive doesnt mean you are THEIR submissive. its a relationship like any other. So do not let frustrated horny guys claiming to be Doms bully you into anything you think is wrong.

Excellent point! I just wish some of the Doms here would understand that point! I have been told by more than a few that i must be a faker just because i wont do everything they ask me because their a Dom. I politely explain to them.........you might A Dom but not MY Dom...........and IF you ever are.....then you will garner a more initimate response........in the meantime.......you will get the same respect i give any other person Dom or not .....courtesy and politness, civility......and i EXPECT the same.

_____________________________

You don't love a woman because she's beautiful,
She is beautiful because you love her.
~ by Anonymous ~

Being deeply loved by someone gives you strength,
While loving someone deeply gives you courage.
~ by Lao Tzu ~

(in reply to imthatacheyouhav)

Post #: 15

RE: Newbie with an etiquette question - 4/25/2007 5:43:48 AM

angelgirl9631

Posts: 19
Joined: 4/6/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: imthatacheyouhav

just because you are a submissive doesnt mean you are THEIR submissive. its a relationship like any other. So do not let frustrated horny guys claiming to be Doms bully you into anything you think is wrong.

absolutely perfect answer. i applaude you imthatacheyouhav. don't let anyone tell you what to do as they have not earned that right. take your time and you will find what you are looking for. welcome to collarme.com.

_____________________________

O teach me calm submission to thy Will...William Wordsworth (1888)

Slave to Wyldecat. My wonderful Master.

(in reply to imthatacheyouhav)

Post #: 16

RE: Newbie with an etiquette question - 4/25/2007 7:23:32 AM

BDOMsecret

Posts: 43
Joined: 4/22/2007
Status: offline

^ 5 casie

_____________________________

Take care and be safe.
His o};-

(in reply to angelgirl9631)

Post #: 17

RE: Newbie with an etiquette question - 4/25/2007 7:48:52 AM

soultoshare

Posts: 519
Joined: 8/24/2006
Status: offline

Trust you instincts, first and foremost! use an alternative method of chatting, i've always given a yahoo im name, and left it up to them to contact me there. Only do what you feel secure and comfortable doing.....public first meetings are a good idea. There are, unfortunately, a lot of players out there, those looking only for kinky sex and nothing else, but there are also a lot of nice men too....it's just a bitch weeding thru them all. i have never answered anyone's request for a phone number, or if they just came barreling in, pounding their chest. Manners are important, as is respect. i may be submissive, but that doesn't mean that i'll just bow to anyone. My Master has always treated me with a great deal of respect, from his first e-mail, to our first meeting, to each time we are together.

Hang in there, make the block button a friend, and remember, you DON'T have to respond to an e-mail if you don't want to. The forums here are a great place to hang out, i've learned all sorts of things here, there are great people here that are always willing to give advice. But there is one word of warning that you need to heed anytime you are here.....DO NOT DRINK ANYTHING AT YOUR COMPUTER!!!! I know of which I speak...i've had to wipe the pepsi off the monitor on many occasions!

(in reply to BDOMsecret)

Post #: 18

RE: Newbie with an etiquette question - 4/25/2007 8:02:46 AM

MellowSir

Posts: 260
Joined: 4/17/2007
Status: offline

I agree, respect is always important. Wannabes are generally easy to spot, because they lack it lol. Certainly after some few online conversations, then it should lead to phone, then actual meeting (let a friend know where you'll be). Anything less basically amounts to cybertag, which isn't much fun unless one prefers to keep reality at a distance lol. Be careful and be well.

(in reply to soultoshare)

Post #: 19

RE: Newbie with an etiquette question - 4/25/2007 8:04:40 AM

MellowSir

Posts: 260
Joined: 4/17/2007
Status: offline

And yes I know this is a sub forum but couldn't resist lol.

(in reply to MellowSir)

Post #: 20

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